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Monday
Mar192012

In Memory Of Adilah Gaither, Tanganika Stanton, Mildred Beaubrun and Sakia Gunn: International Anti-Street Harassment Week

I just learned that this week is International Anti-Street Harassment Week while reading a post named after the documentary "Black Woman Walking". She was memorializing Adilah Gaither:

I lived to tell about it, but 16-year-old Adilah Gaither wasn’t so lucky. Black Woman Walking is dedicated to the memory of young Adilah,
who was shot and killed in 1998 while standing at a bus stop because she wouldn’t give a boy who was trying to holla her phone number. Chicago Now

For those of you who think this is funny or a compliment, It's not, it's deadly serious.

Take the case of Mildred Beaubrun.

Investigators said the men opened fire on a car full of teenage girls at John Young Parkway and Princeton Street two weeks ago. Mildred Beaubrun was removed from life support Tuesday, more than two weeks after she was shot at the Orlando intersection.

Investigators said Beaubrun and two of her friends stopped at a gas station after leaving Club Firestone. They were approached by a group of men asking for their phone numbers.

When the men didn't get what they wanted, they followed the girls to the intersection of John Young Parkway and Princeton (see map). One of them fired a shot. It hit Beaubrun, who was sitting in the back seat. WFTV

 

Not surprising in the case of Tanganika Stanton, her accused murdered is walking free. 

Prosecutors said a man had fired shots at the house after Stanton refused to give him her hamburger and her mother refused to cook him his own since he was a stranger.

Sakia Gunn was 15 when she was murdered:

A white station wagon with two men in it pulled up to the curb. According to one of Sakia’s closest friends, Valencia, the men started harassing the girls and asking them to come closer. The girls said no, they weren’t interested. They explained they were gay.

One of the men got out of the car. He attacked the girls, holding one of them in a choke-hold. Sakia and Valencia started fighting him. Sakia hit him. Then he stabbed her in the chest.

The man ran back to his car and sped away. The girls raced to a car that had stopped at a red light and asked the driver to take them to the hospital. He did. Sakia died in her friend Valencia’s arms in the emergency room. Democracy Now. 

This isn't about compliments, it's about dominance and control. I don't know why its a radical thought that a woman should be able to walk to work, school, and play unmolested. I don't know why there isn't an uprising from MEN demanding that their wives, daughters and sisters be able to travel freely without the cloud of DEATH hanging over their heads if they don't respond to unwanted sexual advances from men. 

Feel free to add the stories of other victims in the comments section. 

Reader Comments (32)

"I don't know why there isn't an uprising from MEN demanding that their wives, daughters and sisters be able to travel freely without the cloud of DEATH hanging over their heads"

Exactly. Exactly, exactly, exactly. Why?

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterquixote

I knew about the street harressment. I did not know that women were being murdered! I cannot believe that this is happening. How sick does a person have to be to get that angry at someone they don't even know? What kind of monster attacks a women because she has no interest in them?

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterQueenSafira

Prosecutors said a man had fired shots at the house after Stanton refused to give him her hamburger and her mother refused to cook him his own since he was a stranger.

OMG!!! Jesus be a hedge. Can you imagine...I mean really...that's so beyond the pale of reason...and yet I am sure plenty of other things have happened that were just as bad if not worse.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterChele Belle

Growing up in an urban area, it was something I lived with everyday. I am blessed that I am alive to tell the tale. There have been many situations where it could have easily gone the way of the young ladies listed in the story. I know plenty of women like me that have survived and catapulted out of that environment as fast as our feet could take us. For me it was in the 1980's and early 1990's. It is a shame that the problem still persists in 2012. However, it colors my life to this day. I have a phobia about being around any group of men, I see it as a threat. I think that is the reason why many black women "seem" hostile, it is a self defense mechanism. If you've grown up in an environment mentioned above, smiling and giving the appearance of any normal feminine gestures would be seen as a weakness. It would make you a target. Sigh, it seems as black women you are damned regardless of what you do. I am sure men when find some way to frame it in such a way that the women were at fault for what happened to them. That seems to be the way that frame any other complaint black women have...

