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Six Lessons for Petulant Deadbeat Dad With Child Support Fairytale And Black Women Who Line Up to Coddle Him

I should have known that foolishness was knocking at my door when I saw a Facebook post in my timeline sharing an article written by someone who calls themselves Mister Mann.  The article was entitled “Deadbeat” Father Questions the Effectiveness of the Child-Support System.  It is a 20,000 word temper tantrum from an entitled, spoiled, irresponsible, delusional narcissist.

 Mister Mann Frisby weaves a tragic tale of how the mean old court system just threw him in jail all because of unpaid child support. Except for one small problem, he practically begged the court to hold him in contempt and they granted his wish. 

What this article should have been called was What Happens to Idiots Who Blow Off Judges, Court Orders, and Court Dates. You see Mister MannCHILD blew off about  3 years of child support payments:

. Anything outside of the $532 per month payment is only a gift, she barked. I will never considea bowl of spaghetti, getting my daughter’s hair braided at a salon or providing good ol’ PGW heat a “gift.” Mr. MannCHILD. 


So at $532 a month and $17,000 in debt, That’s about 34 months worth of unpaid child support. That’s like 3 years of failing to comply with a court order and for the cherry on top, he decided not to show up in court when ordered to appear. 

LESSON #1: It’s a court order. Not a suggestion or a hint or guidelines. Don’t buy pampers, gifts, clothes, shoes, tooth paste, vacations, private school tuition, toys etc. for your children until you PAY your court ordered child support. This ain’t a bartering system so you can’t bring toys and clothes up to court with you and expect a credit. Comply with the order FIRST and then if something is left over THEN you go and purchase that. The idea that he wants a credit against his $17,000 arrearage for a bowl of spaghetti tells you just how small, petty and entitled this man is. A serving of spaghetti is what $0.45. I feel sorry for the mother of this child- she selected a procreation partner that thinks offering his offspring a bowl of pasta negates $17,000. 

I was also still on a high from being awarded a certificate at the festival from Mayor Nutter for more than a decade of community service as a volunteer track coach and mentor to hundreds of youth. I was awakened early that morning by four armed officers from the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office. They came into my North Philly apartment and informed me that I was under arrest for failing to appear at a scheduled court hearing. I was handcuffed, shackled and led from my apartment into a squad car.  Mr. MannCHILD. 

How about you volunteer to mentor your daughter by showing her and the youths how to follow instructions and show up for scheduled appointments.  

LESSON #2: Don’t make a judge come looking for you. A summons to appear in court is not a dinner party invitation. It’s not a request- it’s an order. If you have a scheduling conflict- request a continuance. If you inadvertently miss the date, be PROACTIVE and contact the court and explain. In order for this man to end up on a list for the cops to pick up, weeks possibly MONTHS went by after missing that date. And TRUST that the court sent out multiple automated notices.  Don’t blow off the court system. Show up when they ask you to and if you can’t make it, do them the courtesy of explaining why. Once the judge has to send the cops to LOOK for you... you’re going to jail. 

That court order, so many years ago, was the beginning of the running tab that began to put me in great debt. It was not filed by the state or welfare, but by my daughter’s mother, who has abused the system to the tune of more than 50 court appearances in 10 years.  Mr. MannCHILD. 

 By abused the system, you mean attempt to enforce the court order you ignored.

LESSON #3: Most court orders can be modified. I keep hearing these phantom stories of how hard it is to get a child support order modified... I’m asking for receipts! Modifying a court order ( in your own head) because you think you know better is a BAD idea. If you don’t like a court order attempt to change it. If you can’t change it, appeal it.  If your income changes, don’t just ignore it. Again, he didn’t go to jail because he couldn’t pay. He went to jail because he disrespected the court. 

This is about the millions of men who bend over backward to do right by their children and are still terrorized by the system. Statistically, it’s impossible that nearly every man who comes before Daniele is a total deadbeat who deserves to be in prison. Mr. MannCHILD. 

 This is not about a million men, this is about ONE narccisist. Sir, you did not bend over backward.- you wouldn't even roll over sideways to get out of bed and go to your court appearance. 

LESSON #4: With some rare exceptions, most court systems are NOT trying to fill up their jail cells with non-violent offenders. They want your child support and court fees, not to feed shelter and clothe you. Trust me, they'd rather have the check! And  Actually it IS possible for every man he saw that day to have been sent to jail because they were probably processing all of the “problem children” at the same time. You see, the brother who paid his child support, or who couldn’t, but showed up to explain to the judge why he couldn’t got on the afternoon docket and was back at his house by COB. TYou were the one who decided to wait for the judge to have to send the po po to go find you... when you do that, you tend to have a less than ideal experience in court.  You have to repeatedly thumb your nose at the court. And based on the tone and tenor of this article, he acted a belligerent fool.  

The system certainly does nothing to foster happiness, peace and civility within the family structure.  Mr. MannCHILD. 

