WAOD Readers Say I'm WRONG on "Mr Do Right", ESSENCE.com Readers Offer Vindication

I was saddened. Hurt. Crushed. Broken hearted, saddened ( oh I already said that). Well anyway. While most of the world found my analysis of the contestants of this year's ESSENCE magazine "Gurl I Don't Know Why Y'all Are Still Single" competition known as the ESSENCE "DO Right Man" contest, hilarious, some WAOD readers ( MAINLY two male readers) chided me on what I thought was a hysterically funny post.

First Al from Bayshore called moi "clueless":

I was preparing to launch into a tirade in which I imply a cluelessness on your part in regards to seriousness men possess when they prepare food, especially for women. Al from Bayshore

Then he besmirched my family honor as a Texan by implying that I could not Bar-B-Q:

Spoken like someone who still has to boil their ribs before they are placed on the grill (hehehehe, you still grill your ribs and chicken). Let me guess, your favorite brand of briquets are Kingsford, right? Al From bay Shore!

Sir I take UMBRAGE at you saying that I boil my ribs!!! Sacrilege! I demand satisfaction and challenge you to a duel for besmirching the family's honor! You don't know nothing bout smoking meat in an old welded oil drum with some pecan tree branches you picked up off the ground. The Devil will need ice skates before someone from Cali will challenge me on Bar-B-Q. Just because I haven't turned my stove on in about three months doesn't mean I don't know how to cook. I just elect not to.

Then he implied that we were ignorant and called us heathens:

Memo to the ladies: Stop eating at TGI-Fridays.

Have you ever heard the expression soup to nuts? First you have the soup, then the entree, the dessert, and then the nuts. Thats how its usually done(Please don’t ask for the artichoke dip and potato skins). Now I don’t always follow the usual format. I’ll add a salad to precede the soup and, just to be totally decadent, I’ll follow dessert with a rich cheese and a lush dessert wine (and if you ain’t looking, I’ll trick you into “buttering” your bread with mascarpone - that stuff is like crack) . MANY men, like myself, are sommelier “hobbyists” and culinary endeavors are a tai-chi like meditation. When you BUILD a complete meal, you have to do other $#!T like finding an appropriate aperitif, pairing the soup with the entree (if one is needed), pairing the wines, finding a digestif, and then there is creating a cheese plate. Some of you guys are absolute heathens, you’ll frown upon a big tasting Merlot and opt for a white zin to go with the stilton [sigh]. This is both a labor or love and a way of communicating an affection towards women. Don’t belittle it. Al From Bay Shore

OH PLEASE! Faith and CPL can tell you about the two brothers who went to a very nice restaurant at Netroots Nation and debated Piesporter vs WILD TURKEY at the table. Didn't matter if he was eating steak or fish. It was Piesporter because he said that was the only wine he knew. Y'all aren't all sommeliers - And a "sommelier “hobbyists” " is an oxymoron. You are either a professional or... YOU AIN'T. Stick with that $5 box wine from Sam's Club.

Then Al offered this humble assessment of his cooking abilities:

The true culinary artisan (like some men that I know) can make tastebuds climax with just chicken, carrots, potatoes, and a five dollar Merlot.

First, I didn't know tastebuds could do that. Second, lay off that boxed wine. If your wine comes in a bag inside a cube, that's not romantic.

Not to be outdone, our self-admitted resident defender of all of Blackmanity, clnmike had to put his $0.02 into the mix.

As far as this post, one would get the idea that those who complain about a man cooking for them wouldnt be satisfied with anything he did.

Im missing what the big deal is are yall upset that men would have the nerve to cook/treat women to dinner?

Upset that cooking dinner is considered romantic as opposed to the the “essential tasks” which sound like a need for a butler and not a romantic relationship? Clnmike

Intentionally missing the point. The point I was trying to make is that the entire exercise of voting for someone because they are doing what they are supposed to be doing anyway is silly and the thought of millions of Black women vying over the same little handful of men is byzantine, archaic, and sexist. not to mention that half the men talking about five and six course meals in that ESSENCE competition couldn't boil a sausage or bake a biscuit under duress.

All I did was point out the lack of originality on the part of the person who assembled the list because almost ALL of the men competing answered the question about their "most romantic" moment IDENTICALLY. I merely pointed out that almost EVERY man selected "food" as their most romantic notion. That's ALL! I wasn't saying Black men could not cook. I wasn't saying that a man cooking a meal couldn't be romantic. As someone who hasn't turned on her stove top in about three months,a meal that doesn't come out of a bag, a box, or isn't served on a tray would be nice. All i was asking for is some diversity!