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSeriouslyReally?

I've encountered street harassment more times than I care to recall. I had an older Hispanic man critique each body part as I walked down the street (all because I refused to acknowledge him after a catcall).

Why there are not more men involved in defending women is a pressing question. Their indifference makes one wonder if they were dropped on the face of this planet and raised by male wolves. Living in a patriarchal society seeps into one's system and perhaps those men don't want to challenge a system that has a dark side but ultimately benefits them. They may not approve of said behavior but patriarchy gives them "the right" and maybe that's not power they wish to cede.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMel

I've faced this all my life and been cursed out for ignoring to turning down these thugs but I had no idea such violence and even murder were involved. I don't believe street harrassment is limited to black women or communities. There's a whole world-wide movement. Here is a link to Hollaback! an anti-street harrassment site.
http://www.ihollaback.org/

However, once again what does seem unique to black women being harrassed by black urban men is the violence aimed at us when we turn them down or don't respond. It is this sense of ownership. And it starts with those black males at the top who are more "civilized" who think they own our loalty, dating decisions, neighborhood choices and political support. We OWE it to them. When this idea trickles down to the men at the lower rung of this school of thought it manifests itself in more brutish ways.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterBee

This is one of those posts where pretty much anything I have to say about men in general (regardless of ethnicity) would get thrown in the trashbin. Can I say this makes me utterly despise men? Yes it's true "they're not all like that". Who cares... not feeling a whole lot of compassion for the poor widdle dears... The safety of women is just a tad bit more important than protecting the feelings of men! Did you see the picture of the 15 year old? (couldn't see the video so followed the links.) What a beautiful girl, you could tell she was smart.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterm Andrea

There was also a case In Florida (I believe) where a woman was run down on a sidewalk because she had refused the advances of some man trying to holler from his car. She died. This needs to stop.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

This news angers me-the first incident , the second assault made me angrier.

I find it to be true that,even though there are men who take a stand, they do not do so in large numbers,and typically not in large groups , take a stand against misogyny and sexism . Even the nicest male who has not abused or harmed any woman stands by,and as Mel stated, they are not ready for that patriarchal tower to be demolished, so in order to keep the privileges they have over women (BM in particular),they turn their backs when it comes to violence against women,and many other issues. Men do not turn a blind eye to misogyny for no reason. People are reaping benefits from Black girl's suffering, and the threat of sexual violence (street harassment included) plays a great deal in our oppression as colored women. Our pain IS somebody's gain, that's for sure. Colored women born in a rape cultured,patriarchal , racially- misogynist society-it's dangerous to be one,for you are born a "strumpet" ,denied girlhood to permit and excuse child molestation,rape, permitted to assault,kill,berate. We know that we have the right to say "No" to all of this, and that is why we are attacked the most-for being Black,female, and denying bodily access to men.

March 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMissIce

This is one of the main reasons I'm so glad that I'm in my 40s. The catcalling finally stopped. These cases are absolutely obscene.

March 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRoslynholcomb

I had a conversation with my friend and I was telling her that it was Anti-Street Harassment Week. She told me that she had to walk around with a swiss army knife because she was so afraid. Her mother enrolled her in martial arts class when she was young because they knew she was going to have hips and ass at a very young age. Her uncle was the one who gave her that knife for protection. I am still so shocked that we have to be afraid to walk down the street for fear of DEATH. I can't.

March 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterQueenSafira

"I don't know why there isn't an uprising from MEN demanding that their wives, daughters and sisters be able to travel freely without the cloud of DEATH hanging over their heads"

For two general reasons. One, there is no uprising from MEN regarding the routine and far greater violence and threat of death that their sons and brothers endure. Second, the product of today's greater gender "equality" has resulted in men treating women far more similar to the way that they treat other men than ever before. Today's men are far less inclined to give special protection to women than in the past. This is actually a sign that the patriarchal society is diminishing and we should accept that.

