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Monday
Jan042010

War on PROFESSIONAL Black Women: OVARIAN BOMBS, APPEASEMENT, THE REGIME and MARITAL MOGADISHU



All NORMAL human beings on some level crave whatever their concept of romantic love is. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact I think people who say they don't crave romantic love are either dysfunctional or delusional. I think lots of folks who say they don't need love actually crave it the most. So I'm not bashing the completely normal inclination for seeking the companionship of another adult, but I think that this Unmarriagble Black woman propaganda is nothing more than outright Psychological Warfare on PROFESSIONAL BLACK WOMEN.

Think about it, they've basically already conquered poor Black women and children. They've segregated them in urban and rural internment camps where instead of barbed wire fences and guard towers, these Black women and children are fenced in by poverty, education, and the warlords who rain down violence indiscriminately creating a culture of hopelessness, depression and despair that sucks in generation after generation. They reinforce the tyranny of the warlords by taking over all major forms of communication, radio, television, and yes finally they've conquered the world of print, to convince the residents of the internment camps that this lifestyle and the rule of the warlords is normal, optimal even.

The PROFESSIONAL BLACK WOMEN ( yeah I said PROFESSIONAL PROFESSIONAL PROFESSIONAL since people apparent think they are going to turn PROFESSIONAL into a pejorative) is a more elusive prey. Unlike the residents of the cultural internment camps, these women managed to either escape to freedom or were born free. These women are mobile. They roam freely for the most part. And most important, they control massive quantities of material resources. While violent intimidation is expected and tolerated when carried about against poor Black women, there still is some modicum of minimal resistance when such techniques are used against PROFESSIONAL BLACK WOMEN. Many PROFESSIONAL Black women still have living male members of their families who offer them an umbrella of physical protection. Those that do not have other women in their social circle who offer them access to resources to escape violent tyranny, asylum if you will. While THE REGIME has assimilated man poor Black women to accept their rule. PROFESSIONAL Black women and their circle of support still recognize violent tyranny when they see it and find it unacceptable. Where they cannot not fight THE REGIME, they enthusiastically flee and take their resources with them.

Professional Black women are a threat to the REGIME because A) if they really wanted to, they could conquer the regime, depose its leadership and summarily execute bad actors, B) they serve as a shining beacon to others living under violent tyranny, C) some fancy themselves modern abolitionists and have the audacity to on occasion help other women and children flee the regime D) their existence is a living indictment of the lies THE REGIME uses to exert control in the cultural internment camps. If Black women have faced the same racism that THE REGIME uses as a scapegoat for its violent tyranny, they how on earth did they manage to escape the cultural interment camps. THE REGIME says that the Earth is flat, PROFESSIONAL BLACK WOMEN prove that it is in fact round.

Having found PROFESSIONAL BLACK WOMEN too difficult to restrain en masse physically, THE REGIME has not given up. Because it is far too dangerous to allow PROFESSIONAL BLACK WOMEN to roam freely. Therefore, THE REGIME has waged an increasingly effective psychological war on the PROFESSIONAL BLACK WOMAN. The very first step is to make sure there aren't any more PROFESSIONAL BLACK WOMEN being added to the ranks that are outside the control of the regime.

The greatest weapon THE REGIME attempts to use to control the PROFESSIONAL BLACK WOMAN is the OVARIAN BOMB!(RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!)

On Wednesday we'll talk about how THE REGIME has attempted to change the term PROFESSIONAL BLACK WOMAN into some type of pejorative.
OFFICIAL COMMENT TROLL WELCOME

I welcome the trolls that will find this post irresistible. Despite knowing your comments will never see the light of day, you will post them anyway in some deluded attempt to have your voice heard. If a comment gets sent to the spam filter automatically, did it ever exist?  NOPE, but that won't stop you from leaving some anti-Black woman screed anyway. So, my trigger finger is ready, the BLACK LIST has been expanded to include a space for each and every one of you. Welcome trolls!  I go by gem2001 and I have been sent here to thrust you back into the abyss and love every minute of it.

