Sunday
Nov042007
Imagine if They Were a Black Couple - NY Times "Vows" Section.
Sunday, November 4, 2007 at 5:55AM The Blogmother
Yes, I am one of those single women that occasionally reads the "Vows" section of the NY Times. I was actually looking for a story that I was interviewed for earlier this week. I guess decided not to run it, but I was already there and I like reading folks business. This story of course drew my eye because Mike Tyson was the best man at the wedding of Jeff Greene and Mei Sze Chan.
Well anyway, I was reading some things that the reporters just threw out there matter of factly as if there was nothing out of the ordinary.Would she be labeled as a "jump off" if this was a Black couple? We talked about this on the podcast last Thursday. How would the Black Blogosphere be reacting if this was a Black couple? Well I think they would have been savaged, but the reaction on blogs so far has basically been to wish them well and sound perplexed at the selection of Mike Tyson as best man.
The Times managed to make this sound like a fairy tale, the tone from almost all the articles is "Well of course she would have a lavish wedding! Of course a 51 year old man would marry a 32 year old woman. Of course they would party on his yacht on the first date. Of course she would move in after a month. Why on earth wouldn't they?" it isn't even an issue.
The groom is 51, the bride is 32.(Commence gnashing of teeth) She turned to the party circuit to seek acceptance. On their first date they partied on his yacht. One month later she was living on his yacht. The guest list included< Hugh Hefner, Owen Wilson, Heidi Fleiss, Oliver Stone, Michael Bay, Russell Simmons and Tara Reid lawyer Robert Shapiro, Clippers' owner Donald Sterling, Tao owner Mark Packer and the Earl of Dartmouth.
I am just thinking of the Juanita Bynum and Star Jones weddings.hmm, just something to think about. I wish the happy couple well. I don't know them from a can of paint, but their photo looked cute so I read their story. The times makes most of these stories sound like fairy tales
What say you? Are Black women allowed to have fairytale weddings too? If not, why not?
UPDATE:I guess I should rephrase. Can "famous" Black women have had the same wedding as this couple without getting doused in a bucket of hateration? If they also were 19 years younger than their husband would there be gnashing of the teeth and if she admitted to moving in after a month would folks be howling at the moon? I don't know. That is why I asked.is it that folks panned Star and Juanita's nuptials for reasons that have NOTHING to do with the wedding and EVERYTHING to do with the BRIDES. I know Black women have dream weddings all the time, I have had the misfortune of being in a few of them ( I'm looking at YOU- You know you were wrong for making us wear banana yellow, spaghetti strap dresses with CLEAR SHOES! Or lest I forget the lettuce green confection I was forced to dawn in shoes that were two sizes too small because the bride made a mistake in ordering that we didn't discover until the wedding day. I wore the shoes ANYWAY to avoid drama!)
Well anyway, I was reading some things that the reporters just threw out there matter of factly as if there was nothing out of the ordinary.Would she be labeled as a "jump off" if this was a Black couple? We talked about this on the podcast last Thursday. How would the Black Blogosphere be reacting if this was a Black couple? Well I think they would have been savaged, but the reaction on blogs so far has basically been to wish them well and sound perplexed at the selection of Mike Tyson as best man.
The Times managed to make this sound like a fairy tale, the tone from almost all the articles is "Well of course she would have a lavish wedding! Of course a 51 year old man would marry a 32 year old woman. Of course they would party on his yacht on the first date. Of course she would move in after a month. Why on earth wouldn't they?" it isn't even an issue.
The groom is 51, the bride is 32.(Commence gnashing of teeth) She turned to the party circuit to seek acceptance. On their first date they partied on his yacht. One month later she was living on his yacht. The guest list included< Hugh Hefner, Owen Wilson, Heidi Fleiss, Oliver Stone, Michael Bay, Russell Simmons and Tara Reid lawyer Robert Shapiro, Clippers' owner Donald Sterling, Tao owner Mark Packer and the Earl of Dartmouth.
