Friday
Dec182009
WAPO Steals From ESSENCE: Another Y U Ain't Got No Man Article- Helena Andrews Rhetorical Terrorist
Friday, December 18, 2009 at 7:04AM The Blogmother
Okay. Okay. We get it. If you're a Black woman, you're gonna die old and alone and be eaten alive by nine cats.... unless you kill yourself first which is the premise that the Washington Post offers us in this 5 page article called SUCCESSFUL, BLACK and LONLEY.
DId I mention y'all are lonely. So apparently Helena Andrews has a book coming out called "Bitch is the New Black" - How freaking original. Instead of stereotyping Black women as Welfare Queens, Mammy, and whoever else, she falls back on the old weez all gon'e die old and alone and be eaten by 9 cats. I wish someone would write a book about kick@$$ septuagenarians who are ruling the world.
Clearly this book hops on the gravy train currently dragging Hill Harper
and Steve Harvey
straight to the bank- trafficking in the loneliness of Black women. THis is yet another rhetorical suicide bomb being set off in a room full of Black women. Gina, that's harsh. No its not! If you want to take yourself out, fine, but don't try to take all other Black women with you by saying stupid nonsense like this. Stereotype much?
Helena won't mind me calling her a rhetorical suicided bomber... she wears a mask after all . Helena here's a tip MOVE! Move! If you just HAVE to be married why the heck are you in Washington, DC? On a side note, being really BAD at office politics doesn't mean you don't have to worry about office politics.
I am not anti-marriage, but I am also not anti-single. If you want to be married then be about the business of getting married. There are a number of Black women bloggers who have dedicated entire series towards this endeavor, if that's the most important thing in your life, then be about the business of going for it, but stop doing the same crap over and over again and then whine because its not working out for you and write a book defaming Black women.
You can't always get what you want, its called life! doesn't begin or end when you get your MRS, it just keeps rolling along. Stop letting these snake oil salesmen and women prey upon your fears that education, career advancement, and the ability to take care of yourself equals slitting your wrist because you ain't got no maaaaan. . Live your life. Enjoy your health... while you can. I promise y'all finishing at least one complete manuscript is at the top of my list for 2010. This Black Woman Preying Book Madness must be rebuked! Check out the Singled Out blog at Psychology Today.
Hat Tip to Blkchik who posted this on the What About Our Daughters Network Forum.
PPS. To Helena's publicist, no need to thank me! make sure you get paid for this post. Have a great one!
Andrews documents the lives of so many young black women who appear to have everything: looks, charm, Ivy League degrees, great jobs. Closets packed full of fabulous clothes; fabulous condos in fabulous gentrified neighborhoods; fabulous vacations, fabulous friends. And yet they are lonely: Their lives are repetitive, desperate and empty.WAPO
DId I mention y'all are lonely. So apparently Helena Andrews has a book coming out called "Bitch is the New Black" - How freaking original. Instead of stereotyping Black women as Welfare Queens, Mammy, and whoever else, she falls back on the old weez all gon'e die old and alone and be eaten by 9 cats. I wish someone would write a book about kick@$$ septuagenarians who are ruling the world.
Clearly this book hops on the gravy train currently dragging Hill Harper
and Steve Harvey
straight to the bank- trafficking in the loneliness of Black women. THis is yet another rhetorical suicide bomb being set off in a room full of Black women. Gina, that's harsh. No its not! If you want to take yourself out, fine, but don't try to take all other Black women with you by saying stupid nonsense like this. Stereotype much?
Helena Andrews says she is a mean girl. That is where the title of the book comes from.
"It's much easier if you have a mask, 'Don't [expletive] with me.' Then you don't have to worry about office politics." She once asked a colleague, "Why does no one say hi to me in the morning?"
"Because you are a bitch," the colleague replied.
Andrews wasn't offended. That is her way of moving through the world. That way you don't get hurt, you mask any softness or weakness inside. Washington Post
Helena won't mind me calling her a rhetorical suicided bomber... she wears a mask after all . Helena here's a tip MOVE! Move! If you just HAVE to be married why the heck are you in Washington, DC? On a side note, being really BAD at office politics doesn't mean you don't have to worry about office politics.
I am not anti-marriage, but I am also not anti-single. If you want to be married then be about the business of getting married. There are a number of Black women bloggers who have dedicated entire series towards this endeavor, if that's the most important thing in your life, then be about the business of going for it, but stop doing the same crap over and over again and then whine because its not working out for you and write a book defaming Black women.
