Posted by Faith of Acts Of Faith In Love and Life blog
Dae’von Bailey can be added to the list of children who are allowed to fall through the cracks. Last week Banita Jacks was found guilty of murder after being found with the decomposing bodies of her four children. Next week it will be somebody else – let’s get real here. We can talk about the DBR behaviors of black men. We can talk about the poor choices of the black women who get involved with them. It is the CHILDREN who suffer the worst.
61 comments ↓
I can’t see this video at work, but I think I can pretty much guess what it shows.
The question I’m left with is, what is it that we’re supposed to say/do as a result of this, and stories like these? Are we supposed to advocate that Black people embrace the idea of chemical imbalances in the brain being a real thing that requires monitoring and possible help from a medical professional? (I’m assuming this story has to do with some crazy man that killed his girlfriends kids.) Are we supposed to attribute his psychotic behavior to something he was taught by society?
In other words, besides pointing out the obvious, that children suffer when they are abused, are you advocating some particular action? Are you linking what this story shows to a widescale phenonmenon (crazy is catching?) What are you trying to say?
You should watch the video. What am I trying to say? I’m saying children are being left to fend for themselves by uninvolved sperm and egg donors who don’t know the first thing about parenting. I’m saying these child protection agencies are not doing their jobs. I’m saying this particular child told adults he was being abused and no one stepped in to do anything. They passed the buck waiting for someone else to do something. I’m saying this is going to continue as blacks become part of a permanent underclass.
“I’m saying these child protection agencies are not doing their jobs. I’m saying this particular child told adults he was being abused and no one stepped in to do anything.”
Okay, cool. This part here answers my questions. The child protection agency, which exists to prevent the damage done by the inevitable existence of bad/crazy/negligent parents dropped the ball for probably no good reason. Something like that seems like it’s probably fixable because there’s a direct line of accountability that extends to elected officials in any given locale.
Again, videos are blocked at my job (as they are for many/most people who work in offices), and I only could read what you wrote – the part about her having 4 decomposing children in her possesion and that screamed CRAZY to me. Since you explained more, I see it involves crazy + wreckless ineptitude by professionals.
To the first commentor. When as the last time youu sa a m&ss mobilization shaming parents for the crappy coices the make in choosing replacement partners. We had millions spent educating women about SIDS and which cribs to bu and how to put their babies on theirbacks. We spent millions promoting breast feeding and putting children in car seats, lead poisioning, peanut alergies, choking hazards of mini blinds or any number of dangers to children. A littile boy died at a water park in Ohio this weekend, TRUST there will be segments on every major news channel about thehidden danger of water parks. When are they going to have a campaign about thehidden dangers of mama’s boyfriend???
She posted the stor( because the inptness of child services needs to be highlighted. The ineptness of the m”ther or outright neglect needs to be highlighted. You don’t kno+, there may be ONE person who reads about this child and decides to make another choice. But most of all, THIS CHILD NEEDS TO BE MOURNED PUBLICLY.
I didn’t see anybody complaining on here about wall to wall coverage about Michael Jackson.
I sense a dirty laundry washer mentality in you question. The truth is you don’t want this child’s story highlighted because it might make someone look bad….. IT SHOULD!!
Gem2001,
I already wrote my response but it hasn’t been approved yet (I’m hoping it doesn’t get censored – it was worthy of being published), so alot of your concerns are unwarranted, but I’ll go 1 by 1 anyway.
YOU: To the first commentor. When as the last time youu sa a m&ss mobilization shaming parents for the crappy coices the make in choosing replacement partners.
ANSWER: I’ve never seen any mass mobilization centered around affairs of the heart (choosing mates), unless it had to do with homophobia and curtailing the rights of gays and lesbians.
YOU: We had millions spent educating women about SIDS and which cribs to bu and how to put their babies on theirbacks. We spent millions promoting breast feeding and putting children in car seats, lead poisioning, peanut alergies, choking hazards of mini blinds or any number of dangers to children. A littile boy died at a water park in Ohio this weekend, TRUST there will be segments on every major news channel about thehidden danger of water parks. When are they going to have a campaign about thehidden dangers of mama’s boyfriend???
ANSWER: None of those past problems ever involved any sort of emotional issue on the part of parents. Who will object to cutting out foods that will choke their baby? Who really *wants* lead paint chips near their child? But there are plenty of women who really want *that* man in their lives, even though he’s crazy, deranged (not because of that, just in spite of it.)
You: She posted the stor( because the inptness of child services needs to be highlighted. The ineptness of the m”ther or outright neglect needs to be highlighted. You don’t kno+, there may be ONE person who reads about this child and decides to make another choice. But most of all, THIS CHILD NEEDS TO BE MOURNED PUBLICLY.
ANSWER: Once she explained that, I co-signed 100% (in the reply I wrote which she has yet to publish.)
YOU: I didn’t see anybody complaining on here about wall to wall coverage about Michael Jackson.
ANSWER: Plenty of people (mostly white) compalined about that. And I wasn’t posting here when MJ died, so I don’t even know if that was a topic on this site.
YOU: I sense a dirty laundry washer mentality in you question. The truth is you don’t want this child’s story highlighted because it might make someone look bad….. IT SHOULD!!
ANSWER: That’s the truth, huh? Well since you know what’s in my head, tell me what I’m craving for lunch right now.
