Parenting Tip From the Childless: If Your 7 y.o. Looks Like She is Selling "Cookies" Online, They Need to be of the Girl Scout Variety

"If you want your 5 year old to curse like a sailor, they need to join the navy. If you want them to look like they are selling "cookies, they need to join the Girl Scouts." Childless Parenting Advice Giver

And now for another edition of Parenting Tips from the Childless where a childless person passes alongadvice that ought to fall squarely in the realm of "COMMON SENSE" and "THE OBVIOUS." SO I was doing my daily entertainment industry reconnaissance when I encountered this tragedy that is so profanity laced that I my tender ears could not handle it. I would be angry is I was not so very, very, sad. Apparently these tots are "Myspace" celebrities. So I am issuing the following Parenting Tip From the Childless.

Dear Parents, If you want your child to curse like a sailor, you might want them to be old enough to join the United States Navy. I know this apparently has slipped your notice, but children are not supposed to use word like @$$ and b*tch and other profanities I cannot figure out a way to bleep out creatively with numeric characters. Now these tiny tots believe that they are "Famous" because they have MySpace pages. In fact, they have had over 30 Myspace pages because they keep getting shut down: "They need that many because - as one of the little girls complains - “hataz stay getting me deleted.” Well, I’m a hater because I emailed Myspace about this kid’s page which contains photos of the child - as well as her little friends - posing provocatively for the camera." Sandra Rose Parents, I know this might have slipped your attention, but there is a slight distinction between "famous" and "infamous." If Myspace keeps shutting down your page because of "Haterz" getting you kicked off, they might be INFAMOUS, whichmeans people know you, but NOT for a good reason. In addition parents, if you are posing little children in "provocative" positions online and have them dressed like street walkers, ladies of the evening, or whatever euphemism you use to describe professional "cookie" salesmen and women that could be a major problem for you because then you cross over from merely EXPLOITING YOUNG CHILDREN to specialized form of child exploitation that the Guv'ment really really doesn't like that. In fact when you put photographs and videos of your daughters on the INTERNET that even LOOK like they are selling cookies OTHER than the Girl Scout variety, Guv'ment is likely to take a particularly dim view of your activities. I sense a visit from CPS in your future. So my advice to you is to find a local Girl Scout troop near you. Your daughters will get attention you so desperately crave. As a former Brownie and Junior, I can attest to the fact that being in Girls Scouts is a lot more fun and exciting that being infamous on MySpace. Girl Scouts teaches them about setting goals and aspiring to something other than fame. Something far more valuable called "competence". That means they will learn to do stuff- neat stuff. In the Girl Scouts your daughters will learn how to keep someone from bleeding to death if they happen to be in the vicinity when someone severs and artery, they will know how to apply a tourniquet. You'll also learn how to make a silkscreen so that they can become t-shirt selling powerhouses online. They will learn how to chop off the head of a venomous snake with a simple garden tool. They will learn how to make peach cobbler with a few hot charcoals, a can of cold peaches and a box of cake mix thrown in a a hole in the ground. (good stuff) But most of all, they will learn how to be entrepreneurial. I've seen your daughters' work. Their ambition. Their charisma. They could be cookie selling powerhouses. Unlike me, who handed the cookie sales sheet over to my Mama who took it off to work, I think these two are natural born saleswomen. Top Girl Scout cookie saleswomen get plenty of the attention these two so desperately desire. So why not have them sell Girl Scout cookies instead of whatever "cookies" you currently are trying to hock online.

This ends this Parenting Tip From the Childless. Until next time... and there will be a next time because COMMON SENSE is apparently unCommon . Previous Parenting Tips From the Childless: Parenting Tips From The Childless: You Know it Time to Leave A Child’s B-Day Party When…. DaddyDontWantMe.com is NOT a Good Thing Marche Taylor We Will Pay For You to Go Away: PTFTC Do You Know Where Your Daughter Is?: Parenting Tips From The Childless Another Edition of Parenting Tips From the Childless: Do You Know What Your Kiddies are Listening to? Do You Know What Your Children Are Listening To? Souljah Boy’s "Crank Dat"…with Sponge Bob Square Pants Cartoon

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Black Girls Twice As Likely to be Paddled At School

About this time last year, I told y'all about a STUDY ( because y'all know we love those around here) that said that Teachers Punish Black Girls for being Assertive:

The Gender Public Advocacy Coalition reports that teachers at the Texas school were observed over a two year period, disciplining black girls to show more passivity and deference, when other children were “rarely disciplined in the same manner for their actions”. The F-Word

Now there is a new study saying that Black girls are twice as likely to be hit/paddled/get licks from their teachers than their White counterparts.