Because that's not the role of the system. YOU were the one who was responsble for your family structure. OH I'mma say it one more time for the people at the back who didn't hear me. YOU are responsble for your family structure. If it sucks and is unhappy, war-like and incivility reigns, it does so because you designed it that way.  Don't expect the court to do what you couldn't. 

LESSON #5: It’s not the court system’s responsibility to met out happiness. Courts are HORRIBLE PARENTS- ask any foster child. Courts suck at parenting. Which is why when you selected someone to be the mother/father of your child, you thought about whether this person was kind, patient, reasonable, empathetic, and family-oriented.  DIdn’t you? You thought about having to negotiate with this person for the rest of your natural life right? You gave it a lot of thought didn’t you?

You didn’t?

Oh, that sucks.

You could have worked out an informal agreement with your coparent- you failed to do so. This means either you failed at being able to negotiate that relationship or you failed in selecting your procreation partner. And when you fail at the most important decision you will ever make in your life, who will be the mother/father of your children... bad things happen. To expect the courts to mediate a relationship that YOU COULDN’T MANAGE reeks of entitlement and petulance. In addition to managing an overburdened docket, the court now has to coddle you and your coparent? The court has to get you a police escort to get you to show up for a hearing. What else should the court do? Cook dinner? Dress you? Tuck you in at night? INSANE! If you have the option to keep the courts out of your parenting relationship either by mediated agreements or informal agreements, do it. Courts are the LEAST ideal way to resolve conflict.


This wasn’t the first time I was in Montgomery County jail. [DING! DING! DING! DING!]

I was detained and shipped to the same facility in August 2008 after getting into a verbal altercation with Judge Thomas Delricci. I spent three days in a different section of the Montgomery County Correctional Facility before I was bailed out for $700 after already paying $511 three days prior. I couldn’t contain my anger after hearing him give a cliched spiel about the importance of being a good father and the cost of groceries at Genuardi’s. He had judged me without cracking open the file in front of him to see that my daughter lived with me four days out of the week, and had since the day she was born. I reminded him that it was I who had provided clothing, food and shelter. It was I, the alleged deadbeat, who figured out how to manage and maintain her head of beautiful hair, while also paying her kindergarten tuition at a Montessori school that I discovered near our home.  Mr. MannCHILD.    

LESSON #6:  Don’t get into verbal “altercations” with judges.  This is generally a good way to end up in jail.  Here’s a newsflash - Don’t act a fool with someone who can throw you in jail if you’d prefer not to end up there. He saved this little tid bit for last, but it’s illuminating. This was not his first time at the rodeo and this little tidbit at the end of this 15,000 word pity party leads me to believe that this man has utter and complete contempt for the judicial system. That’s fine, don’t respect the system, but show some self awareness of the consequences of disrespecting the system. Also, that tuition you paid for the Montessori school doesn’t count if it ain’t in the court order. Refer back to Lesson #1. You don’t get to modify a court order on your own and do whatever you want to do. So you clearly had income to do what YOU wanted to decided not to do what you were ORDERED to do... and that is why you went to jail. 

In conclusion, this 15,000 word pity party has absolutely NOTHING to do with the complex issue of child support. Does the child support system suck? Yep! And so does having millions of children in poverty because their noncustodial parent refused to support them financially.

Are there women who use their children as weapons against fathers? YEP! That’s why you go to court get an order and abide by it so you don’t have to deal with her. And when she violates the court order you still don’t have to deal with her, the court will be more than happy to deal with HER-- not because the court favors one parent or the other, but because courts favor their own ORDERS-- you better ask Dwayne Wade. 

 For more information about the constitutional protections for parents who do not comply with court orders, read about Turner v. Price.

The Philadelphia Weekly should be ashamed for making this their cover story without a dissenting view.

Reader Comments (93)

I just can't with these jackasses. I can't tell you how many of them I've dealt with complaining about their child's mother trying to put them in jail. Look dumbazz, if you comply with the court order AND PAY YOUR SUPPORT. She can't put you in jail. But they can't do that because they want to spend their money the way THEY see fit. Sorry dude, but that day was over the moment you decided to procreate and required a court order to get you to feed your offspring. It doesn't have to be that way. I've seen lots of people who've managed to work out co-parenting without a judge intervening. Even when they loathe each other and only speak when they have to, they know baby's got to eat. It shouldn't take a court order to get you to take of your child. And if it did shame on you. You ARE a deadbeat and jail is where you belong.

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRoslyn Holcomb

He argued with the judge? That's all I needed to know about how little sensibility and humility he has in his head.

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterZoopath

Cry me a river. And regarding the 50 court appearances in 10 years, the court system generates appearances without the custodial parent doing anything as the arrears continue to pile up. It's funny that he found the court appearances excessive, but not the $17,000 in arrears. Maybe Mayor Nutter needs to screen before awarding certificates.

