What About Our Daughters

Everynow and again, it helps me to hear someone say sorry for someone else's stupidity. I know it can't really be done, but somehow hearing it is the gesture I need to help me get over the original sin of stupidity in the first place.

So, as a black woman who does believe in God, I hand-on-heart apologise for the crap that these sisters commenting over at Essence are writing. May God help them get over their mental illnesses and lead better lives...
s

ps: I love this blog and have added it to my list of favorite blogs over on my one. Hope that is ok?

*Sighs*

Black women it is time that we relinquish our roles of being both foot soldiers and sacrificial lambs to this community. Sensible Black women only have each other as there aren't enough Kevin Powells and Prof. Cobbses to rally around us. I appreciate their earnest efforts anyway. We all know that taking up for sistas victimized by Black men isn't popular.

I really feel for a lot of my sistas when I read the idiotic comments from Essence.com. The thoughtless comments over there are a reminder as to how we needn't only worry about the hatred coming from Black men. It's amazing how some sistas are so willing to throw each other under the bus to exalt a disgusting Black man. Those fools reek of self-hatred.

Newsweek hired an journalist who doesn't even have basic reading comprehension?
WAOD commenters have never shown support for R Kelly.
Who are these R Kelly supporters b/c I don't know any, maybe in the beginning but many women have since woke up. If you saw the R Kelly episode of Boondocks you will see the type of woman that still supports R Kelly.

Mmm mm mm. I learned a long time ago to never (EVER!)read the comments on the Essence website. It's just asking for a raging case of heartburn. Off to get the Tums.

I am absolutely appalled that these women are trying to give R Kelly a pass and using God to do it. It turns my stomach. They’re a lost cause.

Can somebody explain the psychology behind these women defending R. Kelly and not coming to the girls aid?

probably a dumb question. But, anyone with some patience, please help.

Are folks out to change this attitude or by -pass it? or both?

Given the level of poor grammar, misspelled, and misused words, I am not surprised that these are Essence.com readers.

I won't go to the site, but I did give Allison Samuels and email full about not reading your blog and mistakenly identifying WAOD readers as supporters of R. Kelly.

Reading the commentary there is asking to be enraged. They seem to forget that this was a 13 year old girl. They are all so blinded by celebrity and I don't understand the whole GOd will take care of him argument. Are we all supposed to wait for justice for the hereafter?

I have a real problem with people requiring black women and girls to be morally pure and ethically sound BEFORE they can even attempt to decide whether or not their attackers broke the criminal code, THE LAW OF THE LAND. If the answer is yes, then maybe they'll address the actual issue of guilt or innocence. If the answer is no, then she got exactly what she deserved, without addressing the issue of whether or not a crime took place. Why are so many of us unable to separate the two?

I see this more and more, and it leaves me sad and infuriated to see people be so willfully blind.

If this had been a drive-by shooting, I bet we would had more outrage.

In a way this is productive because it turns over a rock and lets us see all the sidewinders that stay hidden beneath.

You needed to know that these people exist and they believe this mess.

As a mother, I am truly disturbed by the comments from Essence readers I've read on WAOD. That a mother was so unoccupied with the well-being of her daughter that she didn't know where she was or who she was with when all this was going on confounds me. Just had to get that out because I happen to take parenting my two boys very seriously. That women are blaming a girl child for the crimes of an adult man is truly representative of the pathological self-hatred many black women harbor. "God" will take care of R.Creep, sorry... I mean Kelly, but we also have a justice system that is supposed to function in the here and now. It failed us, again. That so little concern and care is shown for our little girls is sad and disheartening. And that it comes from grown black women truly frightens me. How did we get here?

Again, I am extremely disheartened by the comments. It never ceases to amaze me the length that some of us will go to in the name of not bringing a black man down. And it is to our detriment.