Scipio, it is not “some crazy man that killed his girlfriends kids” it is a recurring tragedy. It is an epidemic.
To anticipate your next comment, yes we know it happens in non-black communities too. However, other communities do not have the epidemic of biological fathers not raising their kids at home. Therefore, it affects black children more.
***When are they going to have a campaign about thehidden dangers of mama’s boyfriend??? ***
Do you mind saying why you think mama’s HUZZZBAND is any safer to be around than her boyfriend?
This is truly a systematic breakdown. Isn’t the first, and, unfortunately, wouldn’t be the last. Where does one begin…? The mother, the father, the boyfriend, the teachers, the system in place that failed, an oppressive “classist” capitalist system…
What’s even more unfortunate is that, at this very moment, there are children who are in similar situations, as the above boy once was, whether in a single parent, or two-parent home, experiencing continuous abuse at the hands of one or both parents or non-parents.
I think the problem and solution are bigger than campaigns on the choices some women make with regards to partners, although that would certainly be a good place to start.
Some people just really shouldn’t have children, as callous as that might sound. But, the problem there is, unless we start living in a kind of totalitarian state, we’re not going to start dictating who can/cannot have children… Are we?
@margaret In case you haven’t noticed a pattern here these women do not have husbands in the first place. The entire family structure is fractured.
@scipio If you can’t watch the video perhaps you should’ve waited to comment since you’re missing a big part of the post. I mentioned two different cases. If the DADDY had been taking care of his child in the first place the mother wouldn’t have had to send the child to live with an ex-boyfriend. Who as it turns out has a 20-year rap sheet and is a violent criminal. Of course if there’s any money to be had for suing these agencies that didn’t follow procedure guess who’s going to be first in line demanding a payout?
Scipio,
What point were you attempting to make? What I see are three horrible indivduals who are all EQUALLY culpable for this child’s death. Your irrelevant tirade about black people denying that mental illness is real, while quite wrong, had NOTHING to do with this post.
Trifling father, Trifling mother, Trifling boyfriend. We can criticize DCFS and social workers until the cows come home, but Devon’s death can be directly attributed to the DBR behaviors of the trifling adults who had sex to create him. Some people should NOT be allowed to be parents. DBR men and women should actually be offered access to free birth control, vasectomies, tubal loigations and abortions, fully funded by the public.
I can’t comment on the Banita Jacks case because it is directly linked to the job I have now. What I will say is that I responded by immediately implementing all of the changes to my particular program so that something like this will NEVER happen again.
Unfortunately, I have come across cases with similar circumstances, but I’ve been able to cut them off at the path. However, I am only one person. The sad thing is that there are far more cases in DC that are as bad as the Jacks case, but they haven’t made national news.
Tragedies like this one are just a consequence of the break down of the family unit and trashy ignorant people.
There is no telling how many kids the mother has and she obviously didn’t give a damn if she hadn’t seen her son in over a month before his death. She just wanted to get rid of him and I guess in a sense she did.
I fault the mother. She shouldn’t have been so selfish and lazy to leave her child there in the first place. She could have the decency to check on her child on a regular basis. THE MOTHER SHOULD BE CHARGED WITH MURDER TOO.
fdow, you’re rigfht, I should have waited to watch the video, however, everything I originally stated still stands for the woman who killed her 4 children.
Demons?
Voices?
Crazy.
And I’ll bet people in her life already knew she needed pyschiatric care/treatment. That is an issue that puts many Black children at risk.
As far as the case from the video, the father of ths child failed the child, the boyfriend failed the child, and the mother failed the child. (As far as weighing their transgressions on the fail-o-meter it goes Boyfriend>>>>Father>>>>Mother = Epic fail for all 3.)
And LaJane, I’m not interested in talking about white people, so you can miss me with that.
@margie sure, I don’t mind providing FACTS to support my conclusions.
The number 1 killers of children are mothers. Number 2 are non-biological intimants of the mother. So actually, if the husband is not the biological father, he falls in with threat number 2. sure biological fathers abuse their children, but a child is much more likely to be killed by the non biological boyfriend or husband.
Shadow and Act wrote:
[Some people just really shouldn’t have children, as callous as that might sound. But, the problem there is, unless we start living in a kind of totalitarian state, we’re not going to start dictating who can/cannot have children… Are we?]
Yeah, examples ranging from slavery-era America to modern China demonstrates how misguided and evil that idea is.
The REAL issue is adults must grow up and realize that there are consequences to having sex, i.e., babies. So, if you’re not ready to be parents, don’t even THINK about that one night stand no matter how “fine” he or she is.
The government will never get the raising kids thing right, that is not what it was built to do. Some of these kids get turned over to people just as bad as the family they were removed from. I notice a lot of Children Services workers are actually African American (in my city). Maybe they are overwhelmed with the case load or maybe some are lazy, getting comfortable in their gov’t jobs allowing to live a middle class existence helping a bunch of people who deep down inside they feel are hopeless (just like teachers do)
And there are already parent advocate groups in my city crying that Children Services is racist and is some big ploy to remove black children from there homes.
There is really nothing you can do about this, you can’t controls people’s fertility.
You can’t get between a desperate woman and her man no matter what a lowlife he is.
