Six Lessons for Petulant Deadbeat Dad With Child Support Fairytale And Black Women Who Line Up to Coddle Him
I should have known that foolishness was knocking at my door when I saw a Facebook post in my timeline sharing an article written by someone who calls themselves Mister Mann. The article was entitled “Deadbeat” Father Questions the Effectiveness of the Child-Support System. It is a 20,000 word temper tantrum from an entitled, spoiled, irresponsible, delusional narcissist.
Mister Mann Frisby weaves a tragic tale of how the mean old court system just threw him in jail all because of unpaid child support. Except for one small problem, he practically begged the court to hold him in contempt and they granted his wish.
What this article should have been called was What Happens to Idiots Who Blow Off Judges, Court Orders, and Court Dates. You see Mister MannCHILD blew off about 3 years of child support payments:
. Anything outside of the $532 per month payment is only a gift, she barked. I will never consider a bowl of spaghetti, getting my daughter’s hair braided at a salon or providing good ol’ PGW heat a “gift.” Mr. MannCHILD.
So at $532 a month and $17,000 in debt, That’s about 34 months worth of unpaid child support. That’s like 3 years of failing to comply with a court order and for the cherry on top, he decided not to show up in court when ordered to appear.
LESSON #1: It’s a court order. Not a suggestion or a hint or guidelines. Don’t buy pampers, gifts, clothes, shoes, tooth paste, vacations, private school tuition, toys etc. for your children until you PAY your court ordered child support. This ain’t a bartering system so you can’t bring toys and clothes up to court with you and expect a credit. Comply with the order FIRST and then if something is left over THEN you go and purchase that. The idea that he wants a credit against his $17,000 arrearage for a bowl of spaghetti tells you just how small, petty and entitled this man is. A serving of spaghetti is what $0.45. I feel sorry for the mother of this child- she selected a procreation partner that thinks offering his offspring a bowl of pasta negates $17,000.
I was also still on a high from being awarded a certificate at the festival from Mayor Nutter for more than a decade of community service as a volunteer track coach and mentor to hundreds of youth. I was awakened early that morning by four armed officers from the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office. They came into my North Philly apartment and informed me that I was under arrest for failing to appear at a scheduled court hearing. I was handcuffed, shackled and led from my apartment into a squad car. Mr. MannCHILD.
How about you volunteer to mentor your daughter by showing her and the youths how to follow instructions and show up for scheduled appointments.
LESSON #2: Don’t make a judge come looking for you. A summons to appear in court is not a dinner party invitation. It’s not a request- it’s an order. If you have a scheduling conflict- request a continuance. If you inadvertently miss the date, be PROACTIVE and contact the court and explain. In order for this man to end up on a list for the cops to pick up, weeks possibly MONTHS went by after missing that date. And TRUST that the court sent out multiple automated notices. Don’t blow off the court system. Show up when they ask you to and if you can’t make it, do them the courtesy of explaining why. Once the judge has to send the cops to LOOK for you... you’re going to jail.
That court order, so many years ago, was the beginning of the running tab that began to put me in great debt. It was not filed by the state or welfare, but by my daughter’s mother, who has abused the system to the tune of more than 50 court appearances in 10 years. Mr. MannCHILD.
By abused the system, you mean attempt to enforce the court order you ignored.
LESSON #3: Most court orders can be modified. I keep hearing these phantom stories of how hard it is to get a child support order modified... I’m asking for receipts! Modifying a court order ( in your own head) because you think you know better is a BAD idea. If you don’t like a court order attempt to change it. If you can’t change it, appeal it. If your income changes, don’t just ignore it. Again, he didn’t go to jail because he couldn’t pay. He went to jail because he disrespected the court.
This is about the millions of men who bend over backward to do right by their children and are still terrorized by the system. Statistically, it’s impossible that nearly every man who comes before Daniele is a total deadbeat who deserves to be in prison. Mr. MannCHILD.
This is not about a million men, this is about ONE narccisist. Sir, you did not bend over backward.- you wouldn't even roll over sideways to get out of bed and go to your court appearance.
