Michelle Balfour SHUT UP! Julia Hudson, Put Your MySpace Page on Private

I am holding my mule y'all on the whole Jennifer Hudson situation out of outright compassion. I can't bring myself to pile on before Jennifer's family is buried in the ground.  I could write about twenty posts about Michelle Balfour, the Mama of the main "person" of interest and Julia Hudson, Jennifer Hudson's sister and mother of little seven year old Julian Hudson.

Look at MIchelle Balfour on Nancy Grace.



If you will recall, Michelle Balfour came out while Julian was still missing to say her son didn't do this. COMPLAIN about having to leave work early and to declare that she didn't raise "no murderer." Well let's see, her precious son was already CONVICTED of attempted murder and drug possession. William Balfour's father apparently is serving 30 years on murder charges and William's brother is serving drug dealing charges. So CLEARLY Michelle you are in no position to judge the criminal proclivities of the men you procreate with and give birth to. So be quiet. Your son, even if he is innocent was clearly trifling and maybe if you had been a better parent you wouldn't have chosen a murder as your mate and produced two criminals.

Julia, It's time for your Wilderness Journey... Get the HECK off of MYSPACE!!!

Julia, please for the love of God, I understand wanting to connect with people online, that is laudable, but you need to cut the cord and DEAL WITH THE REAL WORD!!! Stop using Myspace to vent and put your profile on PRIVATE. You can still interact with all of your "friends" online. Y'all don't even go look at the Myspace page because if she hasn't changed the content of the page, it is going to give about half of y'all instant aneurysms.

I GUESS IT’S TIME TO UPDATE THIS WHEN I STARTED MY MYSPACE ALL OF THE ABOVE WAS TRUE, NOW BECAUSE I CHOSE TO DO WHAT WAS NATURAL TO ME AND LOVE SOMEONE, IT COST ME MY BEAUTIFUL FAMILY MY WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL LOVING SUPPORTING MOTHER DARNELL, MY TRUE BLUE BABY BROTHER JASON , I LOVE U BIG BABY … AND LAST BUT NEVER NOT LEAST MY ONLY SON JULIAN , MY INNOCENT BABY ONE THAT WAS SHELTERED FROM ALL THE EVIL IN THE WORLD BECAUSE WE LOVED HIM SO MUCH Julia Hudson on Myspace

In case none of your relatives will tell you, its INAPPROPRIATE! It was inappropriate before this tragedy and only moreso now. I will not comment on the content of the Myspace page because I mean the Lord is really working on me in this case.

To be blunt. I like Jennifer Hudson. Always have. All the way back to American Idol. Loved her in Dream Girls and watch it just to see her sing "And I am Telling You." Ran to the theater to see it. If Julia was NOT Jennifer Hudson's sister, I already would have been to the right and to the left, but reading that "LOVE" is responsible for this horror just makes my blood boil. But I am going to hold my mule! Hold my mule!!!

Comments

[siditty]

I am in shock that this woman has the audacity to even go on Nancy Grace to talk about this case, and then cop an attitude.

I also agree that Julia needs to get off of myspace. I would also like to know how this man was a "catch" to her. Seriously. His own momma admits he had a bunch of girlfriends, but yet Julia and him were still married. What kind of LOVE is that?

[apa]

Both parties have displayed a lot of dysfunctionality, but I've refrained from commenting because I don't believe in kicking people when they are down.

However, I will say that Michelle Balfour is a H.A.M. and needs to be quiet. All these bogus excuses she continues to make for her son show she's an enabler. No wonder her son turned out so bad.

[deborah]

I'm going to try to be the voice of mercy here.

I think Julia is in so much pain and heartbreak; she just doesn't know what to do with it and wants to get it out of her system. Not knowing any of the people involved in this tragedy, this is just my guess.

I agree, however, she should put her page on private. I can understand wanting to vent, but I hope someone who knows her will get her to put the page on private or perhaps someone at myspace will invoke some little known element in the user agreement and re-set the page to private.

Michelle Balfour may turn out to be her son's worst enemy. She is probably doing all of this talking because she sees the scrutiny directed at her son as a personal attack ("I didn't raise no murderer!!").

It's just time for everyone to be quiet and, as you said, embrace their wilderness journey. Privately. Please.

[LT]

My condolences go out to Jennifer Hudson and her family.

I agree with you that Jennifer Hudson's sister Julia Hudson needs to put her myspace on private. The vulgar language she uses to decribe herself in her "About Me" section is horrible and a disgrace. It shows a severe lack of maturity and intelligence. As they say on the streets, "Not a good look" especially now that the world is looking at her page leaving condolences and words of support.

