Posted by Faith of Acts of Faith In Love and Life blog
I know this post is sure to kick up the Black Male Protection/Denial of Any Pathology Reflex in many people. So my advice is to take a Valium and go sit in the corner. The reason why all of this accountability talk is so threatening is because no one has been held accountable. Generations are simply repeating what their elders did – or worse going backwards. Although there were significant social gains reaped in the ’60’s it has all but been completely squandered.
Of course there’s another component to this argument that is also rarely discussed. We are of course referring to HETERO black males in these narratives. The same DBR behaviors exhibited by some men and used against black women will also be expressed toward others based on their orientation or gender identity. Also some of the women clinging to their church totems, who may be never-married single mothers and are in misery sometimes focus too much on what some “phantom” gay person is doing because it provides a (temporary) release for them. Many of these blacks who are opposed to gay marriage for “religious” reasons don’t even get married themselves! Not with a 30% marriage rate amongst blacks, an 80% OOW birth rate, a 70% unmarried status for black women and an HIV rate that’s the number #1 killer of black women 25-34.
I realize more and more men (who are thought to be educated “good” guys) belong on the other side of that DBR/No Value to black women line. How are we supposed to distinguish who’s safe and who’s wearing a mask in disguise? Is it based on musical tastes or income to debt ratio or religious practice? Surprisingly it doesn’t take much to get them to reveal themselves but clearly they feel they can move without impunity. We can use that to our advantage on one hand but what of those that still consider themselves “decent”? No one ever admits to engaging in damaged beyond recognition behaviors! Others silently support them because they still get to benefit from it indirectly. Those who push a limited view of blackness (i.e. anti-intellectualism or gross materialism) also continue to be a disservice. We can’t let ourselves get tripped up in the process.
When we discuss divesting and leaving this mentality behind what will it be replaced with? We need to be thinking about that. Of course leaving the unsafe physical areas and modifying certain situations immediately is key here. We see there is no mass push at defending black girls and women. Any mention of this is met with complete silence. The latest reinforcement of this indoctrination is in the typical reaction from many blacks in defending the actions of Skippy Gates against the police. Even the President supported him. With each reveal it becomes clear Gates was acting in his own self-interest and largely caused this problem for himself. Yet some men act as if it was a violation that had happened to them personally but they don’t apply that same reasoning when it comes to valuing the treatment of black women.
The “black community” indoctrination of dysfunction is so insidious, so pervasive I want to wash my hands of many people completely just to keep some order. In the meantime black girls are still being attacked and are defenseless against the onslaught of criminal activity and apathy. Thanks to the glorification of that lifestyle blacks don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to complaining about police malfeasance but they don’t get that.
Oh – and white people do not care to hear any more complaining about racism because there’s a black man in the White House. So the majority of blacks are shooting themselves in the foot by not addressing these internal pathologies and consequences. The symbolic payoff of having that “black” President comes attached with many strings. Sadly I don’t think the correct analysis or change in behavior is coming.
What is somewhat surprising to me is the intelligentsia and elite classes seem to be just as clueless. Aren’t they supposed to be “better, harder, faster, stronger” and know more than the rest of us? When I was willing to discuss DBR behavior in black men I got a lot of grief. When I sought to bring it full circle by addressing the choices some black women are making I got grief. I can’t win for trying. If people have their heads stuck in the sand, what type of generational, mental, financial or quality of life growth can reasonably be expected?
The misogyny and homophobia prevalent in the black community has me on pause. It’s not that other groups don’t have similar issues but they also have safeguards in place to ensure their growth and/or continued domination. Blacks collectively have nothing in place but discussing the evils of white racism as it pertains to black males.
The lack of racial and ethnic pride amongst many African-Americans has led to all sorts of behaviors that work against the interest of the collective. If people are not fighting discrimination across the board then blacks will not progress any more than where things stand now.