You can't always get what you want, its called life! doesn't begin or end when you get your MRS, it just keeps rolling along. Stop letting these snake oil salesmen and women prey upon your fears that education, career advancement, and the ability to take care of yourself equals slitting your wrist because you ain't got no maaaaan. . Live your life. Enjoy your health... while you can. I promise y'all finishing at least one complete manuscript is at the top of my list for 2010. This Black Woman Preying Book Madness must be rebuked! Check out the Singled Out blog at Psychology Today.
Hat Tip to Blkchik who posted this on the What About Our Daughters Network Forum.
PPS. To Helena's publicist, no need to thank me! make sure you get paid for this post. Have a great one!
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Reader Comments (61)
High FIVE Sister!
I am truly tired of this mess. And you are right if getting a man is your priority then treat it as such. But don't blame your educational and professional success. These wonderful accomplishments aren't barriers to getting a loveship that enhances your accomplishments. We must change our minds on this kind of thinking.
Thanks Sis. Gina, I live and work in Washington, DC and I saw this a week ago; the sister just needs to get a life! She doesn't not mention any hobbies, volunteer work, church work, other educational pursuits, etc. She just goes to work, hangs out with friends and complains about being single.
Sadly, like Essence, the Washington Post is now a pick up joint. :( :(
Gina,
you mean Messence don't you ;-)
sigh..another book going after the sisters...
p.s. I am 45 and have 3 cats..
but we all hang and keep it real, they are better company than most brothers ;-)
I'm a thirty year old guy and I wish I had a cat. Mice were trying to invade my apartment like the Russians did Afghanistan in the 80's.
I say all that to say - cats ain't so bad.
SNIP
Helena here’s a tip MOVE! Move! If you just HAVE to be married why the heck are you in Washington, DC? On a side note, being really BAD at office politics doesn’t mean you don’t have to worry about office politics.
SNIP
In addition, you can't wear the "don't f*ck with me" face and then wonder why nobody f*ck's with you. Even the smallest amount of self-examination will tell you that.
Helena is doing alright.
She got a book deal and a movie deal (picked up by Shonda Rimes) for her "woes."
I think folk like to complain about not having a man more than they actually want to put in the real work to get one.
Just because someone is successful, black and single doesn't mean they are lonely. Some may be lonely but from what i can tell these ladies are looking for the right man and they haven't found him ,but what about the successful black men why is it that these women aren't with any of them?
People talk about how successful black women aren't married but they should examine why successful black men aren't dating or marrying these women.
"Andrews documents the lives of so many young black women who appear to have everything: looks, charm, Ivy League degrees, great jobs And yet they are lonely: Their lives are repetitive, desperate and empty"
This may be Helena's life but it doesn't represent all of the women that are in this situation. If these women were desperate they would date anyone even a high school drop out that has children everywhere but can't provide for them. Many of these women are probably looking for quality and don't want to settle for just anything or anybody.
If Helena Andrews is a bitch like the article stated, i can see why she is lonely and she is going to stay that way.
Who in the world would act like a bitch, call themselves a bitch, write a book about being a bitch and then question why they are single?
Professional black women are partnered the same way many professional, high-achieving white women are un-partnered EXCEPT the white women have MANY more options (including high-achieving professional black men) to date.
If high-achieving black men do not want to marry black women then those black women need to marry other men. End of story.
I meant to say high-achieving black women are unpartnered at about the same rate as high-achieving white women. It's just that white women can date a high-achieving man of another race while black women typically do not.
This message is so tired!! I don't like that she is referring to black women as B#$%^s Chick needs to read some of the BWE blogs and recognize that she needs to open her options. Her misery is self-induced and her values appear to be quite shallow.
@ Reese, #9, good point! And living in Washington, DC, there are a lot of Latino and Afro-Latino brothers!
I'm working on my Spanish right now . . . . .!
:) :) :)
So,so very tired of hearing this over and over again.
it's like they're trying to brainwash BW into thinking they are nothing, deserving of nothing and no one. OK gotcha, now enough!
I get it. I am a black woman, i'm suppose to be greatful i even get a side glance from the street cleaner.
i don't buy it though, i never have, i have never dated a BM, i am mostly attracted to WM and have had no problem attracting the people I am attracted to.
Am i a rarity? noooo...atleast i don't think so.