Reader Comments (109)

I read about the same thing on The Black Snob blog and the question that I asked in the comment section was what in the helz is the point to this continuous coverage of the poor professional bw not getting no love. You hit the point right on the nose, it is to make us stop having a standard. The purpose is to make us stop trying and to accept our pathetic position that they told us we had in the community. It is meant to make us stop reaching, stop dreaming and to accept men who behave, act, and are as accountable for their lives as newborns into our lives.

I also think that it is becoming more and more known that we are quietly fighting back, fighting on for our OWN concerns, and though it is ok when we do so in support of bm or the bc, it is a cause for alarm when it is US. This blog and other bw blogs that discuss ways to improve our situation and does not squarely place the onus/blame on bw to make ALL of the improvements are gaining steam and recognition. It is a FEAR response that the growing message that bw are worthy, are beautiful to a LOT of men, talented, exceptional etc. and are women as all other women are in the world and should treat themselves as such will destroy the status quo.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNikita

Can you go more indept with regard to who makes up "THE REGIME"?

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHolloway

Gina, you are so hilarious! Thanks so much for this post. I watched the video, and was pleased to hear the conclusion I had hoped for. A couple of the young women made it clear that they ARE NOT DEFINED by whether they marry or are in a relationship. Their lives are valid, and whole even without a partnership. I am someone, at 43, wishes to have an adult life partner, but have, in my 43 years, had a fulfilling, interesting, wonderful life without one. And I continue to grow in my happiness and wholeness! I welcome a partner for the ride, but if he doesn't arrive, that's perfectly fine too because my life, for which I am grateful, is enormously rich. Blessings to you Gina, and I await more posts on this topic. Happy New Year!

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLaBelleDominique

Huh?

How did you get any of that out of a piece talking about single black women.

You know why these pieces keep getting made...they are ratings bonanzas - 'cause black women will tune in and write about it ad nauseum.

There is no war on professional black women - at least not in the way you speak of said war.

*shurgs*

It's not some grand conspiracy here but an easy moneymaker - simple. The mainstream media has just decided to pick up on stories that black media (mainstream or otherwise) have been talking about for years.

And the reality is if you're a woman who spent all of her 20's and 30's focused solely on school and career you will likely wake up 35+ single and childless.

Those women I know who made marriage and family a priority are married with a family and career.

If marriage and family is not what you want then none of this applies to you.

Simple.

But definitely no war or conspiracy to be had.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJJ

I don't see all the hate in "real life". Its seems to be online more than anything. There are middle age black men online sitting in their mother basements spewing hatred. They hate the beautiful women who they feel rejected them for thugs and they hate sucessful women who don't want them b/c they don't have anything going for themselves.

I think its also advertisers found a new niche of folks with disposable income. They found unmarried/no children adults besides the gays to market to.
Lets be real there are way poor/working class single women with children than single professional black women (I mean we have come a long way but not that far) but they just don't have the disposable income to be marketed to.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterblkchik

And some BW are part of the problem too, I see their websites where they have are trying to sell their books and dating seminars and then they turn around and get mad when Steve Harvey does it.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterblkchik

@jj Happy New Year! I know I'm right on track if you're being contrary.

@blkchik where did I lay blame with a particular gender???? Of course Black women are part of THE REGIME.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergem2001

Gina,

Excellent post. Like most conflicts, this is largely about control over resources: In this case, AA women's resources.

AA women are a resource that many non-reciprocating individuals, organizations, and groups (all of whom collectively form "the regime") have benefitted from. If AA women start to focus on our own interests, then these other entitites lose a precious resource (access to our time, money, and energy).

Right now, AA women (including professional AA women who control the lion's share of AA women's resources) are the ones whose time, energy and money are propping up all these various non-reciprocating persons and entities. If more of us pursue our OWN interests, then these various non-reciprocating persons and entities come crashing down. These non-reciprocating people and entities don't want that to happen.