LESSON #4: With some rare exceptions, most court systems are NOT trying to fill up their jail cells with non-violent offenders. They want your child support and court fees, not to feed shelter and clothe you. Trust me, they'd rather have the check! And Actually it IS possible for every man he saw that day to have been sent to jail because they were probably processing all of the “problem children” at the same time. You see, the brother who paid his child support, or who couldn’t, but showed up to explain to the judge why he couldn’t got on the afternoon docket and was back at his house by COB. TYou were the one who decided to wait for the judge to have to send the po po to go find you... when you do that, you tend to have a less than ideal experience in court. You have to repeatedly thumb your nose at the court. And based on the tone and tenor of this article, he acted a belligerent fool.
The system certainly does nothing to foster happiness, peace and civility within the family structure. Mr. MannCHILD.
Because that's not the role of the system. YOU were the one who was responsble for your family structure. OH I'mma say it one more time for the people at the back who didn't hear me. YOU are responsble for your family structure. If it sucks and is unhappy, war-like and incivility reigns, it does so because you designed it that way. Don't expect the court to do what you couldn't.
LESSON #5: It’s not the court system’s responsibility to met out happiness. Courts are HORRIBLE PARENTS- ask any foster child. Courts suck at parenting. Which is why when you selected someone to be the mother/father of your child, you thought about whether this person was kind, patient, reasonable, empathetic, and family-oriented. DIdn’t you? You thought about having to negotiate with this person for the rest of your natural life right? You gave it a lot of thought didn’t you?
Oh, that sucks.
You could have worked out an informal agreement with your coparent- you failed to do so. This means either you failed at being able to negotiate that relationship or you failed in selecting your procreation partner. And when you fail at the most important decision you will ever make in your life, who will be the mother/father of your children... bad things happen. To expect the courts to mediate a relationship that YOU COULDN’T MANAGE reeks of entitlement and petulance. In addition to managing an overburdened docket, the court now has to coddle you and your coparent? The court has to get you a police escort to get you to show up for a hearing. What else should the court do? Cook dinner? Dress you? Tuck you in at night? INSANE! If you have the option to keep the courts out of your parenting relationship either by mediated agreements or informal agreements, do it. Courts are the LEAST ideal way to resolve conflict.
This wasn’t the first time I was in Montgomery County jail. [DING! DING! DING! DING!]
I was detained and shipped to the same facility in August 2008 after getting into a verbal altercation with Judge Thomas Delricci. I spent three days in a different section of the Montgomery County Correctional Facility before I was bailed out for $700 after already paying $511 three days prior. I couldn’t contain my anger after hearing him give a cliched spiel about the importance of being a good father and the cost of groceries at Genuardi’s. He had judged me without cracking open the file in front of him to see that my daughter lived with me four days out of the week, and had since the day she was born. I reminded him that it was I who had provided clothing, food and shelter. It was I, the alleged deadbeat, who figured out how to manage and maintain her head of beautiful hair, while also paying her kindergarten tuition at a Montessori school that I discovered near our home. Mr. MannCHILD.
LESSON #6: Don’t get into verbal “altercations” with judges. This is generally a good way to end up in jail. Here’s a newsflash - Don’t act a fool with someone who can throw you in jail if you’d prefer not to end up there. He saved this little tid bit for last, but it’s illuminating. This was not his first time at the rodeo and this little tidbit at the end of this 15,000 word pity party leads me to believe that this man has utter and complete contempt for the judicial system. That’s fine, don’t respect the system, but show some self awareness of the consequences of disrespecting the system. Also, that tuition you paid for the Montessori school doesn’t count if it ain’t in the court order. Refer back to Lesson #1. You don’t get to modify a court order on your own and do whatever you want to do. So you clearly had income to do what YOU wanted to decided not to do what you were ORDERED to do... and that is why you went to jail.
In conclusion, this 15,000 word pity party has absolutely NOTHING to do with the complex issue of child support. Does the child support system suck? Yep! And so does having millions of children in poverty because their noncustodial parent refused to support them financially.
Are there women who use their children as weapons against fathers? YEP! That’s why you go to court get an order and abide by it so you don’t have to deal with her. And when she violates the court order you still don’t have to deal with her, the court will be more than happy to deal with HER-- not because the court favors one parent or the other, but because courts favor their own ORDERS-- you better ask Dwayne Wade.
For more information about the constitutional protections for parents who do not comply with court orders, read about Turner v. Price.
The Philadelphia Weekly should be ashamed for making this their cover story without a dissenting view.