We get to the page and we see this young lady has some serious issues. It speaks to the larger issue that so many teens, 20somethings and young 30somethings
use myspace and facebook in some of the most irresponsible ways one can imagine. The way they comment on themselves and each other's pages in the vulgar language exchanges is shameful and disgraceful and for them all to have them set to "Public View" makes me think they need their heads examined.

Julia Hudson is of that generation and it shows on her page.

If I was Jennifer Hudson's publicist, I would tell Jennifer Hudson to tell her sister to clean up the language or put it on private or tell myspace to close it.

I saw the Balfour mother's interview on Nancy Grace too. I agree that was another mess too.

This case has drama, drama, drama written all over it that appears to be so deep I am thinking we have only seen the tip of the iceberg.

[BOSSOLO]

Theirs always two sides to a story right.Well we all know the media will make something small look bigger than what it is.If you steal a candy bar out of the store it's no longer petty theft it's commerical burglary.I think Michelle was making some good points and I question why was Nancy Grace getting so upset that was so unproffesional.Why would a man kill the mom,the brother and a 7 year old kid because his wife was cheating?That's sounds Insane.Now the real must be Shared the truth is Michelle Balfour is a real person.Now why did the Hudson Family get Murdered it sounds like the brother was selling drugs out of the house and owed somebody a large amount of money.My homie Died the same way they happen to burn a connected Dealer for 500,000 they killed my homies connect then drove to my homies house killed his Wife found my homie drove him to a junk yard shot him in the head burnt his Suv up with him in it.A sad days this reminds me of the same thing.I really don't like that William Balfour did this,and if he did why aint the police charging him with murder.I think Jennifer probably feels bad because she made it out the Hood.and left he Moms in the hood.I would of bought my moms a house away from all the madness.She put up 100,000 for Julian so the tells me she could of moved her mom out the hood and that's how I feel.
Celebrities always forget who they are some love to play god then god shows you who's really Boss.

[Renee]

Your son, even if he is innocent was clearly trifling and maybe if you had been a better parent you wouldn’t have chosen a murder as your mate and produced two criminals.

I am not going to comment on her sons innocence or guilt because that remains to be established but I will say that I am tired of people holding black mother solely responsible for the actions of their children. Did you ever stop think about just how unsupported black mothers are when it comes to raising children? If they come from a background of poverty it can make motherhood even twice as difficult. There are no support programs and everday is a struggle. You have no idea if she didn't do her damn best by that child and you are ready to convict her.
Sometimes no matter how hard you try children will go there own way. You can tell your child one thing until you are blue in face but you cannot live their lives for them.
I also would like to know what it is that give society a free pass on this and choose to blame the black mother. Raising a son in a world that fills his head with the image of black masculinity as thug like and dangerous is an up hill battle. I fight this daily. Why are you not speaking out about that and blaming the mother once again. Children do not grow in a vacuum they are a product of our social world and no one person, no matter how close to them is solely responsible for what they become in adulthood.

[gem2001]

I am not blaming her because she isa mother. I a blaming her for going on national television show acting a fool.

You aren't going to hide behind blaming black mothers.
I blame the daddy to, BUT THEY AIN'T MAKING EXCUSES on national tv.

[BlkSeaGoat]

Renee,

You are definitely a NEOPHYTE reader of this blog. I'm gonna help you out just a bit before Gina trains you in the way of WAOD and the disgruntled readers club.

I am almost quite certain that Gina in no way made a generalization to blame black mothers for the failures of their offspring. In fact, Gina recognizes the fact that black women have been used as doormats by all people, black and white, and vigorously defends the honor of black women to a fault.

Read this post for what it is; a scathing critique of ONE TRIFLING PARENT who reared ONE TRIFLING SON who KILLED THREE INNOCENT PEOPLE. That's all this post was about. I'm not even going to comment about the Julia Hudson myspace stuff because then I'll want to use profanity and I'm not doing that on Gina's blog.

Renee,

No mother, father, parent, or guardian should be on TV defending the actions of a man who has an extensive criminal rap sheet and a penchant for violent behavior. His mother obviously has NO IDEA what here son is capable of because of the aforementioned. She is NOT qualified to talk about what he wouldn't do.

However if she decides to act in the affirmative and criticize everyone else for what has happened with her "baby" and that "she didn't raise no murderer", then someone has the right to call her on it. Is she implying that she DID raise a thief and an attempted murderer since he was convicted of those charges?