Everybody except AA women instinctively respond to protect their access to resources. Others don't have to have a conscious, verbally agreed-upon "conspiracy" to act in ways that seek to preserve their control over AA women's resources. The campaign to break professional BW's spirits is the sum of various regime members' individual reflex reactions to seeing more BW moving our resources out of their reach.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKhadija

Oh, before I forget. Let me be clear that I include ALL non-reciprocating persons, groups, and organizations as part of "the regime."

There are plenty of AA women (including BW's organizations) that are taking support from BW and not giving anything of value in return. Some (like the writers as Messence) go so far as to serve poison to the BW who financially support them.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKhadija

Welcome back Gina. On one hand, I am also tired of stories about lonely, desperate black women. There are those of us who realize one day that they are not in a relationship because they don't want to be. Plus, I've come to realize that I'm not the marrying type. I don't want to live with anyone and I'm not interested in being obliged to anyone at this time.

However, I can appreciate the fact that there are women who do want a life partner, someone with whom to share their interests and work towards common goals. If those women happen to be professional black women between the ages of 30 and 55, pickings are slim and the going is tough. I can't laugh at them for seeking aid from the likes of Steve Harvey.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMonica

"There are middle age black men online sitting in their mother basements spewing hatred. They hate the beautiful women who they feel rejected them for thugs and they hate sucessful women who don’t want them b/c they don’t have anything going for themselves."

Preach! I have always felt that the loser with the sense of entitlement (which applies to the majority of dbrbm)is actually more dangerous than the most violent thug. It is not gangbangers writing these columns, posting on the blogs, creating these anti bw films, news stories etc. This propoganda is being promoted by malcontents with an ax to grind. Like you said, throughout their teen and adult lives, the "dymes" rejected them for thugs, and the accomplished women rejected them for their lack of intelligence, ambition, social skills, etc. This leaves them with an extreme hatred for BW. At least with thugs, most people know they are up to no good and take great steps to avoid them. But losers are often very good at getting ppl to sympathize with them, many unsuspecting women will say that he is just "lonely", "misunderstood" or "insecure". All the while he is harboring a hatred for you and secretly prays for your demise. These same "nice guys" are the ones that commit heinous acts after one too many women rejects them. Stop feeling sorry for these men and stop engaging with them online or in person!

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterwillow

When will Steve Harvey 15 minutes be up???

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLD

@blk chik, yeeeessssss!!!!

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLD

Happy New Year to all and welcome back Gina! I'm soo-ooo-oo glad you back! :)

You of course made an excellent point. And no place is the "regime" more notorious than SOME of our churches. Don't believe me? Well, in SOME churches the regime is called, "The Singles' Ministry." :) :)

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRevMamaAfrika

Good point Gina and yes JJ I think it is a conspiracy much like all other conspiracies to undermine black people. Maybe they don't sit in smoke-filled rooms but there is a concensus that it is somehow okay to attack black women for being successful. For example why is it always portrayed as black women are not worthwile and not why are black men not good marriage material?
Why aren't white media saying what can we do to make black men more acceptable?
I'll tell you because then you not only would support the black woman, especially the professional women, who, as Gina said, the one holding it down in our community right now, but you would build up a strong group of black men to equal her. Then we wouldn't have fatherless boys growing up to be Dunbar Village rapists and Chicago beatdown artists. Other poor, uneducated black women stop believing they are being better "women" and more desirable partners by not getting educated.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterBee

I wonder what Tyler Perry has in store for Why Did I Get Married Too, since the whole film is basically lets slam the BW with a job. Looks like it even got some domestic violence involved (TP seems think men should smack women who become to "uppity")

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterblkchik

"I see their websites where they have are trying to sell their books and dating seminars and then they turn around and get mad when Steve Harvey does it."

I can't speak for anyone else who has a book or dating seminar, but for myself my beef with Steve Harvey is pretty clear. He has neither the background, credentials, or moral authority to advise anyone, especially not black women who he has preyed upon for any number of years. To call the man a pig is to insult swine everywhere. This is not merely a situation where someone is trying to sell a book or seminar. Harvey is a pimp and a mack, it's just that simple.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRoslyn Holcomb

There is no conspiracy.

