Dear God,
Pretty pretty please after you send me that purple pony we talked about, can you please send me a man with four different babies by four different women! Can I please have a man who abandoned me and my child for seven years!
Oh pretty please!
OH stop the freaking presses and go read this lovely fairy tale wedding piece by the Washington Post.
If he’d asked her, Glass would’ve married Whitney when she found out she was pregnant. But it didn’t go that way: Many of his friends and advisers were warning him to be careful. . . . Two months after Casaan was born, Whitney was traded to the Denver Nuggets, leaving Glass to raise their son by herself. Even when Whitney returned to Washington the following year, he had limited contact with Casaan. “There was a lot of strain,” Glass says. . . .Eventually the couple’s relationship deteriorated completely: They stopped speaking for four years. Whitney went on to have three more sons with other women. Glass adopted a teenage boy whose parents passed away and had another son of her own.
Oh my sisters! If y’all wait long enough maybe just maybe after your baby daddy hauls off and goes and has three other illegitimate children after abandoning you and your child , you too can have a glorious 500 guest wedding too!
Glass is the type to turn everyone she meets into a friend, and keep them for life, so nearly 500 people were invited to the New Year’s Day wedding at the St. Paul Baptist Church in Capitol Heights. Whitney walked down the aisle with Casaan, who served as best man as his parents exchanged vows. After a 70-minute ceremony that included a gospel band, a serenade from a guest and a nine-person wedding party they referred to as their “entourage,” the couple left for a reception at the Glenview Mansion in Rockville.
Both sometimes think about why the bond that exists between them now didn’t materialize 10 years ago.
“We just weren’t ready for it,” says Glass. “We wouldn’t have known it if it flew in our face. But now it’s like this road we traveled together.[yes and apparently with at least four other folks y'all had unprotected sex with.]” Washington Post
Read the whole thing, by the end of which one must wonder why any woman would select a mate that could abandon his child for half a decade while planting his seed across the four corners of the globe. And imagine the confusion of a little boy whose mother forbids anyone to speak his father’s name in her presence? Oh just read the glorious romance!
Don’t drink the purple Koolaid. The Washington Post NEVER would have written this mess about a White woman. Only WE would think this level of dysfunction was something to dream about. Well at least she finally got her man… such that he is. Congrats to Chris Whitney and Charlotta Glass!
The commentators over at the Washington Post gave them the business, one even going so far as to offer their version of the facts, ironically, this unsubstantiated gossip sounds more accurate than the truth. It just makes me think even less of the Washington Post for spreading this lie. He’s no catch, neither is she and this is a nightmare, not a fairy tale. There were plenty of FUNCTIONAL Black couples they could have featured, but they decided to craft this fiction that this couple’s relationship is anything but dysfunctional:
TeachersWitHope wrote:
I have worked in the School system with Ms. Glass for the last few years and although Chris is a typical Athlete with multiple kids Ms. Glass is NO ANGEL! The article was clearly written with the purpose to mislead the public.First, she stated on several occasions how she had to threaten Chris inorder to make him disclose to his family that he had a child when the baby was several months old. Prior to that she had never met or spoken to his family. Even after that she would discuss how she didn’t care for his family because they NEVER reached out to her son and recently they embraced his youngest son and not hers. Also, the adopted child is the son of her ex who was a drug dealer who is serving time in jail and the mother unfortunately is strung out of drugs but both parents are alive. Charlotta would discuss Chris’s other children and their mothers in the teachers lounge in a very negative manner. She was very open about how much she dislikes his youngest son and hates that mother and how she would never accept him so the mother could see how it felt. She made jokes about how this past Father’s Day she purposedly excluded his youngest son from a surprise Father’s Day Dinner that they had but she made sure Chris other local son was present. The history between these 2 is weird and unhealthy and I question if Charlotta is borderline obsessed with Chris (Clearly by her Facebook Page)and her behavior following her pregnancy. We all know Chris motive for the sudden new found love! Also, if anyone attended the wedding or reception it was CLEARLY NOT a platinum wedding and they may have invited 500 people but clearly only a 100+ showed up and like me maybe out of disbelief with all the domestic cases these 2 had against each other and the hated that they would disclosed to people that they had for each other. Charlotta did not want Chris other children to be involved in her DAY because she felt that how Chris treated her and their son the last 6 years they deserved the spotlight and he went alone with it. It’s sad that 2 forty year old people are still as ignorant as when they were in their early thirties! I feel for his kids outside the household since he seem to have a habit of being a Father to the child who’s mother he is involved with at that MOMENT! I pray for the both of them Chris and Charlotta but when you build something on evil only evil comes out of it!
Point of comparison you can review the New York Times story of Jennifer Walzer and Brad Berkowitz. They waited ten years as well. Notice the absence of abandoned children, undermining from friends, and general dysfunction. . . at least dysfunction the NY Times would include in its Weddine & Celebrations section.
To those who say don’t notice this crap and don’t point it out, more power to you. Go run off and live your lives, but we’ll keep pointing out daisy cutters as long as they keep falling from the sky.
