Teen Left Brain-Dead After Being Shot By DBR Boyfriend
Sunday, August 9, 2009 at 12:07PM The Blogmother Lest we think the DBR (damaged beyond recognition) behavior of violent and depraved people is limited to those well into their adult you will find it begins in childhood and will reveal itself at earlier ages.
The family of a 19-year-old Skyway woman who was shot in the head Thursday says she is brain-dead, yet still alive and breathing on life support. Officers have been looking for the 19-year-old suspect, identified as Louis G. Parker III, ever since the shooting. He is 5-feet-11-inches tall, weighs about 170 pounds and family members say he also goes by the name "Bart". KOMO News
We can talk about making proper dating choices for days. If our young women have no prior examples of what a loving, normal relationship looks like in the first place then how can they be held to standards that adults didn't adhere to? So the cycle of violence and low quality "relationships" will continue.
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If our young women have no prior examples of what a loving, normal relationship looks like
Are you suggesting an excuse that a young woman needs an "example" in order to have a loving, normal relationship?
For too long our Black community keep screaming this BS about "positive roles models" and "good examples" which is nothing but BS excuses.
People don't need "Black models" and that is already a proven failure anyway, so that is not debatable. What we need in our community is the fundamental understanding that actions leads to consequences.
I was specifically pointing out how the lack of accountability and punishment is the reason why so many don't have examples of normative behavior. So yes all of the excuses, the complaining about focusing on the actions of these miscreants and the knee-jerk protectionism by the Civil Rights Industrial Complex and greater black society to excusing black male criminality needs to end now.
Good points from both Ed and fdow. Despite using the best judgment, sometimes bad things happen. A person can be the nicest, chivalrous, from all appearances sanest person you've met, but over time or one day does something beyond out of character.
We can use our best judgment and be on the lookout for warning signs and still get blindsided, bilked, or bludgeoned. It's a freaking crapshoot out here - but yes, there are signs to watch out for (or better yet, avoid from the get go) and run like hell when you see them.
All of you have great points. I would just add that my ex and I were together for six years and he never even raised his voice to me . . . until we were living together, talking about getting married, etc. Then he became violent. And yes, we knew each other almost all our lives, we lived in the same small town, went to the same high school and college. We have to also face the fact that some people are extremely good at living a lie. And as a domestic violence advocate, this is why these cases are so difficult, the abusers are wonderful "community leaders", "business owners", "ministers", etc., but violent when no one else is around.
Regarding this young sister, my prayers are with her family. But I will say this, at the point she or her family knew he had a criminal record, had any dealing with guns, drugs or other people who did those things, then that's the time she should have stopped seeing him, even as a friend. But then again, some women are not prepared for the name-calling when you take such a stand, "oh, so now you better than me?", "b----, you think I ain't good enough?", "so, are you one of those lesbians?", "you like white boys now or what?", etc. Even in times like these, you may be surprised how such comments can really cut into some of our sisters
and unfortunately, can keep them from making better decisions about choosing friends and romantic partners. :(
Yeah ed does make an interesting point. Is it possible for Black women to create a concept of "normative" behavior that is distinct and apart from black men.
Sort of like if we had a secret meeting and made a unilateral decision that this was the way it was going to be. Used our growing economic clout to enforce these norms, shouted down, marginalized and neutralized anyone that departed from these norms unilaterally.
Of course this could not take place in a single generation because the established norms are already so powerful. The norm that you need the affection and attention of a man to the extent that you will invite one with a lengthy criminal record into your life.
Yes, some women are caught off guard and anyone, man or woman, can hide their violent nature for a certain amount of time or reserve their abuse for those they know will not leave them, but in most of these cases reported on this blog, there were flashing red lights screaming that the perpetrator was violent, abusive and lacked impulse control.
We keep talking about the exceptions to attack the rule.
And I never thought about the dogma that Black people somehow require role models in order to achieve. I certainly think it helps, but as someone who was first generation professional school, you can do somethings without personal reference.
Great post Gem and others.In response to what Revmama said ,If I may i'd like to say that some of us could benefit from psychiatry and couples counselling.We really need to learn to stop things from happening before they start.This is for our OWN protection.Psychiatry and counselling could benefit us because oftentimes people know certain behaviors are wrong yet they don't know how to excersize self control or think logically when in the heat of anger.We ALL ,male and female, need to know that getting angry upset frustrated sometimes is normal and most importantly how to properly deal with and combat our anger.I babysat for many years.Sometimes by choice but most of the time not by choice.Being the oldest child i cared for my siblings and neighbors kids.The kids and babies were sometimes out of control and gave me a headache.One time in particular,i was about 12 at the time, I could'nt get a baby i was watching to stop crying and became extremely frustrated and angry, it was one of those days I was forced to babysit.Thankfully i'd previously saw a childcare counsellor on a t.v special giving advice on how to deal with a crying out of control baby by putting it in the crib letting it cry and just going outside the house to get fresh air , cooling off a little while, then going back in.She also discussed calling the police or a family member if I felt i could'nt take it.I really believe that helped me avoid hurting that baby.Nobody knows about this but me but i'm thankful that I saw that special and knew what to do in that situation.Not attempting to take attention away from or make an excuse for the DBR black male at all.I posted this because i really believe we ALL could benefit from some couselling.We need to RECOGNIZE dbr BEHAVIORS is a danger that is posed to us by others as well as our ownselves at times and equip ourselves with the tools to protect ourselves from outside dangers and ourselves.