Professional women in general are dogged - the white woman version is the ice cold ball breaking bitch.

Sandra Bullock's second most successful movie The Proposal is the perfect example of this caricature.

Black professional women aren't any more immune to that caicature than any other woman. The Patriarchy is threatened by powerful women - this isn't new or news.

As far as ovarian warfare - women exact that on themselves. Biology is what biology is. Either you plan for it or you wake up one day and your chances of having a baby are gone.

The media's take on this is irrelevant. Women (black women) need to PLAN for their reproductive futures - folk pointing that out doesn't make it a war.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJJ

Women (black women) need to PLAN for their reproductive futures

How about the companionship of a husband? Not all married people have kids. Its not about just having a baby, its also about having a baby in a stable enviornment, although accidents do happen. While the upper class is raising and grooming their children for the future we have a bunch of young mothers struggling and raising kids just getting by hoping schools an community centers do what should be done in the home. Black kids are barely doing better than the children of 3rd world immigrants in this country.
And I am sure grandmoms love their grandkids but I am sure they would love a break to instead of raising 2 generations of children.

If folks cared about what the kids wanted they would know that most children do want to live with both of their parents or have STRONG relationships with both. And I don't think that happens if they can't even remember living w/ both of their parents ever.

Don't get me started on a lot of the pathology of mama's boys b/c these women have subsitituted their lack of mate by spoiling their sons , handicapping the son from ever becoming a strong head of household.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterblkchik

He has neither the background, credentials, or moral authority to advise anyone, especially not black women who he has preyed upon for any number of years.

But he is a man, thus he does have a certain expertise on the how men think. He states quite clearly that he is not an expert on relationships but being an older man, he has a reasonable degree of knowledge of men. He's not telling anyone how to function in their relationships. He's telling what men think, how men feel and how men respond.

This is one of the problems commonplace with such discussions. Many women don't want to allow men to explain how men are. Women often times formulate their own opinions about how men think and will not only dispute a man's knowledge of himself, but will respond in anger when a man expresses his knowledge of himself. Then you are accused of having preyed on women in the past.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWill

Not to get off the subject but, I keep hearing these statements about Steve Harvey being a pig and that he married his mistress and etc. etc.

Would some one provide a link or reference or something for those accusations?

I am not doubting it or anything, I must have just missed something. Because I haven't heard any of this other than he is married for the second time.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertusk91

If you read his book< he admits to being a cheater

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergem2001

My question is this: why do black folk constantly allow COMEDIANS to become our our social engineers? Why the heck do they even get to sit at the table? What qualifies Chris Rock, et al to lecture black women any any dayum thing?

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShecodes

"But he is a man, thus he does have a certain expertise on the how men think."

Great, so why the hell isn't he talking to men? The last thing black women need is a misogynist pig trying to tell us what we should be doing. It seems to me that if anyone needs a good talking to it's black men, but of course, there's no profit in that.

Let me see if I can explain something to you, how men think is irrelevant to the conversation. We don't need a Rosetta Stone to make some great revelation about how men think. What we need is for women to focus on WHAT WE THINK. It's our needs, wants and desires we need to put on the front burner. It's about time we focus our attention on us. Y'all can either catch up or be left in the dust.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRoslyn Holcomb

"Because I haven’t heard any of this other than he is married for the second time."

This is actually his THIRD wife. She was the woman he cheated on his second wife with.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRoslyn Holcomb

"Great, so why the hell isn’t he talking to men? The last thing black women need is a misogynist pig trying to tell us what we should be doing. It seems to me that if anyone needs a good talking to it’s black men, but of course, there’s no profit in that."

EXACTLY!! We seem to be under the impression that Black women are the ones who need to change something. He should have written the book for men. IN fact I find it hysterical that men are defending Steve Harvey when he portrays men as simple amoeba-like creatures who only respond to the stimuli of sex. Its patriarchal drivel. According to Steve Harvey, if there were no women , men would lay around the house nekkid in dirty sox watching ESPN all day long.

