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Monday
Jan072013

Be Proactive: Ignorecotting Baby Kimye

I received the following message on the WAOD Facebook Fan Page about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West and it’s an excellent demonstrative example to kick off our series on the The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People . The first habit of highly effective people is BE PROACTIVE. 

I want to ask you if i'm trippin for being so disgusted by this kanye kim baby all over the media. i dont expect anything more from her, but it hurts to see him and the media validate her in front of young black girls. basically hes sayin anyone, even an uneducated, incestuous, porn star is better than every sista on the planet... after he repeated tried to make himself the spokes person for black people. and nobody seems to be offended by this stunt but they were so outraged over his other antics. its like im in the twilight zone. am i trippin? Concerned WAOD Reader

Thank you for your message concerned reader. It provides all of us with an excellent opportunity to use this to work the First Habit: Be Proactive

Being “proactive” doesn’t mean what you think it means. It doesn’t mean being a woman of action. In some cases, it calls on you to be a woman of great restraint. What being proactive means is being responsible for your own life. Instead of reacting to circumstances and how you “feel.” A proactive person is driven to act or “respond” based on a set of core values. Doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, how you respond is based on what you believe.  A reactive person however, twists in the wind responding to every change in circumstances, conditions and environments. 

Too wonky for you? Another way to say this is being proactive means you stop letting life happen to you. You stop being a zombie. You stop being a victim, and you stop being a slave to your feelings.

Based on this email, it is clear to me that Kim Kardashian OWNS YOU. Her very image has the ability to alter your mood. She occupies so much space in your head that you have gone so far as to conclude that Kanye West is sending you a direct message just by dating her. 

But what would Steven Covey tell you to do based on the first habit: Be Proactive.

First, he would tell you to examine the Kim Kardashian/ Kanye West “problem” in terms of your Circle of Concern and Your Circle of Influence.   

Proactive people focus on their Circle of Influence- those things that they can control. 

Reactive people focus on the Circle of Concern- those things over which they have absolutely no control.

Your challenge is to identify those things you have control over and separate them from the things you have absolutely no control over and then adjust your expenditure of energy accordingly.

So let’s return to Kim Kardashian and your note.

Your main points were:

 

  • "it hurts to see him and the media validate her in front of young black girls"
  • "hes sayin anyone, even an uneducated, incestuous, porn star is better than every sista on the planet" 
  • "after he repeated tried to make himself the spokes person for black people" 
  • "and nobody seems to be offended by this stunt but they were so outraged over his other antics"

 

Let’s look at your Circle of Influence and Your Circle of Concern.

Circle of Concern- You can’t control who Kanye West dates or impregnates. You can’t control what bloggers and the media choose to cover. After all, the “media” that you complain of decided to shove television cameras in the faces of first graders in the immediate aftermath of a gunman mowing down their teachers and classmates- expecting responsible behavior out of this group is a stretch. You can’t control what meaning other people give to their relationship.  You can’t control what Kanye West says- though I have yet to hear him make a statement that Kim Kardashian is better than every sista on the planet. You can’t control who appoints themselves as a representative of all of Black America- nor can you control whether someone is idiotic enough to conclude that Mr. West is a spokesperson for all of Black America.  You can’t force people to be offended and outraged over something they cannot be offended and outraged about 

Your Circle of Influence- You can control how “hurt” you are by Kanye West’s dating and mating activities. If you can’t figure out how to ease your “hurt” then I suggest seeking professional help with working through why this “hurts”  you. I believe you when you say this hurts you and I don’t in anyway want to minimize your hurt. It’s real.  HOWEVER- back to your Circle of Influence - 

There are young Black girls who are in your immediate orbit that you likely have never had a conversation with about Kim Kardashian-I suspect you have not attempted to use your influence to counteract the alleged influences of Kim Kardashian on these young Black girls. 

You have 100% control over who you think is “better” than you or any other Black woman. Black men can say and do whatever they want to do- they already are- they don’t have the ability to make me think ANY other woman is better than me. Sorry, ain’t gonna happen. Especially not some drug addled, mentally unstable, man-child with poor impulse control, horrible fashion sense and a proclivity for pouting and petulance. This is a man you have allowed to dictate who is better than you? No bueno!  I won’t let Kanye West tell me how to cross the street let alone who is better than me?

If you in fact believe that Kim Kardashian is a great scourge who wants to devour the souls of little Black girls, then have you done everything within your immediate circle of influence to combat the alleged threat of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West- I’m gonna take a HUGE guess and say you haven’t even tried. 