24 comments ↓
You said so many right on things in this article, I don’t even know where to begin. We (blacks) look for validation in the wrong places. After Pres. Obama won, I was over joyed, but I also recognized that he is a part of a patriarchal system that whether we want to admit it or not does include our black men. So, as a race, yes this was a victory, but it remains to be seen gender wise, especially for black women. My pride as a black woman cannot come from external sources because there are too many of those sources that are ready and dedicated to discrediting my womanhood. Therefore, I have to look inward for validation which can be challenging.
Great post Faith. I agree. Have you seen the new issue of Essence where they have an article on Do Right Men or somehting like that? The article has all of these single black bachelors. My problem with Essence magazine is it’s refusal to promote black women’s options of dating out of the race. Sigh. We need more publications that care for the state of black women and girls like this blog. We need our voices heard. This community has been short changing black women and girls for too long!
I agree completely. I have had so many personal experiences with people who talk black unity and black pride and are totally homophobic. You can’t talk black unity and not except a particular segment of black society. Everyone is entitled to their personal opinion but when you teach others to hate based on that opinion it is counterproductive to any message of unity and pride.
Who was it that said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That in a nutshell is what is wrong with the so called black community and all of the apologists who continue to dismiss, deny and doubt the pathology of DBR behavior in particular.
I realized a long time ago that “we” are not in this thing together…not by a long shot. I divested from the community a long time ago. I’m a much happier and saner person for it.
I have so much more to say about this topic but I will come back when I can get my thoughts together.
Thank you,great post might I add.If I may i’d like to take the time to give an exmaple of hatred wearing the mask of preference.This is a big issue in the black “community”.This is part of the reason why I can’t bring myself to feel so bad for alot of black males who claim to be victims of racial profiling and discrimination.An example that sticks out in my mind, that I witnessed with my own eyes and heard with my own ears, was a situation with some DBR black men, whom I had the misfortune of being surrounded by, spewing their hatred and negativity against Whoopi Goldberg and India airie SOLELY based on the way these women looked.Some of the things these men said about them was so nasty, so hateful that I cannot bring myself to repeat everything that was said as these men reduced these women to animals.When they spoke so negatively about these women appearances I felt the need to defend them .I should of just left but did’nt.So I stated that fact that they both are very accomplished/successful at what they do, have men in their lives whom they’ve said interviews love them ,and that they also have family and friends who love them.These black males went onto tell me that they feel that neither Whoopi nor India should be allowed to be on t.v because of their looks.They said if they were doing casting and in positions in t.v they’d never hire Whoopi or India for anything based on these womens features.Since when did one have to be pretty to be on t.v and is beauty not in the eye of the beholder?They also tried to say that Whoopi and India only have men in their lives because they are making money now.When I told them that, according to Whoopi,she said this on the View,she was in a serious and comitted relationship BEFORE she had money and was a hair and makeup artist they were in shock.As if no man could ever want Whoopi for anything but money.But what stands out in my mind is these men feeling justified in their belief that these women should be denied the regular things in life.Havin a loving life partner,a career they love,oh and they even hated on the fact that Whoopi had children.It was a hate campaign and they were trying to get any and everyone in close range to see why these women should not be valued or viewed in a positive light at all by anybody.It’s as if they were trying to deny these womens rights to even exist.I was at another site telling somebody else about this.People gave me the SMH sign.Ridiculous isn’t it.
Thanks for the title today; it reminds me of Barbara Smith’s classic, “All the Women Are White, All the Blacks Are Men: But Some of Us Are Brave.”
And I realy appreciate your earlier comments about Dr. Gates supporting 2 Live Crew back in the 1990s. (BTW, where is Dr. Gates’ White wife?” 
My dear sister, you make a good, courageous point. Back in the fall of 2007, when the organized terrorism happened to Megan Williams in West Virginia, I was doing some research of civil rights organizations. I called the NAACP headquarters in Baltimore, MD and the SCLC headquarters in Atlanta. Sadly, neither of these premier civil rights organizations had a women’s dept., women’s collective, women’s wing, etc. Interesting, neither group knew very much about the VAWA (Violence Against Women Act), what it does or the money and technical assistance it provides for community groups across the country to deal with violence against women and girls. Which also means they don’t educate their members or the communities where they are located on this important legislation either. At that time, the SCLC did have a women’s group that was a separate non-profit from the SCLC headed up by the wife of a famous civil rights leader, I think it was Baba Joseph Lowery’s wife.