Since you are so open about your opinion I wanted to do the same.
I am a black chrisitian woman & though I feel I don't owe you any explanations about anything, I wanted to say what's on my mind.
First of all I feel you are wrong to sit in judgment of the christian women who spoke up on essence. You said we were using God to excuse R Kellys' behavior.
First of all God is all powerful & can do anything he wants to do when he wants to do it. No matter who likes it or not. You made it sound like we were a delusional bunch & I would like to call you on that because I am a very intelligent woman as I'm sure alot of the other women who spoke up on that site are as well.
Secondly I would like to say that God forgave me of many things I know I've done wrong giving me the right to use the word christian in my life & because of that I have no right to sit in judgment of anyone. Neither do you or your followers of this site. IF R Kelly asked God for forgiveness that is what he will get. If God wanted to turn that whole trial situation around & set R Kelly free then that is what he will do & no man/woman/boy/or girl on this earth will stop him. God is in control whether we like it or not.
As far as a young girl being victimized by R Kelly, I wasn't there. I don't know all the details of what happened do you? Were you there? Do you know if R Kelly asked God for forgiveness or not? Because I know God would grant it if he asked just like he would grant it to you if you asked.
There is no one on this earth better than anyone else or absent of guilt for something they have done wrong in their life & if they say they are without guilt or sin, they are lying. And since there is none absent, there are none who can pass judgment on another.
We christian women owe neither you or anyone else any explanations for what we choose to believe in, who we choose to support or not, & why we choose what we do.
God gave us all common sense, a mind to think & his word & wisdom. There are some of us who choose to agree with God; that we are nothing great & we need his help & guidance to make it in this world.
When we chose to do that, he gave us his word & wisdom to live by.
We learned in his word we are not to judge.
Only fools say in their heart there is no God, and only fools choose to ignore his word & choose not to follow it. We as christians choose to obey Gods word & love our neighbors as we love ourselves.
I hope one day you & your followers will choose to do the same, ask God for forgiveness of your sins, so you can go to heaven. You know, in Gods word it says with whatever measure you mete it will be measured to you again & he will have mercy on those who have mercy or show mercy. It's sad to see so many digging a hole of their own, by judging another human being without mercy, because we will all stand before the judgment seat of Christ, whether we choose to believe or not & at that time we will be shown mercy or not.

Thank you BlackChristianWOman for sharing your theology. Please continue to share as we need continued confirmation that people like you exist. So that we NEVER forget that there are people like you out there.

Blackchritianwom,

Wow. An apologist and a heretic.

At least you're honest about your "conscientious stupidity and sincere ignorance" though.

I really didn't think that someone would have the gall to come on this blog and actually admit what many of us already know.

*SIGH*

Yeah notice how she left out that tiny prerequisite to forgiveness... confession and repentance. I guess she skipped those sections.

Black Christian Woman,the thing is, the judgement has been meted out - see a comment of another Essence reader below (taken from article above)...

"Once again...who are we to judge anyone? My question however is this...what ever happened to the word NO? I truly believe that it starts at home...if these young women started saying NO ... a simple word works.
-Miss J in Maryland"

This tells me there is a double standard going on. R. Kelly should not be judged (especially as he has been found not guilty in a court of law), but this young woman did not use the word "No" therefore it is her fault, or by implication, her parents, since it all starts at home...

What Miss J is effectively saying is that if a woman is raped or assaulted it is clearly her fault (or her parents), as she didn't say no, and no works (and her parents didn't train her to say no).

Hmm...and there was me thinking that rape survivors are exactly that because they didn't want to have sex (or could not legally consent to it). Obviously that is not a loud enough NO.

As I said before, I do believe in God and it really irritates me when his or her name is taken in vain to justify all sorts of nonsense. Whatever he or she is, "stupid" isn't an adjective I would use to describe him or her.
R. Kelly was accused of doing something very very wrong. We are horrified by the alleged crime and the lack of judicial process. And we are speaking (writing) openly about it.

There are a few Black women who seem to support him, we do not want to be placed under the same umbrella as them. Much less the Black Christian women among us.

Gina Gina Gina...

