Sunday
Aug122007
The Five Stages of Grief- The League of the Immorally Indifferent on Dunbar Village,Newark, Chauncey Bailey, Stepha Henry... I'm at Stage Two
Sunday, August 12, 2007 at 7:38AM The Blogmother
Five Stages of Grief
Last week I finally wrote on Dunbar Village on this blog even though I had read about it in the blotter in an online newspaper. almost a month ago while I was in the middle of a minor dust up with a certain network over a certain show. Needless to say reading the sketchy details at the time depressed me and made me very sad, luckily I was in the middle of what I thought at the time was the battle of my life, fighting with a morally reprehensible television network over their continued pattern of offering morally repugnant programming. So I was able to escape the horror of Dunbar Village temporarily. Sure I read about it at Mirror on America I might have even left a comment about it, but as a woman, I just couldn't wrap my head around it until a little over a week ago.
A week ago, I was pointing out the double standard in the African American community when Black girls and Black women are sexually assaulted by Black males. I talked about the fact that many in the African American community don't believe in statutory rape, or any kind of rape where the victim is not scratching and clawing out the eyes of their attacker. That is why when a 13 or 14 year old girl is allegedly taped with a R&B artist, a grown man, and her tape is distributed on the street corners of America, we turn our heads and go out and buy his latest album. Or why when a girl is violated by 5 to 6 African American boys while she is passed out drunk on the bed, folks blame her for having gone to the hotel room in the first place and ignore the fact that the little cretins videotaped their bad acts. Folks blame the teen girls for being fast and don't count what happened to her as a crime because the absence of "NO" automatically means "YES" even if the state says "HELL NO!" on the books.
That is why when a 15 year old girl becomes the entertainment for a group of 17 and 18 year old boys by letting them videotape her performing sex acts on them, a candidate for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES comes to the aid of the boys, when long arm of the law catches them in a choke hold. That is why a candidate for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES can try to recast the statutory rape of a 15 year old girl as a scene out of Romeo and Juliet and her violators as Steven Urkle. We can debate the length of sentences, but please let's not throw the statutory rape statutes under the bus in this age where everybody wants to be Larry Flint and a porn producer, teen girls are more vulnerable than ever except this time, there will be video tapes and photos instead of just bad memories that haunt them the rest of their lives.
I wish someone would tap that PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE on the shoulder and ask him to reconsider and try to figure out just what his definition of "rape" is because he clearly can't grasp the fact that a 15 year old in many states can't have "consensual sex" so he really needs to stop using that term in his defense of a convicted child molester. They might also ask him if a drunk passed out 17 year old can consent or a female inmate can consent to sex with a prison guard.... in many states none of these women can "consent" and you know that MR. Harvard Law Graduate! This is what happens when you try to out-Sharpton Al Sharpton. Moral Inconsistency!
In the midst of being outraged over the lack of outrage over R. Kelly and Genarlow Wilson, one of my frequent readers and commentators mentioned Dunbar Village. By then I had apparently worked my way through stage ONE and had move on to stage TWO ( Read 'Dunbar Village: RAZE IT TO THE GROUND AND SALT THE EARTH SO THAT NOTHING WILL GROW THERE!). I later found out that lots of Black female bloggers hadn't been able to write about it either until discussions broke out weeks after it was first reported.
So yeah, I am in stage TWO, but throughout history people in stage TWO have gotten a whole lot of things accomplished. The memory of past crimes and atrocities committed against innocents or the over matched has been the rallying cry for some of the most historic battles in history. Stage TWO is just fine with me. I can be ticked off and still accomplish my goals. Just like the folks in Montgomery were ticked off enough to walk instead of riding the bus, or Linda Brown's parents were ticked off to risk their lives and join a little lawsuit some folks were filing, or the folks were ticked off about Emmett Till. You can get a lot accomplished in the process of being TICKED OFF!
Lots of folk are apparently in stage TWO. Not just over Dunbar Village, but over Newark, and Chancey Bailey, Stepha Henry, and Sakia Gunn( This was in Newark too. The Accompanying article lists another horrific crime committed against an 11 year old girl by 19 men and boys! Jesus! Just. Just. Jesus!). Folks are ticked off over Marcie Crane, Kireasha Pam Linkhome, Shirley Geanes, Latoya Natasha Thomas, Dymashal Lashon Cullins, Tyesha Patrice bell, Daphne Philisia Jones, Tamika Antoinette Huston, and all the other Black women that go missing while MSNBC focuses on what Paris Hilton is wearing when she goes to jail.