If you would like to share your thoughts with the author of this propaganda, you can contact Ellen McCarthy.
Hat tip to BlkSeaGoat for the tip.
72 comments ↓
Uh…I’m not sure a story about one woman and her drama with her now husband counts as propaganda – all her business is laid out there for the world to see – it doesn’t sound or read like much of a fairytale – it reads like what it is: two dysfunctional people saying “I Do.”
She’s married to her child’s father right? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do.
*shrugs*
If she’s happy then I’m happy for her.
Yesterday I read this story and shook my head. There is nothing romantic about this story. I feel sorry for all the children involved in this baby mama drama.
The wedding stories with BW and WM covered by Washington Post have been far more romantic, in my opinion.
“There were plenty of FUNCTIONAL Black couples they could have featured, but they decided to craft this fiction that this couple’s relationship is anything but dysfunctional”
- Not a more true statement can be made, the Post has a definite agenda they are trying to promote.
The message to the world is black couples and our relationship are completely dysfunctional. That dysfunction is the new normal for us.
The point is to select a mate BEFORE you produce progeny. The point is to find a mate that will be a good parent. This has nothing to do with this woman’s son and everything to do with her. Its all about her! This man abandoned your child- that makes him a low down dirty dog with poor impulse control and the sexual predilections of an alley cat. You got SEVEN young Black boys with screwed up hoe lives and a delusional mama/step mama. OH that’s just a recipe for success.
It is propaganda, it adds to the regular if everyone just lowered their moral standards they would be married routine. The only good thing about this story is that it can be a cautionary tale for the men and women b/c they are both such full of drama.
There is no way in the world that they would have done this story on a white couple, the editor would have laughed at the Jerry Springer-esque routine. People think all black families operate in this kind of dysfunction act so WAPO found nothing wrong w/ publishing this article
This sends a bad message to all the young women out there. If you have his baby and put up with his crap for years, maybe he will marry you. And who gets hurts, the kids after daddy leaves b/c the man never had any intention of being dedicated to you or your children.
But yes black women keep operating in this dreamworld thinking its ok to raise your children this way, while other black folks from 3rd world countries come over here and do better than your children b/c you choose to raise them emotional chaos.
This is bullcrap!I don’t even see how this story could have been spun to seem positive.You have to have some really dysfunctional ways of thinking to consider anything about this fairytale.This story almost gave me high blood pressure just thinking about all that chaos and baby daddy-momma drama.I even got sad when I thought about the poor kids
.I experienced anger,confusion and saddness all before I ever even read the comment from TeacherWitHope.That comment just put the nail in the coffin for me.IF what TWH says is true this marriage is dead already.
What happened to teaching people that the key isn’t just to go get married but to create HEALTHY HAPPY relationships so that marriages have a chance at lasting long?And so that the children can also have a greater chance at growing to be healthy and happy as well?
What’s even worse is that i’m almost 100% sure that these dysfunctional folks think they deserve a pat on the back for “trying”.I’m even more sure that some other dysfunctional person already gave them a pat on the back because “despite all of what chall been through at least yall got murr’ied” (Ican just imagine them saying something like that.SMH)
Fail.
I just can’t get up in arms about other folks dysfunctional marriages.
I put any amount of money that old girl from the story is friends with or knows someone at the paper and that’s how the story landed in the WaPo to begin with.
It’s a story. It has drama. It involves a former professional athlete. It has a photogenic couple. I can understand why it was written.
I’ve read happy black folk stories in major papers as as well. And regardless of how they tried to spin it – it reads like the hot mess it is – I’m a fan of all stories being told – this one is definitely a “what not to do” when finding love tale.
But at the end of the day – it’s just a story.
But girrrlll you missin’ da point, she snagged a baller. Yeah yeah. (Okay so much for my attempt at sarcasim).
Can’t say I’ve read other Post wedding stories of BW or WW to compare but I do know that this story is nothing to celebrate. Maybe the intent was to tell a differnt kind of “love” story, but I do get tired of us always having to represent that type of disfuntional difference.
I hate to say it but the big difference is that we (black folk) are the some of the only people that would allow our disfunction to be plastered all over a major paper and try to spin it as positive.
No I am not saying we are the only people who do this type of thing or live this way and I know much of this is because he is a celebrity of sorts. However in many other communities such a couple would have had a quiet ceremony and said “no comment” when or if asked about the details by the press.
I also have to say that I am dismayed that if half of what was in the response from the co-worker is true we have a professional BW pretty much indulging in the same ol crap that we down Shanaynay in the hood for doing. The first revolution that has to take place is in our own minds sisters. Why do so many of us accept this bull crap…multiple baby mamas, drug dealer boyfriends?
He’s just another irresponsible athlete spreading his seed all around. I remember Oprah did a show on these clowns some years ago…
She’s a baby mama with three different kids stemming from three different men, including adopting the child of her drug dealer boyfriend.
Some fairy tale!
As for her being “abandoned,” single baby mamas are NOT “abandoned by men — only WIVES can be abandoned! I’m sick of folks twisting the notion of an OOW pregnancy made out of personal sexual choices, into being similar as a married women with kids by a husband. It is NOT the same.