I simply say all this to say that your points are dead on and I hope you keep saying these things; some people, some sisters are listening, believe it or not. Lastly, I’m somone who’s been doing violence against women organizing for “just a little while”, you may be surprised at how some of our sisters will not take up such issues ’cause they scared they won’t have a date on a Friday night, or worse still, they scared of being called a lesbian.
OH MY HOW FAR WE SLAVES HAVE COME.
@Sweetbabyface I no longer subscribe to or read MESSence after that article telling is to go to the strip club to find a black man was published. As Gina says: Stop Funding Foolishness!!
Thanks to everyone…
Goldenah – We don’t publish blog administration issues in the comment section
Lena – Your comments regarding LGBTs do not belong at this forum
Where is my violin, black men are consider a violent threat so they are more often oppressed! No Black women and children, more pseduo black feminist/womanist progranda!
Faith,
I was having a similar conversation with another blogger about the very same thing you wrote about. To obsfuscate the facts he implied that my argument relegated the depravity in the black community, specifically towrads black girls to genetics. The focus was again on black men… and not the fact that a black girl was raped by four black boys (that was the story that precipitatedthe argument).
That wasn’t my argument and I’m not sure how anyone could have gottent that impression. What I do know is that the numbers do not lie and that the terror level facing many black girls and women is at an imminent level. He could agree with that point, but still kept reverting back to his premise; that I thought that blacks were genetically pre-dispositioned to cannibalize black women and girls. That wasn’t my point at all. My argument pretty was to acknowledge that there is a problem to which I believe black men hold the solution. It’s going to take much more involvement from men on the “other side” that youu mentioned. Men who acknowledge that the failures of the black community to protect the most vulnerable and marginalized will only serve to our detriment.
From a social justice perspective, which I sincerely believe most black folks have lost sight of, we have to secure and guarantee rights to exist for the most vulnerable, the most margianlized FIRST. It’s completely bottom to top or nothing at all.
What’s so cool about your post is that it is so SPOT-ON! When the black community and its leaders REJECT the notion of depriving rights to all members of its community, regardless, of gender, orientation, or class, then we may see a rebirth. As it stands now, I remain hopeful, but I am still realistic.
@Marcus Cry me a river! If you are a man, a real man who is opposed to justice across the board then you will lead the charge for fighting against it and police the errant men who are causing nearly all of the damage.
@Fred & Sweetbabyface Your religious interpretations/practices are not the subject of this post. There will be NO misdirecting the conversation. Also what is always so conveniently ignored are biblical scripture pertaining to loving people and not judging others unless you are without sin. As for DL men they are DBRs which is why they are lying in the first place. They are still using gullible/no question asking black women for sex & whatever benefits they can get. It’s no different from the men sexing numerous women.
I think Marcus childs just proved the authors point.Many black men don’t recognize or care about the issues facing black women or even black children only their own interests.However,I find it quite odd that a person would come to a site called whataboutourdaughters and still be angry that the site is focusing on issues concerning black women and black girls.It’s almost as if he’s angry that women here are starting to put themselves first.Also i’d like to point out the fact that he said NO more children.He thinks black “MEN?” have it worse and are to be pitied and to be shown more concern than their own defenceless children.This is the second deadbeat parent statement i’ve heard from a black “man”this week.Only second to rapper Method man saying on the radio that Nas’ wife Kelis should’nt get as much money as she’s getting cause kids don’t need that much to survive.He also feels that the laws are made to favor women and proceeded to call Kelis everything but a child of God w/profanity.First,What type of parent seeks to give their child the bare minimum?I thought it was the job of the parents to not only help the kids to survive but to thrive and have a leg up in society as well.Also,I’d like to point out what’s MOST important in all this.EVERYBODY take a look at Marcus’ statement and that of Method man ,notice both these men believe and admit oppression by outside sources.Then notice who their hatred is being directed at.Black women and children.This happens alot when some black males feel they don’t have power in situations.Instead of directing hatred or taking any productive actions against the percieved oppressor they go after those who are weaker than they.They do this with a sense of being justified as they percieve the oppressor is using the weak to oppress them.Deadbeats really do hate their children.