BM have made it obvious that they don't marry BW, sorry but it's the truth (i know i will get the statistic again but please hear me out)
BM seem to (if they can) date "out" meaning anything other than BW and tend to marry WW at a faster rate than BW atleast here in the UK.
It's all about supply and demand, WW over here are in demand! BM litterally jump hoops in order to get a WW , any WW mind you.
yes,it's pathetic but it's beside the point, the point is, BW need not be told they are lonely , they need to be told to love men who love them back and that is that. if that means loving someone of a different "hue" so be it. who cares?! do it! i am sick of hearing about this "bw are so lonely and have no one and no one wants them blah blah blaaaaaaaaah" i. don't.drink.koolaid.
and if you do (drink koolaid that is) that is your problem ,don't make it an over all "BW problem" please.
If you don't get love from Bm, seek other men. simples! if you're not attracted to other men and only to BM - phew, i feel sorry for you. I know you can't fight attraction and all so it must be hard for you but if you only find BM attractive, lets just say i wouldn't want to be in your shoes.
Personally, i don't see the attraction.
In the future i hope to not see anymore of these articles, obviously she isn't doing something about the whole problem , they say the first signs of going crazy is that you do the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Seriously, she needs to move. Washington DC, really?! this is a joke. and "bitch is the new black"!? wth!?
NOt the same Essence that put Steve Harvey and the lady he cheated on his wife with on the cover!!!!
If Helena's personality is this high mighty bitchy attitude, then there goes her problem as to why she's single and unapproachable at work.
BW with this type of mentality should change their attitude. I see this daily at work and it's this identity of stereotyping that many non-black co-workers believe Bw to be. I get uncomfortable when I here such comments like "getting yelled at" or " I don't like confrontation", smh.
After the attitude change I'm sure the prospects of picking up men will quadriple for these ladies.
Is Helena Andrews a writer by trade? I ask b/c instead of the next Toni Morrison or Alice Walker we are getting a bunch of I am a educated/rich/cute single girl books. It looks like when all else fails for a black writer just go and write one of those miserable singles books.
I find myself reading more and more books from black writers from overseas b/c at least they are not caught up in this nonsense.
And how is she sucessful at career yet mean to her coworkers?
And how come no one talks about black poor and working class women without mates? Is it b/c oow children make their lives seem "less empty"? And Having a Ivy League degree doesn't make you more marriage worthy than any other woman
I am a black male and was very moved by the WaPo article. I published a video response and would love feedback from the WAOD family (it's work place safe): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1QElbYkPxY
Much luv!
-Paul
Im sick of these articles and am glad I have left such miserable women like Helena Andrews alone. If I were to have listened to women like Helena or the other fools I have run into, then I would not be where I am at today.
I will not date a bus driver, garbage man, ect. I dont have to. I will not date a black man period and that was a good choice for me. Too many issues. I get tired of these articles about how lonely and desperate life is because your a black woman.
Nobody has to go through what black women deal with but you can get rid of people. You can cut folks off. And black women can successfully date and marry.
@LD
I completely disagree.
Even if Ms. Andrews were a completely passive, all loving giver she still would have trouble finding a similarly educated BM.
The real issue is the huge imbalance in the numbers of working educated black women and men.
Ms. Andrews and her peers just have to leave DC where educated BW are like ants…swarms of red fire ants….congregating in little hills ;-). Go where there are larger numbers of single straight men. Hint, hint…it ain’t Atlanta!
People who focus on Ms. Andrews’s personality are missing the point. I meet high achieving aggressive Jewish women like this every day...all day long and they all have partners with like behaviors. There are all kinds of personalities in the world. Not all women are kind loving help mates and not all men are strong supportive providers.
The issue is the BW who is driven doesn't have a core group of BM who have that same drive and will to achieve to choose from. She does not have a comparable BM peer group in which to find a partner.
BTW, anyone who has spent time around a lot of very successful or well educated people knows that this arrogance and attitude is common. Or maybe, it’s just me and the crowd here in NY.
The same attitude Ms. Andrews describes in herself, I see in educated BM in spades ;-)
In fact, I can say I honestly do not know any well educated BM who are not arrogant and self absorbed. It all goes together. Again, these are my personal experiences.
well said knockoutchick--my observations as well.
