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You Don't Need to Know Why Janay Palmer Rice Stayed:Compassion and Perfection

This morning, TMZ Sports released video of former Baltimore Ravens running back, Ray Rice punching his then girlfriend, Janay Palmer in the head and knocking her out. We commented briefly on this when they got married a month later, but at the time, police sources were saying that the altercation between the two was brutal. I encourage you to skip watching the video-many people have said they regret watching.

This was posted over on the WAOD Facebook Fan Page:

Sheena RoyalLadi M Ray Rice should be ashamed for using marriage as a veil of respect and love. And, his wife, then girlfriend, should also be ashamed for marrying her abuser. Get out now, girl! WAOD FanPage

And this:

Tonya Robinson Why is everyone so bothered and worried about this woman??? He hit her not once but twice and apparently she IS NOT bothered by it at all because she was his GIRLFRIEND then and she is his WIFE now. Everyone has an opinion about everything today and they rant and rave forever on subjects that have nothing to do with them at all. He hit her not anyone of you and you are all on fire. Why not take that energy and apply it to something positive in your wonderful lives and be done with the one you are so upset with. Quite frankly she has moved on and accepted what happened because she FURTHERED the relationship after, creating an official bond with her abuser. I am going to take a guess and say none of you are in an abusive relationship (I hope), so move on and let their negativity be just that THEIR NEGATIVITY and don't allow it to become yours. Oh and before anyone says I am defending Rice let me stop you and say YOU'RE WRONG as two left feet. No woman should be knocked out by a man but she should want to leave.You don't need to know why Janay stayed.  Your condemnation of her decision to marry Ray Rice isn't likely to increase the liklihood that Janay leaves Rice. You calling her names is basically another version of the abuse metted out by Ray Rice. -WAOD Fan Page

If you're a fully grown person, at some point you've interacted with another grown person whose significant other treats them like garbage.

Why they stay is a mystery. I've encountered situations like this  on multiple occasions and I'll never receive an answer that is satisfactory to me even if they came up with an explanation. I'm not entitled to an explanation, nor am I obligated to go along with the wild and crazy rides of other people's abusive relationships.

What I do know is that it often takes multiple attempts to leave an abusive relationship and the most dangerous time for women in abusive relationships is when they try to leave.  So the only thing you need to know is whether society, in general, or Janay Palmer's network of family and friends, in particular, have created an environment to make sure that she is safe and taken care of when and if she decides to leave.

It's normal to want to know "why"? But resist the urge. Knowing "why" doesnt change the fact that even if Janay Rice never leaves, she doesn't deserve to be beaten.

To those of you who can't spare any compassion towards Janay Palmer Rice without "knowing" why she stayed, I pity you.  I hope you reach a point in your personal development where your compassion doesn't require perfection.

Previous Posts:

Reason #517 To Delay The Wedding (Ray Rice and Janay Palmer): The Groom Just Got Indicted for Beating Up the Bride

In Search of the Perfect Black Girl Victim: Dymond Milburn

Jul132014 Finally Runs Promised Series on Rape and Sexual Assault:Better Incredibly Late than Never?

Breaking my blogcation to announce that is thwarting my plans to celebrate the two-year anniversary since they made this failed promise to their audience:


Our controversial story on Genarlow Wilson, a young man who was convicted of child molestation at age 17, raised a myriad of issues of pressing importance to the Black community....

In addition, we are developing a three-part editorial series to educate Black America about these issues and to provide a platform for the powerful voices of women who have been affected by rape and sexual molestation. We encourage everyone to join this conversation. (July 14, 2012)

My sources tell me that they are finally going to run their promised series.... two years later.

Click to read more ...


On Blogcation. Be back In the Fall. Facebook. Subscribe to Blog for updates. 

It's officially time for my annual blogcation. Yes, I pumped the breaks somewhere in January.  I will continue to post on the WAOD Facebook Fan Page, but I have no intention of posting on the blog for the next three months.  If you want to receive an email whem I start posting again, you can subscribe to the RSS feed. If you can figure out my Twitter ID, I'll probably be posting over there occasionally as well.

Get off the internet. Go outdoors. Relax, read a book and dance on tables... or whatever.



#BringBackOurGirls Rallies Planned in DC, NYC and London to Rescue 200+ Kidnapped Nigerian School Girls

For readers who don’t follow the WAOD Facebook Page, three weeks ago, terrorists kidnapped 234 Nigerian school girls who were away at school taking their final exams. The kidnapping is part of an intentional and organized campaign to close schools in northern Nigeria and I suspect ultimately the entire region. Earlier, this same group slaughtered 69 boys at school.

The Nigerian military initially lied and said that only 100 girls had been kidnapped and all but 8 have been rescued. The true number is closer to 234 and 40 of the girls escaped ON.THEIR.OWN with no help from the Nigerian government.

Reports from the region are that the girls are being taken as child brides and are being sold to other terrorists for $12. That’s a euphemism for saying that the terrorists are systematically raping these children and will continue to do so for the rest of their lives.

As I stated on the Facebook page, there are so many violations here.

