What About Our Daughters

Good morning!

I live in Raleigh, and I did not hear anything about Tekenya Wooten anywhere on the news. I cannot recall an Amber Alert being out out for her. Usually, with an Amber alert, they preempt radio broadcasts and television programming. And I don't remember seeing or hearing anything.

This really makes me angry. Stories like the ones you posted continue to prove that we (black people) have some real psychological issues. How can we hate ourselves so much....

"If she’s attacked, then why was she in the wrong place at the wrong time? If’ she’s violated, then why was she acting so fast? If she has a legitimate grievance, then the grievance gets marginalized because she didn’t engage in subsequent acts consistent with that of a puritan. I don’t care what they look like or what choices have been foisted upon them, THEY’RE CHILDREN!!"

I think that comment says it all.

People in this country, heck all over the world, really need to address what is and what is not a child. In my book, under 18 is a minor and therefore still a child. You can't make a legal contract with a minor because the law recognizes they are a child. It's a shame that when it comes to sex, and especially for black girls, that seems not to be the case.

let an 18 year old white girl on vacation turn up missing and there is a huge outcry about how these savage boys took advantage of her yet an 11, 12, 13 year old black girl is always "asking for it" "acting grown" "knew what she was doing". you are right, it is not just the white media that does not value black life it is our own black community that will throw a little black girl of 11 under a bus trying to save 20 violent scum bag grown men

I totally agree with this post, Gina. I thought that this mentality only applied to abuse committed by black men and boys. Well, it seems like it exists across the board. Alot of people seem to feel like black girls are not rapeable. Like if you have sex no matter the age or circumstance, and you're a black female, you must have wanted or did something to deserve it. I am disheartened to read this.

Where is the CRIC now? I know that people say that we really don't want their involvement, but it would bring a lot of national attention to the case.

So now we have found more examples of the sexism so rampant in the black community. Disdain is no longer reserved for women 18 years and older; it is now trickling down to girls 11 and 12 years old.

I am waiting for someone to tell me a girl preschooler is responsible for the lack of care given by her parents or other caregivers.

I am really wondering where the bottom is on this.

It baffles me till date, why the response is always what "what did she do"? or "she should have known better"

There is NO WORD for RAPE, No Excuse for RAPE but SENTENCE!

*APPLAUSE*

No other words are needed.

**sigh** :(

It's sickening how the life of a child can be totally distroyed and yet someone will find a way to rationalize the behaviors of the perpetrator.

It's all too evident sometimes that even though little value is placed on a black child/ woman.

As WAOD reader Black Achievement once said “We love our sons, and raise our daughters… WITH CONTEMPT”

I was raised that way [quoted above]. My brothers, particularly by my mother, were showered with love and attention and respect, and towards one of my brothers, she showed him sickly devotion.

Another thing that I have noticed, with black men, is that they always desire that there soon to be born child be a boy. I have yet to meet a black man--whose impregnated by him woman is expecting a baby--express the desire for that child to be a girl. Never!

If Dymond Milburn:

-Were a nun and was wearing the full habit

-On the way to feed the homeless, tend to the sick/shut in, and church afterwards...It would still make little to or no difference to the "fingerpointers"...She would have been required then to have a sixth sense and a crystal ball...

Hey Gina,
Well said.

Our community has a serious problem with Black females. It's as if we have no value. It's as if we're hated. Especially when they're children.

Our people will pull any excuse out of their a**es to absolve a criminal Black male and vilify a Black female. Especially when she's a child. In any other instance outside of sex (e.g., contracts, employment, purchase of alcohol and cigarettes, etc.) a child is regarded as a child. In our community, children (especially Black girls) aren't born into the world with a clean slate. Perhaps even from conception we know right from wrong.

With all of the madness found in our communities, Megan gets a law in her community. Meanwhile Keisha will be thrown under the bus so as to absolve some worthless loser because "you can't put a brotha behind bars." Nonsense.

The same thing happens in NYC. When young teen girls had the courage to say they felt threatened by adult men sexually soliciting them on the streets, some long time community leadership were asked to conduct a press conference, rally, march, something. They said "We can't do that. It would be divisive." Same thing happened when a 10 year old Bronx girl playing in front of her building was snatched off the streets on a Sunday afternoon, taken to a rooftop and raped. Luring 12 year olds into prostitution is a big problem in East New York and Harlem that I have been writing about. For a glimpse, watch "Very Young Girls" a documentary film about the girls on Showtime On Demand.

" redcatbiker on 12.22.08 at 1:35 pm

As WAOD reader Black Achievement once said “We love our sons, and raise our daughters… WITH CONTEMPT”

I was raised that way [quoted above]. My brothers, particularly by my mother, were showered with love and attention and respect, and towards one of my brothers, she showed him sickly devotion.