Scipio Africanus,
You have to find out where the mice are coming from (how they are getting into your apartment), then plug up those holes with some steel wool (which you can get from a hardware store). So get low to the ground (on your hands and knees) and look around. (If you live in an older building, with wooden floors and there is one of those old fashioned radiators, often that is a place where mice enter. They enter at the hole in the floorboards where the valve comes up through the floor.)
@KO
Sorry for the late response, just got home from a x-mas party. Anyway, I not saying for her to be passive but to consider being less intimadating and more approachable. She maybe smart enough to know the difference bullcrap and genuine interest while being more approachable.
Although, I notice DC and NY was mention. I have not been to either but I have heard from others that people are more rude and arrogant over there as contrast to LA.
@LD
I wouldn't say that people in DC are more rude, but it is very much a bureaucratic environment. Government is number one employer in this part of the country and it spills over into private and public sector. As such, relationships and boundaries are concise and can be rigid. I am a Cali native and I have a hard time adjusting because it's an environment that I am not quite used to or was trained in.
Some of my friends have had good luck with the Internet, and although at least one has met a number of nice BM as well, they have found it really is helpful to look outside the box.
Right now, if we're talking about white-collar professionals, for the most part WM are the main ones who show interest - or who are even friendly to me for that matter. Professional BM tend to treat me like I'm chasing them when I'm just doing the black folks' nod as I pass them in the mall.
Things are a real mess between BW and BM. I'm happily single - which is why I haven't joined my friends on the Internet search - but right now if I suddenly decided that I'd like to be with someone and he HAD to be a BM, I'd have to date the guys who work at the local grocery store. Nice hardworking men, but I'm coming to grips with just how bougie I really am.
For the record, have you noticed that when lonely people get married, they tend to be lonely in their marriages too? When I was less happily single I used to have the daydream of marriage "rescuing" me from loneliness and my married friends set me straight on that in a hurry. Helen's loneliness problem is not with her singleness.
Well put, girlfriend! I wonder if she knew how much anger the story would stir up--not because our "dirty laundry" is being aired--but because it's a story we don't all buy into but is being flown as the Black Woman Flag. Get your book done, girl, so we can all read it (and go see the movie)!
As a 20+ year happily married BM, I can't say I know the Helens of the world or would want to know them. Most of my BM friends are married or have been. All but one to BW. All are "highly educated" and or highly intelligent with drive for what that's worth. People attract what they are about on the most basic of levels. Most of these men would be considered nerds/geeks/home body types. One of my single friends commented that after a certain age people have to many issues from bad realationships to make things work. However many are happy being single just like women I know are happy being single. This "desperate BW syndrome" is so tiring, but gets the most attention. I believe it creates a us against them mindset among some people. The problem is not the shortage of quality black men. The real problems are poor mate selecting skills and and the inability to develop productive functioning relationships. Most people need only one good woman or good man that they can make things work.
Prior to marriage I dated five women during and after college. Only one relationship lasted more than six months. They were all marriage material. They all got married and are still married. All but one to BM. They were/are nice, thoughtful, intelligent women. I think we all made good choices. Four of the five have earned advanced degrees, two ivys. I tell my son all the time, "marry a women just like your mother. Nice, thoughtful and intelligent."
My screening process for dating was simple, I would not date a woman who slept around. I didn't, and didn't want that in a women. I did not date someone who wasn't nice. Who would. I only dated intelligent women. I am. I had to find her attractive. We attract what we are about.
redcat,
I actually was able to figure it out and I did stop those cracks up with steel wool, but thanks for the advice anyway.
Nautical,
Complete co-sign, and that pretty much echoes most of my observations and experiences too.
Someone said it best: "Think outside the box." First of all decide if you even want to be married. There is nothing wrong with the happy single life.
Second if you do want marriage, work at it like you do anything else. Make yourself attractive to the type of person you want to attract in not just education and professionalism but also attitude, personality, openness to activities, etc.
Consider men of other races, outside your pre-selected age range and yes even those blue collar men. No I am not saying you have to date an illiterate knuckle-dragging homeless man. But don't just assume that all men who don't work clothes instead of suits to work are that. Some people just know that is where their talents lie and make the most of them and could still be well read in other areas. I know a college grad who gave up office work for a sandblasting business with several large contracts and a trade school guy who does lighting who knows as much or maybe more about the local art and history museums than many suit wearing wanna-bes. But many sisters would dismiss them right off the bat.