How can this campaign reach BW. There are tons of anti HIV campaigns in geared to blacks while the numbers continue to go up. I mean many BW still aren’t breast feeding, and the SIDS thing is something many hospitals are teach new mothers and is a fairly easy thing to follow. When it comes to serious change, most are not willing to follow. They don’t want to do the work.
Everyone just want a new government agency or programs to correct what the first gov’t agency people begged for did wrong.
Thank you for your commentary regarding this tragedy Faith.
It’s just heartbreaking how that little boy tried to save himself repeatedly.
He was failed.
By everyone who was supposed to protect him. Love him.
These innocent children suffering and being killed in these Hell holes – and what can be done to protect them – should be on the FOREFRONT of any black agenda.
I just shake my head at the time waisted over that Skip Gates mess…
When REAL brutality exists.
The REAL issue is adults must grow up and realize that there are consequences to having sex, i.e., babies. So, if you’re not ready to be parents, don’t even THINK about that one night stand no matter how “fine” he or she is.
My reply:
But how many folks in the category being described here actually plan when they will have children? How many see using birth control effectively as of the utmost importance? How many of them presume they are capable of being parents, just because they have the biological equipment? How many believe becoming a parent is a badge of adulthood, and so will have them regardless of their capabilities?
gem2001—”the number 1 killers of children are mothers”-that does not seem true to me -could you site where you got that FACT to support that conclusion?
Children, and animals, need to be removed forcibly from the homes of such people. No case workers, no counseling, no therapy, no rehabilitation. Just step in and take them away. Put them up for legal adoption. End the cycle of suffering.
Social programs don’t work. Stop wasting my tax dollars. Let me help innocent kids and animals on my own.
There are plenty of loving people (of all races) who would be happy to care for these precious innocents and give them a life worth living.
No more sympathy for the Vcks and the Jacks’s of the world. They have death in their hearts and are destroying humanity.
Speaking of totalitarianism… maybe we should do what the British are doing with their “Sin Bins”? Essentially, “problem” families are placed under 24-hour CCTV super-vision in their own homes.
They will be monitored to ensure that children attend school, go to bed on time and eat proper meals, etc…
And security guards will also carry out home checks, while parents will be given help to combat drug and alcohol addiction.
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/115736/Sin-bins-for-worst-families
@conilynch If you doubt the facts then you need to do your own research and stop waiting for piecemeal information to be given to you. Are you going to do something concrete that helps resolve this or do you want to waste time arguing semantics?
@shadowandact That’s not going to happen in the US anytime soon.
@andrea The other issue is what to do with children who’ve been removed? Sometimes the foster care families are just as bad or worse than the homes they are taken from
@sarah While you’re blaming the mother point right back at the “father” who originally abandoned Devon in the first place. If you notice these aren’t teens or even people that look to be in their 20’s either. There’s a major pathology going on that was left unchecked for a long time.
Mothers disproportionately kill their children more than fathers do only in the first 48 hours of the child’s birth. And there seems to be a disproportionate amount of mothers who killed their children up to two years old, but there are more than enough fathers kills children this age as well. However, after the age of two years old, the father will most likely murder the child. Most of the time, the father kills himself as well (and/or the rest of the family including the mother). It may seem like more women kill their children because mothers do not commit suicide after killing their child at the rate that fathers do. So, considering the age of this murdered child, his likely culprit would have been a man, —biologically related or not. The danger is men, –period. Singling out the boyfriend is simply a way to blame the mother. A husband could/would have just as well been the murderer.
@ekittyglendower You should do research on filicide which doesn’t have a 2 yr old age cap for the child.
Everyone should be angry with the parents and caretakers involved first and foremost and if the government can be asked to feed, clothe, and take custody of the children of Damaged Beyond Repair people they should be able to legally require certain individuals to get their tubes tied or a vasectomy.IMHO.
No one said there was a 2 yr old age cap. Where did I say there is a 2 yr old age cap? After 2yrs old the father murders more than the mother, —that is the point. This child was six almost seven. If anyone was going to kill him it would more than likely have been a man. Which, it was.
OOOkay. So I guess today is “I don’t believe the terrible statistics day” So here it is folks, it may make some uncomfortable with the choices and decisions they have made in respect to their children, but the numbers are what they are. Okay don’t take my word for it, here is a WHOLE page of studies for ya’ http://www.childwelfare.gov/can/perpetrators/related_types.cfm
In regards to mothers:
Nearly 70 percent (69.9%) of child fatalities were caused by one or more parents.5 More than one-quarter (27.1%) of fatalities were perpetrated by the mother acting alone.6 Child fatalities with unknown perpetrators accounted for 16.4 percent.
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/pubs/cm07/chapter4.htm#status
To the person that said it makes no sense that women are the number one killers of their children, it makes absolute sense. A) depression brought on by fluctuations in hormones B) the children spend the most time with mothers. Everybody on here has has a story in the local town about a baby being left in a trash can by the mother.
:
As it relates to mal treatment.