It is back during the height of patriarchy that women were sheltered and protected. It was during the height of patriarchy that chivalry was strongest. But the price for such shelter and protection was deference to men. Today, women are not socially nor legally obligated to show deference to men and this has resulted in a diminishing of the special protections traditionally given to women. Seats are not longer being given up. Men curse and make crude sexual remarks in the presence of women whereas in the past, men would curtail their conversations in "mixed company". Men who feel slighted punch, kick, shoot, etc. women just as they have traditionally done the same to other men who they feel have slighted them. Men are harassed in the streets, but it is in the form of bullying as opposed to sexual harassment (which is really a form of bullying).

A return to yesterday's patriarchy would be devastating to what women have accomplished and would be TOTALLY unacceptable, but only through a return to such patriarchy would there be a move by men to give special protection to women. What must be done is a show of outrage toward the routine violence shown to anyone, regardless of gender, and this will curtail the violence shown toward women while maintaining a society that is moving toward total gender equality. We must accept that we will not be handled with the delicacy that our mothers and grandmothers were. Times have changed.

March 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrina

I have been following the Trayvon Martin mess (the StormFront wannabees were so bad in the comment section at Fox News that moderators ended up deleting the entire thread) and yet, is it -- I'm asking -- so terrible to notice that an equivalent level of outrage is never displayed for a Black woman?

This isn't an either/or situation. One atrocity doesn't minimize another. White media can sorta (barely) cope with obvious racism when it's white-on-black crime, yet the media literally sticks it's head in the sand when the victim is a Black woman and the perp is a man of any ethnicity. Sexism While White sometimes matters, but Sexism While Black counts for nothing at all. It just makes me incredibly sad.

And if you're gonna quit blogging (which I hope you don't but hey I appreciate the enormous work you have done for Black women), PLEASE SOMEBODY fill the niche!! It is so desperately needed.

March 22, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterm Andrea

Trina, what in the deuce are you talking about?
Men aren't in droves fighting against sexism because patriarchy is less oppressive now?
My brain just fell into my stomach and made a huge splash!
And what women are you talking about being held and treated like delicate feminine goddesses? Surely not Black women! Black women were treated like MEN. We are still treated like men, unlike the delicate,ever so feminine White woman. White Women,were dealt with delicate hands,when people talk about (particularly men** side eyes**) claim women want, or are suggesting they get “special treatment”, they assume that all women are or have been treated equally. That is seriously not the case, and it never has been.
This is a sign that men as a class do not give a crap about women (particularly BLACK women) , not a sign of progression. I do not accept the lack of men removing their mouth from the teet of patriarchy , Black men included, as a sign of letting women govern their own life and a step towards equality. Today's men aren't “far less inclined”, they have always been as a class, less inclined to give a zonk about women's rights because their privilege allows them to. No one wants to throw away the patriarchal pizza,cause it's made by boys, for boys.
You sound like you're on some humanist foolishness (Humanism=FOOLISHNESS IF CERTAIN PEOPLE ARE NOT CONSIDERED HUMANS), IMO. And you sound like a dude under a female alias with this comment,and it strangely treads along the lines of “That's what you get for seeking equality”.

March 22, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMissIce

@ Trina
"Second, the product of today's greater gender "equality" has resulted in men treating women far more similar to the way that they treat other men than ever before. Today's men are far less inclined to give special protection to women than in the past."

I see this as far more a reality for black women. Black men treat women of all other races as women. They (young and old) appear to have lost all compassion and identification with black women. That is scary. Once the affinity for your own natural counterpart has been severed, you have no more community, no more civility.

March 22, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterakosua

@Trina

Here is my observation of Black professional women in my hometown of Washington, DC. Not one of them has complained about being oppressed when I open a door for them or let them on the elevator first. I've gotten plenty of "thank yous" though.