I hope he rots in hell. I hope Michelle Balfour goes somewhere to have a nice cup of STFU.

[gem2001]

Blkseagoat. I a in the middle of a conference so I could not go of, but I wil deal with renee later....OR NOT!!!

[get real]

crimainals come in all colors.

this is a terrible tragedy and the mother of william shot her mouth off like a fool and should just shut up.

the racial B.S. is just another excuse! i am soooo sick of hearing this crap.

you do the crime, you do the time. that's that!

and hopefully the family gets the justice they deserve.

thoughts and prayers to the Hudson's.

[Eva]

If Julia wants to vent, she should put her myspace on private, or she should get a livejournal account, less folks on livejournal.

I do not blame Michelle Balfour for what happened. I do know that a parent can do all the right things and the child can still come out a killer. But I do blame Michelle Balfour for going on Nancy Grace's show, because by going on a show like that you hold yourself up for scrutiny.

[Renee]

I don't comment often but I read this blog quite a bit. I am asking a legitmate question. What exactly was your intent by the following phrase if not to convict yet another black mother?

Your son, even if he is innocent was clearly trifling and maybe if you had been a better parent you wouldn’t have chosen a murder as your mate and produced two criminals.

I am not saying that the woman is not partially responsible for what her son became I am saying that she is not solely responsible. We are all socially culpable when someone because a deviant, especially in the case of property theft.

Black motherhood is maligned enough daily without black women jumping on the first bandwagon that comes along. We need to consider the circumstances behind what lead this man to make the decisions he made beyond the fact that he is the issue of a black womb.

[mouse]

I wouldn't be surprise if some celebrities did want their moms to move to a better place, but they -the moms- feel to comfortable and knowledgeable in their own area and don't want to move away.

[MacDaddy]

Who's giving her advice?
If she's getting any, is she taking it?

Surely, she is being told to take some time to deal with this in the family, in private, and not spill this on Nancy Grace or MySpace. I can't imagine anyone telling her anything different. The question is this: Is she listening?

[Conservative Black Woman]

Mary Balfour is a simple-minded azz-backward embarrassment to her race. Gina your assessment of her life choices are on point. Renee, stop making excuses for these pathologically ignorant ghetto bunnies times will not get better unless or until they take a look at themselves in the mirror. oh yeah, blkseagoat I rather enjoy your colorful communication and will be checking you blog to get your scathing take on this matter.

[Esquire]

I don't think anyone is coming down on the mother for caring about her child. She is just not helping matters by going on Nancy Grace and telling all of America that her son has two girlfriends, etc. I think we can all pretty much agree that such information does not help his case.

I also thought Nancy held back quite a bit in that interview and gave the mother a lot of room to speak her mind. More than usual on that program, but maybe I am wrong. Unless I am missing something, it seemed like the mother just kept attacking the media in general and Nancy had to speak up. I can't say her program is always 100% fair, but the coverage I have seen (emphasis on what I have seen) on this doesn't seem too bad.

Back to parenting, I know plenty of people who grew up in loving homes with two working parents who did their best, but the kids still ended up selling/doing drugs, criminals, violent against women, etc. Having both parents helps, no doubt, but its no guarantee. The point I am trying to make is that this is a tragedy. Period. There really is no rationalizing or pointing the blame as I am sure that there is a long list of circumstances, actions, and in-actions by a host of people that brought these people to this point.

My heart goes out to all involved. 3 lives are gone and for what?

[genmaspeaks]

Thanks for the post Gina. I got two comments. I moved from one of the worst places one could call home. I lived in a two red light swamp land. Crime and crooks meet you at the county line. I tried for years to get my mother, grandmother to move away. When I go home, it takes me weeks to get over the guilt and depression that I feel when I go there. I went back to spend time with my grandfather before he died, and I was damn near suicidal by the time I left.

Jennifer Hudson is a relative new star. Her mother was taking care of siblings and her grandson. I do not believe she was banking that kind of money.

As for her sister, ( my age is showing here) why would a grieving mother turn to myspace? I do not get that at all. When I lost my grandfather, I did not get on a computer for months. I am sorry, very sorry for their lost, but I am disturbed by reaching out on myspace.

[Somerset]

Bossolo~

I can't believe anyone would try to come on here to make excuses for this dude & then try to put the blame on Jennifer for not moving her family out the hood.

Actually, Jennifer did offer to move her mother and brother out of the house but her mother declined because it was her house and she had lived in the neighborhood for years.