Children are 100 times… 100 TIMES more likely to be killed by their stepfather than their biological fathers. http://womensgrid.freecharity.org.uk/?p=2350
Heck a simple Google Search for HCildren Killed by Mother’s Boyfriend will bring you an infinite list of cases. That’s not just Black children either, it cuts across race.http://www.dreamindemon.com/2008/04/26/gianni-spagnolo-killed-andrew-sheppard/
These statistics are different. That are from the FBI, they are saying fathers are #1 then mothers, then acquaintances. The difference might be attributable to how they are classifying the death http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/children.htm Black kids are more than twice as likely to be killed. There is a damning graph on this site with deaths per 100,000
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/children.htm
Of all children under age 5 murdered from 1976-2005 –
• 31% were killed by fathers
• 29% were killed by mothers
• 23% were killed by male acquaintances
• 7% were killed by other relatives
• 3% were killed by strangers
Of those children killed by someone other than their parent, 81% were killed by males.
@ekittyglendower You should show the stats as broken down by race & ethnicity as well.
What a disgusting shame. I’m sitting here trying my best not to cry, but I keep thinking about what he must’ve sounded like when he cried out in pain….. how no one listened to him….. how he didn’t ask to be born…..
Okay, I’m crying.
And by the way, I’m a LMSW and I would NEVER let this happen. He’d be alive if he were in my care.
By the way, I’ll post this on my social networking page and pass it along to my fellow LMSWs and LCSWs who actually do their jobs RIGHT.
@Spinster: Quote: “I’m sitting here trying my best not to cry.”
I hear you. I read stories like these and it’s just heartbreaking. You don’t know whether to cry, scream, or just pick up a bat and start whacking. There are too many people to blame and at the end of the day, the children still can’t be saved.
With each case, I’m reminded of a bible verse (for those easily offended…feel free to stop reading now)
In Romans 1:28, we read of those who “God gave …over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient.”
Paul says they are “… filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful” (Romans 1:29-31)
Even if you don’t believe in God or in anything the Bible stands for, this seems to be what the world has become. Regardless of color, it just seems to be so easy for people to do such horrible things to each other, and especially to children.
How would you know if the person you’re with is capable of such horrible things?
My mother used to say when you have children, your life stops being about you and at least until your children are grown and gone, every decision you make no matter how insignificant has to be for their best interests. So, for her, if you had children and their father wasn’t around, you didn’t get back into the “dating” scene until your children were grown and out the house.
When I was younger, I thought that was a bit harsh. Many people manage to date sane individuals successfully while raising children. But, now that I’m older, I see her point. As a mother, I can’t imagine a greater pain than losing a child. But, to lose a child because of someone I introduced into my children’s lives…I just can’t imagine and don’t even want to.
@pioneervalleywoman
I just read an essay, “Rejecting Men, Embracing Children,” that answers many of your questions on the epidemic of unwed teen mothers in Black neighborhoods.
An excerpt:
What is different about very poor mothers’ desires for children seems to be related to their relationally, financially and educationally impoverished circumstances. Relationally, the authors described these young mothers as existing in an environment without close, trusted ties. In particular, the men in their lives were considered to be highly untrustworthy and worse. Infidelity seemed almost a universal problem among the fathers. Drug and alcohol problems, criminal behavior, and domestic violence were extremely common. Motherhood provided a chance for these women to “establish the primordial bonds of love and connection.” (185).
Financially and educationally, the prospects for the women who became lone mothers seemed paltry to nonexistent. Their experiences at the local public schools were described as “chaotic.” Their own single parents did not have the margins of time or money to make up for this serious deficiency. In this setting, the “opportunity costs” of having a baby are very small. And in the girls’ eyes, the advantages of having a baby loomed large: the possession (they spoke often in “ownership” terms) of a person who could be trusted to love them for the long run. There was also the opportunity to achieve a version of success well-accepted in their community: triumphing over terrible odds to raise a child well and to show yourself to be a good mother.
http://www.ruthinstitute.org/articles/rejectingMenEmbracingChildren.html
So, how do we solve this? I’ll answer that in the next post.
My question, since I wasn’t clear, is why you seem to believe that if they married these men, as opposed to simply playing house with them, that the men wouldn’t still kill the children anyway? Why do you think a marriage license will keep men from killing children? That’s my question. What about a marriage license makes child-killers change their ways? Or, do you think that child-killers never get married?
@fred In this case teenagers are not the parents. These people look to be in their 30’s. The inclination of some women who mate exclusively with black men of lower caliber to reject them and value motherhood is because they weren’t expected to be responsible and often aren’t. It helps fuel the lie of the “strong black woman”. If she had a partner who was doing most of the heavy lifting she wouldn’t have to be nearly wholly self-sufficient.
That’s not correct. BEFORE the age of TWO, the mother is the more likely killer. But that’s only a QUARTER of ALL child murders. That means that mothers are NOT the number-one danger to their children. It means that male adults are, since they’re the ones who commit the other SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT, give or take, of child murders.
So, if you revise your statement to reflect reality, non-biological fathers (whether married to the mother or not – which you also left out) are the number one murder threat to children, followed by biological fathers (whether married to the mother or not), who commit 30% of all child murders.
Please explain to me how throwing a marriage license into this mix changes anything about the danger than males pose to the lives of children?
I think that this is a horrible act and all parties involved are at fault. Now I can not see the video b/c I am at work as well but from the comments that I have read you all have some interesting responses to this act of violence.
But I have one question what self respecting man would allow baby to got and spend time with the womans ex-boyfriend. He is not one. The fault is everyone involved and noone should feel as if they have done the best that they can or took care of these God given children.
