Thursday
Mar272008
Finally A Study With "Positive" News About Black Girls:They Don't Have A Problem WIth Taking the Lead
Thursday, March 27, 2008 at 8:33AM Gina, The Blogmother
In this week were Black women from all over the country have taken the lead with holding two organizations accountable for actions not in the best interests of Black women and children, or the entire Black community for that matter, I thought you guys would be interested in this study about leadership that indicates that while most children eschew leadership, in particular girls, Black and hispanic girls appear to not have as much of a problem with it.
But apparently I am not the only one who is somewhat impervious to making people mad:
Now there are about ten kinds of ironies about that conclusion related to participation in church activities. Chances are that like me, they go to a church where the ultimate leader is a man, but when it comes to all of the work required to pull of the ministries of the church they saw women running things. I remember when our first pastor left and one of the deacons, all men, had to agree to be chair of the deacon board which would have been the defacto leader of the church and they had to con scribe someone to take the position. None of the men wanted to do it and the poor soul that volunteered I almost want to say he had a heart attack or took ill and they had to replace him, but that ended up being a figurehead position anyway. I would say more, but they read the blog, I don't want any phone calls.--- But all of us probably have anecdotes to back up this study ( I am laughing right now as I write this reminiscing) -- Fun times!
Y'all know my criticisms of church folk, but I know I am who I am because I was raised in the church. I know people who are afraid to speak in front of a crowd, that is just foreign to me. You feel the fear and do it anyway. At my church, you didn't have a choice. Or at least in my family, WE didn't have a choice. If Sister H. wanted one of my mother's children to "be on program", it was a done deal. We were like her own personal talent agency. I used to run from her, but I couldn't run from my Mama. If Mama began a sentence with "Sister H wants" then I knew I was on the hook. The sad thing is that the more capable you are, the more they come back to the same well. You memorize one bible verse and recite it with such passion as to put Cicely Tyson to shame and the next thing you know, you're "on program" for the rest of your life, until you escape off to college out of the clutches of Sister H and her "on program " children's church performers conscription conspiracy.
I am serious, I got a toy organ for Christmas, i love that organ. I did I did. Until SOMEBODY must have mentioned my beloved organ and then the next thing I know, I'm "on program" to play said organ in front of the congregation. I couldn't have been more than like 9 or 10. The next thing I know, that little plastic organ is carted off and plunked down in front of the congregation and I end up having to play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" a note at a time to "Amen child-Let the lord use you". KNOW that had to be the most pitiful musical selection ever, but just like "Showtime at the Apollo"-- you never boo a child.
And the speeches they weren't any get up read a scripture and sit down assignments either. We used to have a youth-led revival every year and every year it seemed I'd get ambushed with writing "the occasion" which is another word for stand up in front of the church and read your interpretation of this year's theme and you know I was "radical" back then so my Mama reviewed my work to "moderate" it. HAHAHAH Fun times!
Now unlike the STD study from last week, this sample size was five times larger, 4000 children, ages 8 to 17. But that begs the question. How do you reconcile the fact that Black girls appear to have more confidence in their abilities and be comfortable with having to take the lead and the STD study and if the leadership study is an accurate gauge, are we doing enough to tap into Black girl's confidence to turn the tide on some of these more ominous statistics?
I think we also forget on this blog, that despite all of the grim stories we publish we're getting things done.
If you took action this week with the email campaign, we would love to hear from you either live on the air, or we'll read your report out of the chat room. If you have never participated in the pod cast, you can listen to last week's show by clicking the player in the sidebar. To listen live you can go to blogtalkradio.com/blackwomen and to call in to speak live on the air to our international audience ( seriously, I think my latest email was from Australia--our ex pat. audience relies on the podcast to keep up with conditions at home). The call in number is 646-478-4750. I look forward to hearing your stories tonight. We're one of the most popular political podcasts on BTR due to your support week after week.
What concerned Cloninger and others was not only that girls did not desire to be future leaders but also that many feared they would not be capable enough to assume leadership roles. Twenty-one percent of girls said they had most of the qualities of a leader, such as being outgoing, hardworking and responsible.They also said they lack the ability to command people and, if they tried to do so, they would be laughed at by their peers or seen as bossy and make people mad. MSNBC.comHmmm, that sounds familiar, Where have I heard THAT before??? OH yeah, my whole life.
But apparently I am not the only one who is somewhat impervious to making people mad:
"Some girls still struggle with the unwritten rules of what it means to be 'feminine,' the Girl Scouts report concluded. They worry about "exhibiting stereotypically 'female' behaviors, like being nice, quiet, polite, agreeable, and liked by all."NOOO? Say it ain't so? You mean they struggle with making sure they don't get labeled "angry." Well the study bears out some things many of you probably already know because many of you were once young Black girls:
African American and Hispanic girls are considerably less likely than white girls to worry about their capabilities. Adults who work with girls suggested several reasons for that. Young minority females tend to have more responsibilities than whites at home and in their communities, experts said. Many African American girls play major roles at church and in youth-serving organizations.When my older sisters got their drivers licenses I remember Daddy supervising them changing a flat tire on the side of the road, he wasn't lazy, but I can remember him saying that if they were going to drive, they needed to know how to change a tire. Roadside comedy. I used to volunteer to change the tire and it came in handy, when I was in law school, we got a flat on the way back from the airport and one of my classmates from Chicago, I don't know if she even had a driver's license, but she was amazed that I could change the tire myself. I got AAA now. No more changing tires, but I could if I had to. My parents would say outright that we needed to be able to take care of ourselves. I have more stories, but they all read this blog, I don't want phone calls tonight.