Another thing that I have noticed, with black men, is that they always desire that there soon to be born child be a boy. I have yet to meet a black man–whose impregnated by him woman is expecting a baby–express the desire for that child to be a girl. Never!"
____________________

You and I must have had the same mother. You sure we weren't separated at birth? (LOL) And I only know of 2 Black men who specifically wanted girls - a friend of mine and my father. The rest only want(ed) boys due to ridiculous reasons (girls are "too fast", too this and too that).

I also wholeheartedly agree with Anonymiss. I don't understand why black/brown girls are HATED so much. It's disturbing.

for me, i don't need to understand anything, i just throw back the venom that's being sent my way. God forgive me, but i have NO feeling whatsoever when i see missing white people/children on tv. why? cause i know there are many other black/hispanic/asian people/children missing without any media attention what so ever. michael whatsoever with the dogs, he can go to jail for 50 years, i don't care. and it's not like i go around intentionally ignoring and getting upset everytime i see missing white people, it's just i don't care whatsoever. in the 13 years i have been in america, i literally have not seen NOT ONE missing black woman/child with the amount of attention that these white girls get. NOT ONCE

I wish I could do a parady on how the world treats BW and especially young black girls just to throw it back at the world's face. Its not logical.

it's amazing that in our community, the victims become the criminals.

I just can't understand that.

Any black girl who is raped is considered crazy, stupid, and fast. WTF!

so there are no rapists in our community? WTF

it's scary to hear this out of the mouths of regular everyday people.

Let me recount my experiences as a young girl who was labeled as "fast" by the community.

The labeling of a young girl as "fast" is generally done by the older women in the black community. After that labeling, she can expect no empathy or support from the larger community.

I acquired the "fast" label simply by being precocious, chatty and having the nerve to debate or challenge comments made by older people around me.

The girls who were fast were only talked about with pure disdain. At this time at 15, mind you I was college bound, straight A student and a virgin of course.

But because I was attractive and free spirited, I believe the older women...whom I viewed as old...who were in their 30s or maybe 40..seemed to be uncomfortable with me being around the men in their life.

Now that you have been deemed as having little value anything is possible.

Then what did happen is a number of older men in the neighborhood one by one approached me and made sexual advances. Even the local minister.

These were men my mother went to church with, community meetings..greeted at the supermarket and so on. Only one of the advances became somewhat threatening, yet in all I never told my mother about it. I guess I knew it would upset her. I escaped all advances unharmed, yet I often wonder how I made it out with my self esteem and peace of mind in tact.

Further, if I had spoken out about what this minister did, I have no doubt all in my community would have rushed to his defense. I believe at that time he was about 30 years old and it was said that he did a lot of very good and positive things for our local church. Everyone seemed thrilled when he came on board and it seemed they would do anything to hold on to him.

So there was the fear and the sexual jealousy of the older women and also constant talk of holding on to the "good black men".

If I wore short shorts and was oogled or assaulted by 40 year old men, it was my fault because by wearing those shorts I "knew what I was doing". Yet the men were excused because as I was told "men will be men" and we can't do anything about that.

I think it is simply human instinct that men will be physically attracted to young girls, yet how the men respond to those feelings defines the health of a community.

I have an 11yr old niece and she is clueless in many ways of the world. I do not see how someone can accuse these kids of knowing better, unless you were there always to teach them. I fault myself sometimes for jumping to conclusions. These kids may not have been raised like me.

Just being 18 shouldn't make you an adult. I wish there was some type of adulthood test that can be taken. There are many 'children' above 18 and into their 20's who have no idea what an adult means.

knockoutchick ,

Don't excuse men's wickedness by saying it's normal for them to be attracted to 12 year olds and young teens. They are giving themselves an excuse. What happens if an alarming percent of men start saying they like 11 and 10 year old girls?

Why are men's delinquent sexual behaviors excused as natural but women are hardly ever given this pass? We all know the answer to this: oppressive patriarchy.

I agree with KOC. It is natural for any man to be attracted to youth and beauty. I don't think she is excusing this, and the second part of her sentence qualifies that. It IS how a man controls himself, that is a measure for his character in most other modern day cultures. As long as civilization has been civilized, men were expected to control themselves. And as long as class has been a factor, men (of high class) have been expected to think beyond primal tendancies of youth and beauty, and consider pedigree and education.

So I am still not sure how this madness goes on unchallenged to this day in varying degrees in black enclaves.