As for her being “abandoned,” single baby mamas are NOT “abandoned by men — only WIVES can be abandoned! I’m sick of folks twisting the notion of an OOW pregnancy made out of personal sexual choices, into being similar as a married women with kids by a husband. It is NOT the same.
I’m sorry but that is just not true.
And c’mon, most people do not set out on having kids OOW.
And I’m also sick of people acting like single mothers get pregnant on purpose and act like married couples are the only way to raise children.
It is propaganda because it teaches BW that this behavior is okay, the unacceptable has become acceptable.
@Wanda I agree 1000%.The only one’s abandoned were the jocks kids.
@JJ I wish I could see representation of all black folks and the many different lifestyles the lead in the mainstream media but I don’t and I earnestly look for it too.I really try not to be negative but all I ever see in the mainstream in regards to black folks is dysfunction 98% of the time.
A wise woman once told me: “As long as the lioness remains silent, tales of hunting will always glorify the hunter.”
Of course the story was selected for it’s salacious details. Of course the story wouldn’t be told if the woman was white because there would be sufficient incredulous responses from their general readership to make the story not worth telling.
This story was selected because the response would be minimal.
The larger problem is that we as black women allow everyone under the sun to define us and to shape our collective image without a fight. Too few of us play defense or offense.
Where are ‘our’ publications? Blogs are a fantastic start, but until more of us put pen to paper, start applying for lines of credit to start our own magazines, start educating some of our more bubble headed sisters on media literacy, the HUNTERS will always tell OUR story.
I’m learning more and more that a great deal of where you end up in life has to do with expectations. What you expect of yourself, what others who hold influence over your life expect of you. My hubby mentioned that recently, during a conversation with a co-worker (black), he mentioned our unquestioned expectation that our kids would go to college. She seemed shocked, SHOCKED, that the matter has been decided. Funny thing about that is that I advise undergrads as part of my grad program…I know the influence that parents of other races have when it comes to their kids’ education. Some of these kids won’t change their major until they get mom or dad on the phone to make sure it’s okay. If they even THINK they’ll graduate late their first comment inevitably is, “My mom/dad’s gonna kill me!”
My point is that there is a certain life plan laid out for these kids, certain expectations that are the norm. College, establishment, dating, marriage, then kids. This is not to say none of them divert from the norm; they do. But they are given a measuring stick for their lives that would make them run screaming from “fairytales” like this one. The expectation that they’ll go to college, get married, and ONLY THEN have kids is about as debatable as whether or not they’ll attend kindergarten. These kids are then able to mature and adopt these expectations (or variants upon them) for themselves.
In the firm belief that neither Glass nor Whitney give a flying fruitcake about my expectations for either them or their children, I’ll leave them alone. But stories like this energize my resolve to set both my kids and all the black undergrads and high school students I hope to mentor in the years to come on a different path, so thanks for sharing.
*sigh* Just what we need, more baby-daddy, baby-mama drama. But hey, what’s done is done. Now that they are married, I pray that their attitudes are changed and they learn to be good parents and good role models for ALL of their children. I hope they don’t end up yet another statistic in a few years. The seeming encouragement of “putting the cart before the horse” in our community has got to stop. Our children and families are suffering for it. I agree with Pecola that we need to have the EXPECTATION for our children that you finish your education, get a job, get married, THEN reproduce. That’s what I expect for my son, and he’s only 4. My husband and I try to live our lives such that our son will know what a loving family is and will be able to be a responsible man and loving husband and father when he’s an adult. As a people, we have co-signed mediocrity for too long. Yes, OOW births happen. They always have, and they always will. But they must not be seen, and pushed, as the norm.
And once again, just like the ABC television piece with Cynthia McFadden expressing sheer delight over reporting supposed “marriage failure” amongst us, now this Ellen McCarthy is at it, too.
The reality is (and I am “betting the farm” that McCarthy is a white woman, too…) we need to step to these folks directly re their editorial choices. I just emailed Ellen McCarthy directly to let her know how disgusted I was by her piece.
Thanks for staying on point! Sadly, many will read this story and see fairytales and happy endings. Keep up the good work that you do, offering perspective from a sane and healthy prism. Our intellect and perspectives are nurtured from our experiences. For any who would doubt this story is dysfunctional, just ask yourselves if this is the story you’d want your daughter telling her grandchildren about how she and granddad met?
We really must strive for excellence with mediocrity never being an option.
I take back everything I said about black women being marriage obsessed. CLEARLY that isn’t the case when stories like this are being published to convince black women that this crap is normal and this is the absolute BEST that can be done.
BTW,
All of my comments were deleted by the WAPO and Charlotta Glass and family are in the thread fighting with the commenters who have been letting all involved parties HAVE IT!
I take small consolation in the fact that not EVERYONE in DC has lost their mind.