So I don't say hang in there with old Bub if he truely is a dullard. I'm just saying if a guy like this steps to you correctly at least give him a once over or a couple of phone calls. He might actually have the intellect, income and other more important qualities to satisfy you.
#12- Your comment about not understanding the attraction to black men is self-hating. If you have a son what are you telling him? That he is less than other men? A person can expand their dating options without denigrating their own race.
I won't be reading this book or watching the movie. The title alone is just atrocious and the writer does sound as though she has some issues which need to be dealt with; and I will NOT support any of these "Black Women It Sucks To Be You" books, movies, talk shows, or whatever....
Having said that, I find it extremely annoying that black women are simply not allowed to just be multi-faceted, flawed human beings like the rest of the human race and that we are not allowed to just be ourselves- without everyone thinking they have the right to stereotype or label our behaviour no matter what we do. Other people are allowed to have flaws and not get dissected or be put under a micro-scope. But for Black women no matter what we do we are labelled negatively.
If we are very shy and quiet (like I am) then we get labelled as stuck-up and aloof. If we are outgoing, jovial, lively and loud - then we get labelled as not having any class or decorum. If we have priorities such as work first or are very highly educated - then we are cold-hearted 'B' word who think that we "don't need a man".
NB: I am saying 'we' but of course I cannot speak for all, most or even many black women - I am only speaking for myself and for A FEW black women I know.
I also agree with commenter #24. You must have a screening process when you are developing your relationships and friendships. This is what I do and you will be surprised at how many positive people you will attract into your life. I have dated some lovely men who didn't care that I am a shy, quiet person - they liked it; so I was able to be myself in a positive way.
Likewise there will be men out there who love women who are bold, outgoing and the life-of-the-party or who are very work-driven. In short, just be yourself and don't care what black men, white men, white women or whoever think about you.
Many of them like to use certain labels to describe black women because they simply do not feel we are worth getting to know and are just looking for excuses to justify their dislike.
Too often too many want us to accept this false belief that marriage is the epitomy of something. If marriage is what one believes they need to be 'complete', then go for it. I'm perfectly happy to embrace my relationship for what it is to me, right now without any other man or woman trying to persuade me that I'm unfulfilled.
On a side note, I would cancel my Essence subscription if I thought I could get any money refunded... are you kidding me? Steve Harvey is giving advice on how to get a man? Knowing Essence, I expect Tiger to be next.
I think that Nautical and Scipio Africanus knows that there are more black women than black men and that black men arent marrying black women. Nautical is in the minority.
What you had to say was very encouraging, Nautical, but has me wondering if some of my experience is regional. I'm the same person wherever I am, but I definitely get different responses to friendliness (not flirting, just friendliness) when I leave my region (central eastern US).
I've been looking for a church here, and I visited a Black Baptist church where on that particular Sunday, literally ALL the BM under 40 who were partnered were with WW. I wish I were exaggerating. It is not that I have a problem with BM/WW love and marriage. Not a man in that church owed me or any other BM their choice of partner. If we have the right to look outside the box, so do BM. Even so, when I noticed the pattern and looked around the church actually seeking BM/BW relationships, it was still an uncanny, uncomfortable experience to see literally none under 40 and ALL the partnered young BM with WW.
Then again, I'm over 40. I agree with Nautical that we need to have standards, and Bee that you can find a suitable partner in unlikely places (despite my comment about the men at the grocery store - I was sleepy), but I am also observing a very real pattern in the region where I live that has me very glad that I'm happily single, because I may remain this way for a long time.
#31 BM are getting married BW every single day, everyday. Just making a statement sternly does not make it true.
#32 That is a shock about the under 40 crowed at that black church. In all my years in and around black churches. I can count the amount of BM that are not with BW, I have seen on one hand.
I am sure you are correct though, it is just shocking is all.
But, what do I know apparently me and almost every BM that I know is some kind of enigma and exception, because we all got married to BW. (lol)
I know this data is dated because it is "Married couples in the United States in 2006" but, unless things have changed dramatically in the last 4 years.
Link:
* 3.7% of married Black American women and 8.4% of married Black American men had a non-Black spouse. 6.6% of married Black men and 2.8% of married Black women had a White spouse. 0.1% of married Black women were married to Asian American men, representing the least prevalent marital combination.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interracial_marriage_in_the_United_States
Wikipedia is not a reliable source for accurate information.
Lord,
I hate talking about relationships, but clearly there is a need.