You’d rather focus on things you can’t control like  “the media” and imaginary messages from Kanye West than say- “Hmm let me take a group of Black girls out to brunch and then let’s go see an afternoon performance of the local Black ballet company”. How many Black girls have you taken out on a cultural excursion of some sort so they can see diverse images of Black women? How many dollars have you donated to organizations who are presenting a different vision of what it means to be a woman in society?

But let’s say that all of this is a bit much for you. You didn’t intend for me to come up with a to do list. You want a simple answer.

Are you tripping? YEP.

Little baby Kimye is headed your way and there’s nothing you can do about it, so I suggest you be proactive by instituting an Ignorecott. Unlike a boycott where you direct all of your attention on letting the world know that you are unhappy with Kim Kardashian, you ignore her. She doesn’t exist. Neither does baby Kimye.  Every year millions of babies are born and you have no idea. Why is this baby any different. 

But but Blogmother- the news is everywhere! No it’s not. if you avoid gossip and entertainment blogs, you miss about 95% of Kimye coverage. 

But what about the CHILDREN? WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN! What about the Black girls being influenced? My answer is that until you exhaust all of the options that are within your direct control to reach Black girls in your immediate circle of influence, worrying about mythical, undefinable masses of unidentified random Black girls is being REACTIVE!

So if you want to combat the Kim Kardashain effect, the 7 Habits say you ignore her and focus on things you can control.  You don’t like the images of Kim Kardashian, then offer Black girls another image.  And according to the 7 Habits- an amazing thing will happen as you focus your energy on things in your circle of influence- your circle of influence will grow.  

What Kim and Kanye do isn't nearly as important as what YOU BELIEVE and what you value. 

Kim Kardashian doesn’t bother me. She doesn’t entertain me. What entertains me is the way Black bloggers have manipulated Black women in to Pavlovian heart palpitations by baiting you over and over again with her various relationship exploits. 

I don’t envy her fame-I’m an introvert and love being incognito. Don’t envy her relationships- all of her boyfriends and ex husbands are grade A jerks- the first one allegedly beat her- Ray J pimped her out- Chris Humphries won’t let her out of her il fated marriage, and Kanye West is an emotionally unstable, narcissist, with horrifically bad impulse control - these are NOT the characteristics of a desirable mate.   To the extent that Kim Kardashian has removed Kanye West from Black women’s dating pool, we owe her an award- not contempt. 

There is nothing that Kim Kardashain has that I think I’m entitled to. Not even her ability to enter the mainstream after shopping her sex tape.  That’s not an achievement I envy.  

I know. I know. Everyday the world wages war on the images of Black women and girls. If it wasn't Kim Kardashian, it would be something else. She's just your trigger. We all have other triggers. She's not the problem, she's the pain generator. Getting rid of her doesn't heal the underlying "hurt." In a sense, she is doing you a valuable service by identifying an area you need to work on. 

I suspect that the reason you are focussed on nameless faceless Black girls being influenced by Kim Kardashian is likely because seeing her brings up deep wounds that other people, likely Black folks, inflicted upon you. The 7 Habits say you are responsible - response-ABLE for your own happiness now. I don't know who hurt you. And it sucks that they did, but the life you have now will very much be determined by YOUR CHOICES and not those of Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, and "the media." Ignorecott!

If you would like to submit your commentary for our series on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Black Women, send me a message via the Facebook Fan Page or use our contact form. The next habit is probably one of my favorites: Begin With the End in Mind.

Reader Comments (32)

Sound advice!

January 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

Good post.

Personally, I'm on an "ignorecott" when it comes to most "celebrities". I try not to share anything about them on my Facebook wall or via e-mail, I don't watch their shows, and I don't really spend money on them. Sometimes, not knowing is a good thing.

January 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSpinster

EXCELLENT! I could never understand the irrational emotional reaction that Kim K. receives from some black women. It's weird because that woman is not on my radar and so neither her exploits nor her relationships move me so I'm in the dark with this "sistas united against the Kardashians" movement. I would expect that a self- possessed woman who knows her worth wouldn't weep and moan at every action of some other woman...and to boot, basing your self worth on whom a DBR dates is completely ridiculous. Just my two cents.

January 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMsLJ920

Thankyou, thankyou and......................THANKYOU.