First of all you should know the person that you are sleeping with. If the mother would have known this then she would have never had children by the father. If the father known things about the mother than he would not have left off the protection from having kids with this unstable uncaring women. And if they both would have paid more attention than neigher would have let the child go and be with this crazy unstable evil spirit from hell ex-boyfriend.
We should take better care of our children and the bottom line is that they are YOUR children and YOUR responsibility NOT the systems or any one else. THE PARENTS and if you feel like that is something that you or not willing do to then just don’t have any.
So, how do we stop this epidemic of unwed teen mothers and their often imperiled kids?
Andrea just posted the solution:
Social programs don’t work. Stop wasting my tax dollars. Let me help innocent kids and animals on my own.
There are plenty of loving people (of all races) who would be happy to care for these precious innocents and give them a life worth living.
She’s spot on.
When my mother was growing up, everyone in her town looked out for everyone else. They considered themselves friends and even family. So, if she did something wrong (e.g., play hooky), it was quickly known in the neighborhood and was followed by several butt whippings. This occurred before my mother could make it back home.
Conversely, if my mother did something right, neighbors would give her praise and encouragement. This was on top of the praise she got from her parents.
Hence, my mother learned right and wrong as did the rest of the kids in her town. People in her town live out the concept of loving your neighbor as yourself.
That concept has been lost among not only among many Black neighbors, but Americans, period. Our pop culture encourages us to be self-absorbed instead of befriending our neighbors and vice versa. As a result, you keep seeing stories of kids like Devon Bailey.
Imagine if just ONE loving, married neighbor befriended Devon’s mother and offered to babysit. Devon would still be alive instead of being killed by a heartless, selfish boyfriend. Heck, if the neighbor met Devon’s mother earlier, she could have convinced the latter to wait to become a mother and wife.
So, we have to take care of each other instead of punting the responsibility to others (e.g., the government). Sure, it will mean spending less time and money on TV and video games, respectively. But, in the long run, showing real love for one another will result in unwed mothers and their children not being preyed upon by all the wolves out here.
@margie it is true and if you notice in my second comment in the thread, I provided links to contrary statistics conceding that depending on which sample of children and the length of the study time period, the number will shift.
HOWEVER I never mentioned marriage. I said non-biological intimate. This could include step fathers. I spoke of a child being abandoned by his biological father. So YOU are clearly a member of the single mama mafia that feels insecure about the choices and decisions YOU made. I don’t think a marriage license cures anything. My complaint isn’t about the adults relationship with each other, it about their lack of commitment to their children.
You’re selfish and self centered to focus on defending shacking up when this is a story about a child that was abandoned by BOTH parents and his social worker.
Yes, I meant to be insulting and critical because clearly margie is on a mission to defend irresponsible ADULTS. I’m trying to highlight the death of a CHILD that was so RESPONSIBLE he reported his abuse to the proper authorities and he was left to ROT and DIE.
I’m throughly disgusted by all the adult-centered apologizers in this thread. You’re part of the problem.
@fred You are describing behaviors of people who looked out for each other where there was a community. That is GONE. It has been for quite some time. Now it is important for those people who still hold these values true and who value their lives LEAVE. There are NO MEN to protect women and children from the predators.
You didn’t have to. You specified that the man was the woman’s “boyfriend.” And I’ve seen you lambaste black women for not getting married, so the insinuation was that if the woman hadn’t been shacking up with the man – if he hadn’t been her “boyfriend,” and had instead had some other relationship with her, what? He wouldn’t have killed the child?
I can read between the lines. Not everything needs to be spelled out, especially when I read this post within the context of your larger body of writing on this blog. And I’m not part of any kind of single-mama anything. I don’t have children, don’t plan to have children, and I’d recommend the same to anyone.
@margie. Now you’re just outright lying. Or as you call it “reading between the lines.
” You have to engage in fantasy because the facts aren’t to your liking. Your comments on this thread have nothing to do with this dead child, but you mythical delusion regarding my position on marriage.
But at least you were honest in saying I never mentioned marriage.
Everyone take a good long look at Margie. this is why children are dying, because adults put their needs first with little regard to the unique vulnerabilities children face.
If saying we should attempt to make sure that children are safe and well cared for by the people responsible for creating them makes me a meanie, then so be it.
Either talk about THIS CASE and its associated implications or choose to lurk. You can join the WAOD Disgruntled readers association at Bedside Baptist Church on Wednesdays at 8PM
The selfishness of adults is breathtaking. We all make choices. Those choices have consequences. Including the choices and decisions of parents.
PPS. show me a quote from gem2001 where I have lambasted anybody for not getting married. Show me a link. Show me a quote.
You won’t find one because I’m not a marriage supremacist and that’s rooted in my core belief system so I’m confident such a statement only exists in Margie’s delusional fantasies.
In other words… BRING IT!
Because I’m disgusted you’ve hijacked this thread about this baby for your own selfish agenda.
@Andrea: “Social programs don’t work. Stop wasting my tax dollars. Let me help innocent kids and animals on my own. ”
I think I agree with you, Andrea. I can’t think of a single social program that has worked well and I’ve been so disgusted in public education lately that I could easily include that into the package of failures our government provides.
