Sincere Apology to Faith, Fortitude and WAOD Readers: I Have Been a Terrible Leader
Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 6:39PM The Blogmother I must apologize to my guest posters immensely. I was so excited about not having to blog that I didn't really give them very much guidance. That was unfair. In a sense I was that mother that asks some unsuspecting souls to watch her children, knowing that my kids are hyperactive little demons spawns.
So I am coming off blogcation to offer up some helpful hints of advice.
First this ain't no ordinary blog. Sorry, its not. I don't say that in an arrogant way. This ain't no ordinary blog audience. There is a huge difference between blogging at one blog versus another. Some blog audiences are low maintenance, this one is not. Maneuvering your way around all of the little grenades you encounter does require some level of skill. I've developed a philosophy over two years because i've been forced to deal with things the average blogger does not encounter. I've learned my lessons the hard way.
NEVER blog while intoxicated- Don't blog while intoxicated with anger, don't blog while intoxicated with pride. Don't blog while intoxicated with despair. Once you hit “publish” its out there.
As the blogger you are conferred status that a blog “commentator” does not have. Therefore when you speak in the comments, what you say carries more weight than what another commentator says. So if I call someone out as the host of the party, that person will take it completely differently than they would if someone else said it. YOU AREN'T EQUAL! Sure you want to be like everybody else. You want everybody to treat to the same, but that's not possible. You are GOD in this space for all practical purposes. With that comes considerable POWER, but also responsibility. For the most part, I only really tangle with one person on a regular basis in the comments section and that's because I know she can handle it, but yes, I know that if I say something unkind or harsh in the comments section it can affect people profoundly. Whether I want them to or not, some unfortunate souls hold me in higher regard than I would prefer. Acting like you are “just one of the crowd” will just lead to heartache on your part. You aren't like everybody else when you're the blogger. Just like a hostess doesn't really get to behave like a guest at a dinner party, even when you get catering. You have additional responsibility.
Beware of those bearing gifts and praise. People have agendas. This blog is ridiculously more influential than I would like at times, but it IS influential. People want to be able to tap into that influence and they'll try to influence you in order to push their agenda. You may have already noticed additional personal attention from folks on twitter, in email, on other blogs. You are now “famous.” Sorry, I should have warned you about that in advance :( That means you will have the same problems that Brittany Spears has, except you won't have money :). You will be threatened, you may lose some privacy you took for granted, you may have new “fans” who are really “foes”. People will be jealous of you because I chose YOU and not them. They want to be where you are.
You can't control the world. I know some bloggers have half page lists of dos and don'ts one their blogs. That's fine. This blog is what it is because quite frankly I write intentionally to appeal to the masses. As controversial and strident some people think I am, there are several subjects I won't even broach. Why? Because people are so polorized and emotional that they will block out anything I say on the matter. So unless it deals directly with Black women and girls, I leave it alone. Again, that ain't my battle to fight. Sure, I may talk about it on twitter, but notice that I have TWO twitter accounts, one Black Ops and the other is for Blogging While brown. I don't think less of you as a blogger because you got 134 comments on your first post. That's amazing! Look at all the people that took time out of their very busy day to share their opinion with you? Even if they disagreed with you, they valued your opinion. How do you know? Because if they didn't think there was some power behind your post, they would not have felt compelled to respond at all. There are bloggers that would BEG for134 posts in a freaking year. They are sitting out there like a tree in the middle of the woods. Sending posts off into a black hole. So yeah, the whole “THESE ARE MY COMMENTS RULES” works for smaller less high profile blogs, but it really doesn't work here. People are going to find a way to respond to what you say. Why not let them do it in an environment you can control? Figure out what your “Non-negotiables” are. What will you absolutely NOT put up with. Keep the list short. For example, I don't tolerate people who delve into “administrative” issues. People who want to tell me how to administer the technical aspects of the blog. People who want to tell me what I need to be posting about. People who want to serve as the managing editor of WAOD, but haven't clicked on a PayPal button ONCE to pay a single bill. Those people get told to go jump in a lake with electric eels. I have NO tolerance for people with “blog reader experience” issues because they don't pay the bills. I don't tolerate people who try to use the comments threads for BLATANT therapy. People who are wounded and hurt and decide to tear the flesh from the backs of another specific commentator to sooth their hurt. Those people have come to wound and they can go wound people some other place. The comments section is to add to, not take from
You may consider posing questions at the end of your posts what do you want to know from people? That might direct the comments section a little better. But if you TRULY don't want to hear dissenting views from others, just turn off the comments altogether. Sometimes you just want to vent. You don't need co-signers
Know the difference between a friend a fan a foe and FAMILY! These people are NOT your family. Those are folks you know offline and who you knew before you started blogging. Don't ignore them. You need them . Fans are fun, but are completely incapable of being objective about you, in a good way :) Just take the adoration, but don't make any important decisions based on the opinion of a fan. If you said “I'm gonna take poison today, they'd say ” “Yay! Faith! ”. Friends are people who will applaud you AND critique you, their opinions are far more reliable. In all honesty, once you're high profile online, its really hard to know who these “friends” are. You may mistakenly believe someone is a friend, but they are really a fan and the easiest way to tell the difference is to do something they don't like. A fan will turn on you in a DIME. A friend will say “Oh well, I didn't like that. Moving along, so did you meet any new guys this week?” In real life my bests friends NEVER read this blog. EVER! Its not their thing. They aren't interested and that is SUCH a blessing because at times it feels I can never escape.