One of the things that Nancy Grace didn't ask and Ms. Balfour did not address is why did her son miss his parole meeting that morning (re: Chicago Tribune: http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2008/10/ap-hudson-suspect-had-june-drug-arrest.html)

Renee said

"I also would like to know what it is that give society a free pass on this and choose to blame the black mother. Raising a son in a world that fills his head with the image of black masculinity as thug like and dangerous is an up hill battle. I fight this daily. Why are you not speaking out about that and blaming the mother once again. Children do not grow in a vacuum they are a product of our social world and no one person, no matter how close to them is solely responsible for what they become in adulthood."

Let's not be naive. The young man's father is a murderer. I don't know if William Balfour committed the crimes but I do believe that women raise their sons to become the men that they admire themselves --either consciously or inadvertently. We need to get real about the conditions in many of our low income neighborhoods. The popularity of the thug boys for fathers isn't just because that is all there is but also because it's what the women expect. It's how manhood is defined in those communities and to be otherwise is a punk.

I know of thug guys who put all their property in their mother's name --not the mother of their children. Not just because she's probably the only one working but also because he is "her" man in the house. Not sexually, but economically.

As for Julia... she needs to shut her page down.

Sorry to blow up your page with my comments, especially for my first time. Next time I'll make it brief.

[deborah]

"I wouldn’t be surprise if some celebrities did want their moms to move to a better place, but they -the moms- feel to comfortable and knowledgeable in their own area and don’t want to move away."

"Actually, Jennifer did offer to move her mother and brother out of the house but her mother declined because it was her house and she had lived in the neighborhood for years."

This is tragic in a way, but more common than one might imagine. I know of situations like this and they just leave you with a shaking head and a sad heart. In the end, people sometimes choose what's easy but not what's best or safest.

[Tina]

I just want to say that Ms. ignorant Michelle needs to get somewhere and pray. That is all she can do right now. The things she is saying out of her mouth is only making this matter worse. And her friends, that she is all on myspace posing all ghetto with should tell her that the things she is saying is stupid.

I agree with the fact that she laid down with a bad, murderer man, had two bad azz murderer, drug dealing boys and you have the nerve to get on tv (probaby thinking you were going to get some kind of fame) and say that your son got his GED in jail and this is suppose to rule him out.

This lady and her son's need help. They need the kind of help that only God can give them.

That boy did it and even if he did not do it, he was certainly involved there is no doubt about that.

I have loved the wrong people in my life, BUT I knew when to cut it off, or after finding out information that was not good, cutting it off. It states that they married AFTER he did that to that man and his car, so that right there would have been a no no but some people like bad boys so hey.

I do agree she should block her myspace page. If Julia wanted to comment, I think she should have just said thank you for the support and that's it. I was born and raised in Chicago and I really feel bad for my very own, but God has that family now.

[SPOILEDROTTEN]

We can all sit here and judge all we want to....this world is so crazy that we never know what people are going to do. Those poor people did not deserve what happened to me....That poor baby did not have to loose his life, his precious life. I kinda feel where his mother is coming from....he didn't come off as such a threat b/c Julia is logging onto myspace everyday...now if she felt like this ex husband had something to do with the death of her family she should be deleting every picture of him along w/ his profile of her top friends none of this is happening she still has him on there. Something is not right....looks to me like he's being framed. The whole situation is confusing and I just think its more to what everyone is saying about this family. If he did it then yes he needs to be punished but I have a feeling that was an inside job. The police need to get it together and find who did this horrible crime!

[ak]

Look Renee there is no need to be super-defensive just because you may be a single parent mother raising a black son, and you may be raising him in a rough disadvantaged neighborhood.

MY mother was a single parent raising me by herself all the time.....BUT....my mother never wanted to be in the ghetto, no where near the ghetto, because of the negativity of the ghetto.

She didn't wanna be a statistic! And she didn't want me to be either! She didn't come from a ghetto anyway, even though she grew up poor in Jamaica for a little while.

But instead of getting defensive just like how Ms. Balfour's getting defensive over the actions of an ADULT child who should be held accountabl;e, you need to move your son or daughter OUT of the GHETTO! Get two more jobs shoot, but stay out of the ghetto.

That way those negative thug images won't be chasing him or her! They'll be surrounded by more positive possibilities. You should be heading out of the ghetto while your still waddling around pregnant or at least when they're still in diapers. Don't wait till puberty hits and they can run around on the street, or get a girl pregnant, or if they are the girl, become pregnant and sit around the house!

You blame the media and their thug images, which also come from black male rappers and athletes and the way they carry on, but you can't understand how staying in a ghetto which encourages and never discourages the black male thug criminal lifestyle may be a huge chunk of the blame when it comes to poorer black children turning out wrong, when that could have been prevented?