Fdow, that is what i meant to say. Do not judge others if you are not doing the right thing yourself. SMH.
Truth,
A few years ago, in Essence Magazine, they ran a story on Sam Jackson and his beautiful wife Latonya. She was saying that Sam was introducing her to some guy on the red carpet. He used the phrase (paraphrasing here) This is my beautiful wife Latonya. The red carpet person responded “Who her?” He was incredulous that Sam referred to her as beautiful. I don’t know why that little story has always stuck with me. But for some reason I could feel her pain.
BM and sometimes others don’t recognize our beauty. There are times we don’t even see our own beauty. How about we truly stop allowing others to dictate what is beautiful to us and embracing what is naturally ours.
How about this next generation of girls will not be told she is too dark, her hair is to nappy, her body type is unacceptable and her intellect is less than. Maybe then if we did there would not be another woman like Latonya to feel less than.
@truthprevails That is why I allowed the comment from Marcus through. This is a prime example of a DBR black male.
@fred I deleted your comment because yet again you are making excuses and misdirecting to conversation. You said: “By that standard, aren’t you being judgmental and unloving by criticizing abusive Black men? After all, none of the posters on WAOD are without sin and thus can’t judge these men’s actions as wrong ”
My reply: That is the biggest crock of bull I have heard today with the exception of the Marcus comment. Evaluating dysfunctional and violent behavior has NOTHING to do with your opinions about what you interpret as your religious practice. You have NOT offered ANY SOLUTIONS for resolving the continued abuse of black women and girls. Until you do go back to being a silent observer. You are taking up far too much time on this board trying to misdirect the conversation about your views on homosexuality -which is NOT the purpose of this post. You only prove my point about how certain black people want to fixate on the thrill of trashing and bashing others instead of fighting for justice across the board.
In hearing Marcus’s commentary, I am reminded of “Night of the Living Dead.” Countless minions of zombie like Black folks aimlessly lurching about murmuring the same “racist victimization” chants and utterances while slimy gruel oozes from their mouths. And they attack the living – anyone and anything that does not go along with the same mindless rantings.
Ladies,
Please take note of the above exchange between Faith and this site’s resident BM religious fundamentalist. It points out several things we all need to keep in mind:
Even though they at times say things that sound supportive on the surface, Black religious fundamentalists (of either gender) are generally NOT the champions or protectors of BW and children. They’re only using lip service support of BW and children as cover for their real agenda: marketing their religious ideology, and verbally bashing gays.
Note that Fred apparently equates the discussion of BM atrocities committed against BW and children such as Dunbar Village, Hovey Street murders, and the never-ending list of BW murdered by BM such as Nailah Franklin, Asia McGowan, etc. with his preoccupation with verbally bashing gays.
The fact that he consistently tries to turn most conversations toward verbally bashing gays lets you know that this is what he’s really interested in. Any comments that seem critical of the tidal wave of violence committed by heterosexual BM against BW and children are just the “entrance fee” to get to what he really wants to talk about: bashing gays.
When Black gays and lesbians start killing BW and children in the numbers currently racked up by HETEROSEXUAL BM, then I’ll be interested in turning my attention to discussing whatever’s wrong with Black gays and lesbians. And I’m sure that they have their own internal problems, just like the rest of humanity. However, focusing on that is not my priority. My priority is getting BW and children away from environments where they are being killed.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
@Al You provided my first big laugh for the day. You get a gold star!!
@Khadija: THANK YOU! Loving the clarity you just provided.