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterdonnadara

One arrogant you-know-what! I feel sorry for the little girl; what will he teach her about men? :( :(

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterrevmamaafrika

This guy did commit plenty of epic fails, but there are plenty of other guys out here who are trying to do the right thing, yet they keep getting screwed by the courts. I have a friend who got full custody of his daughter and his ex-wife owes thousands in back child support. Every time they go to court, she comes up with some excuse and the judge lets her off.

Bottom line: The entire system is beyond broken and needs to be fixed for the same of all parents who have to deal with it.

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDJ Sniper

Wow he is trying to nitpick his little 532 a month. Thats over 100 bucks a week. Let say the mom pays $1000 in rent or mortgage, so good he paid for his daughters room, now what. Music and dance lessons could talk 1/2 of that What about all the other stuff that kids require. I think that was a fair amount for him.

I don't want to hear nothing about him mentoring youth, we have a lot of people who help the community but has issues in their own backyard. While I commend him for that it doesn't let him off the hook.

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterblkchik

And as for the judge caring about your happiness...what are you, a six year old? Your happiness is not the bailiwick of any judge ANYWHERE. As the mother of two let me let you in in a little secret: YOUR HAPPINESS BECAME IRRLEVANT THE DAY YOUR CHILD WAS BORN. Now do you know what your sole purpose of existing is? To perpetuate the species by caring for said offspring. You are an offspring support system. PERIOD. That's all biology cares about and that's all the state cares about. The state has a vested interest in ensuring you feed your goddamned child. It doesn't care if you're happy about it! The state of Pennsylvania is not your freaking mama! I'm sure your state is just as broke as every other state. Nobody has the money to take care of your kid, or even to feed your stupid ass when you throw a temper tantrum in court. If you don't want to feed a kid, put on a condom, or better yet, have a vasectomy. They cost a $1k and take about fifteen minutes. snip-snip Go home and put some frozen peas on your crotch. No? Too much of a bother, you say? Then shut the hell up and stop wasting time and money with your crap!

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRoslynholcomb

This comment by Ron is most telling and is the overall position of most Black "men". He thinks single mothers should go rot without anything from the fathers. Its that slave mentality that massa (the state, gubment) is going to take care of their (Black "men's") responsibility. Why oh why do they think its cool to abandon a child and then get mad when someone puts a foot on they neck and says "Hey dude, not cool".

Also historically Black "men" are the majority of men who abandon families. It almost doesnt matter what the race of the woman is. They make a kid and then break out. Women around the world need to leave Black "men" alone. Messing with them will result in inconsistent results.

"175. Ron said... on Jun 15, 2012 at 12:05AM

“Why do we give custody to the mother at all?

A much simpler solution: the child lives with the provider.

In case of divorce, we give the child to the father. Thus, no child support, no need for abuse, and all the single mothers who have written complaints about their how their ex's arent supporting them, can rest easy, because now the father will raise the child.

We have burned it into our heads that mothers have magical powers with regards to raising children, and fathers are at best a nice addition. The truth is, fathers are probbly more essential than mothers, they suffer far more when taken away from their kids, and they wont need child support if they are the ones raising the children.

I would also propose that any woman who has a child out of wedlock be given full custody and total responsibility of the child. Such that the father is not even considered the father to the point that he owes nothing on child supporrt”

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMikey Tandino

I have absolutely no PITY for dead beats...PERIOD! Once you decided to hit it RAW then you gave it all up in it being about YOU! The courts could give two chits about the parents as their only interests is what's best for the child(ren).
If you don't want to pay child support, then don't bring forth children...it's that simple.

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commentergreyeyed girl

This "brother" reminds me why I'm still single with no children at my age; I. ALWAYS. BROUGHT. MY. OWN. CONDOMS. Glad I had the sense to do just that. :)

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterrevmamaafrika

I read the entire article, but dude lost me at:

I informed the judge that my daughter Skye had actually spent a little more than a month with me during the summer of 2009 in Los Angeles, where I resided at the time. She was front and center for all of the hysterics that surrounded Michael Jackson’s funeral.

Da hell? What does Michael Jackson's funeral have to do with his refusal to pay child support and show up to court? Not a darn thing - I noticed quite a few of utterly irrelevant points sprinkled throughout the article. Cut that ish out, and I could have read the article in 2 pages instead of 4.

Anyhoo, others have already stated the obvious. Women, particularly black women, are constantly lambasted for who they have sex and procreate with, while men (most commonly black, but other races as well) are rarely, if ever, held accountable for THEIR actions and complete lack of discretion and foresight in who they sleep with and impregnate. So I have little to no sympathy for men, specifically those who couldn't be bothered to marry the mother of their children yet saw fit to tie himself to her forever by getting her pregnant. And yeah, that includes some of the men who genuinely want to be good fathers. Dem's the breaks. Next time, perhaps you'll think twice before allowing your little head to make your decisions for you.

