Why I'm Not Blogging About Rihanna and Chris Brown: Open Thread

Here are just two emails I have received about posting something about Chris Brown and Rihanna Fenty. :

"As a fairly recent lurker to your site, I am curious as to why you haven't blogged about the latest Pop drama involving Chris Brown and Rihanna considering its the same old blame the female thing going on in cyberspace and across the airwaves. Are you awaiting the outcomes or just not interested in it at all? Thanks." WAOD Reader, Elle

"You might be interested in covering this story.This is the perfect teachable moment for your readers and young Black women. Another trashy Black female celeb who likes thugs pays the price for her "thug lovin". I hate these trashy R&B girls...but I hate even more the poisonous example they set for the tens of thousands of urban girls who want to emulate them. If this was their private life... fine... But they are setting an example for thousands of young women." Male WAOD Reader and Blogger Who Will remain Anonymous unless he wants to claim his foolishness and lack of compassion publicly.

Just to squash additional emails I am getting asking me why I am not commenting on the massive display of  ignorance that is the coverage of Rihanna and Chris Brown, I figured I had better put up this post to state the obvious. I know about the allegations. I read the same blogs and news sites you do and some you don't. I'm not entering any of the three rings of this circus at this time.

Go back through the entire archive of this blog, we've covered many cases of violence against Black women and girls, we've NEVER posted about a crime before law enforcement has issued PUBLIC COMMENT. No,anonymous "law enforcement sources" don't count. No statements on Facebook pages don't count.

In addition, I do not dance on graves or around people's hospital beds. Until I know that someone's wounds have at least scabbed over and their blood has begun to clot, I can table my comments.  If you go back to the murders of Jennifer Hudson's family, I didn't comment on the crime, I commented on the foolishness surrounding the crime and Myspace pages, but never did unload everything that I was thinking about what happened to little Julian King.

All the ignorance that is being displayed in mainstream media, blogs and in comments sections was displayed LONG before this episode with Chris Brown and Rihanna. It appears that it will be displayed for several months to come. I'll post when I get good and ready, or when the Universe urges me to. Right now, the Universe is telling me to be still in the midst of chaos and confusion and that's what I am doing, but you can feel free to vent in the comments section. Consider this your Rihanna and Chris Brown open thread.

Comments

[Naomi]

All I can say is AMEN to that. People need to stop getting sucked up by media hype.

[Susan Marr]

I totally agree with you and the only helpful position we should all take as adults is that these are two young people who at this time need support,understanding and guidance. If Chris is abusive he needs help and therapy and he needs it now,it will not help him if he does not take responsibility for his actions.If Rhianna stays with an abusive partner she alos needs to learn self respect and love.

[NinaG]

When I realized you hadn't written anything about this situation, I knew it had to be for good reason. I am completely annoyed by certain media exploiting this situation by spreading rumors and, in general, just being insensitive to the actual people involved. Media's exploitation aside, I have been more than pissed at jokes in facebook statuses and text messages from people I have associated myself with in the past. It's really sad to see so my peers completely ignorant about domestic/dating violence.

[MacDaddy]

I didn't blog about this either. I've worked with marriage couples and partners on domestic violence. They're much more complicated than people think. So I'll wait until something comes out that I feel pretty certain is factual.

[Naima]

Does anyone notice so called mainstream media is using these fooling urban gossip blogs as sources? I even heard them repeating Facebook story which is started by Mediafakeout aka Mediatakeout. No wonder we ended up in Iraq over some nonsense.

[Seattle Slim]

I felt compelled to blog about it not so much because of what happened as how it was being treated and how it appeared that the community handled it. I just wonder if Ike Turner had this much support because for every comment that is against dv, there are five supporting him

[Yeah]

Well, it doesn't surprise me. The black community is very hostile towards black women. So, the fact that urban blogs have sided with Chris Brown and heavily promoted the "She gave him Herpes, so it's ok to beat her down" defense is STANDARD ignorance for our community.

Rihanna is NOT trashy as one reader mentioned in your post no more than is Chris Brown a "thug". As a matter of fact he had rather a more positive image.

After all of this is said and done. I hope he gets help and I hope she stays away from men like this. I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't the first time he hit her. Sadly, the black community will discredit her, rally around Chris and give him an NAACP award. This only encourgages abuse in our community.

Lastly, this is the problem with our community. We rally around the wrong folks. Maybe if some of our men got help for their demons, they wouldn't end up so screwed. Think: Mike Tyson, OJ, Ike Turner, Mike Vick, Michael Jackson, Marvin Gaye, etc, etc, etc...