Now some of you have already made it to step FIVE. Knock yourselves out. You continue to have policy arguments about critical race theory, gender politics, and the socio economic political ramifications of what is happening around us, and we'll keep hanging out around stage TWO. I have the feeling we are going to be there a while because right when we get ready to get to stage THREE, something else will happen.
So maybe it isn't that the LEAGUE OF THE IMMORALLY INDIFFERENT does not care or is ineffective, inept, inconsistent, and irreparable harmed by their silence on the Dunbar Village gang rape. Maybe they are just hanging out at stage ONE hoping we'll move quickly to stage FIVE. Not happening! Unfortunately for them, they have appointed themselves as "leaders" and accept millions in membership dues and corporate donations with an understanding that they will do the things that they said they would do. It doesn't help that they are making statements on behalf dogs while remaining silent about the plight of Black women and girls.
You see, even though I am on STEP TWO and so are a lot of folks are right now, we still get up and go to work. What does this have to do with the League of the Immorally Indifferent?
Well even though they are apparently on STAGE ONE, their jobs require that the act ANYWAY while working themselves through. So they can either pull their heads out of the sand, or we will assist them in doing so. Because I have the feeling that folks at STAGE TWO are going to be there a while and the longer the "leaders" stay at STAGE ONE, the longer we'll be at STAGE TWO and the more pure unadulterated hell they can expect because the crowd gathering at stage TWO gets larger EVERY DAY! If we have to drag the leaders chilling out at stage ONE to stage TWO, so be it! Because their days of denial are over!
PPS. I know this is the argument for why we have to find new leadership including Black women leaders. They are out there and folks are working on it. Maybe this immoral indifference is part of the Universe's plan. Only our "leaders" being silent over such horrific crimes could force us out of stage ONE!
- Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer. - Anger.
The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it. - Bargaining.
Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?" - Depression.
The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath. - Acceptance.
This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.
Last week I finally wrote on Dunbar Village on this blog even though I had read about it in the blotter in an online newspaper. almost a month ago while I was in the middle of a minor dust up with a certain network over a certain show. Needless to say reading the sketchy details at the time depressed me and made me very sad, luckily I was in the middle of what I thought at the time was the battle of my life, fighting with a morally reprehensible television network over their continued pattern of offering morally repugnant programming. So I was able to escape the horror of Dunbar Village temporarily. Sure I read about it at Mirror on America I might have even left a comment about it, but as a woman, I just couldn't wrap my head around it until a little over a week ago.
A week ago, I was pointing out the double standard in the African American community when Black girls and Black women are sexually assaulted by Black males. I talked about the fact that many in the African American community don't believe in statutory rape, or any kind of rape where the victim is not scratching and clawing out the eyes of their attacker. That is why when a 13 or 14 year old girl is allegedly taped with a R&B artist, a grown man, and her tape is distributed on the street corners of America, we turn our heads and go out and buy his latest album. Or why when a girl is violated by 5 to 6 African American boys while she is passed out drunk on the bed, folks blame her for having gone to the hotel room in the first place and ignore the fact that the little cretins videotaped their bad acts. Folks blame the teen girls for being fast and don't count what happened to her as a crime because the absence of "NO" automatically means "YES" even if the state says "HELL NO!" on the books.
That is why when a 15 year old girl becomes the entertainment for a group of 17 and 18 year old boys by letting them videotape her performing sex acts on them, a candidate for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES comes to the aid of the boys, when long arm of the law catches them in a choke hold. That is why a candidate for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES can try to recast the statutory rape of a 15 year old girl as a scene out of Romeo and Juliet and her violators as Steven Urkle. We can debate the length of sentences, but please let's not throw the statutory rape statutes under the bus in this age where everybody wants to be Larry Flint and a porn producer, teen girls are more vulnerable than ever except this time, there will be video tapes and photos instead of just bad memories that haunt them the rest of their lives.
I wish someone would tap that PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE on the shoulder and ask him to reconsider and try to figure out just what his definition of "rape" is because he clearly can't grasp the fact that a 15 year old in many states can't have "consensual sex" so he really needs to stop using that term in his defense of a convicted child molester. They might also ask him if a drunk passed out 17 year old can consent or a female inmate can consent to sex with a prison guard.... in many states none of these women can "consent" and you know that MR. Harvard Law Graduate! This is what happens when you try to out-Sharpton Al Sharpton. Moral Inconsistency!