I think Danielle Ellis more or less sums it up in her Facebook comment:

When I hear of men complaining about their children's mothers or 'the system', I always ask why don't you go for full custody especially if you know the mom is doing things wrong. I get crickets.

Exactly. I suspect the men who REALLY want to be the full-time parent are more likely to go to court for full custody. Whether or not they get it is a different matter, but the manchild author never took that step, so forget him and the self-aggrandizing, delusional horse he tried to ride in on.

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDaphne

Can Black women make better choices in who they let bust all up inside of them? I don't blame the brothas because let's face it, we are in a paradoxical era of the Black Man. While one is president, a WHOLE lot are on probation.

So why do black women continue to have unprotected sex with these fools? We are not weak or vulnerable. We know all the stats and data on STDS, unwed mothers and financial poverty. At some point, I look at the woman who let this fool in her bed sans protection on many occasions. It just doesn't make sense.

Black women can reverse this whole scenario if we really wanted to. It would mean shutting DOWN the pussy until men act right. We would see a cutural shift. Instead, we have Nicki Minaj's begging to be the third baby momma, then asking society to hash out their domestic issues.

Unacceptable. Black women stand up and own up to screwing these dirt bags and then crying when he treats you like dirt. No sympathy here.

June 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAY

This isn't even a man-child. This is a dirtbag.

June 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSpinster

This reminds me of that fool who set himself on fire on the steps of the courthouse and became a hero and symbol of the "unfairness" of the system to all of the entitled narcissists who think they can do whatever they want. He lost visitation rights because he hit his 3-year-old daughter in the face hard enough to draw blood. All the court asked him to do was take some parenting and anger management classes, he refused because he felt like that would be interfering with his right to parent his child the way he saw fit (obviously his wife did not agree with using their little girl as a punching bag since she called the cops). So he went years without seeing his daughter thanks to his own stupidity and arrogance, blamed the mother, blamed the court, probably blamed the daughter, blamed everybody but himself, then made this stupid gesture and we're supposed to think he's a victim and a hero instead of a fool.

June 30, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCleelle

This is why MARRIAGE is essential.The marriage license, along with pre-nups, are contractual agreements about the responsibilities and roles of men and women,or men and men women and women,entering into unions.A marriage is a coming together and a partnership between two people who will likely build a family together and the people entering the marriage recognize it as such.It would have been so much easier for both parties had they entered a marriage before the child was born.

I agree with AY this morning.I don't see why black women have sex of any kind with the majority of black men.
I personally think black women should abstain from sex,including protected sex,from most black men altogether.
It creates too many problems.

July 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertruth P.

"Exactly. I suspect the men who REALLY want to be the full-time parent are more likely to go to court for full custody."

Oh, men are more than willing to do that, after the kids are out of diapers and are old enough to play xbox with us all day. We'll let women do the heavy lifting and then rip your heart out. And we'll take the kids whenever we need to impress our next girlfriend with how mature we are, since the standards for being a good dad are so low.

No one should ever trust a man whining about how "flawed" social services are. Especially the "men's rights" crap being spewed by Mikey about how males suffer more when being taken from their children or not having to support the fruits of their sperm if they don't get to be the family patriarch as part of the deal.

"What does Michael Jackson's funeral have to do with his refusal to pay child support and show up to court?"

If you want to be a writer, it has less to do with what you say and more to do with convincing other writers that you're one of the interesting shiny people who is thus worth listening to -- hence all the nonsensical brags being tossed in.

July 1, 2012 | Unregistered Commenteranon

I think adults have to put kids first and at some point grow up and set boundaries. Why should a man protest against the stability of his child? There are so many other things in our society that we need to protest against.

July 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPeach

Actually you do not even have to go to court to get the amount of child support changed. The amount is usually based on a percentage of income, if the income changes;just call child support enforcement and provide proof of income and they will adjust it. I know a couple of acquaintances that have done that. One of them only pays $50 a month on around 70,000 in arrears and has not been to jail for it once.

My cousin's ex husband has never paid a dime in child support for their daughter for her whole life and she even told child support enforcement where he lives and works and still they have not collected and their daughter just turned 18. I really think the guys that actually go to jail for not paying are not the norm.

July 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLinda

I laughed throughout the whole article. The only positive is that men reading it will know for sure that their behinds will spend time in jail if they intentionally fail to honor a child support order. Reading the comments below the article, I can only gather that most men resent having to pay child support and believe that somehow it is SOLELY the woman's fault that a child was conceived for which the man refuses to take any responsibility. Somehow, the men ARE NEVER AT FAULT!

Why did this jerk include a picture of his daughter in the article? Poor girl.

July 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLorna Jerome

The only positive is that men reading it will know for sure that their behinds will spend time in jail if they intentionally fail to honor a child support order.