@fdow
I volunteer at a Crisis Pregnancy Center, which offers aid to unwed mothers, usually young and Black. It’s part of a nationwide network called Carenet:
http://www.care-net.org/
Last week, I got a call from an unwed mother trying to find shelter after fleeing from her dangerous inner city apartment. So, I tracked down some housing for her, thereby freeing another Black woman for the inner city hell you describe above.
Another week, one of the volunteers counseled a pregnant woman who was being pressured to have an abortion by a boyfriend. The volunteer encouraged the woman that it was HER choice, not the boyfriend’s. Thus, the volunteer empowered the woman to stand up to a boyfriend trying not to be a real man.
And there are plenty of weeks when all of us at the center provide baby clothes, diapers, bottles, etc. to unwed mothers, who lack the funds to care for their babies. This reminds the mothers that they do have real support in this world.
The only reason I didn’t bring it up my volunteer work because it’s not my place to boast. Helping out those in need is enough reward.
However, I do bring it up now to show that we can do more than just point fingers or wallow in despair.
Take care.
Faith,
You’re welcome! And THANK YOU for not entertaining bigotry against gays and lesbians. I’m a straight woman, and I’M sick of hearing that drivel.
We need to understand that the various types of Taliban are NEVER friends or protectors for women and girls. Not the Muslim Taliban. Not the Christian Taliban. Not the Black Hebrew Israelite Taliban. They might make limited, tactical statements that look like support on the surface. But it NEVER lasts, and there’s an ulterior motive behind it.
In the end, “Taliban” ALWAYS turn on women and children.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
@Fdow
by censoring and omitting my comments, you’re giving the (wrong) impression that I made obscene, nasty,or mean-spirited comments about LGBTs.
I did not. No slurs or name-calling was used, no words to denigrate. I just voiced my opinion on your post and on your take as to Black women accepting an LGBT lifestyle. You posted about why you thought some Blacks were opposed to gay marriage, and I gave you my reasons as to why I am opposed.
Why is that necessary for censorship? It’s very sad that you can’t accept opinions that don’t match or agree with your own. Maybe my opinions hit to close to home for you?
I’ve been making comments at WAOD for a very long time now, and you are the first to ever censor/delete a comment. WAOD is KNOWN for making controversial statements – most definitely about Black men, some Black women, and the Black community in general. But because I have a differing opinion on LGBTs I get censored? This from the blog (and you) that routinely makes extremely controversial and blanket statements about Black men, and, at times, even Black women as well?
Where is Gina at?? Please come off of your blog-cation. At least with you, offering differing points of views, even if considered controversial by some, we weren’t censored. That’s what DISCUSSION is about.
@fred Your volunteer work still doesn’t absolve you from your bigotry.
@lena You can complain all you want but you were still engaging in bigotry. You were warned about not complaining about blog administration choices. WOAD is known for supporting the uplift of black women and girls NOT for engaging in bigotry. So do not TRY to brush your prejudices under the rug and tie it into that. There are black LBGTs that need protecting as well. When you engage in hypocrisy you WILL be called out on it. You really come across as a weak, hypocritical whiner.
To all readers: I warned you in a previous post that I would be talking about LGBTs (and blacks continued blindness in fighting for justice across the board) and to refrain from expressing your “religiosity” as an excuse to bash them.
So if you choose to not listen after I’ve warned you I am under NO OBLIGATION to publish your comments.
@fdow
Bigotry! Oh please! Come off it! You can cast every Black man as some sort of demon, but I can’t express an opinion about LGBTs. Get over yourself!
I’ll rejoin WAOD once intelligence returns – it obviously left with your entry!
@lena Like I said…hypocritical whiner. Please do us all a favor and go sit in the corner since you are operating at a 3rd grade level when it comes to discourse. I’d challenge anyone to to actually prove I’ve ever applied any post topics discussing DBR behavior to ALL black men. Nice try at misdirecting the conversation from uplifting black women and girls though – AGAIN!
Oh heck its a barrage of the dreaded exclamation point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess that means folks are really angry with each other. I’m staying on blogcation, but I’m sending over my next door neighbor to close the door on this comment thread. Move along. Nothing else to see here.
All the best,
The Benevolent Dictatrix