January 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranne

What about the emotional reactions black women like Nicki Minaj, Beyonce, Blac Chyna, black video girls/urban models, Karrine Stephens, Deelishis, Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop stars and black women of that category recieve from black women? We have no problem investing ourselves within these women's lives to the point you'd think they are apart of most black women who comments on them hopes and dreams. So why do black people feel the need to alienate, excuse and come up with some kind of political correctness when it comes to Kim Kardashian? Don't say because well they're black and represent me and kIm's not, because it'll go against the point made, I can only assume most black people have internalized biased prejudice when it comes ot race inflicted by whites over time, we don't even realize it. I'm pretty sure while some of you are defending Kim K, you've called certain black wome worthless babymama's, sluts and whores and other names.

blogmother comment- Thank's Lady A for providing another example of being REACTIVE. Notice everyone that lady A focusses on everyone else except herself. She's focussed on pointing out what is wrong with everyone else. She doesn't want to let go of her Kim Kardashian obsession. That's okay and that's her choice. But there is a freedom in letting go and quite frankly Kim Kardashian doesn't really care. In addition to ignoring Kim Kardashian, I don't even know who or what a Black Chyna is.Lady wants to hold on to her powerlessness and rage and you all should let her. It's her choice.. a sad choice, but it's hers. This comment shows how invested folks are in being reactive. Thanks for the illustration

January 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLady A

Gina whomever sent that email must not have read your blog posts. Why would anyone email you with such foolishness. In 2013 I am going to ween myself off entertainments blogs because I can see them (even the ones ran by black women) going overboard with this.

January 8, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterblkchik

This reminds me of the reaction of some BW to the news that Michael Ealy "secretly" married a non-Black woman. So what? What does that have to do with me or other Black women? Can't for the life of me figure out why some BW are so invested in what unrelated Black men (or BW for that matter) do with their lives (who they date, who they marry, etc.).

Kudos to this blog for always encouraging BW to raise our standards and focus on ourselves. We only have control over our own lives -- not the lives of Kanye, Beyonce, Rihanna, etc. We should do what we can in our sphere of influence to better the lives of Black girls -- not worry about Kanye and his baby mama.

January 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLorna Jerome

The funny thing is, letting this foolywang go has not been all that difficult. I realized I'd gotten far too invested in the lives of strangers a couple years ago and took steps then to eliminate that stress. Step one was getting rid of cable, snd avoiding most black blogs. It's amazing how much better my psyche is just from those two steps. Then I went on to avoid most media. I don't watch broadcast news at all, especially local news, which here in Atlanta consists of "Who got shot last night." I listen to npr and watch The Daily Show and Colbert online. I didn't even follow the election "coverage." I checked Nate Silver's blog in the morning, then sent on my way.

I have no idea who most of the people are that Lady A referenced, nor do I care. This obsession with and overconsumption of so-called media has corroded black women's souls and left them all but mentally unhinged and unmoored from reality. The narcissism of thinkng that some total stranger's love life has a goddamned thing to do with you is bizarre to the point that I strongly suggest therapy. Even on this colorism issue, I see black women lament continually about being rejected for being dark, but when I asked for specific instances in their lives when they've been told this was the case the responses were sparse indeed.

Their lives are invested in people who seek to profit from getting a rise from them, celebrities and bloggers alike. They know if they report on something derogatory some black man said their blogs will light up with hits. Ka-ching! These opportunists don't care that all this ruminating on hurts both real and imaginary are corroding black women's souls. They don't care that what you focus on grows in its magnitude in your life. So if you focus on black woman hating black men that is what will come into your life. They're bringing in thousands of dollars by keeping black women in a constant state of pain and anxiousness. They claim that they're "raising awareness." Yeah right. Any black woman who is unaware is either uninformed or chloroformec. Black women of all stripes have been talking about the perfidy of black men since before I was born and I'm nearly fifty. Has anything gotten better? Of course not. What you focus on grows. What you focus on grows.

It's time and beyond time for black women to take their heads out of black men's asses and stop spreading their filth as though they're curating masterpieces. Next!

January 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRoslynholcomb

The absolute foolishness that some of us seem to focus on is simply beyond my comprehension.

January 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterWanda

I was saddened by the sister's message. It seems that some women are desperate for some form of validation so they will equate a man who from what I've seen like's "exotic" women with large buttocks, i.e Amber Rose, Kim as a real life rejection. Matter fact I can't remember him ever being with a black looking woman. why is this a suprise? Black men make babymama's everyday. Was this the straw that broke the camels back? I've always seen him as an evil teddy bear man very umassuming from the outsid, but desparately mischevious inside What are you going to do when her Tyler Perry movie comes out? Is her being picked over a black actress going to hurt you too?