[Faith]

Well I expected a Jay-Z/Beyonce public beat down so color me surprised that it was the barely out of their teens couple. We'll likely not know what happened until and unless the police release an official report with actual evidence. Right now it's all wild speculation. I don't like the way some are immediately on the bash-the-woman tip, but I'm not surprised. As for Brown's chaotic childhood: he has some money and if he thought he could get through life unscathed by it hopefully he's figured out now is the time to see a therapist. His choice in lawyers leaves much to be desired, but I'm certain that was his handler's decision. I wouldn't be hiring the guy who defended Scott Peterson though under any circumstances. Anyway this is all a nice big fat distraction from the collapsing economy. I hope people are putting just as much time and effort into protecting themselves but I already know the answer to that question as well.

[Rose32]

I agree. People have an awful lot to say about something they know nothing about at this point. Very little "news", actually no news, has been reported about this since the story broke Sunday night. If you want to use this opportunity to speak with your kids about domestic violence in general that's cool. Just try not to get caught up in the media hype. The story has changed so much - herpes, choking, broken eye socket, unconscious, bite marks, contusions, Paris Hilton, Leona, Las Vegas, text messages, history of abuse, fake pics, grandma said, aunt said, step daddy not surprised by, etc. All of this and more without a reliable source.

[Hollywood Blackout]

This whole incident is further proof that journalism has gone the way of the dinosaurs.

Here is Los Angeles we had a slow-speed police pursuit of a Bentley. NUMEROUS media sources reported that they "thought" that it "might" be Chris Brown in the car and that he "might' have threatened to commit suicide. This chase lasted 3.5 hours and clogged up freeways. I can guarantee you that the speculation about who the driver of the car was led to the police "pulling back" and not using their usual tactics (spike strip, pit maneuver).

Once they "established" that it "probably" wasn't CHris Brown they decided it was a popular hip-hop artist named DJ Khaled. Nope, wrong again. Turns out it was a Illinois Businessman who got into a fight with his girlfriend. The man committed suicide in the car and was rushed to the hospital. Not a single follow-up story aired about the incident.

[Seattle Slim]

His aunt and sister have all but confirmed that he hit her. Naturally, they have taken his defense and even indicated that she "provoked" it. *SMDH* If I hit everyone that "provoked" me I would be in jail for a long time...

[Seattle Slim]

*rather they pretty much confirmed he hit her.

[Pamela]

The only reason I thought about this story is because of the daughter of a friend of my hairstylist. I think the gal is maybe 15 or 16 and thought that Chris Brown was the cutest singer. I had never heard of him nor most of the artists that are out there today. She showed me his picture and I thought 'There are still some cute boy singers out there'. It seemed like too many of them are uglier than sin. She absolutely adored him. I would love to find out what her reaction is to this. From what I have seen of her Dad I think he has probably talked to her about it. I don't know him very well. I may ask my hairstylist about it. Even in the details right now are not quite correct the situation can be used as a hypothetical teaching lesson. If the daughter listens to black radio programs where insane bw always support the horrible violent bm I think it would be good for her daddy to have a discussion regardless of the accuracy of the story.

[Noel]

I have to admit, I posted info on J'Hud from a source I had close to Darfour's parole agent and I regret that, because they were speculating before all the facts came in.

However, I'm with you, Gina, about this Rhianna-Chris Brown situation. It's best, to wait until law enforcement has issued an official statement.

Also, I'm also a little embarrassed to say, that I don't really care. I mean there are plenty of women being abused on a daily basis, women without the means or media attention to help with their circumstances. I'm much more concerned about those individuals than this situation.

However, I do hope that whatever happened, Rhianna is okay and can continue to live her life, in a safe and stable situation.

[nOva]

Someone actually tried to take my site to task (my female staff specifically) for not writing about this issue. Ultimately, regardless of what discourse you may have already established, it is entirely up to you and not a visitor to decide what you will and will not post. Once outside forces are dictating the direction of your site, there's almost no point in them visiting or you writing.

[JJ]

Haven't blogged about Chris and Rihanna either and won't until I know some concrete facts.

The only thing for sure now is that he did hit her...but that's about where all the facts begin and end.

[Dan Tres OMi]

(applause)

Just because everyone else is blogging about it doesn't mean I have to.

[LT]

Well, I too, have been a lurker without comment on your site. However, I must offer my own THANK YOU and AMEN.

Why?

Because we DO NOT know the truth, nor do we know Chris Brown and Rhianna. While I abhor, domestic violence. . . we don't need to crucify every man either. Fighting is fighting!