Why? Because Black women in DC are used to Black guys being more Chris Brown and less Denzel Washington.

That's what's been lost when chivalry was equated with male oppression. You WANT Black men to open doors for you, call you ma'am, let you off the subway first, etc. Otherwise, said Black men will think it's okay to treat women like men which doesn't end well.

And men embracing chivalry does not mean that women are reduced to property. My father treated my mother like a queen, yet had no problem with her working outside the home or reviewing our family's finances. By contrast, the Chris Browns of the world would be horrified at Black women being more than punching bags or mindless sex objects.

Just something to think about.

March 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFred

Trina what are you talking about? I would need to go back in my Delorean 8000 times for that to make any sense. Women are treated badly because patriarchy is disappearing? Oh really now?

I just cant with this logic.

Me personally, im tired of playing nice with everyone and tip tapping around Black men and their issues to spare their ever so fragile egos. I call them all out, Black males and Black women who identify with men so badly they care about them more than themselves.

Lemme tell you a story. I went to some meeting and I am just chatting with the woman next to me, I say yeah Im going to work on or see which legislation can be available to make it illegal for men to harrass you on the street. This fool says to me " OH i guess you want more Black men in jail" . F*ck you care about that for? Thats the first place your brain goes? Shouldnt you be more concerned about being able to walk the streets w/o fear of harrassment?

Turns out this same 27 yo Black woman was asking Black men out and feeling that because she asked she should pay. And you know them fools let her. As this guy Im dating asked when I told him this he said " how is that working out for her?" She also felt that Chris Brown should be forgiven. Nuff said on her mentality.

Im sick of this Black men first and Black women go have a seat mentality. Look. I dont want to talk to you and just because I am Black does not mean I have to. Dont call me sis, friend or any other shit that attempts to lump me in with you. I dont care if you think im pretty or you like my dress or my hair. Just dont say anything to me and we can all live happily ever after.

March 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMikey Tandino

@ Fred, I too live, work, pray and organize in WDC and I'm not sure we live in the same city, from what you described. Respectfully, I don't want any man to treat me like a queen; where there are queens and kings, there are also serfs and peasants. Just treat me with respect, like a human being. PERIOD. A man opening a door, etc., and a woman don't say "thank you"? Well, then she's just trifling, that's all. Move on.

"Chivarlry" is not oppressive, if done freely and with respect, not expecting anything in return. Otherwise, it is oppressive, we should all do the right thiing cause it's the right thing to do. There are all kinds of men and women, from the very best to the very worse and everything in between.

But this weird connecting men's respect for women requires women not make political demands, no movement for women's rights/ending patriarchy, etc., is very problematic. Women's oppression is institutionalized, like racism, like classism, etc., so I would hope we can have both mutual care, love and respect between women and men AND a vibrant, active, carefully planned, women's movement. Real feminism is not based on biology, but on a woman's or man's political ideas. Thus we do indeed have some women who are feminist and some men who are also feminist, but clearly not enough men have voluntarily joined such a campaign. If it's White people's responsibility to end racism/White supremacy, then it's men's responsibility to end men's oppression and exploitation of women and children. :) :)

March 23, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterrevmamaafrika

I would like for Black women and girls to stop referring to all Black men as brothas. Brothas (IMO) is a term of endearment that should only be used in reference the Black men and Black boys who are loving, kind, protective and respectful. If a Black man in your life does not meet those criteria, I would not show any love or endearment towards them. What thugs and abusive men have to their advantage is the guilt that Black women carrying for them, and they know that these black women will honor them no matter how badly they treat them. Here's an exercise for black women, if a Black man or any man is verbally,emotionally or physical abusive to you, treat him the same way you would treat a KKK member which is with vile and contempt. When you are able to do this, this will open up your mind to make other life changes that improve your life.

March 23, 2012 | Unregistered Commentercns

@ Mikey, Thank you for breaking it down!