Let’s sum it up to say we’re failing our families miserably.
We need to own more mass media. I remember years ago watching a documentary where a bunch of directors and executive types were sitting around talking and laughing (excitedly) about how hard they always worked to push the envelope and that they wrestled for a “years” on “how they introduce certain curse words and sexual activities on television.” Every group has an agenda and a game plan. I heard on the news two nights ago that a Homosexual civil rights watchdog group was “grading” broadcasters on how much exposure was given to gays on their stations. [Please feel free NOT to insert any gay bashing or gay supporting comments, but rather to focus on the ability of some groups to have an objective or goal and to pursue it aggressively.]
If we have a community full of individuals who are willing to be force fed crappy music, degrading television shows, and odd antics from irresponsible athletes, then we should acquire enough media resources to combat it.
If executives can change our comfort levels by slowing introducing us to new things via the television, why can’t we do the same.
Why can’t we introduce shows and music that carries the agendas that we want and that we think would be healthier for our communities? It clearly isn’t that hard for people who don’t have our best interests at heart to do it. We’re force fed this lifestyle compliments of MTV, BET, and reality tv, etc. Some are strong enough to ignore it. Others incorporate it into their lives and their next generations are irreparably damaged for it.
I think many of these problems have been caused by weak minded individuals who allowed themselves “over time” to be given a different set of morals and understanding.
So, we create new media where its cool to keep your legs closed a little longer and wear a belt. Push the envelope a little…create shows where responsible black men are shown marrying black women they love, raising responsible children, AND most importantly don’t think its cool to leave children behind.
We need to create music markets for stars that value women and children and slowly reduce markets for music that devalue women and children.
It can be done. I think this is “spiritual” warfare. But, if that’s too weird for some of you to consider, I also think its psychological warfare. We just need new weapons.
America is convincing our children as early as preschool that green is good. It’s on their little shows, it’s introduced through their teachers, and even in the commercials in between their shows. When they become adults, they’ll assume everyone knows global warming exists, case closed, no discussion necessary and any scientist that dismisses it will be deemed a quack.
Why can’t we do this, too? I know its indoctrination. I’m sorry. But, isn’t it happening anyway. We’ve got to change a mind set.
@Yme You bring up some interesting points. This was a great conversation to have 20 years ago but you may not realize others have been where you are and they were ignored, laughed at and outright vilified.
Skippy Gates and other “scholars” and infotainment hustlers like Dyson, Smiley et al focus on elevating the pathology. Gates defending 2 Live Crew helped usher the last barracades to the gangsta rap/crackhouse/bling & booty depravity that’s been defined as black culture. C Delores Tucker tried in vain to warn people of the pending onslaught and was dragged through the mud.
You can forget about media ownership. Bill Cosby tried to buy NBC in the early 90’s and couldn’t get the support of other wealthy blacks to do it. With the media consolidation that was allowed after Clinton signed the Telecommunications Act of 1996 and the loosening of rules for foreign ownership (which is why Rupert Murdoch became a US citizen) that ushered in huge conglomerates buying up everything.
The internet is the last frontier. Even that is being eroded and attacked by corporate interests. Also Gina did numerous posts on the FCC regarding Bob Johnson and Ion Media but it didn’t seem to be of great interest to many readers.
There’s a huge incentive from making money denigrating black women, but it would change if black women stopped funding the foolishness and supporting these “artists” and their records, movies, etc. We can also work at creating our own uplifting but fun material IF it was a priority.
One big obstacle is the lack of racial and ethnic pride amongst African Americans. Next is the misogyny and homophobia.
Finally you have to realize that the rampant anti-intellectualism, the hero worship of Obama, the lack of strategizing on core issues are huge obstacles for advancement.
It’s really too late for a majority of blacks because the entire family structure has been destroyed and yet many do NOT want to admit how damaging that is or change their behavior. Women and children being left to fend for themselves and the aftermath is shown here weekly. There’s a permanent underclass that cannot (and don’t want to) be saved either.
The key is for women to SAVE THEMSELVES first. Get out of the neighborhood cesspools and away from the predators. They can then open themselves to the global society, build relationships and forge ahead.
One who was never involved that much in the first place. It was stated in the video that the biological father stopped being involved when Dae’von was a baby. Shaking my head.
@fdow-Quote: “The key is for women to SAVE THEMSELVES first. Get out of the neighborhood cesspools and away from the predators. They can then open themselves to the global society, build relationships and forge ahead.”
You may have a point here. I was noticing in some of the neighborhoods in my hometown that are the most problematic in terms of crime, you do have single women with children living with men (sometimes). These are neighborhoods where typically young men are basically living with someone else, mother, grandmother, girlfriend, etc. I see them grouped up, and guiltily think – that’s a recipe for trouble. No shirt, pants pulled up halfway, and a willingness to call out something angry to anyone paying too close attention.
In more affluent neighborhoods or just working class neighborhoods, it’s not unusual to see apartments and houses, of course, being rented by young, black, single men. But, in some of these really bad neighborhoods, it seems more the norm that you don’t have young men renting and providing for their own housing, but rather relying on young black women or their mothers and grandmothers for housing.