I work in the schools and I see young ladies "get" in the face of young men regularly. I see young ladies push and swagger like men, when they are offended. I see the young men walk away or try to divert the blows or spit flying from the mouths of our sweet baby girls. Sometimes they do forget that this is a woman in my face. These young women must have learned this from some where. Even if it's our society who makes excuses like, "I don't care what "she" did. A man should just walk away." Really? Seriously?

Do we consider that the cases of "reported" spousal abuse, female on male are significant as well? Could it be deeper than just creating a victim story for women? It's an opportunity for healing no matter the gender, culture or status. Healing first means applying love to the places that are wounded. Healing means taking a inventory of SELF and quite frankly it's easier to sit as judge and jury with the next drama served up by the press than it is to sit and observe from a neutral place.

We are so cocked and ready to aim our righteous attacks that sometimes we forget that there is never a one size fit all to anything. We should WAIT and practice some discernment in this case and everything the media "feeds" us.

[Brigitte]

Thank you for this.

[Christocentric]

Very wise not to blog about C&R WAOD! I chose not to also for the same reason. Come out with the facts first and then we'll talk about it! Too much speculation and gossip going on right now and we all just need to cool it a bit!

[Standtall-The Activist]

Couldn't agree more...

[Beverly]

It's sad; but even some of these comments reflect how the black community supports bm abusers. That support comes in many guises. I haven't read many comments here that showed sympathy for Rihanna or suggested she get therapy. But I have read the following:

"If Chris is abusive he needs help and therapy and he needs it now,it will not help him if he does not take responsibility for his actions.If Rhianna stays with an abusive partner she alos needs to learn self respect and love."

Okay, so Chris needs "help" and "therapy" while Rihanna needs to "learn." I hear the language used here and I see more compassion for Chris than for Rihanna. While Chris receives outside resources from others such as "help" and "therapy" Rihanna receives nothing from "outside herself" but she is responsible for "learning self respect and self-love" I know that this writer opened her statement by suggesting we support both parties; but her concrete steps that followed reflected once again the coddling of black male abusers. Once again black women are left to fend for themselves.

Another commenter suggested that Chris and Rihanna might have been just "fighting" and that some black females get in the face of MEN as if they were men.

LT said:

I work in the schools and I see young ladies “get” in the face of young men regularly. I see young ladies push and swagger like men, when they are offended. I see the young men walk away or try to divert the blows or spit flying from the mouths of our sweet baby girls. Sometimes they do forget that this is a woman in my face. These young women must have learned this from some where. Even if it’s our society who makes excuses like, “I don’t care what “she” did. A man should just walk away.” Really? Seriously?

My response:

Men are physically stronger (in most cases) than women. Men enjoy a privileged position of power over women in this society (in black society). Your very statements reflect that privilege. If these girls are "getting in the face" of these young men and/or hitting them/spitting on them we need to examine the why. What type of experience would make a girl want to "get in a man's face"(considering his physical power and social status) to "hit him, spit on him"? What happened that she got so "offended"? Could it be that these boys are doing things to her that are offensive? Are these boys abusing their power and privilege? Maybe she is lashing out against someone who is bigger, stronger and more privileged than she. Maybe she is the David (in David and Goliath).

I want to conclude by saying this is not really about Chris and Rihanna. This is about the ongoing abuse of Black women and girls in the black community and the general silence on or veiled approval of that abuse. It is also about how abuse is dismissed as insignificant. It doesn't matter how veiled that dismissal is, it is still a dismissal. If Rihanna cannot get support when she is being abused or it is even suspected that she is being abused than what support can ordinary less famous black women and girls expect to get from the black community?

[Beverly]

One more thing...

IMHO, BM abusers should be neutralized completely in black communities. There should be NO support or help for them. We do not have the resources for that. All energy should be put into those who are NOT harming the black community and anyone, including predators, abusers etc. who harm the black community (black women and children) should be completely shunned and not allowed to live amongst the black community.

But I know that this will never happen.

[MacDaddy]

Blogging about a person's political positions is one thing. And blogging a person's personal life is another. As writers, as bloggers, we, too, owe people a certain amount of privacy, especially when it comes to what has happened behind closed doors. I don't mean black-check privacy but rather respect for privacy until the facts can be revealed. Yes, no man should a woman or vice versa. But come on, all this speculation is unfair to both of these young people and their families.

I say we don't have to be like the gossipy white press. We should wait to get the facts.

[Jaceeel]

jay z has come out in support of Rhianna. Which is a good thing and I know your not talking about it but i thought you would enjoy the duality of jay z.