What happened to the old days when people who got married under these type circumstances just got married quietly at house. They never tried to get in Jet Magazine with that mess
blkchik,
Because politically correct black intellectuals started practicing the destructive art of positive affirmation. Normalizing that which is dysfunctional is a Hallmark of it, hence the reason Chris Whitney felt it was okay to litter the landscape with children by different women.
[blkchik,
Because politically correct black intellectuals started practicing the destructive art of positive affirmation. Normalizing that which is dysfunctional is a Hallmark of it, hence the reason Chris Whitney felt it was okay to litter the landscape with children by different women.]
Indeed.
The above story-and the Black social breakdown it represents-is further proof of how political correctness is indeed one the greatest evils of our day.
truth p wrote:
[@JJ I wish I could see representation of all black folks and the many different lifestyles the lead in the mainstream media but I don’t and I earnestly look for it too.I really try not to be negative but all I ever see in the mainstream in regards to black folks is dysfunction 98% of the time.]
@truthp
Well, here is some good news in the form of National Black Marriage Day, whose goal is to equip Black people to get married and stay married:
http://www.blackmarriageday.com/Black_Marriage_Day/Welcome.html
The reason you may not have heard of this group is because the mainstream media including too many Black publication (cough*Essence*cough) profit from portraying Black dysfunction as the norm.
So, to echo Shecodes’s post, Black women and frankly Black people period need to create and support news media that show how we CAN defeat problems like the OOW pandemic.
Otherwise, nothing will change for the better.
Actually people DO set out to have children out of wedlock. While the pregnancies may be UNPLANNED, they are hardly accidental. Unless a man tripped and accidentally impaled the woman with a penis or vice versa, pregnancy is one of the outcomes of having sex. Therefore every man and woman you have sex with is the potential parent of your child. That’s like me saying I got accidentally stung by a jelly fish. Jelly fish stings are a risk you run when you go swimming in the ocean.
*FAINTS@the fact that Fred and I actually AGREE on something*
A cold chill just went through my body…
Thanks for the link, Fred. Like truth p, I was looking for good news, except I gave up…if only because I just knew I’d run into some mess like this. (so it’s my babydaddy or nothin’ in the marriage department, huh? Well, then, I choose the nothin’.)
The Washington Post has a hostage audience – all those single black women in the MD/DC/VA area. They are about 10 years behind the Atlanta Journal Constitution, though.
I agree with blkseagoat that the black intelligentsia’s positive affirmation of all things destructive (criminality, rap, OOW births, ebonics, blind pursuit of athletic careers) has led to many of these problems.
The only reason they have done this is to widen the gap between them and the n*ggers. That way they can go on representing blackness THEIR way and leave the rest of us stained with the actions of the underclass which now makes up the MAJORITY of African Americans. Underclass values, like those displayed in this article, are affecting blacks from all socio-economic levels. We have million dollar athletes with multiple children by multiple women. Black female attorneys having children out of wedlock. This is no longer just a “those people” issue.
As far as the writer of this hit piece I wouldn’t be surprised if she was a white woman. In my experience nothing makes white women happier than dysfunctional black relationships. They get off on dissecting and examining black M/F relationships. Nearly 95% of the people that have recommended I “run and see” Precious have been white women.
As for her being “abandoned,” single baby mamas are NOT “abandoned by men — only WIVES can be abandoned! I’m sick of folks twisting the notion of an OOW pregnancy made out of personal sexual choices, into being similar as a married women with kids by a husband. It is NOT the same.
Oh please.
You can be abandoned by your boyfriend or significant other. If there are children involved then there is a legal recourse to deal with such abandonment.
Wives are the only ones who can be abandoned and receive legal recourse for their abandonment as well as their child’s (common law wives count as well).
Don’t let this slide send a letter to the editor noting your taking offense at this foolishness
letters@washpost.com
@Reese: The Washington Post has a hostage audience – all those single black women in the MD/DC/VA area.
Ohhh, now it’s all coming together…this explains the short distance between the Helena Andrews/BITNB ammo and this. Maaan…I must draft a post and an email to the sniper, er, writer of this article now…
@JJ I think the point that they are making is that in their mind, men have no moral obligation to a woman they are not married to. That obligation would extend only to any children. If women want some type of obligation recognized by society, independent of that of her child, then she needs to carry the title of wife.
So you basically are saying the same thing
Common law marriage is ONLY recognized in 9 states and the District of Columbia. And even then each state has it’s own set of standards that must be met in order to qualify as a common law marriage. Most people don’t recognize this reality.
Well “common law” wives are actually publicly acknowledged as WIVES again, the man represents to the public that this is a woman he has chosen to bind himself with and accepts the associated obligations. Mr. Whitney didn’t even want to call Ms. Glass his “girlfriend” therefore they don’t even get within range of being common law anything more like common fools.
These people dind’t want to be married and all these people running around shacking up KNOW they ain’t married. You can’t accidentally be married- common law or otherwise. Marriage is a conscious choice.
@JJ “You can be abandoned by your boyfriend or significant other. If there are children involved then there is a legal recourse to deal with such abandonment.”
Sorry, you cannot compare someone single who finds herself pregnant by a man that she has no legal or contractual connection to, with a wife who has had children with her husband in a marriage recognized by law.