What it's doing is fueling a growing MRA movement and rightfully so. This man's daughter is in his care basically half the time, under his roof, under his care. He provides food, clothes, etc. during this time. So why does he need to send money to her mother? So that she can spend it on herself and on other men? It's all about this misandrous society of double standards that favors women of all colors over men; establishing male obligation to women with no female obligation to men at all. It is basis for the current destruction of the family unit.

Sure, breaking an unjust rule will get you put in jail but Dr. King himself called on all Americans to oppose laws that are morally wrong.

July 5, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJay

'YOUR HAPPINESS BECAME IRRLEVANT THE DAY YOUR CHILD WAS BORN. Now do you know what your sole purpose of existing is? To perpetuate the species by caring for said offspring. You are an offspring support system. PERIOD.'

I thought that this attitude, when it was directed towards women, was what feminists fought against. If a man said this to you, you'd just nod your head in agreement? I think not.

Blogmother comment - You think wrong. Read the archives in particular Parenting Tips from the Childless. I know if fits your "narrative" to try to use this LOSER as the Rosa Parks of Child support, but we're equally critical of women and men around here. You also might want to type "feminist" into the blog search box. This man is just an all around jerk.Period. If you want to crusade against the Child Support "system," he's not a good role model. he wasn't thrown in jail because of Child Support- he went to jail because he's a disrespectful fool.

July 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercrella

I was going to make a long response to this blog however after reading it & the comments I thought it would be useles to argue. Statements like "You are an offspring support system. PERIOD." speaks volumes. The bottom line is over 71% of black men paid the court ordered child support PERIOD. So most black men are NOT running from their children. That alone kills 90% of your points made on this blog. The other 10% was the fact that the guy you reference was just an idiot. Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Child Support Payments Agreed to or Awarded Custodial Parents by Selected Characteristics and Sex: 2007. What you are saying is simply not true...

July 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercoptic777

"I thought that this attitude, when it was directed towards women, was what feminists fought against. If a man said this to you, you'd just nod your head in agreement? I think not."

Actually it was a man who said this to me; MY HUSBAND, who was speaking in regard to BOTH of us. See, we CHOSE to become parents and that being the case we are adult enough to realize that our children are priority one. If the reality of Parenting Rule #1 is too much for you I don't know what to say.

July 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRoslynholcomb

Just as I thought my comment proving you wrong would not be posted despite the fact that the 2007 US Census showing over 70% of black men pay the court ordered child support bebunks the entire rant you just put out. Of coarse this is to make black men look bad. The american black woman is an agent for the system that is so clear to many brothers today. Why would you knowingly block the truth? Again racist whites & american black females have a lot in common... Thanks for proving our point there are a some brothers coming to your site & seeing the proof that any evidence that conflicts w/ your sell out of black males is not tolerated. Good luck w/ your matriarchy....

Blogmother comment - All comments go into moderation until approved. So thank YOU for not waiting until ALL the comments in the que got moderated to demonstrate your looniness and hatred of Black women. Thanks for exposing your TRUE agenda!

July 6, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercoptic777

So let me get this straight, 70% of black men are paying court ordered child support? Why does it take the courts to get those black men to pay child support?

As for the tired argument that black women choose bad black men, that's another pathetic argument. Black women are choosing from among the majority of black men. Let's not get on the fact that nonblack women are more likely to experience abandonment when her partner and father of her children is black than nonblack. What the heck is wrong with the black male collective?

Finally, there will never be a true MRA movement to fuel since the "white MRA's" are primarily concerned about white men and we all know that many white extremists frequent that so-called movement. So let go of the dreams of white men saving you.

The real issue is that men who do not pay child support deserve what ever punishment the courts will "bestow" upon them.

July 6, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLorMarie


The 70% figure is comparable to white men. In other words, the figure shows that black men are no less likely to pay their child support than white men. So the question that you ask can similarly be asked of white men. Plus, you seem to misunderstand the statistic. 70% of all men who have been ordered to pay child support pay it regularly. This is not a show of how many men pay child support, but how many of those men who have been ordered to do so actually pay as ordered. There is no difference between black men and non-black men in this respect.

I would challenge you to show evidence that black men "abandon" non-black women that they impregnate to any degree more than other men, including white men. I hear and read this predominantly from anti-black male misandrists only, but no one ever backs this up beyond the mere claim. Plus, what you do in order to support your extreme anti-black male agenda is to label any black man not married to his child's mother as having abandoned his children, regardless of how much care he gives them. Research has shown that black non-custodial fathers contribute more time to the care and development of their children than white men including their cognitive development.

And as evidenced by the recent trend of individual black men fathering up to 30 children by 10 or more black women, it is clear that black women are not actively choosing among the majority of black men. Unchecked hypergamy is running rampant in the black community and the most destructive of black men have the highest number of sexual partners and are fathering the most children.

And didn't you have a back and forth with Glenn Sacks because he defended black men? Have you been to Paul Elam's site to see how any form of racism is denounced? The attempts of your white nationalist friends to attach themselves to the MRM are failing and they are steadily being weeded out as the MRM goes more mainstream.