And yes, in what world do we rely on comedians to provide relationship counseling. Maybe he should have handed his second wife this book.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergem2001

"Great, so why the hell isn’t he talking to men? The last thing black women need is a misogynist pig trying to tell us what we should be doing."

He has to talk to women and not to men, because his "advice" will help to foster the emotional insecurities in women that he and other men like him continue to benefit from.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNia

Ohh, wow yea I did not read his book so I was not aware of all of his cheating and his THIRD wife you say, dang!!!

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertusk91

Grrrrrr

Every new article or tv segment about this crap reinforces the fact that the majority of African-American women are goners.

As the bulk of AfAm women (professional or non) sit and wait for a solution to their marriage problems and broadcast them for the world to see the more they will look like easy prey. I don't get why these women don't see that they are doing more harm than good.

I think a lot of the black women that write these books or sign up to be on TV are trying to publicly shame black men into marriage. They think that the more they advertise just how lonely and desperate they are, "quality" black men will feel bad and start marrying black women in droves. Why do I think this? Because these women don't seem to want to be proactive and find a solution to their problems.

A solution meaning date outside their race or culture, move to an area where there are better chances for young professionals to hook-up and start families (read: no major "black" cities) and stop waiting for Denzel or Idris Elba to approach you at happy hour. Because guess what, Denzel and Idris are being approached by dozens of women every day so chances are they have given up on being the hunter.

As far as a war on professional women, I agree with GEM but I also kind of agree with JJ. I think that highly accomplished women who carry their career aggression into their personal lives are looked down upon regardless of race. It is a very tough balancing act, especially for women that work in male-dominated industries like law or finance. However, I have met many aggressive non-black women who repeatedly bitch and moan about their husbands and children. The fact of that matter is that men of other races do not see aggression as a reason to cancel out a woman for marriage. Nor do they see excess weight, fake hair, fake body parts, a "questionable" past, awkward social skills, loud mouths, poor financial management, etc as a reason to not marry a woman. It seems as if African American men have the strictest requirements for African-American women when it comes to marriage. No matter what a black woman does or doesn't do, there will always be a reason (according to a large segment of black men) as to why she is unfit for marriage.

Why do BW keep trying to prove that they are worthy of marriage when it is obvious that the men they are seeking DO NOT THINK THEY ARE WORTHY?

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterReese

The fact of that matter is that men of other races do not see aggression as a reason to cancel out a woman for marriage. Nor do they see excess weight, fake hair, fake body parts, a “questionable” past, awkward social skills, loud mouths, poor financial management, etc as a reason to not marry a woman. It seems as if African American men have the strictest requirements for African-American women when it comes to marriage. No matter what a black woman does or doesn’t do, there will always be a reason (according to a large segment of black men) as to why she is unfit for marriage
.....not reasons more like excuses for not wanting to date black women.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLD

EXACTLY REESE If you are trying to sell your house you don't run around talking about how no body will make an offer on your home. If your a catch, your're a catch. You don't stop being a King Salmon just because you haven't encountered a hook.

Yes, I wish Black women would stop this foolishness. Live your life!

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergem2001

The last thing we need to be encouraging women to do is to waste their time sitting around wondering about what some knucklehead thinks. Free lesson ladies, if dude wants to be with you, you won't have to wonder about what he thinks because he's going to tell you, his best friend, his mama, his dog and anybody else that will listen. Don't waste your time talking to some dude you need a damned magic decoder ring to understand. Keep it moving. Remember, you're the jewel, he should be somewhere trying to figure YOU out.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRoslyn Holcomb

# 26 "According to Steve Harvey, if there were no women , men would lay around the house nekkid in dirty sox watching ESPN all day long."

- Ummmm, well I think there might be a small point to be made of that ;-)

I happen to know a few brotha's that are not as outgoing and a bit to shy to approach a sista and that is just about what there day consist of.