What is this, 1950? Did Roe v. Wade happen? If you get pregnant TODAY unmarried, it is by your unilateral choice. We no longer have “accidental” pregnancies. Too many have fought for these freedoms that are now being abused.
What these young women weren’t schooled on is that with more personal procreative choice, should have been more sexual RESPONSIBILITY.
So we now have a generation of young women with far more legal control over their bodies than my generation had, but they assume and practice LESS responsibility for the choices that they make.
@Gem
What I’m saying is I think men have a MORAL obligation to women who aren’t their wives if they are in a long-term serious we have kids/and or property relationship.
Now there may be no legal recourse for your personal hurt BUT their is legal recourse for your kids and or property.
I’m not so casually dismissive of committed relationships just b/c there isn’t a marriage license.
Hence why MARRIAGE MATTERS. The only thing you can enforce are legal obligations. As a baby mama, you have no expectation of obligations. Hence why I suggest women have children within the bounds of marriage, it provides much needed legal protections she would not otherwise have and typically accompanies a public acknowledgment that carries with it relatively universally recognized moral obligations.
There is not committed relationship if you ain’t married. Did y’all sit down and have a conversation about the details and clauses and expectations of said committed relationship?
Maybe its the pesky lawya in me, but there ain’t no obligation without a contract. We can draft our own, or the state will draft one for us.
So yes, I am being dismissive of committed relationships, they are kinda like the preliminary rounds of track and field at the olympics, sure they LOOK like the real thing, but the finals are the only race that matters.
My Uncle was with a woman for 18 years. She helped build his career, they had property together – no kids – when they split she received a seven figure settlement.
Would she have gotten more if they were married? Definitely – but he couldn’t just walk away scott free b/c there was not legal a arrangement (outside of the property).
18 years he had a moral obligation – even if a legal one was a little hazy.
Ah yes, but why rely on a man’s good intentions when you can rely on the law.
If your uncle had wanted to, he could have likely walked away scott free. Again, I would prefer not to be dependent on your uncle. Depending on individuals is a highly risky way to run your life.
That’s like depending on the windshield to keep you from being thrown from a car. Sure it might work, but why bother when seat belts have been provided.
Stop using exceptions to define rules. For every woman with a 7 figure settlement, there are a million left with jack squat and I doubt you have intimate knowledge of the inner workings of other grown folks relationships.
OH and might I add, THEY HAD PROPERTY TOGETHER- that’s typically memorialized by a contract. See my comments on twitter about how a mortgage is more legally binding than a marriage. A judge will let you our of a marriage, a bank will not let you out of a mortgage just because y’all broke up.
I said MORAL obligations – I didn’t say anything about LEGAL.
Morality and legality aren’t the same thing.
And plenty of people don’t want to be married, even if they want to have children.
Yes, plenty of people who have long term committed we have kids/property arrangements have conversations and contract binding commitments with people they don’t plan on saying “I Do” with.
Even if you don’t I don’t think you get to casually toss people aside b/c you’re done with them when their ae ties that bind (kids/property) – not okay.
@Gem
no he couldn’t. That wasn’t a good intentions – she lawyerd up and a judge made the decision –
I’ve made it clear that when kids/property are involved there are legal obligations as well.
PLUS there was plenty of evidence that she was integral in his career success a fact the judge took into account.
And WITHOUT a marriage license she walked away with 7 figures.
But once again I was saying MORALLY not LEGALLY I feel people ahve obligations in long term relationships.
*rolls eyes*
Stop using exceptions to define rules. For every woman with a 7 figure settlement, there are a million left with jack squat and I doubt you have intimate knowledge of the inner workings of other grown folks relationships.
Who said anything about exceptions and rules? Who said anything about intimate knowledge of other grown folks relationships.
I said – when kids and property are involved there is a legal resource.
BUT morality should prevail regardless – is all I was saying.
The Washington Post prints such articles about couples, one or two a week. The only time one person in the couple has a child or children are when the articles are about Black couples. They’ve had White couples, Arab/Muslim couples, Asian couples, but it is only the Black couples where at least one person in the couple has a child by a previous relationship. So yes, couples of other ethnic groups also sometimes have a child or children out of wedlock, but the Washington Post does not print those.
Very telling indeed.
I have enjoyed reading all the comments. This article is an example of what not to do. Starting with the fact that they were having sex yet he didn’t even feel comfortable calling Ms. Glass his girlfriend!!! Come on!!! I mean you are letting this guy test drive your va-jay-jay but he doesn’t feel comfortable labeling you as his girlfriend?! I just flipped my car, I am in a ditch, the wheels are still spinning….