In the midst of being outraged over the lack of outrage over R. Kelly and Genarlow Wilson, one of my frequent readers and commentators mentioned Dunbar Village. By then I had apparently worked my way through stage ONE and had move on to stage TWO ( Read 'Dunbar Village: RAZE IT TO THE GROUND AND SALT THE EARTH SO THAT NOTHING WILL GROW THERE!). I later found out that lots of Black female bloggers hadn't been able to write about it either until discussions broke out weeks after it was first reported.
Denying the feelings, and failing to work through the five stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them. When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, the grieving person may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Then it will take longer for healing to take place.(SOURCE)
So yeah, I am in stage TWO, but throughout history people in stage TWO have gotten a whole lot of things accomplished. The memory of past crimes and atrocities committed against innocents or the over matched has been the rallying cry for some of the most historic battles in history. Stage TWO is just fine with me. I can be ticked off and still accomplish my goals. Just like the folks in Montgomery were ticked off enough to walk instead of riding the bus, or Linda Brown's parents were ticked off to risk their lives and join a little lawsuit some folks were filing, or the folks were ticked off about Emmett Till. You can get a lot accomplished in the process of being TICKED OFF!
Lots of folk are apparently in stage TWO. Not just over Dunbar Village, but over Newark, and Chancey Bailey, Stepha Henry, and Sakia Gunn( This was in Newark too. The Accompanying article lists another horrific crime committed against an 11 year old girl by 19 men and boys! Jesus! Just. Just. Jesus!). Folks are ticked off over Marcie Crane, Kireasha Pam Linkhome, Shirley Geanes, Latoya Natasha Thomas, Dymashal Lashon Cullins, Tyesha Patrice bell, Daphne Philisia Jones, Tamika Antoinette Huston, and all the other Black women that go missing while MSNBC focuses on what Paris Hilton is wearing when she goes to jail.
Now some of you have already made it to step FIVE. Knock yourselves out. You continue to have policy arguments about critical race theory, gender politics, and the socio economic political ramifications of what is happening around us, and we'll keep hanging out around stage TWO. I have the feeling we are going to be there a while because right when we get ready to get to stage THREE, something else will happen.
So maybe it isn't that the LEAGUE OF THE IMMORALLY INDIFFERENT does not care or is ineffective, inept, inconsistent, and irreparable harmed by their silence on the Dunbar Village gang rape. Maybe they are just hanging out at stage ONE hoping we'll move quickly to stage FIVE. Not happening! Unfortunately for them, they have appointed themselves as "leaders" and accept millions in membership dues and corporate donations with an understanding that they will do the things that they said they would do. It doesn't help that they are making statements on behalf dogs while remaining silent about the plight of Black women and girls.
You see, even though I am on STEP TWO and so are a lot of folks are right now, we still get up and go to work. What does this have to do with the League of the Immorally Indifferent?
Well even though they are apparently on STAGE ONE, their jobs require that the act ANYWAY while working themselves through. So they can either pull their heads out of the sand, or we will assist them in doing so. Because I have the feeling that folks at STAGE TWO are going to be there a while and the longer the "leaders" stay at STAGE ONE, the longer we'll be at STAGE TWO and the more pure unadulterated hell they can expect because the crowd gathering at stage TWO gets larger EVERY DAY! If we have to drag the leaders chilling out at stage ONE to stage TWO, so be it! Because their days of denial are over!
PPS. I know this is the argument for why we have to find new leadership including Black women leaders. They are out there and folks are working on it. Maybe this immoral indifference is part of the Universe's plan. Only our "leaders" being silent over such horrific crimes could force us out of stage ONE!
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Reader Comments (17)
The national media has been muzzled by political correctness. They fear that if they say anything about the holocaust that's occurring in black neighborhoods they'll be called racist. Don't get me wrong, its not a top priority anyway, and they'd rather prefer to be muzzled, but they've certainly been crippled.
Look what the NAACP did on behalf of Michael Vick. That was orchestrated to muzzle to media, to shut them up lest they tell the truth about what's going on in our neighborhoods.
Black women have been complicit in this insanity for far too long. Its time we speak up because there's nothing in our silence but death and death and death.