"Look. I dont want to talk to you and just because I am Black does not mean I have to. Dont call me sis, friend or any other shit that attempts to lump me in with you. I dont care if you think im pretty or you like my dress or my hair. Just dont say anything to me and we can all live happily ever after."

Too bad this is too much to put on a T-shirt!

March 23, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLMH

is it -- I'm asking -- so terrible to notice that an equivalent level of outrage is never displayed for a Black woman?


Rekia Boyd's killing is beginning to get such outrage.

March 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJay

I remember the Sakia Gunn story. Horrible. I'm glad that more awareness is being raised about this scourge called street harassment. It's not flattering or cute, and it needs to stop

March 25, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSpinster

Men aren't in droves fighting against sexism because patriarchy is less oppressive now?

That is not what I stated. Violence against women and sexism are two different things. I said that men are not coming out in droves against violence toward women because women are being viewed more today as equals. The protections women were given in the past were based on us being viewed as non-equals who needed male aid, protection, guidance, leadership, etc. and feeling that women needed such sheltering, guidance and protection was itself sexist and often oppressive. Now that women are more viewed as equals, men see less reason to give out such sheltering and protection. Men are less sexist now than ever before and are more willing to view women as able to handle ourselves in crisis situations. And is this really such a bad thing?

”Black women were treated like MEN. We are still treated like men, unlike the delicate, ever so feminine White woman.”

Even if black women were treated like men more than white women in the past, black women are far more treated like men more today than in the past. Similarly, white women are far more treated more like men today than in the past. Look at the growing “Men’s Rights Movement” which has been started by white males and how they are pushing for the total elimination of chivalry as well as eliminating domestic violence, divorce and child custody laws that they feel are advantageous to women. They want women to be completely treated like men.

Let’s be real. Black women outnumber black men in college and in the work force. Black women are closing the income gap faster than other groups of women. Women in general have passed men in college and the workforce. Women in general are the fastest growing segment of the prison population. We are seeing female boxing growing and becoming an Olympic sport as well as female professional football teams. Men do more housework today than ever and there are more stay at home dads than ever. There is an abundance of videos of women and girls fist fighting, including brawls involving groups of women and such videos are more prevalent than those of men doing the same. Schools are reporting more girl fist fights than boy fist fights. Women use profanity more today than ever and more women today sport tatoos than men.

The point is that more and more, behavior, good or bad, traditionally seen in men is being seen in women and this has resulted in men not having a special reaction to violence toward women that differs from the reaction they would have at violence committed toward other men. Look at the support Rayon McIntosh got from men of all colors. We need to learn to defend ourselves and stop demanding that men defend us. By demanding that men protect us, we in essence are declaring deference to men.

And no, I am not a dude though I share certain orientations with most men.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrina

@ Trina

Now that women are more viewed as equals, men see less reason to give out such sheltering and protection. Men are less sexist now than ever before and are more willing to view women as able to handle ourselves in crisis situations. And is this really such a bad thing?

To be frank, Yes It Is a Bad, Terrible, Awful Thing. Sexism and violence against women aren't as estranged as you think it is. Who do you think pushed the lie that we're Sexism/Misogyny Is Not So Bad These Days (also known as Calming the Female Dog down so No Feminist Shots Are Fired) ?Men see less reason to give out “protection” to females again, not because Sexism Isn't Just As Bad and We're Reaching Equality- it's that they don't. farking. Care. “I'm not protestant about violence against women because I want to liberate you!”. The fact of the matter is that Men Created Sexism, (though women can perpetuate it), and some of the sexism includes (or misogyny,which is a more accurate term, which is men's problem* just as much as it is a White person's problem when it comes to racism.


"Even if black women were treated like men more than white women in the past, black women are far more treated like men more today than in the past. Similarly, white women are far more treated more like men today than in the past. Look at the growing “Men’s Rights Movement” which has been started by white males and how they are pushing for the total elimination of chivalry as well as eliminating domestic violence, divorce and child custody laws that they feel are advantageous to women. They want women to be completely treated like men."