African American students are more than twice as likely to be paddled. The disparity persists even in places with large black populations, the study found. Similarly, Native Americans were more than twice as likely to be paddled, the study found.

The study also found:

• In states where paddling is most common, black girls were paddled more than twice as often as white girls.
• Boys are three times as likely to be paddled as girls. MSNBC

Well at least part of that has to be the lens through which their behavior is viewed. Not surprising my state gets mentioned prominently in the article. I only got one paddling in school and it was absolutely WORTH IT and every time I see Mrs G**** in the grocery store when I go home I remember that. Randy F ( yes, I remember his name to this day) called me a "n*gger" in the third grade. Granted Randy called lots of people "n*gger", but he managed never to get a paddling. This was BEFORE hip hop popularized calling Black folks n*gger. It was not a term of endearment. Mrs. G**** was a Black lady too! There should have been solidarity. Whateva. It was worth taking "the licks". Randy wherever you are, I haven't forgotten. Children are People Too For the record parents, this single childless advice giver does not believe in corporal punishment at all-- belt, switch, paddle, doesn't matter to me, its all the same. I always do my best to make parents who spank their children in front of me feel as horrible as it tis' possible to make someone feel with a single look of disgust. This includes relatives. No apologies! If you want to abuse your children, have the decency to do it in the privacy of your home like the olden days. I don't want to have your poor parenting skills foisted on me and invading my cerebral cortex. Spanking is a sign of weakness.

"We teach our children that violence is wrong, yet corporal punishment teaches children that violence is a way to solve problems," said Jan Harp Domene, the group's president. "It perpetuates a cycle of child abuse. It teaches children to hit someone smaller and weaker when angry." MSNBC

Exactly, it means your child has outsmarted you and the only retaliation you have available is to take advantage of your physical strength. (Not true? Well send me an email when you spank a fully grown adult.) I'll stop there because I don't want to start a riot in the comments, but I could go on. Yes, I was spanked as a child. No, it didn't work. To those parents who say"But you turned out alright!". My response is "I could have turned out BETTER!" PS. there is a special place in HELL for a teacher that paddles a mentally handicapped student.

Special education kids were more likely to be paddled. MSNBC

Commence your caterwauling bestowing on me the virtues of hitting tiny people who are physically weaker than you are.

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Parenting Tips From The Childless: You Know it Time to Leave A Child's B-Day Party When....

“Years ago there used to be separate worlds for children. Now they are exposed to the same things adults experience. Dr. Tarshia Stanley,in Final Call’s “America’s Sex-mad Culture”

Hat Tip to Necole and family over at Twitter-holics Anonymous. When I clicked on a link called "When Parenting Goes Terribly Wrong." I was expecting murder and mayhem, but not THIS. In my effort to combat the poor state of parenting in many quarters of our community, I am taking the time to provide basic advice that should be common sense- but some folks don't have any. Therefore I bring to you another Parenting Tip From the Childless (PTFC)....