The only reason I even think about Kim K is because a lot of women can learn something from her. Despite her being the equvilant of a prostitute, she has not allowed anyone to define her, but herself. The slut shame game has not been effective against Team K. (her team/support is a reason why she has not fallen victinm like many others) She sells herself as a jetselling fashionista business woman. Black women aren't prostitutes but are marginalized as such, without our consent. Kim did not consent and is where she is today because she did not. Not glorifying her but I think she's smarter that many think she is. There is an interesting dynamic at play here, not saying it's right or fair, but an interesting one.

January 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKim in VA

@Kim in VA part of the rage is that Kim K is not playing by the rules related to purity and virtue that Black women are raised to abide by. She's supposed to suffer greatly and the fact that she does not outwardly appear to drives people nuts. She's not playing by the rules, but those rules don't benefit Black women anyway so why are some of us hell bent on trying to enforce them.

And yes there is a double standard and privilege at play, but the answer isn't to get rid of the privilege, but to have it available to Black women too.

January 8, 2013 | Registered CommenterThe Blogmother

I can care less about kanye who is black trash and this white trash he got with. I keep trash off my scales. I am not hurt by this trash or his whore because they are not a part of me. I am disgusted by him and her. To me this man doesn't represent blackman hood. I have had positive black men in my life.

I see the media go and run and posting exclusively stories of every black man and woman with a non black person. This is because they have an agenda to help destroy the black family. I am not one who believes in conspiracies but as a person who read history I know nothing in this country towards and about black people happened by accident. I have learned to watch for their hands in everything.

Black children are bombarded with images of black men with non black women and black women with non black men. It is really sad that the black celebs that marry and date black are never shown, they are by passed. And you will be a fool to think it wasn't because they were not hot it is because this is what the w media wants to focus on.

We need our own media that focuses on real things not music, movies, and other bs. How did the entertainment industry full of trash become what is supposed to represent the average black? We need to teach our kids self love so that they quit looking for trash to validate them.
I don't like mentioning these other groups but I have to say that most of these people who land in this country teach their kids their history first and then this country history.
Why have we stopped teach our children self love?

Blogmother Comment - You really should pick up a copy of the book. Most of this comment falls within the Circle of Concern. And if Kanye and Kim at trash to you, why do you appear to have such strong feelings about their relationship? I have absolutely no feelings about things I think are trash- just toss it in the dumpster and keep it moving. So again- this is reactionary. "These people" "We" "Black celebs" all of those are external to you. If you don't care--- YOU.DON'T CARE!

January 8, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBlue

Before she got pregnant, I had forgotten all about Kim Kardashian; I'm glad she's pregnant, maybe she'll have the kid and go away and Kanye can go away too.

Blogmother comment- *SIGH* Kim doesn't have to "go away" when you are proactive and ignorecott, she disappears-- not because of anything she did, but because of what you did.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEva

Blogmother, you are so right! I should have said, "Kim who?" She doesn't annoy me at all, she's really like a sofa, just there.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEva

""Don’t envy her relationships- all of her boyfriends and ex husbands are grade A jerks- the first one allegedly beat her- Ray J pimped her out- Chris Humphries won’t let her out of her il fated marriage, and Kanye West is an emotionally unstable, narcissist, with horrifically bad impulse control - these are NOT the characteristics of a desirable mate. To the extent that Kim Kardashian has removed Kanye West from Black women’s dating pool, we owe her an award- not contempt.

There is nothing that Kim Kardashain has that I think I’m entitled to. Not even her ability to enter the mainstream after shopping her sex tape. That’s not an achievement I envy. ""

LOVE THIS. And yes, I agree with other commenters here that Kanye and Kim are both trash that deserve each other, but don't deserve our attention.

However I don't understand what you mean by "Kim K is not playing by the rules related to purity and virtue that Black women are raised to abide by" - are you saying that to be "free" and "non-suffering" like Kim K, we should be prostitues and whores with a great advertising agency? Don't think that's a great message for anbody Black.

OK, back to work!