It does make me wonder, where would these young men standing on street corners go, if there weren’t any women willing to provide them with a place to lay their heads at night. Would they be forced to leave the neighborhoods they prey on? And, forgive me if this seems offensive. These neighborhoods have drug issues, crime issue, gang issues, and these seem to be male driven problems. But, the males in the neighborhood only seem to have ready access to the neighborhoods because of the females in the neighborhood.
Thanks gem2001 for the site.Thanks ekittyglendower and Margaret Jamison for clarifying .TO gem 2001- you said above to Margaret -”so YOU are clearly a member of the single mama mafia…” wouldnt that be considered marriage supremacist? and woman hating?— About Devons brutal death-if his mother could not take responsibility for whatever reason- giving him up to another caretaker could be the wisest choice-but Devon was trapped with an abuser/killer and no one he told believed him or cared.This man needs to be found so he doesnt kill again.Wasnt there a sister in his care too?
@yme Where would these leeches go if they weren’t being supported? They have to step up and finish school, get a job, be a reliable citizen OR enter and exit through a revolving door of prison, half-way houses, etc. Oh wait..a lot of them are doing that already. What you may not also realize is between black men killing each other and the omnipresent white male racist cop their population will continue to decline.
connie said ” .TO gem 2001- you said above to Margaret -”so YOU are clearly a member of the single mama mafia…” wouldnt that be considered marriage supremacist? and woman hating?—”
I don’t consider it woman hating, but I can see how opponents would twist the concept and shape it into such and for that I shall have to select some other term
By single mama mafia, I am referring to the pattern anytime we talk about dead children who die as a result of the complete and utter stupidity of their parents, a wave of folks rush in to declare people are picking on mothers.
The same people champion abortion as a choice and the turn around and argue that women and men who have children have no personal responsibility for the choices they make before and after the child arrive.
Yes, I am exceedingly frustrated by the wave of people who balk anytime anyone suggests that having two adults that care about a child involved in the life of that child is a good thing.
I’m tired of the exceptionists who rush in to say THEIR child is fine or THEY turned out fine that other large swaths of the population aren’t affected.
If you think I’m a woman hater, stop reading this blog.
I think the real woman haters are those who champion a system that leaves MANY Black children vulnerable. The real woman haters are those who take a white supremacist view that Black women are superhuman pack mules who don’t deserve any help. Who can’t be vulnerable.
Again, two people can raise a child w/o being married. Marriage is nothing more than a collection of legal rights, responsibilities and privileges. Cave men and women didn’t have a marriage license. The point isn’t that these kids are born out of wedlock. The point is that they are being abandoned and people like you think that’s okay.
I don’t. So I understand why adults want to constantly make this discussion about adult relationships (marriage) and not the relationship with children.
I’m done. You’ll see what you want to see and now you’re just projecting. if the only thing you think this post was about is a lack of a marriage license, then the gulf between our views is insurmountable. Go your way and I’ll go mine and should we end up across the battlefield, then let’s just go to war. If I am wrong, adult will be offended. If you are wrong, more children die. I’ll take my odds.
It’s painful to watch that video and think about the fact that that poor child had no one to turn to and had to return home everyday to a caretaker who abused him. I’m curious to know if he shared his concerns with his mother when she saw him last month and if not, why he didn’t feel comfortable to do so. If his teacher was the only person he felt he could trust and each time he went to her she pointed him to the appropriate authorities who then dropped the ball, he must have felt like he was living in a prison. Also, can you imagine being that young and going to someone for help knowing that it may mean you will end up living with complete strangers–if you get any help at all. That is too much for any child to bear. He was so incredibly brave to go seek help.
This case reminds me of the Nixzmary Brown case that happened in NYC a few years ago, where are young girl was tortured and beat to death by her stepfather and even in her death her referred to her as a “trouble-maker”. That case sparked outrage because like this little boy, she fell through the cracks after a series of previous warnings. A series of reforms were put into place after he death–tougher sentences for child abusers and endangerers and an immediate hire of 100’s of new caseworkers. However, there are still children who undoubtedly fall through the cracks.
This is why it’s so important that as a society we hold these public agencies accountable for there failings, but we also need to make sure people know and never forget names like Devon of Nixmary and all the other children out there who are being viciously attacked. These are not isolated incidents and I believe if people heard about these stories in greater frequency they would possibly become more spooked and think more carefully about the people they introduce into the lives of their children. Also, when a parent is too selfish or to blind to see that they are exposing their child to danger, stories like this can help prompt the people around that parent to step in when they feel a child they know might be exposed to a dangerous person. Sometimes extended family members and friends feel uneasy about a person, but stay out of it because it’s not their business. However, if they heard about stories like this more often and realized how high the stakes can be, they may feel more compelled to intervene. We can’t just reduce child abuse to a few isolated incidents involving crazy people. We would never rationalize domestic violence in the manner. I’m not a social worker, but I know there have to be patterns.
Gina, thank you for your post at 1:51 p.m. You said what I wanted to say, only better. This is a pattern – that adults put their needs/wants/desires first over those of the children they have brought into this world, and for this reason, the children are dying, being molested, and neglected. And people who should know better actually get on blogs like these to defend the selfishness and neglect of these adults. It is SMH time. And crying time.
I have seen so many of these stories in the past twelve months, I am almost out of tears over this type of thing.
Suggested action plan: be the one.