Dear Parents, You know its time to leave a children's birthday party when the other children start humping each other on the dance floor to the cheers of the adults around them. The appropriate action, should you witness such outrageous behavior, is to snatch the children (all children, not just your own) off of the dance floor, hop over the DJ booth and rip the cords from the wall, gang tackle the deviant camera person filming this sacrilege, and yank the tape/memory card from the camera and stomp them into the ground. What is not appropriate is standing around cheering as children simulate sex acts on the dance floor of a party and do nothing. Judgmentally Yours, Gina Childless Unsolicited Parenting Advise-giver

What would possess a group of adults to stand around while their children are humping each other and simulating sex acts at a children's birthday party? Why didn't I see the arms of parents snatching their children off of the dance floor? What message did that send to the other children on the dance floor that these two were getting all the attention and being cheered on? Watch as some of the other little girls in the background try to get in on the action by humping the floor. World->Hell-> Handbasket. These children look like they have had plenty of practice so you know this isn't an isolated incident. This poor little girl, and boy, are both doomed before they even had a chance. They don't even know why they are dancing in that manner. We've previously written about the Sexualization of Childhood. You don't need to have a symposium, just go to a children's birthday party! What's next? How much further can you push the envelope that this? THIS is how much further you can push it:

Kelly is accused of helping start a "kindergarten" in his home where the children learned to have sex with each other and dance provocatively. From there, the children graduated to the sex club, which was a rented-out former daycare and hospital in the tiny railroad town of Mineola, about 75 miles east of Dallas. Four of the five child victims testifying for the state identified Kelly as one of the adults who sexually abused them. To help perform, prosecutors say the children were given Vicodin-like drugs the adults passed off as "silly pills."The alleged victims in the case include three siblings, who at the time of their outcries in 2005 were a 7-year-old girl, a 6-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl. The siblings' aunt, who was 6, was allegedly forced to dance and have sex with the other children. Houston Chronicle

These children in Tyler don't appear to be Black so if the allegations are true, they at least have a chance to escape because the state will step in to try to protect them. This foolishness is not cute. Sexualizing children isn't funny. They are too young to understand what boundaries are and why they need those boundaries to protect themselves. Innocence is a wonderful thing. There are some things you shouldn't know as a child. To deny your child their innocence is immoral.

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DaddyDontWantMe.com is NOT a Good Thing

WARNING to worker bees, the links to DaddyDontwantme.com will redirect you to a site called Sorry@$$babydaddies.com

... and now another edition of..... Parenting Tips From The Childless(PTFTC)...

Black women have a right to be angry, sad, depressed, happy, euphoric, indifferent, amused. Black women have the right to the full range of human emotions. They have a right to express those emotions and their pain. I am not anti expression, but I have to draw a line when you draw your children into your emotional catharsis. It is wrong to place the burdens of an adult on the shoulders of children.

A reader sent me an article about the work of DaddyDontWantMe.com. The email apparently thinks the site is a good thing and the title of the email was "Single Mom Gives Voice to Others" or something like that. It was Memorial Day weekend so I took a gander at DaddyDontWantMe.com which redirected me to a site called Sorry@$babydaddies.com. Now the site goes after men of all races, but of course WE are amply represented and the sites founder is an African American women.

Now I know all these new fangled Mamas are raising their children according to "Kim Porter's Childrearing by Court Order," but it is WRONG to involve your children in your very personal drama with their father. He may be a no count, shiftless, promiscuous, irresponsible, feckless, sluggard, but he is still THEIR FATHER. They will still love him, even if he is unworthy of that love and if I had a mother raging against my father like the women on this site, I would keep that love and affection for my father to myself if I was smart.

I am sure that the women on DaddyDontWantMe.com aka Sorry@$babydaddies.com have no problem letting their children believe that a morbidly obese White man in a red suit will climb down a chimney to leave Christmas presents under the tree, why not let them believe in the myth that their father is a decent human being for as long as possible. If they are saying this stuff about their children's fathers online, you KNOW they are saying this around and to their children in real life. "But Gina! I don't say bad things around my children!!" --- I don't believe you.

Here is a sampling of the posts under the "Suspected Deadbeat" tab on DaddyDontWantMe.com aka sorry@$babydaddies.com I am removing the names because we don't know that any of these allegations are true and I question the mental health of anyone who would want to post this info on the internet.