Blogmother- I'm not going to even answer your rhetorical question because it is so ridiculous and disingenuous - no one reading this blog for any length of time could reasonably conclude that I am a proponent of prostitution. You understand exactly what I mean, you just don't like what I said.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAJ

Blogmother, by no means have I EVER thought you were a proponent of prostitution - EVER. But YES, it was a rhetorical question, stated because I think to in anyway imply Kim K as being free or non-suffering in comparison to Black women (of any type) is a joke! I think she has alllowed herself to be used and run-through like a common street walker or old toilet paper - just for money - money is not everytrhing, if Kim K is ANY example of it. But apologies if it came off as making ANY implication as to your views on prostitution - that was not my intent, and I stand corrected!

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAJ

arrrggghhh people please, take a step back and think about what you are saying.
Why are you calling this woman names? what has she done to you and what impact does she have on your life?

What she does, how she does it & whom she does it with has no bearing on your life, stop making it so.

Yes Kim is playing by a set of rules that are 'unorthodox' rules so what?. You dont live near her, dont have to watch her, dont even have to care about her.
The fact that you are even considering why she does what she does, or calling her vile names means that YOU are putting HER in YOUR CIRCLE OF CONCERN!

Let it go already, stop calling her names, forget about her.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterab

Happy New Year to everyone and this is a new year for new beginnings of our lives, not what the celebrities are doing. We need to focus on ourselves and howwe can better our lives and our family life if you have children.
We just need to use thawt negative energy we have for whoever and turn off the TV and just better ourselves. That enegy will be well spent.

January 9, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterShayla

there are women that notice things and are reactive. they allow certain things to alter their moods, but after the anger or whatever feeling of disappointment due to real or perceived injustice, many of them come to certain conclusions and get proactive.some go on to accomplish many great things.I've seen it happen.Many of them look back and think it's silly that they got angry in the first place.But if certain things hadn't of happened,and they didn't get mad sad or worried etc., some may have never made any changes and probably would not have the good lives they have now

People can be motivated to do,and go on to accomplish, good things from bad feelings,harsh truths and blatant lies too, I guess?

And please forgive me, but I am trying to understand something.Is making observations,noticing prejudices and biases,the same as having someone in your circle of concern?If someone is using a situation that a celebrity is in to make a point about an issue,is it really about the celebrity or the issue?People often use what people see to make a point?I care not about the lives of famous people,but I do care about the effects of white supremacy,white privilege,male privilege etc on black women.

Blogmother comment - go read the book :)- He actually talks about the work of Ghandi and other activists. You say you focus on larger issues and are concerned about those issues, but do you address those issues within your circle of influence. The problem isn't people being concerned the problem is people are exclusively concerns with the aspect of those issues they cannot control and completely ignore the areas they can control- and so they become a victim. What are you doing about white supremacy within your circle of influence? Ghandi worked one on one with the poor at a local level first. Many people use the enormity of the issues in the Circle of Concern to be paralyzed and victims. So how are you using your circle of influence to fight White supremacy, whit privilege, male privilege? ANd are you exhausting your circle of influence? It isn't about not fighting the good fight, its about narrowing your focus and energy.

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTruth P.

Thank you so much for this post. Please help our sisters to stop trying to get validation from men who do not even know who they are.

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKathy Henry

Congrats to Quvenzhané Wallis the youngest Oscar nominee ever. A little Black girl from Louisiana!

See Lady A, thats how you do it

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterblkchik

Happy New Year and thanks for a common sense post! I don't understand the obsession and then again, I kinda do. :(

As you have suggested, we must be responsible for our own choices, make better choices AND LET FOOLISHNESS GO BY US.

Just like this "discussion" about Django Unchained; I'm not gonna pay to be misinformed, etc. Instead, as a thinking woman, I'll support independent quality films, see documentaries and films from outside the U.S. As a matter of fact, this weekend, some friends of mine and I will go see Matt Damon's "Promised Land" because we want to educate ourselves about fracking and related environmental justice issues, that disproportionately have negative effects on people of color. :)

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterrevmamaafrika

what great things can we move on to when we say things like a woman has 'allowed herself to be run through'?

we rant about how the media portrays us but have scant regard for how it might be portraying other people.
both our passions and motivators need careful considerations and we need to stop slut shaming women.

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterab

I will be getting that book. And YES at this "To the extent that Kim Kardashian has removed Kanye West from Black women’s dating pool, we owe her an award- not contempt."

This is the way I see it too.The quality of a relationship does matter.I could have been in many more than I have but they would have been catastrophic.