Of course what I hear from them is that, they are are not the type of BM a BW takes interest in because they are not that stereotypical suave black male.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertusk91

I dont think that there is a problem finding eligible men to marry...just black eligible men to marry. I have never been interested in marrying a black man so I never had a problem dating and marrying. I married right after graduating from undergraduate b/c I understood that there are more opportunities to meet similar minded men while in college. So I let it be known that I was interested in white, asian, and hispanic men...thus my marriage 'problem' was solved. It seems in these broadcasts regarding the limited marriage opportunities for Professional Black women, there is an assumption that we need to marry a black man. Not the case. This is a free country and I refused to deal with the mess that the typical black man brings to the table. I married my husband 14 years ago and have been so happy with my choice. If a woman doesn't want to marry then this discussion isn't for her...I assume that most women who discuss this want a partner in life. A well lived life can be had with or without a marriage partner.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

"Of course what I hear from them is that, they are are not the type of BM a BW takes interest in because they are not that stereotypical suave black male."

TOTAL BS!
Where are these mythical Black women that are turning down these non suave Black men? At the Cat Scratch Club? Not buying the "NO Black woman will have me" nonsense. I don't believe them. They need more people.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergem2001

"A well lived life can be had with or without a marriage partner."
Cosign

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergem2001

Steve Harvey is "advising" professional black women on their "man troubles" because THEY are the ones complaining in public about not being able to find husbands. Several months ago, I actually saw a black woman on television crying real tears over her feeling that black women were being rejected by black men (I kid you not). Black men, whatever their "issues", don't seem to be having trouble attracting the opposite sex. At any rate, they aren't complaining about it in public. Mr. Harvey, therefore, would have no reason to direct his "relationship advice" to black men because they are not the ones crying out in public about how lonely they are.

I think that complaining about being "manless" in public is not a good thing because it creates the impression that professional black women are desperate. This is not a good public image. Men ordinarily are not attracted to desperation in women. They run from it. Unless they are men who want to take advantage of the situation. Just my opinion.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterelg

"It seems as if African American men have the strictest requirements for African-American women when it comes to marriage. No matter what a black woman does or doesn’t do, there will always be a reason (according to a large segment of black men) as to why she is unfit for marriage. "

I preach this to my daughters all the time. Black men seem to have put these unrealistic expectation on black women. Just listen to the rap songs like 'Five Star Chick" and Miss Independent. Black men are the only race of men openly bragging that only a certain type of black women is good to marry, even when many of them don't nearly meet the same criteria. I have said it before on this and other websites. As a bw women who spent years in corporate America and higher learning institutions with white women, I can honestly say white women and other women have it easier when it comes to the dating and marrying.

Most of the black women come to work drop dead gorgeous, like the women in the Nightline episode, but go home alone. White women and Asian women, many who are below average, have husbands. Some how black men have come to make black women believe they have to be dymes, five star chicks , and miss independent in order to worthy of a black man love.

I agree with the idea of dating outside one's race. Other races of women have no problem dating out, but bw still believe their only prince charming is a black man.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentershell

Wow, Blkchk that was a really profound comment.

The primary reasons (besides love and companionship) a woman gets married is to have protection for herself and her offspring; and also to be provided for.

I am very much in favor of a woman being educated and having a career and all the luxuries she wants, but I also believe that during the women’s movement and subsequent mini movements, we overcorrected, thus destabilizing our homes. We listened to people who had more secure social safety nets and believed their fate would be ours. Instead of correcting behaviors e.g. girls having babies as teens and boys making babies and walking away from them, we, women became the safety net and allowed the “men” to walk away without a care in the world. We never looked at these males for what they are. We collectively, never made them accountable. We used excuses like, “our men” are being persecuted that’s why we should stay with them, they’re trying, it’s hard out there for a Black man.

As for the mama’s boys, I believe you are dead on with that analysis. Also, although this is not totally the woman’s fault (where’s the man in the equation?) boys seem very feminized to me. This is not natural. I think this is obviously, by product of not having a man around.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHR Professional

Great, so why the hell isn’t he talking to men? The last thing black women need is a misogynist pig trying to tell us what we should be doing. It seems to me that if anyone needs a good talking to it’s black men, but of course, there’s no profit in that

He's not talking to men because men know how men think. If I wanted to understand how women feel, who should I ask? I would say women. The problem is that women don't listen. The world revolves around your opinions, needs, desires, wants, etc. Men are simply emotionless props to you who are supposed to remain stoic less he be labeled unmanly. It's no wonder men commit suicide at four times the rate of women and young boys and men are loosing all motivation.