[name removed] is the epitomy of a sorry ass baby daddy. He has eight other kids from different baby momas and out of all of the kids my baby lives in the same city and he doesn’t do anything for her. So sad! Not for my daughter though simply because I am a strong sista that has turned my life around meaning I am married to a wonderful man now that loves my children unconditionally, I am a success within itself meaning I don’t sit around and worry about what this black man does not do. Sorry@$$babydaddies.com

That is verbatim. Now my question is... what is worse than choosing to have a child by a man who is irresponsible and selfish? Choosing a man who you already KNEW was irresponsible and selfish. IT should have been no surprise that this man wasn't going to be responsible for the life of your child if you already had substantial evidence to the contrary with the other 7. She says doesn't have time to sit around an worry about this man, but she had time to post that on the internet. Here is another one:

[name removed] is 38, unemployed and living with his father and stepmom… what a loser! LADIES BEWARE! He will seem charming and smooth, but trust me it’s a trap! David is a sorry ass baby daddy because he wants a woman to take care of him and he wants to use her for her money, then when he thinks he has you, he will become violent and abusive.DaddyDontWantMe.com

Again, why would you have a child by a man who could not even take care of HIMSELF and is violent?? If he is a loser, what does that make you? "But Gina, I didn't know"... well then you didn't do due diligence. Who you choose to be the father of your children is the most important decision you will ever make in your life. And another one:

My child has some medical problems that come from his side, and four of his other children also have the same health problems. [name removed] if you are reading this get fixed so you won’t have 12 kids Instead of {7} and stop smoking weed, you can take that weed money and pay some child support.Well it’s now two years later and still nothing, He has about 9 kids now and still will not get fixed.DaddyDontWantMe.com

And another one:

[name removed] (29), currently resides in Cedar Rapids, IA. He currently has 4 children. He will not get a job because he obviously doesn’t want to pay child support. My daughter with him he has never seen and she is almost 1 years old. He also has never spent 1 cent on her and only claims her when it is condusive to him and his surroundings. He gets all these dumb ass white girls to put everything in their names so he can’t have any of his belongings taken from him for child support. He doesn’t have a drivers license either. He messes with multiple girls at once. He thinks he is going to become a rapper like most other black males. DaddyDontWantMe.com

Now that is just a sampling, you can read the rest on your own. The posts include photos, locations and full names and some SADLY even include photographs of the UNWANTED children. The primary complaint appears to be lack of financial support, but in what way does calling the man a sorry @$$ baby daddy increase the likelihood of them commencing financial support of their children? The thing about shame is that it only works on people who have the ability to be embarrassed. IF you got 8 kids with 8 different women, there is little this man is likely to be embarrassed about, otherwise he would have been embarrassed about not taking care of child #1

Now the site does have a section for "Real Dads", but off the bat I had a WTH moment when I read the first entry of what is supposed to be positive:

Hi my name is[name removed] and i am a senior at University of California Santa Barbara. I’d just like to update my story since reciving the DNA test results, [name removed] has completely taken on his role as an active father going as far as putting our child on his medical insureance providing for our child the best that he can and just making and effort. Sorryassbabydaddies.com

I pasted that word for word. Now first, maybe I am old fashioned, but I can't imagine telling the world that I had to establish my child's parentage via DNA. Even if I did, I wouldn't tell anybody. But to put our pictures up there too? Is this what we have come to? Are we supposed to be euphoric that a brother agreed to take a DNA test? That is a success story?

The site also included this fascinating documentary of Black 8th graders talking about what it means to grow up without their fathers. Fascinating, but a part of me cringes wondering if this should have happened in a non therapeutic setting.
SorryAssBabyDaddies.com



Then there is this video that I think is supposed to be a PSA about child support and the actress claims to have been successful at hiding her 15-year rage, but I am sorry, I don't think you can hide that kind of thing from a child:


But Gina! THEY NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH! Really? You think the kids won't eventually figure this out. Whether you believe it or not, even when children know their parents are wrong, the kids still love them and children often feel responsible when the family is having difficulty, they wonder what their role is in the mess and typically take the blame on their own shoulders. The world will let your child know soon enough that their father is a sorry individual.

And to this labeling of your own child as "Unwanted" that is what probably ticked me off the most. Do you think your child does not know that they were unwanted? Really, if Daddy hasn't shown up in years. Some of these children aren't even out of diapers yet, and their own mothers not only view them as "unwanted," but they have publicly labeled their children as such and put their pictures and video of the children up on the internet so the world can gawk at the children of two very selfish individuals. Trust me, if their own mothers think the kids are unwanted, I believe that they are sending that message to their children.