Today I was VINDICATED. Vin-di-cated by your sistren over at ESSENCE.com. They have announced the winner of the "Black Men Doing What They Ought to Do In the First Place" Competition. The winner is KURTIS WATKINS. I am vindicated because this man didn't mention anything about DRANKS and VITTLES in his answer about romance, and we will overlook his reference to salmon and wild rice. TECHNICALLY, he says cooking is a "hobby" NOT part of his most "romantic" gesture.

To all you sisters who like them young, Kurtis is 28 and lives in Hoboken, New Jersey. He is a gallery owner and fine artist; trained in portraiture, abstraction, illustration and graphic design. According to ESSENCE, Watkins qualifies as a "Do Right Man" because he works with Tied to Greatness, a New Brunswick, New Jersey, mentoring organization that focuses on young males ages 13 through 18. Then the cheeziness begins. On why he LOVES Black women:

“Black women are my complement. My attraction to them is just natural.” ( Not a WORD. NOT. A. WORD. There are about a THOUSAND THINGS WRONG WITH THIS, BUT I WILL IGNORE lest I start World War III up in here)

ROMANTIC MOVE: “Once I was talking to someone long distance but had never met her. One day we had a beautiful conversation, and from that conversation I created an image of her and sent that to her along with a picture of myself. She loved it.” (Notice no mention of DRANKS or VITTLES)

MOTTO: “Succeed at all costs.” (He is only 28, when he gets older, he will realize what a really bad motto this is, but that is the benefit of youth. You don't know what you don't know. Success at all costs ain't success.)

So there you have it, this man won by saying that he will paint you a picture. ( Either that or he has his people blowing up the ESSENCE.com website with votes) That's ORIGINAL!

Comments

[Pamela]

I finally brought myself to check out the Essence magazine article. I do not bother with them because the articles all sound the same like 20 years ago. Your previous post on this makes it quite clear.

I will say that it would be a plus if the man I marry knows how to cook:)

[Al From Bay Shore]

This is a test. I'm hoping the "webwasher" function on my computer (coming to you from an undisclosed location somewhere in a High School withing DeKalb County, GA) allows me to post a response.

[Al From Bay Shore]

Nice, we're in business.....

Beware of the hobbyists. We cook for enjoyment. It isn't a question of a "secret recipe" but of endurance. Someone who makes gumbo tries to get by with water. A hobbyist cannot do without a broth of his/her own making. I've heard tales of hobbyists spending several days making their "gumbo broth".

And then there is the BBQ. I'm fairly new at this game but tender smoky tasting ribs are all the motivation this Long Islander needs to be a HUGE threat to the avid bbq-er. The only reason why I've not done a brisket is that I've not found an adequate way to explain to my wife why I was out on the porch from 5pm to 5am. And I'm not a fan of pecan. I'm more of a hickory type - its flavor is a bit stronger but I manage that by keeping my smoke pale, thin, and blue. And then there is something magical about seeing that smoke ring after you pull apart the ribs. There is a satisfaction about that. Just last week, I finally understood how to get a nice looking "bark" on my ribs. This Sunday, I'm gonna see what happens when I mop with apple juice and whiskey.

On a serious note however, I am of the opinion that bbq and soul food are the most tangible, and accessible, manifestations of black folk's culture. I take its preparation seriously, like a religious ceremony. You've not lived until you have experienced the heresy of grainy cornbread or macaroni and cheese that seem to be missing its cheesy flavor. I am not motivated by good soul food and bbq but by bad soul food and bbq. I am on a crusade of sorts to rid the world of those who abuse this wonderful cuisine. This is a lifelong mission and I am compiling a list of soul food heretics. Atop my list is B-Smith - she commited the sacriledge of putting a green pepper into her "pot liquor".

[Anonymous]

I thought the Essence article was ridiculous as well, and your post I found hilarious. I was actually hoping you WOULD touch on the responses all the men gave regarding what they like about black women.
It seemed like Essence trained all the men to say everything that they THINK black women want to hear.

[Faith]

Hahaha. See I wasn't EVER going to comment about that dinner. The restaurant ran out of the wine I wanted to compliment my pork! Guys take satire as criticism and get all righteous and indignant. It is kinda lame and unimaginative for a guy to mention a meal as the ideal of romanticism. Perhaps the men featured do other things as well but they didn't take the time to mention it. And you're right about a sommelier skill set. It requires a stint at culinary school AND further training - there's no dabbling involved. Al can be a foodie though.

[Al From Bay Shore]

Now wait a minute. Which gender speaks more of the decadence of chocolate? It is understandable that men would connect food indulgence with courtship. You guys are being quite unreasonable. Seriously. And its not only chocolate. What about honey? How often have we seen a connection between honey and carnal pleasure? Then there is Edible underwear? How about expressions such as "The darker the berry..." More often than not, food and romance have an implied relationship that is, at the very least, overwhelming.