Roslyn said...there's nothing in our silence but death and death and death.
That may just become our new slogan. that right there. The cost of silence is too high.
Remember that famous saying:
Silence=Death
Yep well that certainly is playing out right before our eyes.
Wow...
Just saw the Obama clip. I don't think he had the whole story...
Who are his advisors???? Damn!
There are times when you just have to shut----... up regarding certain things.... at least until you have all the information.
AI ,
Obama keeps repeating this refrain about Genarlow Wilson. It is going to come back and bite him in the ASS!
OF all the Black folks he could have used to illustrate disparate sentencing, Genarlow Wilson ain't it.
How many Fathers of teenage girls are going to vote for a politician that refuses to acknowledge statutory rape laws. How many women are going to?
All they have to do is splice Obama'c comments with still photos of the video that has been released of what happened to the 17 year old girl.
This is soooo not good for him. Eventually one of his opponents will pick up on this.
You know, I am very disappointed in this whole scenario. I understand your frustration in one sense, but then in another I don't. If Jackson and Sharpton are the leaders that everybody makes them out to be, who gave them their power? I have never heard them come on tv and say, "Good evening, I am Al Sharpton, leader of all black people." This so called power is perceived power created by the media to do exactly what you are doing now. If the sisters are so inflamed about what happened, then go down there and make changes yourself. Either they are your leaders or they are not. If Jesse and Al don't do it for you then what the fuss? Don't wait on Al, Jesse, Tavis, West or anybody else that is "perceived" to be black leaders. In all honesty, they don't owe anybody anything. They are free to go and do as they please, as are you. Whenever you get through, the victims have and are still suffering, and those like her will continue. Don't waste your energy feeding into the media hype. Has anyone questioned the black churches in the area. I googled several that seem to be doing real well there. TV ministries and everything. Where were they? Why go all the way to New York to chastise another organization, when you possibly have organizations right there in the city, some of whom this mother may have attended services, and talk about what is not being done. I know this sounds insensitive, but I feel I should say this. All I am saying is, do your thing and forget about the others. You have a good thing here. You have a powerful movement working with you. Focus
Peace
Halima said...
were do we sign up!
And the next time we bw decided to come together to further our interests as a group, we need to have the terms clearly showing this is about bw, bw, bw and only bw. Isnt it amazing that the Nat'l Coalition of 100 Black Women puts bw last in their manifesto?
"NCBW is an outgrowth of dedicated African American women in New York City. These women persistently worked to address the problems that affected their families, their communities, and themselves,..."
http://www.ncbw.org/about_us/about_us.htm
as bw we are legendary for squeezing in all other agendas until they end up overshadowing the very treason why we came together as bw.
It has always proved easy to derail a bw-centred struggle because we are such soft-hearts who cant bear to not pick up stray cats, dogs, mice and what have you!
what we need is a good ol dose of pure and unadulterated selfishness for once!
Thank you Gerald for your thoughts.
I have figured out that this is a battle that we as Black women are going to fight on our own, but I think the case has to be made for WHY we have to mobilize. Argument number one is that all the groups and folks people think have our backs Don't.
We can't rely on NOW, the NAACP, Rainbow PUSH, National Action network etc to come to our aid. We have to do this ourselves.
Thanks for the tip on black Churches in the area. that is an excellent idea.
Gerald did I mention that we are working our way through the Five stages of grief?
It is a work in progress and we are getting better everyday.
There is at least one black church besides the victim's church that is doing something. I was told that by a contact I have down there. I'll hit her up and get the name(s).
As if it wasn't enough that I have to stave off attacks from the crazies. Now apparently I have drawn the ire of the http://brownfemipower.com/?p=1806" REL="nofollow">Women of Color feminists . I wasn't expecting that to be a source of criticism, but apparently I have offended the folks occupying the ivory towers of academia for actually thinking that law enforcement might play a role in maintaining law and order.
Why the hell do I bother?
I don't think it has to be an 'either/or' situation. Clearly these circumstances call for any and all methods of resolution that we can muster.
Certainly some rabble-rousing can't hurt, and peace and reconciliation is good too. Frankly I think hitting them with both can be beneficial. After all, there are those who say that Dr. King had greater success because folks looked at Malcolm X and saw a much scarier alternative.
