Tuesday
May202008
WAOD Reader RhondaCoca Graduates from Columbia University on Wednesday- Any Advice?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 3:00AM The Blogmother
Congrats to WAOD reader RhondaCoca, she graduates from Columbia on Wednesday. Though my colloquialisms and frequent typos bely the fact, I am a college graduate. So here are my observations/ advice regarding the transition you are about to experience.
- Time passes faster. Now that you are not in school, there is no road map. NO schedules. That's good and that's bad. If you have kids, or plants or a calendar-driven job, you will notice the passage of time, but don't be surprised if you look up in January and suddenly realize its October, time seems to pass faster.
- Keeping up with your friends will take more effort, but it is OH SO WORTH IT! Don't let the rat race make you lose contact. Don't take for granted that you won'tlose contact. A week turns into a month, months turns into years and the next thing you know you are getting an invite to their kid's college graduation. I mean who else is going to remember the time y'all piled five people into a Geo Metro to go on Spring Break? Or the time your home girl involved you some covert operations to check up on some guy who wasn't worth it in the first place, but you kept that to yourself because she was too far gone to reason with.
- Don't live within your means, LIVE WELL BELOW YOUR MEANS. Let me introduce you to a man named Dave Ramsey. If you have an I-pod just go ahead and subscribe to his podcast. Friday's are the best. No matter how much you make or how large those student loans are, set aside something every paycheck for a rainy day. You might not be able to make 10%, start with 5%. If you can't seem to find the money, donate your plasma or recycle aluminum cans. That Ramen noodles foolishness is for the younguns with all of that sodium. Which takes us to your health...
- Health insurance- Get it, keep it, use it. You will soon learn that STD is something else other than a disease. While you are at it look into LTD. You are not invincible, your body will get older. Remember those all nighters where you could stay up all night studying drinking Mountain Dew cramming for exams and then bounce back the next day...Your body will soon exercise veto power over your choices and in the event of a dispute, your body will win out. Never EVER force your body to get your attention, you will regret it! Know when to quit .... which takes us to the the word "NO."
- Learn when to say "NO!"- No, N-O, Heck NO, Not in a million years NO, Under no circumstances NO. N to the iz-O, Nah, UH uh, Sorry but NO. When asked to explain your "No." Silence is an appropriate answer along with smiling with your mouth and not your eyes. You don't owe folks an explanation for the NO. Practice with us Nuh OH- NO! School no longer provides structure and boundaries, you have to establish those for yourself.
- Live the life you were destined to live, not the one you planned or trained for. There may come a time in your life where the Universe will tug you in a direction other than where your training and education would logically lead. Don't be a slave to the college major you chose when you were 18 or 21. Don't be shackled by the expectations of others or yourself. If you find yourself frustrated and hitting a wall. Break the rules. No, don't go get arrested or something crazy like that, but reevaluate all the things you say you MUST do, the things you said you WOULD NOT EVER DO, and the things you thought you COULDN'T DO. You only get one life, this is not a dress rehearsal. Everyday you spend trying to live the life you think someone else thought you should lead as opposed to the one you were destined to lead is lost and gone forever. See #1- Time passes fast.
- Get a bicycle!- These gas prices are no joke!
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Reader Comments (17)
Always write thank you notes -- on monogrammed Crane stationary.
Oh that was a good one! Thank you notes!
I've been an avid lurker aka reader of WAOD and usually just sit here quietly Amen-ing (lol) but I have to say that I love this list right here. My daughter is only 16 but I am going to try to save this for her down the road. The thoughts are even relevant for after high school in some instances. Love. It. Hope to watch it grow!
And to YOU, thanks for all you give.
Follow your passion, and know that it will be ok if that path takes you away from your area of study in college.
It's much more important to do something you love. Life is too short to dedicate 8 to 10 hour days for 40 years to something you despise. You-we all, deserve better.
Exquisitely Black
Never stop looking for a better job.
Hire an excellent headhunter who will do the looking for you, but always have OPTIONS in the workplace. You don't have to keep interviewing, but always know what's out there and available to you.
Arrive at work before your boss does, even if it's just a few minutes before. Do not publicly become friends with the office gossip, but invite him or her to coffee once per month, and tell them nothing about yourself. Smile politely and get the dirt in order keep yourself from getting blindsided in the future.
