Monday
Jun292009

An Open Letter to Parents re Posthumous Press Conferences- Do NOT Pull a "Joe Jackson"

Dear Parental Unit, I know this goes without saying, but I just want to stipulate the following requests for the record.   In the event that I should predecease you:

  • Under no circumstances is any preacher by the last name of Sharpton or Jackson to be in the general vicinity or camera shot with you at any Posthumous Press conference.
  • Under no circumstances are more than one lawyer allowed to speak on behalf of the estate.
  • Last but certainly not least, under no circumstances are you to use said posthumous Press Conference to promote a record label, a clothing line, fragrance, deluxe grill, bootleg DVDs, rental property, fruit, inkjet toner refills or any other commercial venture.
Eternally Your Child, The What About Our Daughters Commissioner of Chicanery & Foolishness Prevention. PPS. Don't let me see y'all in the audience at the BET Awards either!!! (**leaves to make some revisions to the will regarding disinheritance upon appearance on any BET-related show.**) I thought these things went without saying, but Joe Jackson, Father of Micheal Jackson,  has ruined it for all parents hoping to use a press conference regarding the mysterious death of their children. Katherine Jackson, it ain't 1975 anymore, get cha' boy PLEASE!

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Monday
Jun292009

Monica Conyers-Two Piece and a Biscuit Alert:We Still Endorse Her Even if She's Now a Felon

Monica for Mayor Every time I do a "Detroit" post, I lose readers :) How do I know? Because they take the time to email me to say they are NEVER reading this blog EVER AGAIN! EVER! Because I have repeatedly pointed out that the voting populace is glutton for punishment. They keep electing embarrassments like Kwame Kilpatrick and then get mad when I point out, they ought to be embarrassed.Well prepare to stop reading this blog again, because our second most favorite Detroit politician, second only to Mama Kilpatrick, is in the news AGAIN. I'm shocked. In fact some readers tried to clown me last week about not posting this as soon as I learned about it. I'm still recovering from BWB and was out of town.

As you know, THIS BLOG was the first to offer up an unsolicited endorsement of Detroit Councilwoman, Monica Conyers to be Mayor.

We even printed up these nifty Monica Conyer's t-shirts. Quite frankly after reelecting Kwame "textual healing" Kilpatrick we think MOCO, our affectionate name for Monica Conyers is the leadership Detroit deserves, not to mention that she's a boatload of trainwrecky goodness that bloggers LOVE. LOVE. LOVE!! I mean she got clowned by an 8th grader after she referred to the Detroit Council President, Ken Cockrel as "Shrek." While her description of Cockrell might have been dead on, it was not something one would expect from a sitting councilwoman. MoCo got into at a hotel in Denver during the Democratic National Convention. She's allegedly been in bar fights, threatened to shoot someone and threatened to have someone killed. She's fought LOUDLY with other council members and mayoral staffers and generally been an undignified MESS, yet none of this placed her political future in jeopardy because this is DETROIT!

From tawdry text messages and a mayor resigning in disgrace to the 0-16 Detroit Lions and the collapse of the auto industry, it had been a tough year for Detroit's image even before Friday. So tough, in fact, that the corruption plea by Detroit City Council President Pro Tem Monica Conyers was met by some with a shrug. For scandal-weary Detroit, where residents are becoming inoculated to the jokes of late-night comedians and the scoldings of Washington politicians, Conyers' plea was just a "part of a long line of abominations," said Michael Bernacchi, professor of marketing at the University of Detroit-Mercy. "We've been in a cesspool for so long, laden with so much bad imagery, this doesn't change the image." Freep
The only way to get rid of a political leader with no discernible leadership qualities other than the ability to get elected is to have them plead guilty to a FELONY and have the prosecutor demand that they resign. Oh did I mention that she hasn't resigned and it is unlikely that the citizens of Detroit will force her to resign.
Conyers has now admitted to taking a paltry $6,000 in bribes in connection with a $1.2 billion sludge contract. She faces five years in prison, which should leave her with plenty of time to draw up those bras. But I'm going to miss her in public life. She is an enigma wrapped up in a Sam Riddle. When the spotlight is elsewhere, Conyers can be a bright, intelligent, well-spoken woman. But when the camera is trained on her -- and Conyers can't resist a camera -- her personality veers toward the erratic and infantile. Freep
On a serious note. When will out politicians stop selling their freedom for a two piece and a biscuit? $6,000?? $6,000??? Are you serious? $6,000??? If you are going to risk your liberty and your political future, can it be for six figures instead of 5? Why sell yourself and your community so short. If you are going to be corrupt go ALL THE WAY like Blago! Two payments of $3,000 on a billion dollar contract? Definitely a two piece and a biscuit alert.

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