Now there are about ten kinds of ironies about that conclusion related to participation in church activities. Chances are that like me, they go to a church where the ultimate leader is a man, but when it comes to all of the work required to pull of the ministries of the church they saw women running things. I remember when our first pastor left and one of the deacons, all men, had to agree to be chair of the deacon board which would have been the defacto leader of the church and they had to con scribe someone to take the position. None of the men wanted to do it and the poor soul that volunteered I almost want to say he had a heart attack or took ill and they had to replace him, but that ended up being a figurehead position anyway. I would say more, but they read the blog, I don't want any phone calls.--- But all of us probably have anecdotes to back up this study ( I am laughing right now as I write this reminiscing) -- Fun times!
Y'all know my criticisms of church folk, but I know I am who I am because I was raised in the church. I know people who are afraid to speak in front of a crowd, that is just foreign to me. You feel the fear and do it anyway. At my church, you didn't have a choice. Or at least in my family, WE didn't have a choice. If Sister H. wanted one of my mother's children to "be on program", it was a done deal. We were like her own personal talent agency. I used to run from her, but I couldn't run from my Mama. If Mama began a sentence with "Sister H wants" then I knew I was on the hook. The sad thing is that the more capable you are, the more they come back to the same well. You memorize one bible verse and recite it with such passion as to put Cicely Tyson to shame and the next thing you know, you're "on program" for the rest of your life, until you escape off to college out of the clutches of Sister H and her "on program " children's church performers conscription conspiracy.
I am serious, I got a toy organ for Christmas, i love that organ. I did I did. Until SOMEBODY must have mentioned my beloved organ and then the next thing I know, I'm "on program" to play said organ in front of the congregation. I couldn't have been more than like 9 or 10. The next thing I know, that little plastic organ is carted off and plunked down in front of the congregation and I end up having to play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" a note at a time to "Amen child-Let the lord use you". KNOW that had to be the most pitiful musical selection ever, but just like "Showtime at the Apollo"-- you never boo a child.
And the speeches they weren't any get up read a scripture and sit down assignments either. We used to have a youth-led revival every year and every year it seemed I'd get ambushed with writing "the occasion" which is another word for stand up in front of the church and read your interpretation of this year's theme and you know I was "radical" back then so my Mama reviewed my work to "moderate" it. HAHAHAH Fun times!
Now unlike the STD study from last week, this sample size was five times larger, 4000 children, ages 8 to 17. But that begs the question. How do you reconcile the fact that Black girls appear to have more confidence in their abilities and be comfortable with having to take the lead and the STD study and if the leadership study is an accurate gauge, are we doing enough to tap into Black girl's confidence to turn the tide on some of these more ominous statistics?
I think we also forget on this blog, that despite all of the grim stories we publish we're getting things done.
Podcast Tonight: Al Sharpton, the NAACP and Dunbar Village 8:00PM CST
Join us tonight for the podcast at 8:00PM CST. We're be talking about the leadership shown this week by many of you in confronting and holding accountable those who engage in conduct that may not be in the best interest of Black women and children. We'll be talking about Dunbar Village developments (y'all are rocking out there!). UPDATE: I got a call a couple of minutes ago, but I won't talk about it until I have something in writing, so by tonight, there may be some new developments in the email campaign.If you took action this week with the email campaign, we would love to hear from you either live on the air, or we'll read your report out of the chat room. If you have never participated in the pod cast, you can listen to last week's show by clicking the player in the sidebar. To listen live you can go to blogtalkradio.com/blackwomen and to call in to speak live on the air to our international audience ( seriously, I think my latest email was from Australia--our ex pat. audience relies on the podcast to keep up with conditions at home). The call in number is 646-478-4750. I look forward to hearing your stories tonight. We're one of the most popular political podcasts on BTR due to your support week after week.
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Reader Comments (9)
That conclusion on Black girls and leadership isn't surprising but it's definitely refreshing :-)
But like you said, some of the confidence with leadership has to tie in with the confidence with sexual relationships.
I don't know what else to offer except that confidence should be taught evenly across the board. I know a few successful Black women that are emotional wrecks when it comes to relationships with men.
That conundrum isn't so hard to understand:
The same traits that make you successful in life don't get you a man.
Young girls understand this. Grown women understand this. Girls and women are routinely one way in their public lives and another in their personal lives.