July 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJay

You know in, 1925-1950, and way after slavery was abolished, the amount of single parent families in the black community was tiny, only slightly more than than whites, and even then mostly widows. It was 15% in 1925.

How did it go from that to 70% single parent families, today, which is a disaster!

I don't think it's because black men are innately bad and black women are innately good.

The American black community seems to be an example of what happens when you take the gender war to it's logical conclusion. Is "winning" worth the pain and misery?

July 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterPoester99

It would appear that the only safe course of action for American men is to avoid marriage and parenting entirely. Wait, men are already doing that. Nevermind.

On a side note, I wonder if the author of this story will whip up an equally aggressive report about the fact that 1 in 3 children born in America are *not* from the putative father. Yes, I am quite sure that report will be forthcoming very, very soon.

And they ask me why I married a foreign girl. :)

July 7, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterGlenn

Dear men;

Let it go. It is senseless to argue with your enemy. Understand me clearly, women like the author of this article are your enemy. Support other MRA's and research MGTOW. Educate yourself regarding this system that is designed to turn you into a walking wallet while destroying your relationship with your children. Trust me gentlemen, arguing with the enemy is an exercise in futility. Arm yourself.

July 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterUncontainable Spirit

From the protect a deadbeat black man gallery comments here I see these guys basically believe that 1.number of out of wedlock births of black women higher than non black women = black women horrible. (somehow women can force a man to marry her, it has nothing to do with the man's choice and other races of men being married to the mothers of their children at higher rates says nothing about black men as longs as black men are supposedly paying their little $50 a month in support at the same rate as those men.) Child support rarely pays even a fourth of what it actually costs to care for a child and these dumb A's still complain about the little they put in.(money and time caring for the child)
2. As long as it's a 2 parent home it's all good. Doesn't matter how black women and girls are treated in that home.

July 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterXtra

Uncontainable Spirit, you need some help boo. Your kind hates half the population and make up social structures that do not exist anywhere outside of your "colorful" minds. MRAs are misogynists ,and any MRA is an enemy to Black women and the Black community. By the way the MRA consists of privileged whiny White men,who with all their money and privilege still cannot manage to pay child support or take care of their children. Misandry is called fighting back to these poor unfortunate souls.

July 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMissIce

Did Jay just claim that there is a trend of individual black men fathering 30 kids by 10 different women (as so-called proof that black women choose bad black men)? Does anyone get how blatantly desperate and ridiculous that is? It is obvious that there is no understanding of statistics , populations, or the definition of the word trend if one were to make such a statement. I'm trying my best to be respectful but there are times when folk in a desperate attempt to win an argument make foolish statements in haste. I'll leave you alone, Jay. I'd rather pick on someone my own intellectual size.

July 8, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLorMarie

hmmm, leave it to a bunch of women to completely miss the point of the letter.

the point of his complaint was that the family court system is BROKEN. IF the court does nothing but antagonize and penalize the person that you are seeking to get restitution from (in the form of child support) ie by garnishing his wages, suspending his licence, and in the end; violating his constitutional rights by throwing him in debtors prison, how do you expect to get said child support? you have systematically eliminated his ability to earn a living.

NO ONE WINS! here's another issue i'm sure you 'Debby Buck Passers' miss. if YOU picked a half decent man in the first place you wouldn't be dealing with illegitimate children and chasing child support in the first place!

now lets move on to another point: like women are so prone to saying, it does take TWO to make a baby. so whats your excuse for not being on the pill, shot,IUD,using a cervical cap, having your own stash of condoms, and so on? to date there are only TWO forms of birth control for men (condoms/vasectomy) there are at least 5 TIMES as many for women.

how about when you discovered you were pregnant? you love to scream how no man should have control over your body and how independent you are. no man can tell you what to do with your body! yet when YOU make a choice to carry a child full term, you then want to demand that the man be responsible for helping to take care of it. funny how selective a woman's ultimate responsibility becomes when the reality of her decisions becomes apparent.

i do agree, the Court system is no place to work out family matters. in fact just looking at all the broken homes, and poverty stricken single mothers and children in this country is proof that if anything it only makes things worse.

when it comes to the family, NO MATTER should even get to the point of legal battle within the courts.

and before i let the matter rest, you of all people should know, that OF COURSE women are abusing the system to get back at men who they either couldn't get the settle down with them, or who they hold personally responsible for their current situation (as if she didn't choose to freely have unprotected sex with him, carry the child to term, or even chose a dead beat dirt-bag of a man in the first place). never mind the many women who see children as little more than revenue generators and the court as their personal mafia.

end rant. i'm done.

p.s. i'd be highly surprised if this even post. i'm sure the moderator will promptly delete it as soon as they see something they don't agree with...