Abuse is a tricky situation. I think most people assume that a violent man begins to abuse in 3 months. But violence in a man lays dormant and may not be seen for years. Unfortunately, most women (black and white) are prone to stay and work things out. Women want to try and get things back to where they once were. But once a man goes violent he rarely goes back to being non-violent. An in love woman regardless of race or social class will stay and desperately try to get this man back to a non-violent state. It never works out though.
Unfortunately, when a woman comes from a violent home she is more willing to adapt to a violent man. A violent man, as strange as it is, is like stepping into a warm bath. She's familiar with the rhythms of a violent relationship more than she is familiar with a non-violent one. I've got many girlfriends from many different backgrounds and as you age you begin to see patterns in people lives and you are able to peace together the "whys" and the impact of their family history and childhoods.
For someone who hasn't grown up in a home with a model of a healthy relationship, it is hard to have a good relationship. Knowing how to argue without using abusive language or physical violence has to be learned if you have never seen that modeled. People tend to have relationships similar to the ones that they see.
No one wants to be single.
No one wants to hear the truth.
Everyone likes to be fed everything candy coded.
Everyone believes that if they ignore the situation it will magically disappear.
Everyone has a problem with taking ownership of their responsibilities.
"Unfortnately, when a woman comes from a violent home she is more willing to adapt to a violent man."
Could this also be because many of these unmarried mother households that women are raised in, are headed by women with extreme issues of anger, violence and abuse themselves?
Sit on bus in any major urban area, and count to five before you witness a mother slapping the mess out of her children for some minor indiscretion on the part of the child (Mommy's large order of McDonald's fries were accidentally dropped onto the floor of the bus by the five-year-old...SMACK!).
The DBR Black men are mostly raised by these "No, Not My Baby" ("NNMB") DBR mothers.
That's why the issue of violence must be taken seriously across the board, without regard to the gender of the perpetrator.
@zebra You can't take the issue of violence seriously by deflecting the abandonment of children by men. Many of these women are overburdened. Yes the choices need to be better and some people make better parents than others. It's about the children. If both parents were EQUALLY responsible there wouldn't be an 80% OOW birth rate right now.
"Many of these women are overburdened."
Having three kids that you cannot afford, unmarried, with three different males, will make you "overburdened.". Let's not make excuses for irresponsibility.
As for male responsibilty, that is why I advocate for a return to promoting that Black children should be raised whenever possible, by their married, biological parents, rather than the sexual anarchy/fatherless family that has been supported in our community for the past 45 years.
You can't stop out-of-wedlock birthing, unless you strongly support in-wedlock birthing. Anything else is just lip-service.
It is fine and dandy to have all this arrays of commentaries. Reality is the civil rights movement came and is gone and the ones that were able to get on the "culture of make believe" (as Derrick Jensen puts it), just stop taking responsibility for helping the ones left behind. Our foremothersandfathers did whatever was necessary to get the ball rolling. Once the "academicians" got their dgreee some of them just became potatoes. Nothing else matter anymore, they became consumers, they became involved in every level of the society and just behave like their white counterparts. I have a friend in a famous university, where she is doing her PHD for a number of years now. She became involved in helping other black people getting a lift in any way she could help them (many are now professors). One of them committed suicide because my friend was not in the city when she needed. So through out many years, she has stopped doing her own staff to help other black folks to get it together. I keep telling her that after more than 10 years of helping, who is there helping her? she keeps saying that if we don't help each other we get nowhere. We need to keep on getting black people to get a university education in order to stop the violence, the abuse and the poverty. Meanwhile I point out to her that very few even acknowledge the helping hand she gives. Her reply: "Our ancestors didn't do it for themselves, they did it for us all."
One look at the Jewsih community and they have a social network of institutions to help each other, the same with the Italians, Greeks, Chinese, Japanese. What do we have? Some churches and the NAACP.
Are these organizations able to lift many? No.
then we look at our "heroes" and what do they do with their money? Buy cocaine, bling, and fight each other and mart violence everywhere we look.
What is hip hop? But mostly violence against woman, community and debauchery ?
I know that some actually do something about helping to instill pride and genuine goals for the advancement of the race, but the majority are in the business of navel gazing. If black people that made would get out of their shelters and help to bring the community to get better education, better food, better understand of our history, we would be further ahead and would not be having this conversation. However that is not the reality.
Another friend of mine, came to learn English and to go to University. I asked him what were his goals; his answer: I want to make my family proud and to serve my country in order to increase the number of educated people in my country. And I add"and to make money". His reply: "Money is secondary. To serve my country comes first." We have lost this genuine ideal fo "serving one's country and ones' community.
Violence will end when we as community, stop judging and show that we care. Right now we only care about more money, more properties and more of the same nonsense. The masses are left behind because the dream has been hijacked by greed(by the ones that believe they made it to whitehood i.e. Prof. Gates, Bill Cosby, Ruth J Simmons, members of the black caucus etc) and despair (by those that see no way out of the destitution besides of self destruction). You are all full of judgement, but ask yourselves how much are you doing to help elevate the race?