In the present,and the past, Black women have been treated like men. And the fact that they are treated like men,as you claim, even more so , is deeply problematic. Do you see ,how men are treated in a sexist,patriarchal society? Men treat eachother like crap. They as a gender can afford to treat themselves like crap because they're still on the patriarchal pacifier. If a few casualties have to suffer in the name of this male-supremacist system, then men don't care-even the ones who are being oppressed racially and economically. Treating oppressed women like the default human race in a sense that harms or implies it's ok for them to be harmed is bigoted anti-woman logic. It ignores the struggles women have to go through as women. Treating women humanely is not “special treatment”, and being upset at a fellow human being denied humanity or having their humanity disregarded is not the same thing as men being “chivalrous”. You are completely ignoring historical facts of Black women being dehumanized and “manned-up”, that plays into the stereotype of Black women being able to take whatever abuse and mistreatment comes their way, because afterall, Black women are not quite female (yet we are,racio-misogynists love contradicting themselves for whatev reason). White women are afforded this luxury, where they can be sexy independent go getting Run With The Boys Yet Still A Woman thing , where as a Black woman doing the same thing is highly discouraged,abhorred,even. Oh and The Men's Right's Movement is made up of angry ,deadbeat,misogynist baby daddies who are often anti-abortion (cause da famlee) yet feel they have a right to be free of fatherhood whenever they choose to (aka walk out on their own child. Irony!). MRM=MRA=Male Entitlement Preservation Camp. Frick those guys!


We need to learn to defend ourselves and stop demanding that men defend us. By demanding that men protect us, we in essence are declaring deference to men.

I fully disagree. Here's why. By demanding **Men** TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR PERPETUATING ,BEFITTING FROM A PATRIARCHAL , RACIO-MISOGYNISTIC SOCIETY, we are being assertive . We are suggesting men take responsibility for the society they benefit from, they helped create, by demanding that they take a stand. No one's actually demanding anything but our humanity. Is that such a bad thing?

This is a Black Female Blog for the concern of Black females- if you want to talk about Humanism and how Patriarchy Hurts Men Too,you should really try one of those White-Women-Centered Male-Centralist Feminist blogs that worship The Male Gaze, thinks porn is progressive,and so on. I am sure they will take you in with open arms.

There's just so much I find in your post to be wrong that it would take a while for me to address. I'll just have to say I'll agree to disagree, as I have other matters to tend to.

March 26, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMissIce

revmamaafrika wrote

"Chivarlry" is not oppressive, if done freely and with respect, not expecting anything in return. Otherwise, it is oppressive, we should all do the right thiing cause it's the right thing to do.

Agreed. Under true chivalry, a man shows respect for woman because it's right. In short, it is other-centered.

If it's White people's responsibility to end racism/White supremacy, then it's men's responsibility to end men's oppression and exploitation of women and children. :) :)

Once again, we agree. So, Black men must step up and raise Black boys to be loving husbands and responsible fathers. Black America will be much better off as a result.

On that note, here are examples of organizations founded or co-founded by Black men to accomplish that goal:

* All Pro Dad, whose leadership includes Super Bowl winning coach, Tony Dungy:

http://www.allprodad.com/

* "Fatherhood Begins in the Womb" Campaign by Ryan Bomberger:

http://www.toomanyaborted.com/?p=4067

*National Fatherhood Initiative founded by Roland Warren:

http://www.fatherhood.org/

Sidebar - Here is a column related to how fathers reduce abuse of women:

http://thefatherfactor.blogspot.com/2011/04/fathers-be-good-to-your-daughters.html

March 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFred

"Agreed. Under true chivalry, a man shows respect for woman because it's right. In short, it is other-centered."

I don't agree with this. Chivalry is male centered. Chivalry is sexist in that it is a set of rules created by men defining how men should specifically treat women. It originates from the qualifications and rules of medieval knighthood or gentlemanliness. Thus, chivalry is ALL ABOUT MEN and how men have established rules on how women should be treated in order for such men to maintain a certain status. Women are simply tools of chivalry.