Blogmother comment: HA! Do y'all see the controlling abusive nature of these trolls? Of course I'm going to publish your comment. YOU'RE proving my point. Thanks for your service. Your little buddies comments aren't getting posted because they contain no substance--calling women names as opposed to providing substantive dissent NEVER makes it to the comments on any blog post. You're not special. Sorry cry babies -- it's not personal-- it is a long standing rule. What I will not post are your other 19 comments you left on other posts because you're spamming the blog. And you can tell your little friends that I don't post comments about blog administration. You don't get to tell me what I have to post. It's a blog post- not brain surgery. Get a grip. You're free to address the content of the post and other comments.

Ladies and gentlemen, notice how obsessed these men are with seeing their comments in this thread--notice how paranoid they are about the comment moderation-it isn't like there aren't about a million other places they could post their rage---it isn't about their comments, it is about their abusive and controlling personalities---which also explains why they don't want to pay child support. They don't like being in control and the want to abuse their children and the mothers of their children by imposing starvation and poverty on them.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDaDeCode

One of my best friends is a non-black "foreign" girl whose brother is a "foreign" guy who's raised a son with his nonblack "foreign" wife that his family suspects isn't his and they think the kid doesn't look like them. Fastforward to today. This same guy just had a baby with a nonblack "foreign" female, and this child has the potential to be another male's also. The point of this true story? It isn't about being nonblack or "foreign", it's about being a money-grubbing h*e or a sorry *ssed b*stard.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMe

"Hypergamy" is the practice of marrying at or above one's own social class or station. IOW, "MARRYING UP".

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJust an observation

@DaDeCode, A court system is designed to penalize. In my experience, most parents who are jailed for non-payment of support magically find the funds to get bailed out rather quickly and the bail goes to the children. Would you have the court system repeatedly make requests to parents who choose not to comply? You are completely missing the point which is that children need to be supported. They can't go hungry while parent spite rules the day. In my situation, I found that when I was poor and my children really needed the child support to survive, the support was very sporadic and life was very difficult for us. I sometimes had to borrow, take on second jobs, and my children had to do without as I tried to get the court system to work. However, as my income increased and I didn't need the child support to survive, it was paid much more regularly. I believe that the father of the children enjoyed causing suffering to me, and didn't mind hurting the children in the process. When it was no longer hurting me, it was no longer worth doing. My children can't get a do-over for the suffering that they endured during the lean years.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDonnadara

Just in case I'm accused of avoiding an issue re: nonblack women more likely to be abandoned with children when they have black partners, just look up the post "Blame Black Mothers For Absent Fathers" at my blog. Not rehashing the whole thing here.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLorMarie

I guess supporting children is like ingesting liver, hard to swallow.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLD

I'll repeat what I said before: The entire system is broken and needs to be fixed. You have women out here who manipulate the system just so they can make life hell for the fathers, even when they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. You also have men who either don't do squat or just the bare minimum and they manage to either stay out of jail or pay a pitiful amount of support for their kids. Both situations are jacked up.

Overhaul things right now. All facts need to be presented and judges need to look at all information. If the father is not supporting his kids just because he doesn't feel like it, then throw the book at him. If the mother is dragging the father into court simply out of spite, then throw the book at her. Last, but not least, if it turns out that the mother lied about the paternity of the child, then the man should be freed from all responsibilities. It should really be that simple, but sadly, it's not.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDJ Sniper

I went the right route, married with children. My ex-husband is the father of all of my children. During his time in the military he supported his children, although being Navy he was not home often. He was usually gone 8months of any given year. In any rate after he decided he want to opt out of family life, he refused to pay a dime of support. He is 40,000 dollars in arrears, his selfish nature and the fact he has other children means I will have to fight tooth and nail to get a penny from him. His daughter was diagnosed with cancer he refused to see her. (sent his mother, a classic apologist) I've worked three jobs, attended school part time and worn my self into the ground to support OUR children. Of course, you will call me a whore, human garbage or say I should have picked better. I support OUR children. I didn't opt out. Why does he? Take care of your responsibilities! Children are toys, you can't put them away cause you don't feel like playing any longer.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMONA

Delurking briefly to say I admire your forthrightness, Blogmother, and all the commenters with their brains firmly in place between their ears.

The others? Like the guy thinking women have "won" some gender war in his head? Sure. That's why they get paid less than you, why one in five has been raped, one in three in some neighborhoods. (Look around at the women you know and think about what that means.) Do you have to worry about sex torture when all you're trying to do is get home from your job? Didn't think so. And then when you have to contribute anything to the support of *your* kids, it's sooo unfair. Do you even listen to yourself?