One day those kids are going to grow up and the world will tell them that they are wanted if only they will do X,Y,Z. IF you label your daughter as unwanted, don't be surprised if she falls for the first boy wearing some TAG body spray who tells her that he wants her. If your child is unwanted, don't be surprised if they turn to some mind altering substance so that they won't feel the pain of being unwanted. If your child is unwanted they are likely not to value their own lives and thus might not value the lives of others.

Black women HEAL THYSELF! It is okay to be angry, but after 15 years you should have figured out a more productive outlet for that anger other than your Children's father and you could have found a healthier tool to use in your healing process other than your own children. IF the child support laws aren't working, then lobby for reform.

HOWEVER- GOVERNMENT WAS NEVER MEANT TO TAKE THE PLACE OF THE EXERCISE OF GOOD JUDGMENT BY INDIVIDUALS - When you rely on the government for anything, you will be disappointed so it isn't shocking that when you rely on court orders to provide for your children, you are going to experience a less than optimal result. Government wasn't intended to take the place of character or morality.

Please stop labeling your children as unwanted. Please stop having your children play any role in your quest for retribution against their fathers. It is not the children's fault that they have two narcissistic, selfish people as parents. I know y'all haven been reading all those ESSENCE magazine articles featuring Kim Porter's Childrearing by Court Order, and watching episodes of Maury Povich, but this is soooo not right on too many levels.

This concludes this edition of Parenting Tips from the Childless. What say you?

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Do You Know Where Your Daughter Is?: Parenting Tips From The Childless

Well on yesterday, the NAACP National Office's Director of Communications, Richard McIntire, decided to get a jump start on April Fool's Day and put out a statement related to Dunbar Village where the organization declared that the sky was purple. I waited all day for a retraction from Richard entitled "Sike! April Fool's", but alas I think the man was serious.

So while we let the NAACP's statement percolate throughout the Black blogosphere for 24 hours or so, I thought we would take a break to clean out the old inbox on a backlog of stories. First up is another edition of Parenting Tips From The Childless (PTFTC)- Because who knows better how to raise your children than folks without any! Today’s edition is called DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE???

Fathers of Black America, do you know where your daughters are? Well if your daughter is 3 and a half years old right now and she is not in your presence, she might be getting her head dunked in a toilet bowl while one of her Mama's "friends/relatives" repeatedly slams the toilet seat down on her head as she screams in terror. Oh yeah and while your 3 year old daughter is being half drowned and beaten, one of her tormentors is filming on their cell phone camera. Oh and they aren’t finished they also think its funny to lift your three year old daughter by her underwear (painful to watch) and sling her around. Oh yeah and MAMA??? Mama was UPSTAIRS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! While all of this was going on.

"My daughter should not be taken away from her mom...not at all. a female child should always have a female in their life which is her mom."
But where was Wilker while this was going on? She says she was upstairs cleaning, heard the screams and laughing, and yelled for the adults to leave her child alone.
"I didn't know nothing about no video at that point at all."WTOL

UM “NO” some mothers aren’t fit to be so . Like a mama who sees her child being abused on tape and won’t cooperate with police or demand that the perps be prosecutors to the fullest extent of the law. Let’s hope that the father has twice the sense Mama has. Black fathers here are some links so you can try to reclaim your child if your Baby Mama is as attentive as this one. Fathers Rights. Org, The Mens Center, and y'all even have your very own "Fathers Rights" wiki. Get on it!

PTFTC: Here is my parenting tip from the childless, how about peeking your head downstairs when your child is screaming in terror.. I know there is no manual for parenting, but really, it ain’t rocket science.(On an unrelated note, why do the Mama and the Daddy BOTH have the same head scarf on? I mean I like my head wrap just like anybody else, but you knew you were going to be on TV-- Is that a Cleveland thing or something?)