And can you justify your labeling of Harvey as a "misogynist"?

Let me see if I can explain something to you, how men think is irrelevant to the conversation.

I would say that it may be irrelevant to you, but it must be relevant to 1.5 million others who bought the book.

We don’t need a Rosetta Stone to make some great revelation about how men think.

No you don't need Rosetta Stone. You simply need to listen. So many women commonly believe that they have men all figured out and that there is no need to listen. And the result is constant frustration, complaining and finger pointing with nothing resolved.

What we need is for women to focus on WHAT WE THINK. It’s our needs, wants and desires we need to put on the front burner. It’s about time we focus our attention on us. Y’all can either catch up or be left in the dust.

Sorry, but women already do this. In this modern world, women do practice the "all about me" mentality which is one of the reasons for the high single rate. Few men want self centered women and self centered women are abundant.

And face it. It's not a case of anyone declaring being single as bad. Quite simply, most women simply do not want to be single. Most women want male companionship. And for that majority, I would recommend finding men who are honest and listening to them.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWill

So can we all agree to pass a law forbidding Professional Black women from complaining publicly about their unmarried state?

I really don't care whose fault it is at this point. I'm just tired of hearing about it. If Black men don't want Black women fine! Move along and don't look back. If Black women feel the same way. Fine! Move on and don't look back.

Show me a segment on content BLack women who are single and are not looking.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergem2001

TOTAL BS!
Where are these mythical Black women that are turning down these non suave Black men? At the Cat Scratch Club? Not buying the “NO Black woman will have me” nonsense. I don’t believe them. They need more people.

Well, you may declare this total BS, but that doesn't mean that it is. Many of us have observed this for years. Of course, this is something that women tend to overlook, but if you would simply listen to men and not simply toss our views and observations out the window, you may begin to understand that such behavior is a true problem.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWill

#35 They would have them possibly, that is not what I am saying.

What I am saying is that, they themselves are a bit to shy and or reserve to step to some of these BW. They claim that they are virtually looked past by some of the BW, and that it is because they do not carry them selves in that maner.

The reality is not so much that BW will not want them but, more about them not feeling confident enough in themselves to approach them and make the first move.

But, trust me any and every BM can not go out and date when ever he chooses.

I have another friend who does occasionally date but, do to his occupation "Federal Agent" he often doesn't get a 2nd and 3rd date because he says some of the BW get paranoid about is line of work.

Still I do understand your point and I agree that it is not as hopeless as they claim at times.

#34 Good for you and your non BM husband, I think every BM you would have married dodged a major bullet. I personal am glad that you find us so unattractive and undesirable myself.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertusk91

One thing we should make clear: black women have NO PROBLEM 'attracting' black men. The enormous OOW rate alone should make that obvious. Even the women in the segment are dating NON-COMMITTAL black men.

Therefore, the last person they should listen to is a womanizing black man. Period.

I don't pretend to be a relationship expert, but my advice to those who MUST have a black man who is family minded, educated, etc is not to sleep on Carribbean men (not posers who have lived in the USA all their lives - but born and raised, educted ones). Most of them have not (yet) drunk the KoolAid against black women and would give their eye-teeth for these beauties.

Other than that, I would direct them to the IR blogs.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShecodes

RE #34 Good for you and your non BM husband, I think every BM you would have married dodged a major bullet. I personal am glad that you find us so unattractive and undesirable myself Touche' :)

I have another friend who does occasionally date but, do to his occupation “Federal Agent” he often doesn’t get a 2nd and 3rd date because he says some of the BW get paranoid about is line of work.