“I had all this success and made all this money, but I didn’t have anyone to share it with,” said Mr. Greene, who had not been in a serious relationship in more than five years. “What’s the matter with me?” he said he asked himself.Then he met Mei Sze Chan, who had been asking herself the same question. “I wasn’t sitting home,” said Ms. Chan, 32, and an owner of a real estate business in Mountain Dale, in the Catskills region. She sometimes attended a half dozen parties a night in New York or the Hamptons. “I would meet hundreds of people in a week,” she said. “When you’ve got that kind of turnaround in numbers and you still can’t meet somebody, you’re never going to.” SOURCE
I am just thinking of the Juanita Bynum and Star Jones weddings.hmm, just something to think about. I wish the happy couple well. I don't know them from a can of paint, but their photo looked cute so I read their story. The times makes most of these stories sound like fairy tales
What say you? Are Black women allowed to have fairytale weddings too? If not, why not?
UPDATE:I guess I should rephrase. Can "famous" Black women have had the same wedding as this couple without getting doused in a bucket of hateration? If they also were 19 years younger than their husband would there be gnashing of the teeth and if she admitted to moving in after a month would folks be howling at the moon? I don't know. That is why I asked.is it that folks panned Star and Juanita's nuptials for reasons that have NOTHING to do with the wedding and EVERYTHING to do with the BRIDES. I know Black women have dream weddings all the time, I have had the misfortune of being in a few of them ( I'm looking at YOU- You know you were wrong for making us wear banana yellow, spaghetti strap dresses with CLEAR SHOES! Or lest I forget the lettuce green confection I was forced to dawn in shoes that were two sizes too small because the bride made a mistake in ordering that we didn't discover until the wedding day. I wore the shoes ANYWAY to avoid drama!)
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Reader Comments (66)
re Black women allowed to have fairytale weddings too? If not, why not?
And why not?
Although i'm sure she'll catch fire for it by the BC. LOL
She's a jump-off, right Professor Tracey.
See, attorneymom, why are you up this early. You too Miriam
remember i'm on the other side of the planet. its afternoon for me.
I'm pretty sure there are Black women that have fairytale weddings all the time.
I had a former friend who went to Hawaii with family and friends to have hers.
I guess I should rephrase. Can "famous" Black women have had the same wedding as this couple without getting doused in a bucket of hateration?
Jennifer why do you hate me so? I am one tiny little blog just ding my thing.
now go report back to the Hudlin Message board.
I don't know why Jennifer keeps coming back to this blog. I thought you vowed never to return? But keep em coming. Your page clicks count too!
Tell Reggie I said hello!
Ooooh, cowardly little girl. ;)
Oh look Jennifer... My finger slipped THREE times and deleted your off topic hateful comments. Keep em coming. I am enraptured that I am worth your time and attention.
The Hudlin message board is down the hall two doors to the right. Oh I forgot, you know where it is. It is where you pick up your checks.
Now I haven't said a thing about BET in ages, but their hacks never quit. Keep em coming Jenny!
Yes I am SHAKING in my boots! You are going to give up an entire morning posting comments. Lets go.
What's wrong, Gina? Are you upset that I have no intentions of pretending to be your enemy? I guess the only one who is allowed to talk shit around here is you. That makes sense - it's your blog and all. Just do me a personal favor and stop saying that I said things that I never said, and did things that I never did. See, your fans may cheer you on and think you're telling the truth, but I'll know you're a liar, and you'll know you're a liar, and that's why I'll be the winner.
We're done here. Go back to your black man-hating psycho world with the rest of your screeching harpies. You know where to find me. And I wasn't kidding about giving you my address if you want to stage a protest at my door, either. I haven't used my water balloon launcher in a long time, y'know.
Cheers!
Someone clearly can't follow instructions. The post is about the wedding. and now you want to pout because your off topic comments got deleted. Go whine to Daddy... I mean Reggie.
HAHAHAHA Oh Look who just threw a tantrum. Um and why are we enemies again? Oh yeah, you are Hudlin's Hack I forgot.
I thought you said I wasn't worthy of your hatred and now I am on your enemies' list. Wow, that is an upgrade.
You're not my enemy, Gina. Good lord, you are a pompous little thing, aren't you?
Jennifer said..See, your fans may cheer you on and think you're telling the truth, but I'll know you're a liar, and you'll know you're a liar, and that's why I'll be the winner.
Winner of what? I don't even know you. What are be fighting about again? hmmm somebody got an extra hit of crazy this morning.
And she keeps coming back for MORE! Nothing else to do but hang out on my blog. So be it! Enjoy your time here. Although you really should try to stay on topic and send your generalized hate messages via email like everybody else.