If you know of an at risk child in your family or circle of influence, be the one who is willing to call CPS every day for a month or two or three if that’s what it takes to get a social worker to remove a child. Write or email any public official who has jurisdiction. Post pictures of an “at risk” child instead of waiting to post pictures of a missing child.
Be the one who is nosy, offensive, and makes everybody angry because you are airing dirty laundry and not giving the abuser “another chance to do the right thing.”
Be the one who takes the child to a doctor to get the abuse documented instead of taking them to a movie or McDonald’s to make them “feel better.”
It’s really not about the media, bad social workers, etc. It’s about the fact that not enough of us are willing to be the one.
And people who should know better actually get on blogs like these to defend the selfishness and neglect of these adults. It is SMH time. And crying time.
And hence my anger. These people could care less about these children dying, its all about pushing their agenda irrespective of the collateral damage. Then they want to come and try to foist political correctness on me, which I gladly throw off and throw back in their faces. They throw out terms like “woman hating” and throw up red herrings about “marriage.”
Again, they are ideologues who “married” to a philosophy and not reality. Its okay if children die. The status quo is fine as long as their aren’t made uncomfortable.
This is actually not the first time I’ve dealt with this particular strain of commenters, back when I first started posting on Dunbar Village a group of them descended on this blog to dictate to me that i should not think that the gang rapists should be thrown under the jail and the the housing complex razed to the ground and salt the earth so that nothing would grow there.
Been there. Done that. I ain’t changing my stance, the choices adults make affect the children they are responsible for and then bio daddy ran off to Oregon and left Mama who clearly could not afford to take care of her children, foster care let the kids be scattered all over town, bio relatives didn’t step up to the plate, doctors did a half azzed physical assessment of a child that didn’t even involve a simple X-ray that could have detected prior broken bones, but the ONLY thing the ideologues are concerned about is making sure nobody mentions MARRIAGE! You’re so vain you probably think this post is about YOU… it ain’t!
Many men in poorer urban areas are living completely “off the grind”. Look at public records for any urban area and you will see title and leaseholders are almost entirely women.
Marriage no longer exists, instead what you have is a series of ongoing “hook-ups” out of necessity ….food, shelter and sex.
Many young black men in urban areas reach adulthood with no skills or understanding of how to survive in mainstream society. It is true that their communities and families have failed them, yet as we know and have discussed without end, it is a cycle of dysfunction.
When they look to leave their grandmothers or mothers apartments or homes they find young women with subsidized housing and move in with them. Then they rotate themselves for woman to woman for many years.
Often the men aren’t even much attracted to the woman beyond food and sex. But the women desparately want men so they allow it and delude themselves that the men will marry them and actually love them.
The woman’s children become an annoyance in the minds of these men who are really only seeking a roof, a bed, food and sex.
In many cases the “man” will have an adversarial relationship with the womans children, but she will allow it, feeling that there are no other men and this is her best chance at a relationship with a man……any man.
These situations are particularly volatile if there is a male child of 8 years or older.
This post saddens me. So many warning signs. Everyone wants to define single mother and the choices these women make, but are you ready to challenge Gov. Terminator when he cut out Welfare Aid to the mothers and the loser boyfriends on GR.
@ Deb: I like your suggestion. Be the one. That’s our immediate role.
@LD Do you live in CA? Were you one of the ones swayed by celebrity who voted for the unqualified actor play-acting as competent politician? I’ve lived in the Bay Area since 2001 and we certainly didn’t follow suit with the bulk of the state in electing him. The economy played a large part in the state’s debt BUT people fell for the Gray Davis recall when he was trying to get Enron millions stolen from CA back. People were looking for a cheap emotional payoff and didn’t put on their thinking caps. Now those least prepared are paying the price for Democratic ineptitude and Republican malfeasance. After threatening to cut CAL grants he instead went after the poor – that’s not a surprise. It’s what he’s been trying to get away since he was SELECTED. What he has done is being duplicated across the country. This is why people have to LEAVE areas that do not sustain them. People who are relying on a gov’t check or a gov’t rescue will NOT be getting one and the elderly, sick, women and children are going to suffer the most. Those who have no safety net, no family that can help and no initiative are going to fall through the cracks! Like little Dae’von.
@fdow: “the unqualified actor play-acting as competent politician?”
I can’t think of a politician this doesn’t describe unfortunately.
@yme Haha. Ah-nuld was a movie star though and married to a Kennedy. Nobody was really checking for competence.
Good morning all!!!
@fdow To tell you the truth I didn’t vote in the recall nor the second election. I didn’t like Daryl Issa, Cruz Bustamante, and Arianna Huffington. As far as, Gov. Terminator I was not on that “The Tonight Show” show casing band wagon and Gray Davis is no better. Ask for his moviestar status the only movie of his I liked was “Twinz” and his muscles never impressed me. But I will agree if it wasn’t for his marriage to a Kennedy, he would still be pumping iron on Venice Beach boardwalk.
@fdow & LD: I didn’t realize Arianna Huffington ran for governor of California. Wow! I saw her shout down someone on a show. She got so agitated, I thought she was going to blow up. Some poor sap wandered into a topic on global warming, suggesting that there were some scientists that were now disputing some of the data used and she ripped him a new one. Yeah, you guys didn’t have much to choose from for governor. That’s the problem around the country. No good options to pick from.