Allowing men to have determined the proper way of treating women keeps society male identified (which is the definition of patriarchy) and reinforces the idea that women need to be “treated”. It says that women are weak, delicate, and dependent and should expect men to take care of them. Men who practice chivalry are subconsciously saying that women need to be controlled like children and the phrase “women and children” as it applies to who to save first in an emergency reinforces chivalry as treating women in a childlike manner. Truly respecting women would motivate men to NOT belittle women is such a way.

Lend a special hand to people who have special needs but being female is not a special need. There is nothing wrong with being nice, polite, mannerly and courteous in general, but doing so based on gender is just not cool. Equating chivalry with respecting women is quite the misnomer.

March 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterTrina

Trina wrote

Men who practice chivalry are subconsciously saying that women need to be controlled like children and the phrase “women and children” as it applies to who to save first in an emergency reinforces chivalry as treating women in a childlike manner. Truly respecting women would motivate men to NOT belittle women is such a way.

When the cruise liner Costa Concordia sank last month, the men on the boat took your words to heart. Here were comments from female passengers on the doomed boat:

Tracey Gunn, who was traveling with her husband and young daughter, said she was shoved aside by “grown men and women” in the mad dash for lifeboats.

Michelle Barraclough and her twelve-year-old daughter were “pushed aside by screaming people as they tried to board a lifeboat,” records the Australian. “We couldn't believe it—especially the men, they were worse than the women,” Barraclough said. “It was every man for himself.”

Sixty-two-year-old Sandra Rogers recalls, “There was no 'women and children first' policy. I was standing by the lifeboats and men, big men, were banging into me and knocking the girls [7-year-old twins Emma and Chloe]. . . . It was disgusting.”

There are even reports that wealthy Russians “stuffed wads of cash into the pockets of Costa Concordia crew members to bribe them for coveted places on the lifeboats” ahead of “wounded women and children.”

Given this brutish behavior, it is perhaps not surprising that some two thirds of those who died or went missing were among the most vulnerable: women, a little girl (five-year-old Dayana Arlotti), and elderly passengers.

http://www.breakpoint.org/features-columns/breakpoint-columns/entry/2/18739

In short, men on the Concordia regressed to "survival of the fittest" mindset in which the strong (men) take the lifeboats while the weak (women) are left to drown. Given the choice, I think the women who died on the Concordia would rather be "belittled" by chilvarous men letting them get on the lifeboats first rather than being left to die.

This goes back to my original point that chilvary really is other centered not man-centered.

March 27, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFred

Wow, Trina is a genius. I swear black women would be wise to listen to what she is saying. As a man who washes dishes, cleans, and does the laundry I so agree with where she is coming from. As a black man who has been with a crazy black woman everything she is saying is so true. My girlfriends wants to wear the pants. It doesn't matter what I do. I used to be the nicest guy in the world to her. Now I can care less, I respect women like I respect all human beings, but I let women have their own way now. I cant make love to a black woman the same, but I am no longer trying to have it my way. I beat it up like she stole from me-black women like that!. Even when a black woman tries to put certain expectations on me I am quick to point out equal rights. I equalize everything. I tell the man at the store to fix both bags with equal weight. Since I don't have a job I spend half her money and don't care if she complains. And no I am not using her she does not want to do anything but work. When I made money she complained about her having extra housework. She cares more about me doing the dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning, than making money. She hates it. My girlfriend tries to make me carry more bags and I cry foul. If I am tired I wont do anything. If she hit me I bite her back. Ever since I started to just treat her more like a man she stopped bitching. She doesn't like of it but she appears happier than when I tried to be the man for the right reasons. . She calls all her friends hoochies and bitches. But if I don't stand up for myself she says I am bitch. Now you might say: man your girlfriend is Ghetto, and I would say yup. I tell her all the time, but she likes it that way. Its nothing I can do but leave her. I learned to accept that she is dominant. I know it sounds crazy but a lot of black women want power, so its best the brothas just enjoy the ride, and fall back.