@JJ: I know that some would like to take a ‘live and let live’ attitude to these type of lifestyle choices, but we cannot. These types of people are so destructive and have led to the death of the ‘blk community’. WHile it would be easier in some ways to not judge these types of behaviors and say that we all come to ‘love’ in our own ways we cannot do that. Not judging and shaming these types of people has led to the chaos we currently face. I know that this male (not man) has millions and the female (not woman) will financially benefit from marrying him. This destructive behavior has brought chaos into the lives of many (7) children. Now the man in this situation obviously will be a no value father figure to many of the kids he has spread around the US. The result of this chaos will be out of control kids (jail, unemployed or under employed) b/c children raised w/o proper fathering statistically do not do as well in life. Just b/c someone can play a sport and makes money does not make him a quality person, mate and/or father. We are seeing this played out with other athletes from these disadvantaged backgrounds (pulling guns on each other in locker room etc.) This dysfuction must not be normalized any longer.
@Melanie
Our community structure is no longer set up for “public shaming.”
People don’t live and work in tight knit communities for their entire lives – and I really have no interest in publicly shaming anyone.
At this point what’s done is done regarding this couple – I can’t care too much about their personal choices – as far as the WaPo is concerned – when has the mainstream media ever portrayed black folk well?
Either we take control of the message medium or we continue t complain that the same folk who have always done us dirty – keep doing us dirty.
OOOOhhhh just when I was going to leave this subject alone I go to WaPo and read this out of the comments section from Mrs Whitney:I don’t live in your lilly “w—-” world I live in reality and this is my life and I wouldn’t take it back if I could. I am educated as a matter of fact working on my PhD and 95% of these readers will never walk in my shoes. My children are wonderful, my job is great and the children and families that I serve LOVE me and their children are better because I don’t judge them like you are judging me and that is what we DON’T need in a school system. My social life is not at work and I am not a rapist, molester or any other person whose lifestyle may not be suitable to work with young children. My degrees and expertise speak for me. Now which one of you are perfect?
So dysfunction is a lily “black” thing????????????WTH
Teachers are not supposed to be good examples for their impressionable students?????????Really?I’m glad my teachers didn’t think like that.I’m glad that if they did have dysfunctional home lives they didn’t let me see it.
This woman has NO SHAME and she even admits it further up in her comment @ “It is you all that judge but your parents just kept their mistakes under the cover. We don’t have anything to hide.”
She seems to think her degrees can mask all that dysfunction and craziness.She’s no better than so called educated black male misogynist who spew anti black woman rhetoric that Faith spoke of on her site IMO.She’s just as screwed up.
Hey Truth P,
She clearly teaches at a black school in the hood. If she taught at a white school or even a black magnet school she wouldn’t even publicize her situation b/c she would get the side eye from the staff and parents.
@JJ I watched the exchange you and Gem had and I noticed that the woman your Uncle was with basically settled for LESS @#36″Would she have gotten more if they were married? Definitely”.Even with all the money she got she still settled for LESS than what she could have gotten.I’m just sayin cause that matters to me.
Also through your back and forth response with Gem I was led to believe that somehow it’s harder for blacks to just go with the established order of things in regards to marriage.If blacks continue to portray an image of not being able to gel with societal norms we will continue to be looked at as a lawless people with very low morale.That is not the image that I want to be attached to simply because i’m black.Quite frankly all of that common law stuff seems like more drama than just going to get married.If something happens to my husband or me or our marriage I want to have the protection of one those contractual agreements.Life can get messy.
Hey blkchik I co sign@ your comment.I went to catholic schools,mostly white, and private schools,mostly black, and the way our teachers carried on was very important to the teachers themselves.There is one time I can remember at MLK academy prvt schl I went to get a drink out of the fountain which was located next to the teacher’s louge area and the teachers were there laughing and talking and when they saw me walk by they stopped.They obviously didn’t want me to know what was going on.
There were other times where i could tell that my teachers were discussing private matters but I never knew what they were talking about.
Once I went to a public school,it was a good one,and our teacher took us on a trip to her home.She had told us about the trip while she was still only engaged to her husband we did NOT go visit her house until after she was officially a Mrs by that time her husband was living with her.But as a kid I had no idea if they’d lived together before marrying.I still don’t know that til this day.
And what kind of job is she going to get carrying on like that in a public forum? She apparently is under the impression that only White people find her lifestyle choices morally repugnant. Its not about race.
@truthP
- you’re reading a lot into an exchange where you’re clearly missing the point.
1. The only reason why I mentioned the situation with the Uncle is to show that if their are kids and or property involved you have a legal recourse to settle those issues.
No more or less.
Wanda made the comment that you can’t abandon someone you weren’t married too.
Gem made the comment you have no moral obligation to someone you’re not married too.
I disagreed with both statements.
1. You should ahve a moral obligation to an idividual particularly when their are kids involved.
2. You can be abandoned by someone you’re not married to and under certain circumstances you can take legal action for said abandonment.
I don’t speak for all black people. This isn’t about the established order of things. If you want the protections that come with marriage fine – get married and get them.
If you don’t want marriage, but still want to ensure your financial well being and that of any children you may have – there are ways to do that as well.
I don’t know whether my Uncle’s girlfriend wanted marriage or not. I can’t say she settled for less if she didn’t want marriage.
I can say that after 18 years in a relationship she didn’t walk away empty handed.