Targeting schools and the mass rape of children is a crime against humanity.
The Nigerian government turning a blind eye to the crime against humanity.
The family units that have been ripped apart.
Girls who were courageous enough to seek out an education in a dangerous world are paying a horrific price for wanting a better life.

My Twitter and Facebook feeds have been filled with Black women who have been agonizing about the plight of these girls for weeks. There is a sense of helplessness because they are overwhelmed by the gravity of the event and the appearance that there is little a Black woman in the United States can do to help. It’s a war zone, the terrorists are heavily armed, the Nigerian government appears apathetic and inept, and the world community appears indifferent. ANd oh yeah, there’s an ocean or two between here and there.

In an ideal world, the internet would organize a Kickstarter campaign to hire agent Brian Mills to parachute into the forest and rescue the girls. But life is not a movie. In real life there are not good guys and bad guys, there are evil guys, slightly less evil guys, the apathetic and the engaged.

I posted about the girls repeatedly on the WAOD Facebook Fan Page. The post is one of the most viewed posts in the page’s history.

The second thing I did was call both of my US Senators and US Representative. I told them that I wanted to know what the US government was doing to aid in the recovery of the girls. I’m calling back today to set one of them straight - a staffer lied and said there was no legislation introduced about the girls and that is not true, the US Senate introduced a resolution condemning the kidnapping yesterday. The State Department gave the kidnapping a passing mention in a press briefing. Susan Rice the White House National Security Advisor is tweeting about how “horrified” she is about the kidnapping. That’s nice, but you are the National Security Advisor, surely you could do more than feel bad :(.

So we have a crime against humanity, an incompetent or apathetic government, little to no resolve from the world community to do anything and a group of heavily armed terrorists hiding out in northern Nigeria.

Just because you can’t do EVERYTHING doesn’t mean you don’t do anything.

This is clearly a problem that must be directly  solved by powerful heavily armed or heavily financed entities. Those tend to be governments and religious institutions. Generally I am not a supporter of online hastagtivism, petitions and rallies - mainly because we never explore other methods of direct action. And I think it is ridiculous that you have to get 100,000 people to sign a White House petition to get the President of the United States to speak about something his National Security Advisor is tweeting about when last week he was commenting on a basketball melodrama.

However, this is one of those times where spectacle is called for.

I am aware of three rallies being held in support of raising awareness about the kidnapped girls and urging civil society to intervene on their behalf.

New York City
Saturday, May 3rd
Place: Union Square
Manhattan, NY
at the corner of E14th St. and University Place
It’s called Rock a Crown for #234

Washington, DC
Tuesday, May 6th
Embassy of Nigeria
Washington, D.C. 20008

London - Saturday May 3rd

Oakland, CA - Saturday May 3rd

Philadelphia, PA Saturday May 3rd

Link to Rallies Around the World

I saw a flyer for a rally in Atlanta, but the “promoter” was “problematic.” There are multiple rallies being planned in Atlanta. The flyer I was referring to was discussed in this post on the WAOD Facebook page. An alternative rally in Atlanta is happening on May 3rd ( Saturday) at Woodruff park.

If you know of more rallies, please share.



Now That Ebony Magazine is Done Apologizing For Jamilah Lemieux- Will #TeamEbony Keep Their Promises From the LAST Apology?

This time last week, Jamilah Lemieux, the Sr. Digital Editor for Ebony Magazine was careening around Twitter like a drunken sailor (as usual) when she slipped on a banana peel. She slid under a bus. The  Republican National Committee boarded the bus along with the conservative media establishment and gunned the engine. Ms. Lemieux’s Employer, Ebony Magazine, hopped out of the way of the oncoming bus, issued a public apology and publicly reprimanded Ms. Lemieux.

EBONY acknowledges Senior Editor Jamilah Lemieux's lack of judgment on her personal Twitter account...Ebony

As with all Twitter hashtag hijinks, analytics were captured, cable television appearances took place, petitions were launched, additional hashtags were launched,Ms. Limieux kept her job and added an extra zero on the book deal her literary agent is probably negotiating right now.  We get our post-Twitter-crisis essay about courageously  surviving the Twitter crisis to which Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks and Fannie Lou Hamer did a collective “Gurl Bye!” from the grave.

 Everybody wins! Increased Page views, Twitter impressions, and name recognition. Until the next Hashtagapolypse which should erupt in the next 56 hours or so.

As my eagle-eyed  readers have pointed out, this isn’t Ebony’s first public apology for the actions of the digital  team. Almost two years ago, I had to interrupt my blogging retirement plans to respond to a post on glorifying a convicted sex predator, Genarlow Wilson.  

As part of their Genarlow Wilson debacle apology, Ebony promised to do a three-part series on rape and sexual assault in the Black community. In a post called "Moving Forward Together:Ebony Commits to Keeping an Important Communty Conversation Going" the editors of said the following:

In addition, we are developing a three-part editorial series to educate Black America about these issues and to provide a platform for the powerful voices of women who have been affected by rape and sexual molestation. We encourage everyone to join this conversation. #TEAMEBONY

Almost two years later.... no series. So much for a "commitment" to keep an "important" conversation going.

Click to read more ...