Is Your 12 Year Old Dancing on a Pole? No way? You sure about that?
Mothers and fathers of Black America, do you know where your daughters are? Well if your daughter is a 12 or 13 year old Black girl in Dallas, Texas, she might be naked right now dancing on the stage of a strip club or turning tricks in the champagne room in the back. Sorry, again, this is not an April Fool's joke- 12 an 13 years old on the stage in Dallas, TX.

Oh yes my friends 12 and 13. Now in one case, involving the 12 year old, she was taken in by a 27 year old BLACK WOMAN when the girl ran away from home. Of course the 27 year old was a stripperhooker and took the girl down to the club to fill out and application and when the girl couldn’t figure out what year she needed to have been born in to get the “job” the strip club manager was more than happy to help her with the math. KHOU

PTFTC: So Black parents you may want to have the “if you ever run away from home and get taken in by a stripper chances are she is working for a PIMP and PIMPs are BAD” conversation with your daughters.

Most of you will write off the case of the 12 year old because she was a “run-away” and your preciousness would NEVER run away from home so lets talk about the 13 year old to creep all of the “good ” parents out. The 13 year-old was not a run away… she went to a sleep over at another 13 year old’s house and somehow found herself at the strip club. Now we all know the 13 year olds didn’t drive themselves to the strip club and the police say that the 13 year old LOOKED 13. Int he case of the 12 year old mentioned above, her brain deficient Mama told the newspaper her daughter looked 20---geez mom, you're the BEST!

The family of a 13-year-old girl still can't understand how a sleepover at a schoolmate's house went so wrong. [um probably because you had no clue about the company your daughter was keeping]

"I just can't believe it," said the teen's grandmother, who requested that her name not be used. "She's acting like she doesn't know why she did it or why she went."
The suspect, also 13, is accused of compelling prostitution, a second-degree felony that involves causing "by any means a person younger than 17 years to commit prostitution."

When undercover officers entered Metropolis early Saturday, the 13-year-old suspect's friend approached an officer and made a deal to perform a sex act for money, police say. Both girls were then taken into custody.
"It wasn't hard to spot her as a 13-year-old kid," Sgt. Fassett said. "You just take one look at her."
Vice unit officers were at the club to investigate reports that alcohol was being served after hours. DALLAS MORNING NEWS

I’ve got $5 that says that the parents or grandparents of the 13 year old who was a “good student” didn’t know a lick about the family or activities or the home where they let their daughter go for a sleep over.

Her grandmother said she is a good student and hasn't been in trouble before.
"She's not even that kind of person,"

Hmm notice how only the grandmother is speaking, where are the PARENTS???

Now city officials in Dallas are saying they can’t shut the clubs down. I say who needs the city, why isn’t every black pastor in Dallas,TX planning a curbside prayer meeting at these two clubs? You got to be a bold pervert to walk past a group of praying saints to stroll up in a club that is notorious for having 12 and 13 year olds dancing on the stage. What are y’all doing in the big D? Shut em down, you don’t have to wait on the city. Go convert some souls outside Metropolis and Diamonds because clearly some need saved and there needs to be some laying of the hands up on some folks who don't blink at putting 12 year olds into the sex trade.

So let this be a lesson to the parental units of America, even if you have taught your daughter well. I doubt you’ve had the “Stripping is really NOT a Good Thing” conversation.

PTFTC: The next time you catch your children listening, watching, or reading about pimps, strippers, and opulence, take a few minutes out to have THE TALK. Tell them about the underbelly of stripper culture. Show them a few news clippings of what pimps really do. Let them watch a documentary or two about the child sex trade. Because if they’re learning about the “glamorous” life of moving your body like a cyclone, they might as well see the gory ---make your sons watch too.

For those who say not necessary because you have “good” kids and you watch them like a hawk and you alone can compete with the culture I ask, do they have a radio, television, computer? Yes? Ask them who Bishop Don Majic Juan ( I am mad he has an flash website with an online marketplace and a shopping cart) is. Ask them if they know the chorus to “I‘m in love with a Stripper” If they know…its too late.

This concludes our latest PTFTC. Please my parental readers. Your thoughts are always appreciated in response to these and other… PARENTING TIPS FROM THE CHILDLESS…. Until next time …unfortunately.

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