First, you can't control anyone else. Period. You can't control who they like or prefer or want. So irrespective of cultural, historical, self-esteem or whatever other factors you make have, Black women don't own Black men. They are free to do as they please and vice versa. Just because Black women grew up dreaming of a Black prince doesn't mean he signed up for duty.
Likewise, the overwhelming number of Black men I know are married and they are married to Black women. Where I go to church, there are only maybe three IR relationships and its about an even split. In fact when it comes to interracial relationships, I know more Black women who are involved with non-Black men, but that's what I KNOW. that might have something to do with my professional and educational background and I realize that that often makes me an outlier for most broad generalizations. Yes, there are some geographic differences and definitely class differences.
The only thing in life you can control is what YOU DO. So people need to make some hard choices if "marriage" is what they want, but don't run around taking all of Black womanity with you.
Maybe its a defense mechanism, but I'm not interested in anyone who's not interested in me. Period. I don't think about them. I don't stare at them at church. I don't follow them at the grocery store. I don't comment on their loyalty to the race. That person had no obligation to marry the person of my choice.
So my response to all of you running around counting up the number of Black men with White women is this... THAT AIN'T NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! No you need to be about the business of taking care of YOUR BUSINESS!
Don't you recognize psychological warfare when you see it? The world wants you to believe that NOBODY WANTS BLACK WOMEN! That's a lie. When you sit on a blog ruminating on all the men who chose a woman from another race, you're just reinforcing that lie. The purpose of that lie is to oppress you. To make you value yourself less and value someone else more. It makes you make compromises you would not ordinarily make. It makes you ignore warning signs. It makes you bitter.
So in closing. If you want to be married, be about the business of getting married and spend the time you waste analyzing someone else's relationship choices making a few of your own. You don't have to try to find the 50 Black men you see walking with a White woman. You just need to find one man who want to be with one Black woman, that would be you.
This year more than ever my mortality has slapped me in the face. My responsibility to myself is to live the most amazing life possible.
I saw this on Twitter yesterday and think its apropos
"Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass. its about learning how to dance in the rain."
Life is what it is. Your challenge is to deal with it.
So in closing, if in your mind, ALL THE BLACK MEN only want White women, then your challenge in life is to deal with it.
Likewise if in your mind, you'll JUST DIE WITHOUT A HUSBAND, again, your challenge in life is to deal with it.
And for goodness sakes if you just HAVE to be married to a particular type of man (as opposed to his values, character or beliefs) and you aren't finding those particular types of men around you, then you need a change of location. That might not even be a geographic location. Sometimes, that's going to get your hair done on another side of town. And if you're going to church to find a man and there ain't any..... common sense tells us to find another church.
I guess my mind is warped because all the women in my life die alone, even after being married for 50 years. Both of my grandmothers outlived their husbands by almost 20 years.
#35 The Wikipedia page was not the source of the data the data itself comes from "United States Census Bureau" and was only provided on the Wikipedia page.
#36 makes outstanding points....
I married a Black man. I have one son that married Black - one that didn't.
I have a daughter that dates a variety of different young men - mostly Black, but not limited to.
Am I supposed feel rejected that one son married outside of the race?
Should I treat my future grandchildren of my non-Black daughter-in-law, differently than my other grandchildren?
I have never understood the preoccupation with who Black men get (or don't) get with. It's all about finding the right INDIVIDUAL that you bond with on many levels.
I thought the point of this post was to show how the media is running this angry no man black woman routine into the ground and making money off the fear of BW being alone.
BW really need to pay attention to what people are trying to sell us these days from Madea to Superhead books. We need stop supporting this nonsense
I thought the point of this post was to show how the media is running this angry no man black woman routine into the ground and making money off the fear of BW being alone.
BW really need to pay attention to what people are trying to sell us these days from Madea to Superhead books. We need stop supporting this nonsense
Nia,
On Wikipedia you usually (and they actively attempt to make it always) have the ability to click on links to their sources for whatever is written. You have the bility to decide whether you accept or reject the source adn the information that comes from it.
Yes, getting back to the point of the original post ....
There are so many more interesting, original and unique stories and issues about Black women that can and should be made into movies, books, etc.
All of this just inspires me to be more creative and to started creating alternative stories and getting them out there.
I really don't understand. The vast majority of educated, upwardly mobile black men I know are married to black women. I know only one who did not marry a black woman; his wife is Asian. We are talking about close to fifty men. Is this perception of black men not desiring black women based on celebrity mating patterns? I am beginning to become very suspicious of those who keep spreading misinformation.
