I am heartened by the growing number of Black women who have approached this latest cultural homicide of single Black women. Don't underestimate the significance of this latest response from numerous Black women. These women reject the PREMISE of the question. The question posed is What's So Wrong With Black Wimmenz That They Can't Find No Man? So inordinately past discussions have focused on "fixing" or "diagnosing" the faults of Black women and indirectly Black men. What if there is nothing wrong with us at all? Its like asking what's wrong with the slaves? The slaves didn't create the system of slavery. They didn't maintain it. They didn't benefit from it. Slavery wasn't dismantled by the slaves "changing." The system itself was destroyed. A system so powerful that years later, its remains linger.
We get bombarded by statistics and random anecdotes about all the unfit people the various panelists have run into in their very narrow lives. We get demeaned by listening to advice given by men who've NEVER BEEN IN A SUCCESSFUL LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP...with a Black . . . woman. We watch as other desperate, delusional, emotionally unstable, low self esteem having, attention seeking Black women line up to speak for all of us. And we never question the PREMISE OF THE QUESTION.
Jeff Bolton offered this unique take on the whole Single Black Maleness... It isn't a tragedy that successful Black women are man-free. Its a miracle! We ought to be jumping up and down clapping. They are managing to live relatively decent lives without having to enter into a blood oath upon the alter of "Male Centered-ness":
These issues are being reported with no small amount of energy given to the efforts of these remarkable women. Here’s the answer to the issue and we’ll put the subject to rest once and for all: admire these women and leave them alone. There’s nothing wrong with them. They shouldn’t be forced into a box made by society’s
expectations for them. Why is the sad, tired story of the failure of black men in society placed ahead of that of the success of black women in this pop culture reporting?
For society to become concerned with the plight of black women now that black women are succeeding on their own terms would be comical if it weren’t so sad. Many of the black women succeeding today have toiled in obscurity for years at the bottom of the societal barrel, often in broken homes and with life circumstances that would melt most people. The fact that our society is saying black women need to find a good black man to settle down with is an insult. Jeff Bolton
Danni McClain also connected some dots in the nebulous matter that's been floating around in my head for a while about this Marital Mogadishu Movement. In her post over at Feministing, she challenges the premise that marriage is superior.
I’ve been following enough of the recent media frenzy around straight, unmarried black women to make an educated guess about the analysis and diagnosis that emerged from the show. The takeaways were likely as follows:
Professional black women aren’t getting married because we’re unlovable, inflexible and have an inflated sense of ourselves and the lives we deserve. Our character flaws are compounded by the fact that black men are too busychasing white women or serving time for non-violent drug offenses to look in our direction. Let’s be honest: Men of all races run screaming because they find us ugly, mannish and overbearing. We should be thankful for self-proclaimed Black Woman Expert Steve Harvey, because even when he demeans and talks down to us, his intentions are pure. Feministing
If all of these TERRIFYING statistics are true, then that means SINGLE BLACK WOMEN are soon to be in the majority. So why not politically and socially organize to create a world where singleness isn't inferior. Because I would rather y'all do that then torture yourself by continuing to engage in public displays of desperation or SETTLE for the very least Steve Harvey thinks you deserve.
If I was in this current crop of folks peddling this relationship snake oil, I'd take a self assessment because they may eventually cause Black women to question who came up with this whole scheme in the first place. Trust me, if women could have children safely up into their 50s most of you wouldn't even be entertaining this foolishness. So maybe the solution isn't "fixing" single Black women, but promoting the development of fertility treatments which make it safer to delay motherhood. Something like THE BLACK FERTILITY PROJECT!
I'd much rather you place your fate in the hands of scientists than comedians and washed up actors. Notice I said "y'all."
hat tip: Jack and Jill Politics and the What About Our Daughters Network