Tuesday
Jun232009
The President's Father's Day Remarks and BBQ- You say what?
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 at 7:54AM The Blogmother Wow! This may be the first video of the President since the inaguration. yes, i was burnt out by all of the election coverage in 2008 and yes, I think Timothy Geithner and Larry Summers are going to lead the nation right over the side of a cliff so I am busy preparing my escape pod and try to ignore most things happening in DC that don't have to do with First Lady Michelle Obama, but I saw this over on the White House website when I was looking for some
The President also wrote an open letter to fathers in PARADE magazine:
As an adult, working as a community organizer and later as a legislator, I would often walk through the streets of Chicago’s South Side and see boys marked by that same absence—boys without supervision or direction or anyone to help them as they struggled to grow into men. I identified with their frustration and disengagement—with their sense of having been let down.
In many ways, I came to understand the importance of fatherhood through its absence—both in my life and in the lives of others. I came to understand that the hole a man leaves when he abandons his responsibility to his children is one that no government can fill. We can do everything possible to provide good jobs and good schools and safe streets for our kids, but it will never be enough to fully make up the difference.
That is why we need fathers to step up, to realize that their job does not end at conception; that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child but the courage to raise one.
As fathers, we need to be involved in our children’s lives not just when it’s convenient or easy, and not just when they’re doing well—but when it’s difficult and thankless, and they’re struggling. That is when they need us most.
Did Bush, Clinton, Bush or Reagan have a Father's Day event at the White House? I wonder if there are going to be any policy goals to coincide with the initiative? You say what?
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Reader Comments (19)
That was so beautifully written and means a ton coming from someone whose father was largely absent. As far as policy goals go, I'm not sure how much they will help. I think we need a new, or improved definition of masculinity. It seems to me that no one quite knows what it means to be a man anymore, there is so much incentive to stay an adolescent it seems.
I actually thought that Parade article was very thoughtful and poignant. I may disagree with much of what Obama does - and doesn't - do while in office but it's obvious how much he loves his family. Even he had to learn how to be a good father and husband but he did the work required to get there. No one else can provide that incentive but the individual. Any efforts he wishes to make by example or policy is certainly welcome though.
@gem2001
I'm going to have to do some research on whether President Obama is the first to have a Father's Day event.
@Shermy
I think the problem is that popular culture and well-intentioned but damaging government policies (e.g., welfare) have contributed to guys not being responsible fathers. Blogger Debbie Schlussel explores this further:
http://www.debbieschlussel.com/archives/2009/06/every_day_shoul.html#comments
The good news is that more and more guys are stepping up to help men learn how to be better fathers. Some work via churches while others form private organizations like these listed below:
http://www.npclstrongfamilies.com/
http://fathers.com/
So, we must encourage these guys who are taking responsibility and making our communities better in the process.
@Faith
As a new father, I'm learning the following lessons
First, God must be the head of your life. As a pastor recently preached, relying on the Lord for guidance will result in you giving your children the grace, love, hope, discipline and spirtual inheritance they need.
Second, have a wife who will encourage your growth as a dad. Also, listen to her advice since that's one reason God blessed you with her.
Third, surround yourself with godly men who have been fathers for a while. Life experience is a better teaching than any theory on fatherhood.
Finally, ask the Lord for humility to accept help and wisdom. Put another way, you are not God so don't expect to know everything or be perfect.
Yes, I must have the incentive to be a father. But it's a MUCH easier job when I know God, my wife, and my family and friends are backing me up.
Obama was correct in saying the government cannot take the place of absentee fathers, but the government can do a great deal to prevent and counteract absentee fatherhood. In the Black community, men and women have inadequate access to education, job training, housing and recreation. If the government would uphold fair employment, education and housing policies, men would not find it so desirable to leave their families, and women would be able to support and raise families without a man.
Also, while I respect Fred's response, there are many single sex and single parent headed families who need the same encouragement and support. Obama needs to do more than be there for his family and throw BBQ's before we can say he is making a difference. He needs to guide the government in promoting policies that enable men and women to be the best mothers and fathers they can be.
i'm kinda of sick of everyone thinking the government is going to make laws to change how people parent. yes government programs done some damage, but BEFORE government programs to combat poverty complete black families did exist. i've been to other countries- some colleges have less than our elementary schools and guess what- complete families exist. what do you expect obama to do? come in your house, hold your hand while your pour cereal? if the parents WANTED to NO MATTER WHAT they would be attentive parents. lack of books in school doesn't keep you from going to the library. lack of money doesn't prevent a man from being there for his children.
ex: my school's books were 20 years old+, but my parents, married and not, still stepped in for our education. my father still lived in the same neighborhood when they divorced. both were still involved. no government intervention. you don't need a 'government parent' to tell you to make grown @$$ decisions.
it's called personal responsibilty and self pride.
miss maam,
I agree if one wants to be a father involved in his children's lives, he will man up and find a way to make a way. But right it is easier to offer up weak excuses like blaming women and the government than to have personal responsibility and self pride.
Fast forward 20 years and the child is grown up then they want to step in and have a relationship when all the hard work is done....
Please... but... I'm confused. How does the goverment do a great deal to break up families, but can do nothing to bring them together? How is it that one who blames women and the government has a weak excuse, but when I child is in trouble and the family is broken it's the fault of an absentee father?