Always dress in attire that the next level of employee above you. Never make the mistake of getting too comfortable in your attire.
Read "Please Understand Me" by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates. Take the Myers-Briggs test to learn your personality & temperament, and discover the major that you SHOULD have studied. Then plan a career path to go from where you are now to the field that you would enjoy more.
If you are the marrying kind, look for a husband NOW. Don't date anybody who isn't husband material and don't listen to people who tell you that you can have it all, so have fun now. You can't. The older you get, the slimmer the pickings get in the partner dept.
Invest in a quality pair of shoes that look good with all of your suits and don't hurt your feet.
What Shecodes said.
Hey everyone! {waves}
This is such rich advice!
There is a Briggs-Meyers Test online that anyone can take - if you are interested! When you finish the test, you can get a blog widget to put your results on your blog so everyone can laugh at you ...like they did when I put my test results up! *LOL*
To Rhonda...
My advice for a recent grad is to discipline your private life VERRRRY CLOSELY... so many young professionals with promise derailed their career paths early by not having control over their lives away from work (dysfunctional relationships that impacted their work performance, dysfunctional friends who required too much emotional investment, family members who were making demands and bringing turmoil in their lives, etc., etc.)!
Do make it a priority to learn about art, attend the symphony, the opera, plays, booksignings, lectures...do not assume that you should take a break from informally educating yourself. You never know the connections you will meet in those settings while you are gaining from the exposure.
Find a grassroots black organization that needs support and give them a small check each payday. If you make it a HABIT to have philanthropic goals right out of school, the habit will stay with you for a lifetime. I know MANY black professionals who seldom give to black charities but can SURELY afford it. It never became a priority for them early in life.
Do NOT compare yourself to the white professionals - set the standard HIGH and compete with yourself. Young white recent grads can show up hung-over on Mondays and get chuckles from colleagues. They can be lazy and mediocre and shady and still get promoted in the ranks. I saw MANY young black professionals adopt the work ethic of mediocre white professionals ONLY to get fired within a year while the young white professionals kept their jobs. BE THREE TIMES AS GOOD. All the time.
Don't beat yourself up about failures. The older I get, the more easily I can admit, I've disappointed myself at times and I've made some poor decisions at times. We move on.
Know what you are truly passionate about...keep exploring and discovering what makes you come alive!
Stay current about all that is occurring in the global market. Watch the financial markets in major countries. Black executives MUST be globally-focused now.
When you have a moment, read "DESIDERATA". Google it now.
Stay grounded in GOD. What does it profit a woman to gain the world and lose her soul?
Congratulations, grad.
KEEP ON CLIMBING!
Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa
I wish I had mentors like you all when I was a graduate. I think you are amazing.
The only thing I would add is debt is no joke, don't borrow unless you absolutely have to and pay off the loan pronto!
Blessings!
If you can afford to do so spend some time traveling the US, Europe and Africa. Getting out of this country brings an entirely different perspective. You can actually apply for the BUNAC program and do a work study in numerous countries with a valid work permit. That would look great on a resume. If you know what city you want to live in why not apply to grad school use tuition reimbursement from your future employer [if you choose a company that offers it] take out a grad student loan and use it as a down payment on a condo or some property since you'd have to pay rent anyway and the loan interest rate might be better than the mortgage interest rate.
Think OWNERSHIP. Everyday, write it on your mirror in lipstick. Make that a bullet on every list of goals. OWN stock. OWN your house. OWN a business. OWN your car.
I used to balk when my parents tried to get me to buy a home back when I was 21. I felt I had no use for a mortgage when I could stay in my childhood bedroom and stack my change. But had I been flipping properties back when the market was hot and investing in stock, my whole life would be different today.
Take breaks - but don't sleep on even more education. Check out accredited, reputable, online colleges for another relevant degree you can work on part time.
My advise to you as a fairly recent college graduate and a current grad student is to enjoy your life. The time will fly by and before you know it you'll be knocking on 30. If I knew at 21 what I know now I would've had more fun. Also make a concerted effort to travel as much as you can. It is cheaper than you think. There are plenty of graduate and post-graduate study abroad and work-abroad oppurtunuties. And stay close to your roots, stay close to family because when the chips are down and they will be down as is life at times, you need people who really love you to pick you up. Stay close to the Creator and surround yourself with positive, life-affirming people. Negative, emotionally needy people will suck the life from you. I wish you the best of luck in all of yor future endeavors.