Contrary to all the hand wringing in the black blogsphere marriage is down across the board. Many women (and men) are choosing not marry AND are choosing to have and/or adopt childen sans a wedding ring.
It is a trend throughout all industrialized nations. Marraige is not the end all be all – if you want to do it fine. If you don’t don’t.
But I’m just not going to get worked up over your choices i.e. Chicky and her baller husband.
Isn’t that dredful she brought up race. She sounds like those administrators at that school in the South Carolina lawsuit you posted. So black “educated” adults are co-signing “acting white” now? Some people are clearly going to college only for status and titles.
I live in D.C. and they actually had this crap story featured on one of the local news stations. The women from the Wapo tried to spin this (fill in the blank), andcouldn’t. She said it was about love lost and love found. Then she explained how for four yrs they weren’t even in contact and it was just one day when they were talking “logistics” that they realized that they still had feelings. Then she even went on to mention that since the baby daddy now husband is “back in his son’s life that Ms. Whitney sees a difference in her son.
When I saw this clip Sunday I was sick. Sick that this girl actually got air time for this crap story.
@Wanda…true very true!
JJ said “And plenty of people don’t want to be married, even if they want to have children”
And to me that’s the problem. This society in America is not set up for this belief system. The way that this society works, b/c we don’t control it, is that if two people want to have children it is more beneficial if, especially for the women and children, they are married. It’s better for them financially and emotionally.
The biggest thing that scares me about the girl in this article is the continually thinking that making these life choices are ok. There not, especially when passing on generational wealth is pretty much the best way to ensure that not only your children, but maybe even your grandchildren will be able to, at the very least maintain, the same economic status.
Oh this is for sure propaganda. Bw are ALWAYS being told to just lower our standards, accept the bm in all his foolery. We’re ALWAYS to blame for their inadequacy and now the liberal white media has taken to singing the same goddamn tune.
Anyone who doesn’t see this as it is, probably doesn’t see the problem within the so-called black community as well, as it pertains to bw.
@ the lildiva4u I cosign 100% @And to me that’s the problem. This society in America is not set up for this belief system. The way that this society works, b/c we don’t control it, is that if two people want to have children it is more beneficial if, especially for the women and children, they are married. It’s better for them financially and emotionally.
What was very important also that I latched onto in your statement was “The way that this society works, b/c we don’t control it,”
Some black people want to change things to be more befitting to their lifestyles by just sitting back talking about well what’s good for me aint necessarily good for you.I say bologney.Somethings are good for everybody.Some practices are much better than others and will help more with your survival and the survival of your offspring than others.I don’t know many black people who claim that marriage aint for everybody ,who is currently living what in this society is considered to be an alternative lifestyle,that are doing well.But maybe i’m just not well traveled.
Childre NEED to have BOTH parents; a mother and a father if they are not together, at least, the mother should have their kids around married couples with kids. But, alas, there doesnt seem to be too much of that in the black community. This may NOT relate BUT I believe the music we listen to has an effect on us; we love the beat at the same time being called a HO probably by fatherless males with too much money and no sense. Whatever happened to MOTOWN “when a man loves a women” that sounds like a little like Pachabels Canon—-get married BEFORE you go to bed
Most parents who have a child or children want them to do better then themselves. For that child to be able to navigate the ladder in America they have to be prepared. In 2008 the Hertiage Foundation (I don’t often agree with them, but the reality is that they know how to organize and push their social agendas), put out a report indicaticating economic mobility. “Educational attainment, family structure and savings are the strongest determinants of whether Americans move up, or down, the economic ladder”
Social Capital-Social Capital refers to the non-financial resources available through personal and institutional networks, and includes family structure, parental and community influences, and school- and work-based relationships.
Human Capital-Human Capital includes the skills and attributes acquired by individuals that impact whether they are able to take advantage of economic opportunities.
Financial Capital is defined as personal savings, investments or skills which individuals can leverage to get ahead. Financial capital indicators include wealth transfers, homeownership, retirement savings and entrepreneurship, and each positively affects mobility. Twenty percent of households receive gifts of cash and assets, which account for one-fifth of the net worth of the recipients. Moreover, these transfers can be used for mobility-enhancing investments, such as homeownership, which is one of the more significant ways Americans build wealth.
I think the easiest way to obtain the above capital (if you plan on raising your kids in the USA) is through marriage and not having a bunch of children by a bunch people. In the case of Ms. Glass I not sure how marrying the 1st babydaddy will provide for all the children between them to have the ability to at least maintain their current position on societies ladder.
Years ago when I still worked at Job Corps I went to a fireworks display in our hometown. It was in a public park and we brought food and cooked out there, and yes we had beer as well. As soon as I realized that some Job Corps kids were there I got rid of my beer. I wasn’t drunk, and certainly it was perfectly legal for me to have a drink, but I didn’t want my kids seeing me drinking. I think when you work with other people’s children it’s incumbent upon you to make a good impression. To be like Caesar’s wife so to speak. This idea that it’s perfectly okay to put all your business, no matter how raggedy, out in the streets is one that’s detrimental to children and families. Her kids have to go to school with other kids. They have to grow up in this community. She could very well have done this story and kept her business to herself. This notion of “my life is an open book” is absolute nonsense, there’s some stuff you should take to your grave.