I say yes, famous black women can have fairy tale weddings without catching hell. I don't know much about the Juanita Bynum nuptials, but what bothered me about the Star Jones' wedding was all the crass commercialism, tacky behavior and "me, me, me, it's my day" BS--none of which is unique to black women's weddings. Star seemed like a full-blown bridezilla. And there are a lot more like her out there--black, white, Asian, whatever--as weddings become commodified, and to a lot of folks, seemingly more important that the actual marriage.
I can't hate on anybody for spending a lot of money on a wedding, IF you can afford it. It's more the mindset:Is the wedding a celebration of your union attended by friends and family, or a chance to show off and have everyone grovel at your feet?
Can someone define "jump off" for me? As someone who was engaged after two months, I can't say I have an issue with this couple falling in love and moving in after a month. Yes, it's a gamble, but they are well grown, neither have children, and if the article is to be believed, neither has a history of jumping into relationships.
*poke*
Now Jennifer has become violent. Jennifer no need for all that. Just stay on topic. Okay
Tami,
I can no longer define the term "jumpoff" because it keeps being applied to every woman in a relationship with a famous Black man it seems irrespective of marital status or financial standing.
*poke*
Oh Lord. Jennifer. Child if you choose to spend your extra hour this morning "poking" in the comments section, it is your life.
*hands Jennifer a sippy cup*
*poke*
See, Gina? This is why I adore you. I speak, you jump. Right on cue. Keep dancing, kiddo.
*tosses a dime on the ground*
Dance, puppet! Dance! Dance! DAAAAANCE!!!!
HAHAHAHA!
I have no problem with folk having a 'fairytale wedding,' though I can't quite designating it as such when you have a convicted rapist as best man. I think in Starr's case folk were annoyed by the way she was shaking folk down for freebies.
In Bynum's case, I think there was a feeling that it was unseemly that a pastor would participate in such conspicuous consumption. I get much the same feeling when I see preachers wearing $1000 suits and driving a fleet of expensive cars. It just doesn't seem right.
I remember when Colin Powell's niece married Tom Clancy she had a huge to-do, with something like a dozen bridesmaids and I don't recall anyone getting het up about it. Granted, they kept publicity to a minimum, and she was only a local reporter, but still.
I'm sure that the groom footed most of the bill in this wedding. I hate to see any woman spend so much time, energy, and money on a wedding, as if it's success is the determining factor in the success of the marriage itself. I have a problem with the fact that women celebrate landing a man with more extravagance than she will ever celebrate a legitimate accomplishment.
For more info about the exploitative nature of the wedding industry, I reccommend the book "One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding" by Rebecca Mead.
And as far as Star Jones goes-- at least when Terri MacMillan married Johnathan, she did it on the cheap.
vol, see that ain't right. Until Al comes out and does a Jim McGreevy, I brush aside all of the speculation related to Star's hubby.
Maybe he generally was attracted to Star pre bypass.
I should add that I do think Star Jones gets a lot of vitriol thrown her way simply for being a black woman. Back when she was on The View, I would read mainstream entertainment message boards and folks would be talking about her like she was the Antichrist. The comments were ugly and nasty. For every negative trait you can assign to Star Jones, there is a famous white woman about whom you can say the same thing, but that woman probably generates far less anger.
That said, Star brought the attacks about her over-the-top wedding on herself.
Gina, what did you do to Jennifer??? Girlfriend is not feeling you. LOL
Star Jones and Juanita Bynum are two women receive a lot of negative attention from others. So there was already a core group of people waiting to hate on them.
And there is fairytale and there is tacky. It all comes down to personal taste. I think many people didn't like those two because they felt aspects of their weddings were tacky not lavish and fairytale.
I think there are a lot of famous Black women who could have a fairytale wedding and not have the attacks thrown their way.
I dont think its about them being Black at all.
Gina, you have arrived!
Next they will be sending secret squirrel emails to each other saying no one should link to you.
I think when Juanita Bynum started selling copies of the video for her wedding the word "tacky" had a true definition.
Of course black women (famous and otherwise) can have lavish, fairytale weddings. My issue is twofold:
Everyone should stop having the kinds of weddings that THEY CAN NOT AFFORD. Weddings used to be about love and family, and now they are becoming more and more about some out control bridezilla making everyone's life a living hell so she can have that imaginary "perfect day" that she dreamed about when she was 7 years old.
I have sworn off of participating in weddings... (except for you, Gillian) because frankly the preparation experience has become tense and ugly in too many of them for me.