Women stuck in the ghetto because of financial reasons and because they have to spend their small income on their one child, shouldn't even think about becoming pregnant again before they take steps to come out of the ghetto. Planned Parenthood is a fine organisation with services that black disadvantaged women should use to their advantage.

Hey they helped white women out a lot especially back in the day!

[seki]

Okay, I understand your non commenting about the Hudson situation. But what about commenting about Isiah Thomas drug overdosing and blaming it on her 17 year old daughter? If that does not warrant commenting, I do not know what does.

[iman]

I can't imagine what Julia Hudson is going through. People do all sorts of insane things after they loose a loved one. I don't use myspace, but I could imagine the comfort one might find in escaping online w/ strangers, but I really can't wrap my head around this. I can't imagine what it's like to loose a child and I hope I never have to.

This mans mother needs to stop doing interviews or hire an attorney to do them for her. If her goal was to clear his name, she did not do a good job. I don't necessarily believe he's responsible for this, but her statement of the "facts" is not particularly helpful to him.

I don't know this woman so I'm not going to call her a "ghetto bunny" or any of the other derogatory names given to black women. However I do sense that she has issues "cutting the cord". A lot of mother's have this problem, but when the stakes are as high as they are with him, her coddling is more detrimental than ever. Her discussing his and Julia's relationship revealed a lot, as did the stolen car story. If this man is innocent, than he's young enough to pull his life together - hopefully it will be a wake up call.

Whoever could do this, particularly to that little boy, has to be extremely demented or detached from society. I pray this family can pull their lives back together and I pray that these people didn't die in vein.

[Renee]

@AK
Nice to know how easy it is to make assumptions about someones class status, education and residence simply because they choose to voice an opinion on the oppressed. Maligning me only serves to show the world the classist nature of your thought patterns.

I won't bother to correct your assumptions because whether or not I come from a working class background or not is irrelevant. You clearly have no respect for someone who is working/under class. Someone's class position is more often than not an indicator of the systemic inequalities that are inherent to the racist, capitalist, patriarchal world in which we live rather than a reflection of self. Of course with your false belief in meritocracy (read: pull yourself up by your bootstraps mentality) you would be blind to that.

Again it is a valid statement to make that he is a product of his environment and not solely the result of his mothers parenting skills. If you cannot see the ways in which the world acts on and informs your behavior you must lead quite the myopic existence. Each body is encoded with messages, and does not exist outside of discoursive elements; however you would know that if you were not so busy drinking the kool aid of classism. Who is ghetto now?

[Lola]

I refuse to believe that a child can grow up in a happy well adjusted family and become a murderer. Just because it looks okay from the outside does not mean that family is picture perfect. People in the suburbs abuse their kids just as much as poor people. They raise selfish narcissistic brats too.

[Faith]

Ooooh I watched it live and my jaw was on the floor. The amount of denial is as long and as wide as the Pacific. For the mother to try to fault the first victim of the car jacking (her son was only 16 and a 'simple' car theft became a jacking and attempted murder because the owner jumped on the hood) had me shaking my head in shame. Nancy Grace wouldn't cover the pregnant 12 y.o. but she covers this instead.

I would be curious to address her accusations of the police denying him a lawyer if only to avoid potential legal maneuvers later, but he wasn't charged with the cocaine position in June so he's been given breaks. He is not a victim of 'the man'.

And the kicker for me was the discussion of him spending the night with one woman and moving on during the day to the other woman - the pregnant one.

"But Julia's got a boyfriend too."

And she just lost me when she talked about the brother being a drug dealer. The boy's father is a convicted drug trafficker as well. So it may turn out other people are involved in whole or in part but this is just SAD.

It's a miracle Jennifer got out and became so successful in her career. Now she needs to reevaluate her reality show alum fiancee. I know he went to Harvard...but still.

[Tiffany]

When are people going to realize that it doesn't matter where you live, if somone has the intention to kill they are going to kill. Its not that hard to figure out.