Internet Ike Turners. They are already loading up. Check the sitemeter referrals peek in and don't mention them on the blog at ALL. I NEVER link to ITTs or people who write ENTIRE posts about ME personally. They're trolling for page views and they can get those on their own.
There's a LOT blogs can do. There's a LOT blogs can't do. Extremely nuanced and emotional topics are best dealt with in person and on podcasts. There is something about the written word that lacks the additional layer of expression needed
You are completely responsible for everything that shows up on the blog. Everything you write everything commentators write. If it makes you uncomfortable or makes it difficult for you to sleep or look yourself in the mirror, take it down.
You'll screw up. You'll mess up ROYALLY. In HUGE HUGE ways! Always remember at your core, you are a well intentioned person who wants people to win. You can listen to criticism, but never forget why you wanted to do this in the first place. Its the only thing you'll have to hold on to when you're sitting in the dark in the soft light of your computer monitor alone. Blogging is a solitary existence. The more high profile you become, the more isolated from your audience you will be. Not because you want it to be that way, but because it HAS to be that way. You can't be everybody's friend when you're ruler of all you survey. Hard decisions have to be made. The viability of the platform as a whole must never fall victim to the mood of the moment. No post, no comment, no fan is worth sacrificing the platform. There are things I have swallowed over the past two years that threatened to rip me apart from the inside out. I took the beating and I took it in silence because to speak of things publicly would have have destroyed the entire “movement.” These were deeply personal wounds I had to let them scab over on their own. I'm a better woman for it. I'm a better leader for it. In retrospect what was a really big deal then, is insignificant now. Impluse+Power equals destruction. Did I mention never blog intoxicated.
Accept criticism, but never abuse. You aren't proving how enlightened you are by letting someone be verbally abusive to you. You know it when you see it. Your audience doesn't see it because you ERASE those people.
Have fun! Be bold! Take Risks! Laugh a little. The battle didn't start yesterday, it won't end tomorrow.
Engage in extreme self care. If you are too tied or too beat t post, don't. If you don't feel like monitoring the comments all day long, put the entire blog on “moderation” their comment will post when you want it to, on your time table, not theirs.
I chose you for a reason. First, you're an amazing writer. That's not false praise. You're good. Second, you haven't been corrupted yet. You're a true believer. They haven't gotten to you yet, but the soon will be sniffing around. It is inevitable. You have the power to change the discourse in the entire blogosphere. I've handed you something that might help someone land on CNN, they'll slit their own mother's throat for that privilege so image what they'd do to you? But don't focus on the bad. Its there, and it is dangerous to ignore the danger, but its not all bad. There is something about knowing you're in the middle of something unprecedented in human history. Never have so many amazing brilliant Black women had the ability to congregate in the same space and the same time. This TOTALLY ROCKS!
So. Go with God. Live long and prosper. May the force be with you, and when in doubt. Call me, you got my phone number!