This is why I love this blog. :)

And notice how the Black Church has these people all screwed up in the head. I thought I was the only one who noticed this madness. This is why i'm reluctant to deal with women who have anything to do with the Black Church (no offense to most of you... I know the fruitcakes are a small slice).

Never been to the Essence.com site... and have no intentions of visiting, but it is good to see what kind of responses these people are making regarding the Rapist R. Kelly.

In the end, Black folks will continue to buy this guys music. That has become part of the culture. The more trouble they get into, the more CD's they sell. Getting into trouble with the law is not seen as a stigma by Blacks anymore, because it's such a normal part of the culture. Shaming no longer plays a role in Black social life. So when Black entertainers get in trouble it simply represents free advertising within the "Black Community", rather than a moral lesson of any kind or a teachable moment for their children. They'll keep buying the music like the mindless zombies they are.

I'm watching to see how long it will take the rotten NAACP to give the rapist another award. I think BET will beat them to it.

The "Black Community" definitely graduated to a new low with this case (just by its silence AGAINST Kelly). But the race to the bottom continues. I expect a new low by this time next month.... and a new low after that.

We see the world over we see people who claim to be religious or religious conservatives acting in ways that harm female children.

As I read some of the posts by these women I was not surprised because I see the same beliefs time and again when I open the morning paper.

There is an interesting article in the New York Times today about a 9 year old child bride who ran away from her abusive "husband" and asked a local judge to grant her a divorce.

The child's lawyer then met with this.

"After Nujood’s case became public, Ms. Nasser said she received angry letters from conservative women denouncing her for her role. But she has also begun receiving calls about girls, some younger than Nujood, trying to escape their marriages."

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/29/world/middleeast/29marriage.html?hp

We must remember out of the fear of disapproval of men and tradition...it is women who actually perform female circumsions in developing countries.

Also in cases of honor killings it is often a female accuser who sends another girl/woman to death or torture. Best to speak up first, before they come for you.

What separates us from these women...clearly very little.

In every corner of the earth...even Josef Fritzl the deviant Austrian who imprisoned and impregnated his daughter for 24 years has a female admirer who is sure of his innocence and has been petioning the court to see him.

This behavior is instinctual...the protection of the male, and even years of education can't hinder these primal instincts.

my heart is breaking at the thought of any of the commenters on essence having to care and guide any young black girls in their lives.

Re: Chester. Bring back the days when the African American men folk would take an R. Kelly deep into the woods.

*hangs her head in shame and weeps*

This is what makes me ashamed to be a black woman sometimes. What other race of people are so collectively destructive? After witnessing the R Kelly travesty of justice, I just know there are some racists out there saying "look at these here n*'s! They act like animals when you give them 2 nickles to rub.'
I do not understand for the life of me why black men like R Kelly need to be saved from the jaws of justice? Engage in criminal behavior, expect criminal consequences.

Oh Jesus...those women are apparently a bunch of ignorant a$$clowns. I love God and believe in His power, but damn the nonsense that is coming out of these idiots' mouths. If a Black man had been shot down in the street, they would be DEMANDING that his killer be brought to justice. These individuals need to realize that just because a life wasn't lost doesn't mean this is any less relevant or less important. If it was their child, I wonder what the response would be. Ignorance really is bliss.

. . .I wonder why they're ratings are slipping (giggling).

All this nonsense about raising your daughters right... are their sons being raised by wolves or something?

Don't answer that.

This is so sad. Honestly speaking I stopped listening to R Kelly a long time ago. I find nothing stimulating or romantic about someone telling me that I remind them of their jeep. At the same time it is so sad where our black society's values lay...we no longer protect our children...we pimp them out and sacrifice them for material things and for what benefits us. It tells me that had it been their daughter that R. Kelly had pee'd on, as long as he passed them some change....he could do as he please. Reasons like these is why we as a people are worst off now, than we were 30 years ago. It's sad and very disheartening that our WORSHIP for man is far more important than our self respect and especially our children.