@Ab "what great things can we move on to when we say things like a woman has 'allowed herself to be run through'?" I don't think this will stop the people saying this from accomplishing their goals.However,it may make other people think some women are hypocrites and therefore be less likely to help or support them.

Also who is the WE that are slut shaming white women?Certainly not I.I just don't like to be included in things I'm not.I also think that sluts do exist but I find most sluts to be socially maladjusted individuals with horrid upbringings so I feel for them.

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTruth P.

@TruthP ...
I didn't mention white women in any of my posts, I have absolutely no idea where you got that from.

So I'm afraid I cannot respond to your question.

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterab

Hello everyone, honestly, I think that we, as Black women need to stop the bitter complaining and worrying about someone who could careless. I don't even know these people personally, so I don't give a hoot about their love lives, and def. not Kim K. I agree with the original post, only YOU determine who is "more beautiful" or "better" than you. Honestly, I use to hate seeing Black men with white women; until I grew up and my taste in men changed. Even if I knew Kanye personally, he would not be my type; so I say congrats to them and thanks to women like Kim Kardashian, who take these types of Black men out of the dating pool for Black women. LOL! In reality, white women aren't taking anything from me, because Black women do not own Black men, or vice versa! My boyfriend is white, soooooo yeah; it would be hypocritical for me to hate Kim K. and Kanye's relationship; as if I care. The only thing I don't like about them are their narcissistic personalities, but again I don't know them personally, so who cares? My only wish regarding the media, is that they will show more interracial relationships involving Black women and white men! We are out here, loving each other in black and white! :) So, thank you to the white female/black male relationships and I encourage you to continue to love each other! More white men for me! LOL!

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTiff1985

Stupid question alert - why did Concerned WAOD Reader even email you about this? I mean...what about the premise and mission of this blog indicates,"Invested in Kanye and Kim's love life and waiting with baited breath to discuss it?" Really?

Also, I suspect the reader KNOWS good and well she's trippin'...but wants someone to validate her feelings. That's why she asked the question twice. She knows it isn't healthy to be disgusted by two people she doesn't know and don't give a darn about her or others who share similar feelings. I don't know...I suppose there should be safe spaces for black women to express their feelings of hopelessness over black men who marry/date/procreate with non-black women. I just don't know why she assumed WAOD was such a space.

I've not read the book, but I remember someone telling me about the time management matrix in terms of urgency vs importance.

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDaphne

Roslynhardy, I had to go to my dictionary....perfidy: n., the deliberate breaking of faith; betrayal of trust; treachery

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterVinindy

@daphne A lot of people on the FB page arrive there without haveing read the blog. Or they read one blog post and think they know what the blog is about. So actually the FB folks who didn't start out as long time readers know very little about the blog's history. Two totally different audiences.

I think she saw a pro Black woman site and assumed I would automatically blast Kim OR she say the word daughters in the title and thought that I would be moved by the alleged concern for young girls. I would be, if we were dealing with genuine concern for young girls as opposed to our own complexes.

January 10, 2013 | Registered CommenterThe Blogmother

Ah okay - thanks for the explanation.

January 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDaphne

@MsLJ920 I think it's the young black female crowd who like Kardashian because she is into black dudes and has a few black friends. I don't think women in their 40's care about her. Not all black women are into her. In fact I am surprised it is mentioned her. But yes the younger crowd really need to focus their attention elsewhere, not on a privileged person who quite frankly does not seem very aware of the world around her.

January 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTasha

Excellent advice, Blogmother. We, as black women, can only control what is in our concern circle. When we foolishly attempt to influence the entire world, we risk failing to do good work in the area we have the greatest chance of success- our own loved ones, and those that we are around on a daily or near-daily basis. I always put forth, to my daughter, such role models as Jocelyn Elders, Shirley Chisholm, Toni Morrison, Mae Jemison, Alice Walker and Hazel Johnson. By explaining to her that these were women who had made real contributions to the development of Black women, seemingly made an impression. At least, I like to think that was a good reason that we never had the fights with her over curfews and such, that many of my gfs had with their children.

My Father used to tell us, the only person more stupid than a fool, is the person who argues with him.

P.S. I especially loved the challenge put forth to take a group of young Black women to brunch and a ballet performance. It motivated me to do exactly that. I am taking 3 young Ladies from our church, and their Mothers, to the Gardere MLK Jr. Oratory Competition in Dallas on Friday. Thank you for the reminder of what we can do to effect change.

January 12, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

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