March 28, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterReece

@Reece

"I tell the man at the store to fix both bags with equal weight. Since I don't have a job I spend half her money and don't care if she complains. And no I am not using her she does not want to do anything but work."

Save it. I ain't buying it. Generalization after generalization . And not everything Trina says is true. I really don't believe the men of the 1300's were giving their wives massages and holding out a chair for them. The women were pumping out babies and expected to be back on their feet the next day to cook, clean, run the well, get firewood, etc. BW have been single mothers for so long many don't know how to sit down and be cared for. Few who want to be cared for will find it.

March 29, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterKiki

@Fred I personally don't care that chivalry is dead. I hope it stays that way. Treating women like "queens" IS degrading. You are suggesting that you can't just relate to us as friends and family with minds not all that different from yours. Being someone's princess is what you are as a child. Once we are adults, we deserve the respect and autonomy granted to our brothers. The Queen or Princess or whatever is just a false power because ultimately they belong to the people that take care of them. They NEED men. And no, you can't hide it with "respectful" acts that are just hollow motions of "good guys" with very little meaning. Having someone open my door (I open doors for men all the time and they too say "thank you") is okay but I'd rather have RIGHTS. I'd be fine with never having a chair pulled out for me if it meant that I could be given real power in society and my voice could be heard. Men need to lose this feeling of ownership they have over women and our bodies. Society does, in general, need to get over the idea that women aren't just as varied and strange and dynamic as men. How can you really respect me and think I need to be catered to and made to feel spoiled? How can I hold a political office if I can't hold a door open? The boys who murdered these girls were expressing exactly the same ideals you are mentioning. They think they are owed something for their efforts. They think that a nice gesture (saying that these girls look good) is somehow payment in full of what they want from women.

March 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterAxelle

@Axelle

I personally don't care that chivalry is dead. I hope it stays that way.

When the cruise ship Costa Concordia sank last month, the men on the boat took your words to heart. Here were comments from female passengers on the doomed boat:

Tracey Gunn, who was traveling with her husband and young daughter, said she was shoved aside by “grown men and women” in the mad dash for lifeboats.

Michelle Barraclough and her twelve-year-old daughter were “pushed aside by screaming people as they tried to board a lifeboat,” records the Australian. “We couldn't believe it—especially the men, they were worse than the women,” Barraclough said. “It was every man for himself.”

Sixty-two-year-old Sandra Rogers recalls, “There was no 'women and children first' policy. I was standing by the lifeboats and men, big men, were banging into me and knocking the girls [7-year-old twins Emma and Chloe]. . . . It was disgusting.”

There are even reports that wealthy Russians “stuffed wads of cash into the pockets of Costa Concordia crew members to bribe them for coveted places on the lifeboats” ahead of “wounded women and children.”

Given this brutish behavior, it is perhaps not surprising that some two thirds of those who died or went missing were among the most vulnerable: women, a little girl (five-year-old Dayana Arlotti), and elderly passengers.

http://www.breakpoint.org/features-columns/breakpoint-columns/entry/2/18739

In short, men on the Concordia regressed to "survival of the fittest" mindset in which men take the lifeboats while the women are left to drown. The thugs mentioned in Gina's post also have this same mindset and thus see nothing wrong with abusing and even killing women instead of respecting them.

In short, chivalry benefits women far more than it does men.

April 1, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterFred

Since when was NOT cat calling a woman on the street considered being chivalrous? Are we really equating opening door with not raping or killing someone? And excuse me but I'm pretty sure during the height of American chivalry, the 50s, women were treated even more like objects than they are today. So effing what if it was behind closed doors, in the office and at home, rather than at dinner parties. And has anyone seen advertising from that era? Like, at all? It's all about how women are basically dumb sex cooks who do laundry. No thanks!!

March 26, 2013 | Unregistered Commenternicole

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