[JustSaying]

Ok, I've read all the comments and I just have to throw my $.02 in. First of I don't know where AK comes off assuming that Renee is a single parent living in the ghetto just because she defended black single parent moms. That right there discounted whatever else AK had to say as far as I'm concerned. And unless you've lived in the ghetto you don't know how difficult it can be to get out. Single mom get 2 or 3 jobs if you have to...then who the heck is going to raise the child or children? I have 1 job, a husband and only 2 kids and my time is still short.
Second, has any of you ever lived on the other end of a real life tragedy to understand how far off the media is MOST of the time in reporting the real FACTS of the case? And how much information is actually kept away from the public? With that said many of you are convicting William Balfour way too prematurely with too little evidence. If the police don't have enough evidence to even officially charge the manchild then how the hell can we convict him...regardless of his past crimes? If he's guilty then I agree absolutely that he should rot UNDER the jail, but what have you guys heard that I haven't that makes you so sure that he is guilty?
And as ineloquently as his mother spoke, I think that she POSSIBLY knows a little more about the real truth than we do, even though she did not express it clearly or appropriately to our standards. And as out of line and "ghetto" as she may have sounded, I think she expressed her own truth in the best way SHE knew how because she believes that the public is persecuting her son without knowing all the facts. Which apparently we are!

[JustSaying]

And regarding the myspace page...now we're judging "appropriate" reactions to grief. Maybe Julia spent an inordinate amount on her myspace page before this tragedy so in her current state of overwhelming loss and grief she turned to what she knew. And if her page was never private before, maybe she just never thought to make it private before posting that intimate message. But Gina, you were right when you said that NOW is not the time to criticize her on the stuff that was out there before reflecting the person she is/was before the public put its "spotlight" on her (pun intended).
And regarding this statement: "If I was Jennifer Hudson’s publicist, I would tell Jennifer Hudson to tell her sister to clean up the language or put it on private or tell myspace to close it." Julia is a grown A** woman, Jennifer and her publicist can't control how she expresses herself. And as grown people we need to know how to separate Jennifer from her sister and not let that reflect how we view Jennifer. It's not her page.

ALL the people involved in this mess need a whole lot of counseling and healing not just blame and criticism. If you're not a part of the solution then you're part of the problem so STFU! Lest someone shine the light into your backyard and see what they find...

[JustSaying]

I meant to write that she spent an inordinate amount of TIME on that myspace page...

[Tiffany]

@ Just saying
I totally agree with you your comments.

[ak]

OK Renee and the rest of the DEFENSE-OLYMPICS, it's elitist to want to get out of the ghetto or stay out of it BEFORE you get weighed down with one kid or more?

And if somebody does get out of the ghetto before they have kids or after they do, they shouldn't consider moving to the suburbs or out in the country because they MIGHT be moving next door to an abusive, mentally-unstable person?

Ok then. Fine. Have it your way as I'm sure you will. Have fun dodging those bullets and dodging the derelicts that hang out on the corners! If only your poor kids could say the same.

Don't expose your kids to different worlds, and different experiences outside the stifling, stereotypical and very MYOPIC world of the Ghetto in order to undo the damage of societal messages against young black men and women BECAUSE of the direct effects of their environment on them.

Hey that's your call. And when people bring up a subject of um let's say 'Theft' in a little conversation and then a person starts getting super-defensive saying that 'thieves are not all bad' or 'there's a reason why these poor thieves became what they became, it's not all their fault' and they bring out an attitude like someone just accused them of theft, I like some people will think 'Damn, what was that all about? He/she must have been caught red-handed once for them to react so strongly'.

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

[ak]

Just Saying: Um but my Mom DID IT, she just did the damn thing, I don't know how but she did.

It's mule-ish and not ideal I know but she just worked with what she had and worked her butt off like so many black single parents do. But I am childless now because hey when I fully ready financially to live how I need to live when supporting kids, I'll have em.

I don't wanna be caught with one foot stuck in the wrong neighborhood whether I'm pregnant or not.

There are decent people living the right way in the ghetto with no police records who get caught with a bullet in their head sometimes and the people connected to the topic of this thread are the case in point.

Why be living the right way and not bothering anybody AND be dodging bullets and whatever else when you don't have to?

Just get out BEFORE you get stuck somehow. But it's YOUR life and I'm through.

[JustSaying]

AK, it's not really worth responding to most of your comments except to say, or rather ask this: Do you really believe that most people are living in the ghetto out of choice? For every 1 person who makes it out, like your mom, there's 20 left behind. You think that's coincidental? Or that they're just not working hard enough? Grow up! I mean really, grow up! It sounds like the only person living in a MYOPIC world is you, if you think it's just that easy.

[ak]

Through regarding my Above's there but JustSaying if Oprah or Johnetta B. Cole was interviewed by Nancy Grace and one of them was publicly defending their adult kids for a crime they are being questioned about or accused of, that would STILL be a stupid action.

Wow stupid actions cross the classes, races and sexes...WOW...I swear that I had NO IDEA that stupid actions happen everywhere.