This past week jay z said "This is a real situation," and "You have to have compassion for others. Just imagine it being your sister or mom and then think about how we should talk about that," and lastly "I just think we should all support her. She's going through a tough time. You have to realize she's a young girl, as well. She's very young."

Source: http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20259329,00.html

But when he goes on stage he raps:

"I pimp hard on a trick, look F*** if your leg broke b****, hop up on your good foot" and "Now once upon a time not too long ago A n**** like myself had to strong arm a ho"

(granted in the last lyric he clarifys that he is talking about a man in this last sentence he still uses a euphemism that is associated with women as he does in the song tag "99 problem and b**** aint one")

[thewhitefanofgina]

Seems as if Gospel and Symphonic/Gothic Metal are the only kind of music most parents of black teenage girls are going to let them listen to in the future.

[Faith]

Well he admitted it via press release so can we stop with the excuses now! He needs therapy which he can get while in jail under the appropriate punishment for his crimes.Hopefully the next time R Kellly rapes another 13 yo some of the excusers and deniers will zip it if they have nothing else to offer to the conversation. Remember he was well on his way by the time he was 25 with Aaliyah. Chris is nearly 20 and has a short window to change if he ever does. He gets no sympathy.

[cinco]

Hitting a woman is wrong. If your life is endangered by a weapon I can see defending yourself or protecting elderly or the young from the rage and attack of a woman.

Apology made or not, there is no justification for this behavior..

People can rationalize it all they want...

that is until it's their mother, daughter, sister, best friend, etc that a man beat up on ...then they 'understand' and their cries for empathy/understanding/ another chance for the abuser are not heard.

[gem2001]

@MacDaddy, Don't get it twisted. violence is not a private matter. it is always a public matter. My choosing not to expound at this time has nothing to do with me in anyway believing that a violent act whether it be on a street corner or in a bedroom, or a basement is a private matter.

The "state" has an absolute monopoly on the application of force on an adult without their consent. Nobody else has the right to violate your person. When they do, they have violated the law and that is a public matter. Especially when neighbors are awakened, the police are called, and someone is taken to the hospital.
Holding my water isn't about privacy, its about discretion and compassion and recognizing that Rihanna is probably traumatized, distraught, depressed, confused, and in actual physical pain.

@Faith he can apologize all he want's to. An apology is not accountability. Folks can have his apology, I want justice and accountability. He can run to his pastor all he wants to. That's fine. God will forgive, but he will also hold you accountable. There is not redemption without accountability.

So when the AMEN chorus starts talking about Jesus and forgiveness and so what an so forth, demand contrition. Demand accountability. Moses got into Heaven... but he didn't get into the Promised land. Why? Because he struck a rock in anger. Womp Womp!

@cinco that is so true. Just like all these rappers who "love" their Mama's but are quick to call another Black woman a B@^$ or Ho. They worship their daughters like russell Simmons, but will shrink wrap and ship Misogyny around the world.

[Natoe]

The situition/allegation is to important to be making assumptions, plus we should try and reduce on this whole INFOTAINMENT culture.

[wanda]

"jay z has come out in support of Rhianna. Which is a good thing and I know your not talking about it but i thought you would enjoy the duality of jay z."

I've seen on a number of websites, a video of an angry Jay Z manhandling a woman backstage at one of his concerts. I think that he is trying to divert attention from his own abuse issues.

[wanda]

"Hitting a woman is wrong. If your life is endangered by a weapon I can see defending yourself or protecting elderly or the young from the rage and attack of a woman."

Hitting ANYBODY is wrong. Violence is SO wrong.

Just saying "hitting a woman is wrong" sounds nice and chivalrous, but gives the impression that male-on-male, or general violence is OK with us.

It is not.

So, I'm walking down a block when all of a sudden, some wild 19 year-old male thug sprays a corner with bullets at some other teens males, and I get hit. How do I benefit that this thug teen was taught ONLY that violence against a woman is wrong? I don't 'cause I've been shot. Let's simplify what we support and what we're against.

[The Angry Independent]

I mentioned this case to make a larger point. Those who care to read my commentary can do so....

http://mirroronamerica.blogspot.com/2009/02/black-women-and-race-to-bottom-part-iii.html

(or you can type "Rihanna" in the search box at the top)

The comments I see here never cease to amaze me. I still love WAOD... although sometimes it seems as if it is turning into an echo chamber.

[Curtis Duncan]

Here is a blog with an interesting point of view. I think Rihanna is creating her own reality. Check it out: http://jujumama.wordpress.com/2009/02/12/rihanna-a-quantum-view-no-victims-no-villains/