Nubian,
This thing has been approaching hysteria-levels for about 20 years now. My belief is that often, maybe almost always, hysteria isn't based on actual facts or real conditions, but on something else entirely. Sometimes it's based on paranoia, sometimes on lies, sometimes on projection, sometimes on unfounded hatred or antipathy. In other words, hysteria is frequently based on psychological stuff going on inside the minds of the population as a whole, not on anything else.
Looking at this web sites it seems more like that black folks in general male and females are not getting married.
Link:
http://www.blackdemographics.com/population.html#anchor_401
It is widely accepted that black women are least likely to marry than any other women in America. But after viewing the true data, we can see that although fewer black women are "now married", more black women marry at least once than black men.
44% of black men are "never married" compared to 42.7% of black women.
It is also believed that a large percentage of Black men marry White women. This is cited as the cause of low marriage rates among Black women. This however is only partially true. While Black men marry white women at twice the rate of Black women only 6.6% of married Black men have White spouses. 8.4 percent of African American men marry outside their race. It is Asian women who have the highest rates of intermarriage which is twice that of Black men. Black women are the least likely to marry outside their race with only 3.6%, and only 2.8% married to White men.
*All statistics used here are from the US Census Bureau 2005-2007 unless otherwise noted
It's really not that hard to find a man. Women and men have to understand that no one is perfect.
People today are so critical, they could pick the meat off a fellow human being with their words and eyes.
A couple of weeks back, there was some old white guy on Newsweek dogging black women. I think this trend started with media fascination with Mrs Obama, and goes downhill from there.
Well, I'm certainly not following men around in the grocery store or counting couples in church. I'm a generally friendly person (I greet people, and it's the guys who work in the grocery store who return the greeting) living in a new area trying to make sense of what I'm seeing as I try to fit in.
I made it plain in my post that BM don't owe me or any other BW their undying fealty. It was just an eerie experience at the church I visited. I didn't go in "looking for a man." I went to church because I need a church home, and the pattern was so prevalent I HAD to notice then I looked around to see if I was just focusing on certain couples.
At any rate, my friends and I talk about relationships a lot trying to figure things out for ourselves. We have full, whole lives, but we are human too. Our experience has taught us that yes, BW are indeed desirable to men of other races. I've just never lived anywhere where I've been stonewalled by BM like I am here. It's an uncomfortable adjustment.
Back to what I said in my first post that no one has picked up yet, and it does relate to the original topic: anyone single really does need to have a full, whole life even if they do want to be married because marriage is not a magical cure-all for loneliness... especially if the choice of marriage is made out of loneliness. Even if I remain alone, I am so very grateful for the life I have.
"I wish someone would write a book about kick@$$ septuagenarians who are ruling the world."
Well, I don't know about the book, but, here is ONE kickass Black lady who has been to the Top of the World:
http://kathmanduk2.wordpress.com/2007/06/06/barbara-hillary/
There are more educated BW than BM, more BW working than BM and so on. If you want to have a similiarly educated male partner, you will have to go online, travel, move or get out of majority black communities....and THAT is a hard thing to do. This is a very difficult thing for BW. I undertand that.
But I must agree when I see how much of the media covers this story, it is made to appear that NO ONE is attracted to BW and I too know that is a lie.
In NYC over 50% of young BM are unemployed and don't have the stability to enter in or maintain a relationship. BM that I know who are unemployed or under-employed say they find it easier to be in relationships with WW, as the WW judge their unemployment less harshly. BW are more apt to feel....I have a job and work 60 hours a week...why can't you find one?
Women in general are more organized and focused. And it feels like BW are becoming more successful in the workplace than their BM counterparts. I do think BW are more driven than BM. I know a lot more BW who want to be CEO, own the firm, buy large parcels of Real Estate, and so on. I meet a lot of young BM who just want a job that pays their bills....or barely.
This is a big issue in the black community and I think women like Helena highlight this issue. We have this large growing group of highly driven, educated BW without peers the the black community.
Yet, I am so sick of the whining, it makes BW look pathetic and further it makes the few single BM that are interested in BW behave in such dreadful, arrogant ways its awful.
BW need to stop yapping and start moving...
knockoutchick,
You write a very balanced, fair and accurate synopsis of the overall situation as well as how folks should prceed. Co-sign.