Hey cool it's like I discovered plutonium or something.

But you have no hard proof of where your adult children are because you don't live their lives for them, and you're not always around to see what they do, so how can you publicly loudly or quietly defend their actions?

Just stay out of it. Or atleast be super-defensive about your son privately and not in front of the press! LOL

Eloquently or ineloquetly. That has nothing to do with it. Stop putting your feelings and your business out there in the public eye at this time. We don't even need to hear Michelle Balfour's side when she's not being accused, the police don't need to see her, becaus eshe has nothing to do with it?

So why the need for her to draw attention to herself? You don't need a cool few million and a bunch of degrees to keep a low profile and be quiet and act intelligently while this situation is carrying on.

Yes I do believe that people in the ghetto can have capabilities to do just that! LOL LOL

[Faith]

We can talk about this situation for days people. It is important to be exposed to people of different social status and points of view just to avoid being indoctrinated with a very limited perspective of what being Black means. If you live in a neighborhood full of criminals or people who want to be or make excuses about why that's their only option then leaving is a good idea. Unless you can get enough people to Combat the bad apples.I don't like refering to someone in derogatory terms like ghetto but think further evaluation of our motivations are necessary for our survival. There are plenty of people who aren't poor who act "ghetto".It isn't about blaming Black women but we must certainly ask why so many of us have children with men who have shown themselves to be inadequate partners or parents, why we share men with other women and why we make excuses for our choices poor or not. And why do we attach false standards of Blackness? Jenniffer should not have had to be financially responsible for anyone but herself. Michelle is not responsible for what her 27 year old GROWN son does. Nor should she be defending him on Nancy Grace.

[iman]

AK. You’re proof that you don’t have to live in the ghetto to sound ignorant.
If you seriously think that the solution to improving the lives of every poor black woman and child is to move them out of the ghetto than you’re extremely misguided and have a very limited view of what is actually occurring in most inner city neighborhoods. There are poor and working class black neighborhoods across this country where children live perfectly normal lives and don’t fall into a life of crime and ignorance. There’s no crime in being poor or working class and living in a neighborhood that is affordable to you. That’s what people do when their poor - they live in their means and in neighborhoods they can afford.

Criminal behavior should not be tolerated anywhere and no one should have to be chased out of their neighborhoods by the few who want to do harm. We need to take a stand against violence to ensure safety for everyone-regardless of their class, because crime eventually affects everyone, everywhere. Across this country poor people in many cities have taken back their once crime ridden neighborhoods and have made them safe and attractive places to raise families. So attractive in fact, that they’re now being pushed out. Most inner city neighborhoods have incredible assets (like access to mass transit), that are not realized because of crime or the perception of crime. Poor people across the country recognize the value in their neighborhoods and are setting the tone for what’s acceptable and what’s not. It’s not about where we live, it’s about what we will tolerate. I’ve visited public housing projects that look like private condominiums, because the residents have set a standard for what they will and will not accept. There poor, black and many are single moms, and they act just as responsibly as anyone else. It is possible.

You don’t have to live in the suburbs or country to be “exposed” to other things in life. As a matter of fact, kids who grow up in the city often have much more access and exposure to other things if they have parents who are willing to show initiative. Good parenting is not a class issues, it’s a personal issue and it’s so sad to see poor black parents continually scapegoated for the failings of the entire black community. Especially when there are plenty of trifling parents raising trifling kids in the suburbs everyday with much more resources at their disposal than poor parents. Your mother sounds like an outstanding woman. Her story, like the stories of a whole bunch of other black mothers who are doing the right thing by their children, often get ignored, by people who make the type of comments you did.

I actually don’t think this post is an indictment on black mothers. However your response to Renee was, considering how much you assumed about a person you don’t know anything about. Poor black people are so demonized, it’s remarkable. When white people are poor and ignorant their called “the backbone of America”. When a white woman is as inarticulate, ignorant and dysfunctional as Sarah Palin she is considered “folksy”, while her black equivalent is “ghetto”. It just boggles the mind.

Now for Michelle Balfour, as I said before, she seems to need to “cut the cord” and I do believe that she would be better off having a lawyer speak for her. Not because of the way she speaks, but because there’s no point in engaging with the media if you can’t get your point across. She didn’t get her point across and just opened her and her son up to more criticism which seems to defeat the purpose.