@roslyn
I totally agree with your post #57. IMO, alot of times when people “over share” it’s simply because they have huge egos. It is narcissistic and selfish to share the steamy details without thinking about what the effect will be on others around you. This is especially insidious when children are involved, because they are truly helpless. (That is the biggest issue I have with Karrine Stephans aka Superhead. She claims she loves her son so much, but yet put out TWO tell-all books detailing her sexcapades when he is still school-aged. I hope he can fight really well, or run really fast because you know he’s catching hell from his classmates. But I digress…) Anyway, now that the deed is done, I wish the bride and groom and all of their children well. When the dust settles I hope they can all be happy together, learn from this , and not have the same mistakes repeated.
The “internets” is a scary beast in regards to personal information.
This woman will be 60 years old and people will remember her fighting with posters at WaPo. It never dies…
So many of your comments here have really touched me, espcially lildiva4, Rosalyn Holcomb, and Mommy Dearest.
First of all we have this Jerry Springer generation that feels that dysfunction is normal and there’s nothing wrong with putting all your dirt out for the world to see. I for one don’t want to hear about it or see it.
Next it seems like some Black folks are more afraid of marriage than they are of AIDS. I’ve heard that Black teens are now saying that marriage is for White people. Gays and lesbians are fighting for the right to have legally recognized marriages, yet young Black people don’t see marriage as a negative. Yikes.
Many of Black folk know that the whole “marriage is overrated” meme being pushed by White media does NOT work for us. Children are better off when raised in stable households with a mother and father who are emotionally healthy. Why do we want to handicap our children further, when we as a people are already behind?
I meant “see marriage as a negative” instead of “don’t see marriage as a negative.”
[ BLKSeaGoat
*FAINTS@the fact that Fred and I actually AGREE on something*
A cold chill just went through my body…]
When you’re right, you’re right.
You’re right. That is quite a juxtaposition between those two articles.
I bet this sort of crazy drama happens between white athletes too… If so, the WaPo should quickly do a similar story about one of them to balance this.
I think it is more of a nouveau riche, famous person probem, rather than a black person problem. But they should do another story to balance it.
The Post has had an ongoing discussion about Peter Orszag ( Head of the Office of Management and Budget). He’s divorced with two young kids. He and his ex-wife share custody. The 40-year-old Orszag had a “committed relationship” with a hottie heiress, Claire Milonas, 39, last year that proved not to be so committed after all — he ran off with a different hottie, 31-year-old journalist Bianna Golodryga, who he met at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. They’re getting married.
Here’s an excerpt from the Washpo on Peter Orszag’s situation “But frankly I don’t see how Orszag can balance three families AND the national budget. You know how they say that when you go from two kids to three you switch from man-to-man defense to zone? That presumes two parents and three kids in one house. When it’s three, four, five, however many kids spread across multiple locations and god knows how many schools — with each child functioning as the locus of an elaborate set of needs, desires, options, friends, school plays, soccer games, etc. — there is no form of defense yet devised that can handle that. You just have to go with some form of triage. You have to be willing to celebrate birthdays biannually, for example. You have to be willing to say things like: “Don’t worry, sugar, Santa will surely come NEXT year.”
The press doesn’t seem to have an appetite to make this a big story or deal.
“So dysfunction is a lily “black” thing????????????WTH
Teachers are not supposed to be good examples for their impressionable students?????????Really?I’m glad my teachers didn’t think like that.I’m glad that if they did have dysfunctional home lives they didn’t let me see it.”
My husband and I have done “marriage mentoring” at our church. What I tell the young women in counseling is that as wives and mothers, we are “example-setters” (and, BTW, so are men as fathers and husbands…).
Children are impressionable — whether they are your own, your students, your neighbors, etc.
@ shermari “Children are better off when raised in stable households with a mother and father who are emotionally healthy. Why do we want to handicap our children further, when we as a people are already behind?”
This must be shouted from the top of the mountain!
Moreover, children are better off when they are raised in neighborhoods where the vast MAJORITY of families have a married mother and father in household. Those are the neighborhoods with the best schools, best housing and lowest crime.
The most dangerous places for Black women are neighborhoods dominated by single-mother households, and buckwild children.
Neighborhoods dominated by single-mother households with children are also dangerous for non-criminal black men as well.
I have enjoyed this exchange. It was empowering to read the love for marriage and positive functional relationships. Keep fighting the good fight and thanks for the link to the WaPo editor.
Well, apparently, the WaPo got so much feedback that the paper’s ombudsman had to respond.
Here’s his statement.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/29/AR2010012903955.html?wprss=rss_opinions
@Reese:
“As far as the writer of this hit piece I wouldn’t be surprised if she was a white woman. In my experience nothing makes white women happier than dysfunctional black relationships. They get off on dissecting and examining black M/F relationships. Nearly 95% of the people that have recommended I “run and see” Precious have been white women.”
So on point!