Again, he needs more people. What kind of women is he dealing with that they are paranoid about his work? And why do they know what he does on the first date anyway. It could just as easily be a case that he doesn't get a 2nd or 3rd date for any other reason. Again, y'all need more people.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergem2001

ne thing we should make clear: black women have NO PROBLEM ‘attracting’ black men. The enormous OOW rate alone should make that obvious. Even the women in the segment are dating NON-COMMITTAL black men.

Co-sign!

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergem2001

Wow!

I'm sure the folks at ABC and elsewhere are enjoying all this, as well as all the other blogs on which this subject has been so heavily debated.

I think someone above said that, "reporting" on this is always quite a ratings boom for these networks; even when CNN ran its "Black In America" series. We debate and debate, often turning on each other, as the debate evolves or devolves into something less savory, and ultimately, not helpful.

I think Gina said it best in her last comment: "I really don’t care whose fault it is at this point. I’m just tired of hearing about it. If Black men don’t want Black women fine! Move along and don’t look back. If Black women feel the same way. Fine! Move on and don’t look back. Show me a segment on content Black women who are single and are not looking."

Or a segment on black women who are actually in happy relationships (whether with black men or non-black men). I'd love to see that actually; because if the myriad of reports, articles, TV shows, movies, etc, are anything to go by, one could easily get so consumed and even depressed by it all, as it all feeds on itself, and one forgets that, yes, there are indeed black men and black women in this country who are together, married or otherwise, and working in unison to make sense of it all, and ensure that their union works. We need to see more of those images to counter the dominant images of "Negro miserablism" that we’re frequently bombarded with.

As for why Steve Harvey is suddenly an expert on male/female relationships?? I dunno... blame the myriad of people (I haven't seen stats, but likely mostly women) who bought his book, looking for answers; blame the talk show hosts who have him on to answer audience questions on relationships; blame the news reporters who call on him to share his "wisdom" on the matter. He's just a business man; and it he's being given a platform from which to spew, I can't knock him for not taking advantage.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShadow and act

#44 You should talk to some of the Carribbean woman I know, about there so called "family minded" Carribbean men. One woman I use to work with always told the story of living in Jamaica and the husband's having children on both sides of the street.

I think there are still a handful of us BM in the US and outside of the US that are still "family minded".

Directing BW to IR blogs may only lead them to a misogynistic WM that only considers them a exotic fetish to be preyed upon.

#45 good advice and it was some that I and my wife did give him.

I am sick of my wife's and my marriage being consider almost a fairytale to our single black friends. She isn't perfect and I am not half as suave as I think I am ;-)

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentertusk91

"Directing BW to IR blogs may only lead them to a misogynistic WM that only considers them a exotic fetish to be preyed upon."

Are you serious? Are you serious? And this isn't an attitude exhibited by Black men as well? Look at the OOW birth rate. You're not preying on someone by impregnating them and then abandoning them? Black men are just as capable of FETISHIZING Black women as any other race of men. The whole point of this website is misogyny in the BLACK community. I'll take seriously your concerns when I see an uprising to address misogyny in the BLACK community. So when you gon' start that campaign? CRICKETS

Of all the arguments against directing someone to an IR dating site, this is the best you could come up with?

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered Commentergem2001

So if you're a woman who is happy and content being single why does this bother you?

ALL women don't feel their lives are happy and content sans a husband or boyfriend. Some people WANT to be with someone. Nothing wrong with that.

Everyone doesn't want to marry IR. Some folk WANT a black man. Nothing wrong with that either.

Once again I'll say these stories get made b/c black women EAT THEM UP. Just can't stop talking about it.

And Will makes one good point - women should probably ask men what they want if their is tons of curiosity on WHY black men aren't marrying (some) black women.

'Cause last I checked if 42% of black women haven't been aren't going to get married then that means 58% are married/will get married. And the IR marriage rate is tiny...so those women are marrying some black men.

The other point people miss is that women with masters degrees or better do marry they just marry later in life then their less educated counterparts.

*shrugs*

All this hand wringing over an issue that's been discussed since the early 90's is beyond amusing.

As far as Steve Harvey somebody wanted to hear what he had to say. The book was a hell of a best seller.

January 4, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJJ

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