I'm learning too by the way. I'm so used to doing things on my own, that I'm having to learn how to let go. But there is a big difference between letting go of a child in a pool so they can learn how to swim, and dropping them over the side of a ship in the middle of the ocean, in the middle of a hurricane, without so much as a life raft. No matter how brilliant a swimmer you are, that set you up for a very rough time.
To my commentators and readers. My guest posters are not me. There is a reason for that/ If I wanted y'all to read something I wrote for the next four weeks I would have gone back in the archives, gotten 20 posts and scheduled them to repost over the next four weeks. This is a time for all of us to grow. Things had gotten stagnant around here. I wasn't all that excited to wake up in the morning and post. I haven't had this much fun on my own blog for over a year. I'm having a blast sitting in the audience. It TOTALLY ROCKS! Be gentle with Faith and Fortitude1913. Give them room to grow into this blog. Help them lean into their destiny. Its only been three days. Y'all act like this thing comes with instructions. Stop telling them what you like about the way Gina does things. They aren't Gina... and that's a good thing.
All the best,
The Benevolent Dictatrix
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Reader Comments (22)
I think these are great rules for life, not just blogging ! Thank you !
Thank you. I read your comment on the other thread and have been thinking about it. I will definitely be writing a post about what I've learned...eventually....
You probably won't know what you've learned until a year from now. Time provides perspective. I'm so glad I didn't release a book back in 07 when I could have. I would be so embarrassed by it now. I'm not even the same person. I don't see the issues the same way. You don't have to get it right in the first week. heck it took me over a year and a half just to accept the fact that thousands of people around the world knew my name and read my posts. Its still jarring to meet people in person. I didn't always handle my notoriety or power well, but you seem open to suggestions, but don't be too open. Know your own mind and don't let the inmates run the asylum.
Well,
i will go on comment blogcation until you come back. I'm beyond opinionated and that works well for some and not others.
*shurgs*
I will allow the ladies their space from my slightly opinionated ways:-)
I'm sure when you come back you will post something I can wholeheartedly disagree with:-)
I'm a lurker only and plan to remain that way.
Just wanted to say I am happy to see JJ back and not discouraged by the shocking comment made to her a couple of days ago.
I actually enjoyed her standing up for her own personal opinion. She brings interest in her "contrarian" ways and comments and I really like to read ALL views.
Something is lost in a board where a person can be put off for next to nothing.
@mslurker
You're technically no longer a "lurker" once you post a cmment on the blog. Sorry, you can't "unlurk".
Second, I think everyone recognizes that blogging does not have a desk manual and if you were in the same position it would take a minute to hit your stride.
Third, you probably should lurk because you clearly are brushing up against the thid rail. I just told you that I don't welcome complaints about blog administration in the coments section.
Now, I saw an issue. I addressed the issue. Move on. At this point you're only piling on because you sense blood in the water. Well I'll drain the whole dayum ocean and all the fish will die before I let the comments section be turned over to the WAOD Disgruntled Readers Association. A'int gonna EVER happen.
If you have a blog administration issue send an email like all the other lurkers.
In other words, I'm not going to ask someone to help me out and then throw them under the bus so if you think this was an invitation to attack, you can consider this my warning that that would be UNWISE.
Faith & Fortitude. I think that you ladies did an excellent job. Although I didn't agree with everything, I know that it takes courage to express YOUR Thoughts and at the same time receive let's say "feedback" without taking it personally. I hope you ladies continue pushing on.
I like the new blogger. I think more bloggers should follow suit and take blogcations. She's not Gina and she brings her own perspective to the table. I may not agree with everything she says but she still has a pro-black women and girls bent.
Basically, new blogger no matter what you post, people are going to complain, belittle and criticize. This is the nature of the internet, people tend to be more bolder behind their computers.
As a black heterosexual woman, it was nice to find a post putting folks on alert about attacking the LGBT community. That too me was different, because I don't see that very often.
I too will keep Gina's post in mind and go back to lurking more than commenting. I do not think as a sistahood we should be attacking you so viciously. I wonder if these same black women would attack you if you were some black man.
I also enjoyed the discourse of the past couple of days. Although I stopped commenting, I actually read practically every comment on both posts (which was no small feat since some were rather wordy...but mostly interesting nonetheless)... and was truly enlightened by many of the different perspectives and some of the information, that I hadn't considered before.