The new issue of diversity magazine has an article on the problems with relationship violence in the Black community. Many of the cases had one aspect in common: Amazingly successful women and not so successful men. And its believed that that success was one of the major reasons for the violence and in some cases death of these women.
The issue isn't about teaching women to be confident in relationships. The issue is about teaching young men NOT to be threatened by successful women and their has been a lack of that across the board regardless of race.
This is still a patriarchal society. Men are still defined by their success and money and women who are doing better are often perceived as a threat, particularly in the Black community where Black female achievement far outstrips Black male achievement.
Young girls/women sense this even if they don't have they means to express it. The girls (black or white) who are bossy, assertive, always in head to head competition with the boys aren't the ones getting the dates. And lets face it, most women don't want to be single.
Hell, when you grow up that's the case as well. I know in my own life my unwillingness to act as a pseudo-wife has been a hindrance in my dating/relationship life...and if one more man tells me how he doesn't fell like I "need" him I'm gonna scream.
Those same things that make you "successful" in the real world are death in a relationship. Let's face it many men want to be the King and they want a Queen NOT a co-ruler. And there is a difference.
How do you reconcile the fact that Black girls appear to have more confidence in their abilities and be comfortable with having to take the lead and the STD study and if the leadership study is an accurate gauge, are we doing enough to tap into Black girl's confidence to turn the tide on some of these more ominous statistics?
I cannot reconcile but perhaps I can point out a disconnect. The disconnect being that the confidence come in play in groups, in front of other girls/women, but when it comes to woman and man what is the message, who is the boss? Or perhaps is the message that women must have a man at all costs. Why I am saying this is because I have a good friend (from childhood) who is a reverend. In other words she can marry people. However, there are two things that bother me when she talks about her church and husband. First, she never preaches at her church because her husband thinks it is not right for women to preach. When I suggested that maybe she needs her own church she quickly answered that she could not leave her husband’s church. Second, she cannot talk about her family a situation or anything going on without repeatedly saying “My husband” “My husband” “My husband” (with a thick childest like southern drawl). Well damn don’t he got a name. And she must be forgetting who she is talking to, I have never found it difficult to have a husband, hell I’m on my third one right now. But there is a way she interjects husband that makes me think that she talks like this around her church people (who incidentally is all she communicates with, socialises with, etc). I now live in another state so I cannot witness this firsthand. But I feel when she repeatedly says “My husband, my husband” it is an attempt to remind everyone that she has a husband and you do not (if you don’t). But at the same time it is this husband that keeps her from preaching which is supposedly has been her life’s calling.
LOL Gina! I loved your memories about "being on program" during your childhood. I have a confession...I am the "Sister H" of my church, but I have, nor will I, never made a child take their toy organ and play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!
As for the confidence, I do see that with all the kids I work with. My 10 year old daughter's teacher even made that comment at her teacher conference earlier in the school year. She said my daughter (a 5th grader at a private catholic school) exhibits a confidence and natural leadership ability that the other kids look to. We are by no means rich. She attends the school on a very generous scholarship. She is the only little chocolate chip in her class (okay, she was the only one in her whole school until this year when another little chocolate chip, a first grader, showed up.)
How can I parlay that confidence into her future (????, okay I won't start hyperventilating now)relationships with men? Here is what I have been teaching her even at the age of 10:
1. No one human being can be your "everything". Don't look to any man on earth to fill your need to be complete. Not your daddy, your granddaddy, your husband,your uncles, your goddaddy, your pastor...they love and care for you, but they can't fill those deep places in your heart...it's not fair to put them in that position. They will always fall short.
2. Guard your heart...that doesn't mean you are an ice queen, frigid, cold, uncaring. It's just the opposite. That just means you recognize that you a caring, sensitive,passionate individual. It is not a requirement to share your deepest feelings with every man you encounter. Save those things for your future husband, not just someone you date for 4 months. This is where self discipline and discernment come in...who do you know if "the one"? I tell young girls to take their time, they are young...time will reveal all.
The more emotionally involved young women get, the more physically involved they get.
Those are just some of my thoughts...people can take them or leave them
Nice! Positive news.. Positive survey studies... when it rains, it pours..
I think that black girls are confident because they have to be. Often we are taught to take care of ourselves from a very early age. We ar given alot of responsibility. We are expected to do well in school, do chores, and be involved in extracurricular activities. This causes a girl to be pretty confident. The problem comes in our personal relationships with men. We live in a patriarchal society and are taught co-dependency on men from an early age. Boys are taught to fear and be suspicious of successful independent females. These factors causes women to be successfull in their careers but unhealthy in their personal lives.
But, it was nice, for once, to read a positive study pertaining to black females.
Behind every bad man is a great woman . . .
One in UniTee and all the blessed . . .
R. Lee Gordon
www.uniteedesign.
I hope someone from the Twin Cities will make herself heard--thanks for letting me speak on the radio and get the search out a little wider.
Gina,
Great podcast! And kudos for straightening out the "is Obama black enough" vs "Obama must be more prepared"