As a frequent lurker on the blog and a college graduate as of tomorrow from Rutgers University, I appreciate all the good advice and hope to follow some of it in the future.
1. Work a while before you go to grad school, especially if your unsure about what you want to do. You don't to be thousands of dollars in debt for a master's you didn't enjoy getting and never plan to use.
2. Find a creative outlet. If you don't work in the creative sector, find something creative to do or take a class to have appropriate balance in your life. Having and outlet for creativity is like breathing!
3. Pay cash for everything and get an Amex for back up.
4. If you live in a city that has transportation, don't buy a car.
5. A good low paid internship is better than a crappy high paying job -only if you have substantive work and access to people who can help you in your career.
6. Keep your family first.
7. Never be afraid to leave a job. Keep your resume circulating and always know what's out there.
8. Never be afraid to ask for more money and/or responsibility. Believe it or not, people have much more respect for you when open your mouth and ask for what you deserve instead of waiting for someone to just do the right thing.
9. HR is not your friend. They work for the company, not for you! Don't sign anything you don't agree with and put everything in writing. Keep a journal at your desk if you have a boss who engages in foolishness.
10. Always be kind to the so called "little people" in the office. The are the ones who know everything, have been there the longest and will lookout from you.
Good LUCK!
Oh wow!! Thank You guys so much!! I'm printing all the wonderful advice. I need all of it.
I studied Entrepreneurship and Urban Studies along with African American Studies. It was a lot and my brain is fried because I had to do two senior projects.
I will be working part time at my retail job, Juicy Couture for the summer while working an internship @ a public relations firm. I found out that I got it early this morning. I hope that it is something that I will like. I will also continue my work in the community. I work with young girls. Just this past Monday, I showed the film "The Soul of Black Girls" for the group. We spoke about the need for young black girls to develop a healthy image of themselves. We evaluated destructive media images. We spoke about male-female relationships and interactions. Lastly, we spoke about the impact that we can have on the our communities and world.
I was raised pretty sheltered. My father works on Wall Street and my mother owns florists in Westchester County, New York. They live two blocks from the Clintons in Chappaqua, NY.
I currently live in a Brooklyn brownstone apartment. I chose Brooklyn because of the proximity to a marvelous black cultural mecca, the city, all the diverse cultures that mix there and of course, my uncle. He graduated from Columbia Medical School. He lives two blocks down from me. My family helps me with a lot of finances but they told me tonight over dinner that they will give me a year and that will be it!! I have a car but I barely use it. I prefer the train and even walking. So I will not have to pay for the 4.11 a gallon gas.
No more impulsive shopping sprees in the West Village. I will need to behave responsibly. I will have to take control of my life. They are going to make me pay my rent starting next month. I will have to pay the two loans that I took out for my last two years of school. They wanted me to have financial responsibility.
The interesting thing is that everyone seemed so excited and relaxed today but I was nervous. I just feel as if I was too sheltered. I reminded myself of "The Graduate". I'm nervous now. Thank you guys, for your advice. I will look at the sources that you refered me too.
You guys are wonderful!!
I have the feeling that Miss RhondaCoca is already past this point, but one of my recent blog posts, http://whatwouldthembido.blogspot.com/2008/05/thembis-new-lady-laws-for-young-black.html" REL="nofollow">Thembi's New Lady Laws For Black Women covers some things. Above all else, stay yourself on all fronts - the WAOD piece of advice #6 is one I wish I'd taken more seriously above all else, especially!
Live an introspective and truthful life. How do you know when the truth is the truth? When it resonates with your spirit.
P.S. In my haste to communicate heart felt feelings, I neglected to acknowledge our graduate, Rhonda Coca's work with young girls in the community. Rhonda, this is just what I was talking about! Can you tell us more about how you recruit members for your group, where you meet, and how often?
Do you look for ways to reach out to 'at risk girls?'
As a recent grad, Rhonda, I'm sure you are an excellent big sister, because young people will more easily identify with you and look up to you, than with an adult!
Please keep up your good work!
We are all very proud of you Rhonda!