Shame is a great motivator. It just sad it's not being enforced.
Shame isn't a good motivator. And god is a worse one.
Wait, I just has a light bulb movement. This explains the reason for last years Father's Day speech that pissed me off. He was really getting some *ish off his chest about his African (black) sperm donor not being there for him. The picture is getting clearer.
I meant to write "had", not "has".
Should we assume that Obama is a 'good father'because he hasn't left his family? Geez, there are many 'bad'fathers who never leave home. Can you think of any? Obama's personal grudge against his father should not be confused with gospel truth. If we are able to accept the fact that historically America 'absentee' father problem did not start with black fathers but with white fathers who fathered black children we can began to understand this systemic problem's roots lie.
Seems like the President has some Daddy issues. I read somewhere else online where, this was during the campaign, they interviewed his Harvard classmates. Many of them said that even then, he declared that he wanted to be the POTUS, that he was going to run and that he was going to win.
It's interesting to juxtapose his high opinion of himself and what he felt he would accomplish in his life with his abandonment by his father. He seems very angry with him in a sort of "how dare you deny me a normal childhood" kind of way.
JustMe wrote:
"Please… but… I’m confused. How does the goverment do a great deal to break up families, but can do nothing to bring them together? How is it that one who blames women and the government has a weak excuse, but when I child is in trouble and the family is broken it’s the fault of an absentee father?"
Please read the following which explain why government is bad at restroring broken families:
*Taken Into Custody by Divorce:
http://ruthinstitute.org/articles/takenIntoCustody.html
*Inner cities a snapshot of America's future:
http://www.urbancure.org/article.asp?id=3146
*Malcolm X Was Against Affirmative Action and Welfare:
http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2a9_1178512785
The U.S. government exists to protect us from threats : gangbangers, rapists, terrorists, etc. It doesn't exist to parent our kids. Whenever government tries to do so (e.g., welfare), it causes people to become lazy and thus neglectful to their families.
Hence, government needs to step out the way, and let the Black community itself take responsibility in rebuilding the family.
@Fred
I understand the argument about the goverment making lousy parents. But they also make lousy protection from gangbangers, terrorists, rapists and the like.
My question was: How can we BLAME them for messing up something if we can't go to them to get them to fix it? Seems to me, that if they broke it, they should be at least willing to repair it, or provide the neccessary tools to repair it.
But, in all fairness to Uncle Sammy, I'm not suggesting he parent our kids. Since you like Malcolm X let's asked of the government what Malcolm asked of them: Let the black People control the politics of their own community and the Politicians. Let us be Black Nationalists without being considered a "Threat To National Security" like so men black nationalists are. Surely, by your own admission, we would be able to straighten out our families if we controled everything in our communities - hell we could even provide protection from the thugs, gangbangers, terrorists and such... you think?
Jerel,
Please, can there be a discussion about the lack of black fathers in the black communities that does not involve the white man? Of course not, every 21st century problem in the black community can be traced to the white man. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the white man to fix our problems, and if he doesn't well, that's his problem. We are happy to exist in dysfunction.
Wonder why these father issues don't exist in the Asian, Jewish, African immigrant populations. Because THE MEN MAN UP.
The whole issue regarding the emergence of single parent homes, the absence of fathers and the dysfunction that some of these social trends creates is very complex. But the truth is people don't make decisions in a vacuum. Factors like culture, social systems, personal experiences/history, economics, etc affect whether a man who makes a child chooses to stay with that child and be supportive of that family.
Furthermore social programs created by local and federal governments can influence the decisions and options people have. Some welfare program practices, like taking benefits away from a household where an adult male is present, certainly create negative incentives for family stability, especially considering that if you have two undereducated parents working in low wage jobs to support their children/family they're going to have to work long hours-leaving very little time for either to support, educate, train and encourage their children to have more successful futures. This in and of itself is a cause of social problems for those children. However the current welfare system doesn't regard this as an important consequence of its policies b/c it just wants to push people to work (to promote "responsibility" and prevent "laziness" which shows you what many inherently believe about poor, often times black, people-they are lazy and don't want to work, don't want to do anything). But our current social programs don't create a safety net or supportive structures to actually help families succeed.
I just refuse to believe the underlying assumptions about "those poor people". People like to say welfare or state support systems are promoting "laziness", which I believe to be ridiculous. European countries are much stronger "welfare states" than the US, where the governments are way more involved in the function of the state. And guess what they also have better school systems and national educational results, MUCH better health outcomes, improved employment standards, higher quality of life indicators and fewer disparities in many cases. Welfare does NOT equal laziness. It is WAY more complex than that!
Social programing does work if it is well thought out, planned and supported. For example earned income credits and various other social programs are credited as some of the most effective programs for lifting working families out of poverty. Head start programs and other education programs have been shown to be very effective at correcting some of the damage that poor home environments reek on children's educational potentially. (Though similar intense programming need to continue into high school and college for at risk kids.)
The government isn't the only piece of this solution, but it is designed to help people function as a society for our mutual benefit. As a result it must create systems that are supportive of a mutually beneficial society; that means fostering the best decisions for all our families, our schools, our health care systems, our judicial and legal systems.
Bnr, are you suggesting that "black culture" promotes single parenthood ? The community gleefully coined the phrases "baby mama and baby daddy"