As for Star, it was the constant pandering for freebies that worked my last nerve. I was happy that she found love, but the incessant yapping about her wish for wedding 'freebies' made me want to slap some sense into her.
And I totally agree with Miriam, it is unseemly for a minister of the gospel to have a wedding that a royal sultan in the Middle East would envy -- especially for a minister who makes a living by shaking down old ladies for their retirement checks.
Who the heck is Jennifer? Take a Midol... please
Jennifer is a Hudlin protege. I didn't do anything to her other than criticize her idol and employer. She's here to remind me that the devil is alive and well. Sometimes I forget that. We all have our roles to play.
Attorneymom it isn't just me, she called y'all harpies. BWUAHAHA
hmmm... "harpie"... I kind of like the sound of that!
I've always been partial to the title 'young battle-ax', but harpie does have a certain ring to it.
:-P
Am I a harpy too? I was almost included in a wolfpack once, but missed the cut. I wanna play too! If I can't be a harpy, can I be a shrew?
Of course you're a harpy Roslyn... we wouldn't dream of starting our new Gina and the Harpies contingent without you! Ha ha
Sing all together now:
(to the tune of that Dr. Pepper commercial)
"I'm a harpy, she's a harpy, he's a harpy, won't you be another harpy too..."
I was under the impression that a jump off was a quick fix woman a man in need calls her up to get sexual satisfaction. No strings attached. At least that is how the term is used down here in Atl. What you descibed sounds more in line with a plain ol golddigger. Quite common among well to do white men. The only one that I recall that made some noise was Ana Nicole Smith. But she really shot for the stars.
No I dont think this would of been a big deal if she was black.
And Yes all women deserve a fairy tale wedding. You might as well if you get a divorce it will be a nightmare.
WTH is a harpie???
How do you know that she works for Reggie???
Anyways, thanks Cinmike for distinguishing a golddigger from a jumpoff. Professor Tracey has me all confused.
I think there was some vicious mythical beast with a woman's head, and the term came from that.
A harpy is a mean, scolding woman with a seriously bad temper. Usually with better-than-average intelligence, she is seen as emasculating and scary.
They like to throw that title at intelligent women who won't take any crap from anyone. Actually something about the term 'harpy' strikes me as extremely amusing.
Anyone can read all about jumpoff here
http://egarooo.blogspot.com/2007/10/jumpoff-or-jump-off-is-new-whoreho.html
at my blog, a strange place as Attorneymom once called it, a lonely place as I call it because I had to dust the cobwebs away just now when I went for a visit there.
Oh, how I wish women would not call other women jumpoff, even if they believe that woman is a jumpoff. It is a woman hating term and in turn, causing internalised hatred which would aid in producing more jumpoffs. You tell a woman she is nothing but a receptable for masturbation from the day she is born she will eventually become that receptable for male masturbation.
I am going to get a t-shirt that says "Man Hating Harpie."
Attorneymom, she said he is/was her mentor and if you click on her profile, the BET connections become pretty apparent. She typically only delurks to comment on BET posts, but today she decided to just wild out in a random post.
She is actually reassuring. She confirms that they are exactly what I thought they were.
The blogosphere is turning into Bloods vs. Crips. I had no idea yall beefed like this, do yall verbally jump people in? Is what she did considered a drive by post?
Hey clnMike,
No, we do not jump people in. There are several of us who are polar idealogical opposites, but we respect and even like each other...
But this Jennifer woman-child sounds like someone who is either slightly mentally disturbed or bored out of her skull. She is to be pitied, I suppose.
LOL I see well hopefully yall can agrees to disagree.
Hey, I'm pitching an erotic romance about a woman who prefers jumpoffs to relationships. Unfortunately she keeps running into men who don't get the concept. They want relationships and commitment. One of my fave lines from the book is when she asks in frustration, 'What does a woman have to do to get some commitment free dick around here?'
I'm still shopping it to publishers, but I think it's mad funny.
I definitely need a 'Man-Hating Harpy' t-shirt, that's the least offensive thing they call me.
Hey Roslyn,
I'm a voracious reader, but just realized that I haven't read fiction in at least two years (well, if you don't count Michael Dyson's book).
I'm going to read your book, "Rock Star" this week.
"Man Hating Harpie."
I would wear that.
Shecodes, Fiction is all that I read, okay, mostly.