Faith said:

“It isn’t about blaming Black women but we must certainly ask why so many of us have children with men who have shown themselves to be inadequate partners or parents, why we share men with other women and why we make excuses for our choices poor or not. And why do we attach false standards of Blackness? Jenniffer should not have had to be financially responsible for anyone but herself. Michelle is not responsible for what her 27 year old GROWN son does. Nor should she be defending him on Nancy Grace.”

^ Agreed.

[ak]

Thanks Faith. You voice is like a beacon, the light from a lighthouse on a coast, in a dark and dank fog of WHATEVER!

[LorMarie]

Renee,

I can certainly identify with you on the point that black motherhood is demonized. But we have to be careful not allow our understandable anger to cause us to defend every black woman or mother. For example, I will never defend any black woman who harms a child for any reason. Not saying you would, just making a point.

I've been reading this blog for quite some time, and I really don't think that Gina would verbally attack a black mother without a good reason.

Again, I understand where you are coming from.

[Renee]

@LorMarie

I certainly believe that there are black mothers that are very capable of heinous crimes. Colour is not an indication of whether or not someone may or may not be abusive. My point in my original query has more to do with why we don't factor in socialization into the debate when it comes to race.
We already know that if a person is black and porrt they are facing two areas of stigmatizations and therefore their life chances are greatly effected. I firmly believe in social culpability. No child is born a thief or a murderer we create the conditions that cause these behaviours. Whether they occur because of institutionalized racism, sexism, classism, etc., it is these intersections that ultimately lead to dissociative behaviors.

@AK
If you cannot make a point without a personal attack then you have no point to make. With each comment you make yourself more and more irrelevant.

[La]

Justsaying, I want to tell you... I could not have said it any better.

[gem2001]

THE NEXT PERSON TO CALL OR INFER THAT ANOTHER COMMENTATOR IS STUPID OR CHARACTERIZE THE QUALITY OF ANOTHER RESPONSE WILL BE BANNED. DISCUSS THE POST OR LURK.

GROW UP or GET OUT!!!

.
The juvenile antics on this thread are an embarrassment. You took a perfectly good discussion and ruined it by throwing spitwads. The two major points in the thread are not mutually exclusive.

[JustSaying]

@ Iman, Your points are well taken and received. That's an excellent point to state that the goal should not be to leave the working class/poorer neighborhoods, it's about cleaning them up and making them safe for everyone who remains, either by choice or by necessity. As american citizens we All deserve the basic right of PERSONAL security not just national security.

[dottie]

Well, her myspace page is set to private now.

[Anonymiss]

Michelle Balfour is an idiot for asking "Wouldn't she get a restraining order?" Nancy checked her for that. Cut the cord already. You spawned a loser. Own up to it already.

[Anonymiss]

@ Bossolo,
I don't think it's fair to accuse Jennifer of forgetting her roots. For all we know, maybe her family wanted to stay there. Some people can be so proud and see assistance as a handout. And Jennifer felt safe enough to stay over whenever she touched down.

[gem2001]

Dottie, they made it private because the probably read this blog.... and I am NOT exaggerating.

[Renee]

@ Anonymiss

Cut the cord already. You spawned a loser. Own up to it already.

Attitudes like this are exactly why recidivism rates are so high. If we continue to judge someone on their past deeds and label with scarlet letters how exactly do expect them to become functional members of society. This man has not been charged in connection with this crime and yet you are allowing his prior bad acts to color your view of him.

[gem2001]

Attitudes like this are exactly why recidivism rates are so high. If we continue to judge someone on their past deeds and label with scarlet letters how exactly do expect them to become functional members of society. This man has not been charged in connection with this crime and yet you are allowing his prior bad acts to color your view of him.

SHe didn't call him a murderer, she said he was a "loser." Let's just for kicks assume he had nothing to do with the slayings, which is within the relm of possibility because everybody in the orbit or that house was apparently up to no good.

What we do know is that he was a married man with "girlfriends" =loser
One of the girlfriends was pregnant... while he was still married= Big L

Don't try to blame recitivism rates on people making asessments about your character based on your prior behavior. its called deductive reasoning skills and survival.

Instead of blaming those who "judge" for recitivism, why not blame the individual impulsive decisions that get people caught up in the system in the first place.

Many people are in jail because that is exactly where they belong.

How do you expect people to become functional members of society when you repeatedly excuse their lack of impulse control, delayed gratification, unwillingness to conform to social strictures doom them. I am sorry. This man was on Parole working at a bakery with apparently no car. What was he doing with a pregnant girlfriend.

Why should the world have to adjust to them? The world doesn't adjust to me.

Recidivism rates are so high because we have normalized jail culture. Its not shameful or embarrassing, but a right of passage.