This is what happens when black women try to appease the patriarchal element in our communities. We cheerfully went from "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" to "You Can Have Kids By Five Different Women But I Still Love You" without batting an eyelash. We let self-righteous idiots like the late Daniel Moynihan convince us that our being "strong" was a detriment to the black community. We put boys first at the expense of our girls. We weren't vocal enough in voicing our displeasure when rap and hip-hop made millions with misogynist lyrics. So are any of us really surprised that black girls are consistently thrown under the bus?

I think we are in the desert.

Many of the stories in the Bible were written because they are great examples. The events in these people's lives reflect what symbolicly repeats itself (I'm talking old testament here).

Well, so we have a people who slowly formed and became a people. Was taken into bondage by the Egyptians. Was freed (on credit) and had to dwell in the desert for some years. Got their commandments. etc etc. Y'all know.

But that same story can be transposed onto the AA experience. A people who slowly formed and had to become a people despite our various backgrounds. After much fighting, praying, etc., freedom. I think now we are in the desert.

What happened in the desert? Two enemies had to be fought. Amalek and the Mixed Multitudes.

Amalek was the grandson of Esau. They would hid and ambush and get at the frail, the women, the sick the stragglers. They were so vicious.

The Mixed multitudes (MM) were people "within the camp" but who were not "with" the people. They would stir up trouble when it was convenient. They miss the days were Egypt was in charge of them. etc.

I think the same type of enemies are being dealt with now. We have our Amalek. True sons of Amalek I suspect. And they are going after the unprotected. The BW and girls.

Then we have the MM. People within our own camp who will throw anyone "under a bus" (that phrase still makes me laugh) if they can, and keep the predators, the criminals, etc free to roam and wreck havoc in the camp.

How were they fought? For sure, they can't be fought in the same way nowadays. But for Amalek, a sort of jihad had to be launched against them. And for the MM, well, that's still being dealt with so I don't know.

Knockoutchick, I appreciate your words. Many times the older women do represent the original source of cultural alienation of young Black woman. My mother was relentless and left many holes in my self-esteem as I grew and finally left home in my 20's. I thank God for a father who balanced those demons with loving acceptance - tho I still fight some today.

I'll never forget the day my mother accused me of looking like "the light-skinned busty woman that [my father] ran around with." Sometimes the contempt was so obvious.

To Miriam, I agree with your post here. I think that as a people, we are "lost in the desert". It is sad that the modern day Amalek has to be fought with protest. As for the Mixed Multitude, there is nothing much that can be done unless we as a people within our community stop giving them the time of the day.

With the problems in our community, we have to take care of the internal issues, however, they will not all be eradicated, but can be dealt with.

On another note, to all who read this within this forum, I am sadened how we as a people treat the females born in some families (not all). I have seen it where the father prays and brags about how the unborn child will be a boy. After the child is born, they ridicule the mother because the baby was born a female. Next the female child is raised with contempt. I know this, because as a female myself, I have grown up in this environment. I have seen it in my own family where (except for my aunt on my mother's side) boys were preferred over girls. If the child was a girl, they try again for another chance at a boy. Boys are treated better and allowed to constantly make mistakes. If a woman or girl in our family make mistakes you were ostracized. The older women in our family bring it up constantly reminding the women in our family who are being and acting human is what they have done in the past. I have reminded them over and over that this is in the past and does not need to be mentioned anymore. If the men in our family go to prison, marry someone that does them wrong, and remain single for life, it is not held against them at all. They would be held up on a pedistal always, not matter how bad things go for them, they will still be supported.

If a woman never marries or have children, then something is wrong with her. She is then viewed as being to fast that no man wants her, or she is a homosexual, which none are true. I am still single, over the age of 25 with no children and have no intentions of being married unless I met the person I would like to ask me. I am not a homosexual either. I am constantly being asked why I have not done either and that I am going to die an "old maid". At first I would not respond, to the point where I go off and protest against such.

I am still fighting demons from my childhood that I would like to put to rest before I can consider marriage and children.
I am over my sexual assult that happened to me years ago, however, the person who did it was held as a hero while I was treated like a criminal. It is sad how in our own community we, as African American, can treat our women similar to how we were degraded during slavery. When were are raped or sexually assaulted, African American women are stereotyped as non-rapable. I hate this word, and I despise the stereotype that women of color are degraded sexually (black, brown, and asian) are sexually exploited by stereotypes that are constantly placed upon us. We need to address the issue within our own communities first, then other races around the world will not continue to degrade women of color as much.

Wow. The unfortunate reality is that the African Ameircan community is stuck on stupid. Constantly blaming girls for the immoral and evil actions of grown men. The AA Community has got to start protecting its FEMALE component first and formost