I think it quite rational that men default to culinary pleasure as a means of romantically connecting with a woman. Its not only a safe bet, its logical. It appears that your beef has more to do with the overusage of food as a dating/mating tool. It would have made infinitely more sense to label men as "uncreative" rather than to make an attempt at belittling the age old association between food and coupling.

And maybe the beef is the result of the source, Essence Magazine. Often a subtle undercurrent of the cliche mars their overall aesthetic. Perhaps this article is yet another example of their creative stagnation. Some of the most thoroughly romantically moments I've encountered often involved sharing a cigarette (there is something strangely erotic about the taste of a woman's spit on a cigarette filter). If in fact that is your gripe, I understand that BUT I find it hard to believe that all of you, like Nikki Nikole, make a connection between romatic infatuation, "...smoking a blunt[,] and sipping on a Heineken..." - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3c9SomSzmtQ&feature=related.

In the event that the above "YouTube" link does not post, copy and paste on the address bar of your browser then hit enter.

[Nichelle]

Then he besmirched my family honor as a Texan by implying that I could not Bar-B-Q:

Spoken like someone who still has to boil their ribs before they are placed on the grill (hehehehe, you still grill your ribs and chicken). Let me guess, your favorite brand of briquets are Kingsford, right? Al From bay Shore!

Sir I take UMBRAGE at you saying that I boil my ribs!!! Sacrilege! I demand satisfaction and challenge you to a duel for besmirching the family’s honor! You don’t know nothing bout smoking meat in an old welded oil drum with some pecan tree branches you picked up off the ground. The Devil will need ice skates before someone from Cali will challenge me on Bar-B-Q. Just because I haven’t turned my stove on in about three months doesn’t mean I don’t know how to cook. I just elect not to.

I would just like to offer up my services as a judge in this competition even though I am co-signing Gina all the way in this debate :)

[Al From Bay Shore]

By the way, I like that version better than the one by Alicia Keys.

[gem2001]

Al said "Then there is Edible underwear?"

AL you are thinking of things MEN find romantic NOT women.

It isn't logical. An evening at the park. Holding hands just about anywhere, white water rafting, poetry, assembling or dismantling things are also romantic. You are kind of making my point that these men were unoriginal and downright lazy.

[gem2001]

@faith,

How can you not speak of that DINNER. that had to be one of the high lights of the weekend. pure comedy!

[Al From Bay Shore]

Gem, edible underwear is one of many things. My point is to underscore to relation between food and carnal pleasures. I believe edible underwear is a clear example of that marriage. I do recall Khadijah James (the character portrayed by Queen Latifah in "Living Single") concluding, after wondering aloud what the world would be like without men, that women would be "fat and happy."

We do find agreement in the fact that food is an easy way out but I am arguing that using food as a means of coupling is not entirely unreasonable. I think there are two issues at work: 1. Males are constantly thinking of food - its a HUGE part of male culture. 2. While females may not make food a part of their common dialogues and interactions as do males, their behaviors suggest something completely different. The point is that our (males and females) collective actions suggest that food and its ancillary pleasure constitute a massive share of our collective culture, even more than sexual activities.

I agree, holding hands, white water rafting, taking a walk in a park are outstanding alternatives (you might want to omit the poetry "thing" - friends don't take friends to poetry readings or open mics). I alluded to this earlier with the mention of sharing a cigarette but, at best, one can only argue that food as the central theme of dating is, and has been, overdone. Food will never be overthrown however, it reigns supreme. This is an ever present and inescapable reality. It will always come up. Sure, you're gonna hold hands but what are you gonna do before or after that? Yes, whitewater rafting is thrilling but when the rafts have been moored and the adventurers set camp, you know what happens next. I mentioned sharing a cigarette but, truth be told, cigarettes are almost always an after meal treat. Then there is Nikki Nikole reminiscing about "...sipping a Heineken and smoking a blunt..." but what do you think is going to happen after they smoke that blunt?

Once again, I am in agreement that the food thing has been overdone AND in an age when we are more aware of cholesterol issues, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc., people must be more cognizant in terms of seeking dating alternatives. I suppose this is a male condition, our unoriginality. Your complaint is quite common and valid. Too often does food construct the central theme in male/ female dating interactions.

Its probably appropriate to chide Essence for their article in that it gives approval to an almost paternalisitic form of dating. "Do Right Men" could have been a focus on ways to court that completely omit food consumption with advice to men on how to construct dating experiences that are creative. However, I do not expect to see this anytime soon. I like Essence but it is not the same magazine that I remember from the late 70s and early 80s.

[Clnmike]

Lol, it's like that eh?

Touche.