Reminds me of a poster years ago showing a kitten with the caption, "I'm very easy to please when I get everything my way." Only difference: the kitten was cute.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterquixote

The paternity test thing is a red herring. If you want one, take your child to get one during your visitation. It costs less than $200. You can even buy one at the drug store and mail the sample in to the lab. Stop it.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDonnadara

lol, you kill me Blogmother , although i will give you credit for posting my rebuttle to your blog post. believe me i am no troll. trolling is for kicks and fun. i'm genuinely trying to raise awareness that our behavior directly attributes to our broken families. specifically the rampant male-female back biting and sparring within the black community.

nowhere did i make an excuse for men not taking responsibility for their children. what i was trying to shine light on was the fact that many women conduct themselves in a manner that is completely devoid of rational long term thought or consideration of the consequences of their actions.

i had a FWB relationship with a female who has 2 kids and was $16,000+ behind on her child support. i constantly heard about her legal dealings with the ex and how she was being hit with court order after court order. funny thing though. no matter how bad she behaved in court, or little she saw her kid (she was trying, he was doing what many bitter ex's do: using the child as weapon to increase her suffering) - she NEVER was threatened with arrest or forced to make amends by the court...EVER.

to date she has no plans to pay, she can't anyway...between taking care of herself and her new baby, she doesn't have the money. but i will say this; if she was a man, she'd be in jail as we speak, or at least so financially restrained by garnishment, and legal penalties, like a suspended drivers licence or mounting fines and court cost, that he would have no choice but to just give up. never mind if he actually wanted to see his kids. as we all know the court nearly ALWAYS favors whatever the mother's wishes are on the matter. and they never penalize of check up on the mother to make sure she actually is complying with the directives of the court.

she could be restricting his access to his children and spending every cent on her new boyfriend or partying and he can't do a single thing about it.

the system is uneven, far from fair, and way to easily manipulated in favor of the unethical...as long as you are a woman. for men you have two options...comply, or get your life ruined.

p.s. i was not spamming your blog (is there such a thing?) i actually just discovered you last night. (night owl) and found many comments in your older post quite interesting - if not delusional. overall i like your blog.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDaDeCode

Unbelievable these men are willing to deprive their own children of their birthright because they've got a massive hate boner for the women THEY chose to procreate with. It's absolutely sickening.

DJ Sniper uh, what would be the benefit of this reform? There are already mechanisms in place to deal with custodial parents who lie to the court. I've seen folk placed in jail for contempt for doing just that. Lying to the judge is never a good plan. I've yet to see a man who was paying his support AS ORDERED, not when he feels like it, not "doing what he can," but paying AS ORDERED, go to jail. The problem is we have too many men who seek to use child support as a means to punish women.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRoslynholcomb

Rosalyn, there may be methods in place, but we all know that there are plenty of men and women out where who get away with murder when it comes to this issue. In a perfect world, these people would be dealt with accordingly 100% of the time, but that's not always the case.

Donnadara, my post about the paternity test is not a red herring at all. Sadly, there are plenty of men out there who don't know that their S/O actually got knocked up by another guy, so they are clueless as to the fact that they are raising another man's child. My point is simple: If a guy finds out that the kid was fathered by someone else, he should not be required to pay any more child support. If he wants to continue to provide for the child on his own, then so be it. I was almost a victim of this several years ago.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDJ Sniper

If men got jailed so quickly for non-payment of child support there would be so many more men in jail.
DaDeCode said in his own post that she did not have the ability to pay what was ordered, if she went to court and told the judge that( and actually in most cases she doesn't even have to go to court, just call child support enforcement and they would handle it) and the order would be revised. A lot of these men going to jail just blow it off, or intentionally don't pay when they can to punish the mother.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterXtra

No, we don't know that DJ Sniper. I worked social services for more than a decade and saw many people get thrown in jail for contempt. As for paying child support for children that aren't yours I'm confused. Every child support proceeding I've ever been party to began with a paternity test. That doesn't usually occur if the couple is married, but even then they are given when requested. So, to my mind, the only "reform" that is needed is for men to request a paternity test. I think they cost somewhere around $300, but obviously that's cheaper than eighteen years of child support. Around here all you have to do is take yourself and the baby to LabCorp for a cherk swab.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRoslynholcomb

Rosalyn, what state do you live in? I've never had to go through this, and to my knowledge, DNA tests aren't mandatory. I know things differ from state to state, so your state may work different than mine.

One thing I do know is that yes, there are a lot of men out here who are taking care of kids who aren't theirs and they don't know it. Based on your last post, I would assume that these men have not gone through any sort of formal child support/custody hearings or anything, so that's why they don't know. If you Google "paternity fraud", you will find lots of horror stories. For these men, they are still required to provide for these kids.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterDJ Sniper

@DaDeCode, I'm wondering why you were having a FWB relationships with a women who as you say basically was a walking skin bag of irresponsibility? What does that say about you? For every one woman who is dodging the system (and if what you say is true she needs to be punished) there are ten men doing the same. From what you're saying she showed up at her court dates and in spite of her excuses you yourself said she could not pay. Which was apparent to the court as well. This article is spotlighting men who can pay and dodge their responsibilities or expect credit for spending the money as they see fit.

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMONA

OH WOW! It seems testosterone impairs some men's thinking!

July 9, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLMH

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