I think any and all organizations that claim to be for the benefit of black folk should be brought to task in this matter. Do we really want the race pimps showing up in Miami? Hell to the no, but we want to mobilize black women to understand that the only folk standing up for us is us. So pointing out their disinterest can be a useful tool.
Pointing fingers at one another, especially publicly, is never a good tactic. Its sort of like what Lincoln said once about Democrats, 'They sound like cats fighting in the night, but the next morning all you've got is more Democrats.' That's what we need. Fighting is not necessarily a bad thing, but for the love of Pete we have to be united in our purpose.
And GEM, you bother because there's nothing but death in silence. Btw, I took my previous quote 'and death and death and death' from a plague chronicle about the 14th century Black Death. I thought it was uniquely apropos for this particular circumstance.
Hey Gina
Chin up, we always knew there would be days like this lol!
I have been over there and read BFP post and the responses, so let me give my opinion.
I think the problem is that as black folk we have a counterproductive desperation to just have one way of working to dismantle oppression, and 'if you are not lock step with me and my well-thoughtout approach, then you are against me and I will employ my scud missiles against you. lol!'
It is very dangerous when people cannot give each other room to employ their own approach to this overall struggle for justice for bw (hopefully this is about bw because I was picking up a lot of ‘community this’ and ‘community that’ which to me is not about centering the bw AS AN INDIVIDUAL but centering bw in her role as community-sustainer -big big difference). We need many strands to this battle!
You are addressing immediate needs of justice and protection for bw, they are more concerned with transformation of society. The thing is, I am more in favour of sorting out bw immediate needs myself because this ‘deferred gratification’, ‘You’ll get yours later and after we saved our community’ etc etc, and all these urgings that bw should live as martyrs now and look forward to a brighter future including all the coercion that is employed to make us focus on the bigger picture for our communities, while we suffer personal hardship in the NOW, is getting on my last nerve. Why do bw always have to be the ones putting their needs last.
They say other methods have failed, I would actually say that it is the 'talking and doing ...little' that hasn’t yielded much (or has it, where is the proof) but hey, that’s just my personal opinion.
Also I am of the firm opinion that transformation of society is better effected after a revolution. Some folks will only learn the hard way and they need the threat of incarceration to ‘facilitate’ their understanding that there are better ways to behave!
Why a black man who rapes a black women is still tugging at the heart strings of certain folks who want to rescue them: because they are young, because they are ‘of the community’ and more importantly because they might just learn to rape better (WTF!) if they go to prison just smacks of prioritising everyone/everything else but bw no matter how you spin it.
I believe that you are performing a vital aspect in this struggle and something which could potentially yield quick results and any resulting policy change could effectively prevent thousands of bw from having to experience rape and therefore from needing …erm ‘Listening therapy’.
Halima,
I think you hit it on the nail. I see a need for immediate results. Which have been condescendingly referred to at "solutions" over at the other site as if my ideas have no merit. We ain't fighting the same battle. They want long term change; I sense Black women in immediate danger and don't think we can wait 15 years for their "solutions" to take root.
Anyway, I am over it. I am going to stay in my lane and stop reading the stuff over there. I have always been irritated by elitism and there is plenty of condescension floating around.
Roslyn,
Thank you for getting it! I KNOW the Revs ain't gon do a dayum thing, but calling them on their hypocrisy calls attention to the situation. Its a strategy, not a solution, but some folks just don't get that.
You're being very dishonest on the Wilson issue. And you continue to do do despite plenty of evidence that it's not as cut and dry as you make it seem.
I also think you're being classist/elitist with the Women of Color Feminists bit.
You're making a lot of assumptions about what they do without really knowing what they do.
And you say you're working for immediate solutions but what immediate solutions are you working for?
Is anything you do here going to make a lastig affect in the lives of those at Dunbar village?
What is your ultimate goal in this situation?
JJ,
I have not been dishonest in anyway. I have relayed the facts? Was the girl not 15? Was she not videotaped performing oral sex on Mr. Wilson and his buddies?
Did they all not sodomize the 17 year old laying on the bed? Did they not videotape that also?
What about that is dishonest? Its the ugly truth. You don't like it, but it is the truth.
You ought to be able to make your argument for why Mr. Wilson should not have gotten the sentence he did without throwing young Black girls under the bus to do it.
Sorry, this ain't the site where we sacrifice Black women and Children so you can feel good about supporting their victimizers.