As long as commenters are respectful and know how to disagree with the comment without waging personal attacks against the writer of the comment, it's all good. And As the blogger I'm sure you've had to block hateful comments from people who clearly did not have the interest of black women and children at heart (thank you!).
But for the most part, I love the dissenting opinions and viewpoints because as an adult I can draw my own conclusions and form my own opinions from the information I receive. I don't want anyone telling me what to believe or how I should think (who would). But if my opinion is based on faulty, or limited information then thank you for enlightening me...that's one to grow on!
With that said, I'm also happy to see JJ back...and also hope that Pecola returns as well, as their perspectives were also interesting and worth exploring.
@JJ you have your own platform, you should expand on your thoughts there..
Miss Thang wrote: "As a black heterosexual woman, it was nice to find a post putting folks on alert about attacking the LGBT community. That too me was different, because I don’t see that very often."
I was glad to see that, too. And not because I'm bisexual, but because the issues affecting heterosexual black women are the same ones affecting gay black women, especially with regard to children. Gay black women parent at almost the same rate as heterosexual black women (unlike our white gay female counterparts), and face the same socio-economic challenges. Besides, throwing the LGBT community (in which many are co-parenting or want to co-parent) under the bus to make a religious point (which is irrelevant to non-believers and non-practioners, by the way), isn't responsive to the single parenthood issue.
@Miki
Do you blog?
Looking for an LGBT black female blogger to be a contributor on one of my sites.
If you're interested e-mail me: tsjohnson5@gmail.com
Sorry Gina...
**Blog Administrator Post**
We can't be remiss in giving blogger CW, host of Black Women Deserve Better A BIG SHOUT OUT & CONGRATS on her recent nuptials @ http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com
She divested from the the "black community" indoctrination and practiced what she preached! She also didn't spend all of her spare time on blogs and LIVED HER LIFE. Which is the point of why we're doing this so black girls and women can L-I-V-E.
There will always be some who like to argue & tear down the efforts we put forth to uplift & empower. We will ignore them (checking for flying objects) and keep it moving. With a smile because being angry takes away all the pretty.
CW did not divest from the black community; she married a black man, from a black family, that is presumably tied to the black community. CW renewed her ties to black men and the black community.
@Uhh We will be having a discussion next week about what the black community is - and isn't. We also don't share the same definition of divestment in how it relates to black women being FREE and INDEPENDENT. Which is another conversation we'll be having. Since we know that CW chose her husband based on his character not his race (he is in fact multi-racial/ethnic) your categorization is wholly inaccurate. Stick around you might learn something - just remember to keep it respectful.
Please understand that a lot of black women are indocrinated and have absolutely no clue. They can't stomach and often attack other black women for going OUTSIDE of the black race. I know when Essence had some 30 men and 30 dates or 30 days. I forget. I mistakenly suggested they include some non-black men. OMG - Black women lost their minds. I also noticed how black women were so quick to defend black men who were selfish and disrespectful to some of those sistas on dates. Ironically, if that show had been the opposite. Brothas would have had the choice of dating non-black women and MOST brothas would not be hating on that aspect. In fact some would applaud it and use it too attack black women.
No, you have to understand that we as black women are sometimes are own worse enemy. We limit our choices and then complain about what's left.
@uhh there is no single "Black community" Melanin does not a "community" make. You don't know what "community" anyone belongs to.
@Miss Thang Oh I would just DIE. DIE. DIE if ESSENCE included a non-Black man in their "Do Right" Man Catchin series. THis year they featured a bunch of "seven-figure" brothers. Whatever!
@Gina & Other BWE bloggers:
Please accept my apologies for troll-iums invading/using your space to rant about my life...Please don't let them derail very worthwhile dialogue...These factions will always PRETEND not to get it...
Oh feel free to email IP addresses at will. We ought to have a BWE IP repository. :)
See I was trying to be extra nice and not immediately go for the jugular. Of course a troll leaves a trail.
Exactly! I will be jotting this info down from my site :)
I have only been blogging for about six months but I can already see the value in not taking things too personal. I have one person that looks at one page, drops a negative comment, and leaves. Then they come back to see if you take a shot at them. It's almost as if they are trying to get a rise out of you. Thanks for the good advise in this post.
Peace