Posted by Faith of Acts Of Faith In Love and Life blog
Cinderella may be a faerie tale but these stories provide great teachable moments. Looking at it from a “woman is being put on a pedestal and being oppressed” angle that certain white feminists have assigned it certainly makes stories like this, Snow White, et al seem horrible. I remember thinking that we women were indoctrinated with a need to be rescued because of this.
As an African-American woman who’s witnessing the all-out war on my sisters I’ve revisited these tales and realize they are in fact guides for how we should be treated and how to get the best lives possible. How so you may wonder? In these books the woman is cast as a heroine and desirable. She’s the leading lady, not the side kick. Not the jump-off. She’s the future wife and is rescued from whatever obstacle that has been blocking that.
Where some see oppression in the man “saving” her I see a man understanding his role and stepping up. He didn’t leave the woman to her own devices to fix everything by herself. He didn’t see her need and say it was too dangerous could somebody else do it? The man sees a woman in distress and resolves the problem - to her advantage! He offers to love and protect her. It could be anyone who fulfills that role. The key here is in our plucky heroine: she has to let the man (or significant other) rescue her. She accepts his help. Where’s the weakness in that?
I’m thinking Cinderella is in fact a secret stealth training manual showing women how to get your “fantasy” life become your REAL life. It’s for women who are unappreciated, unloved, used like a mule for all of her resources and cast out when she will no longer play ball. This describes the state of the average AA woman to a tee, doesn’t it?
Now is about the time the usual protests and denials will kick in so let’s revisit some familiar phrases many of us have heard growing up with a specific mentality in the “black community”
- Help a brotha out
- I need a place to stay
- I’m in between jobs
- I’m hungry
- I need help
- You’re being selfish
- You have to help your family
- You think you’re too good
- You’re ugly
- Don’t go to school
- You have no credibility
- The white man keeps me down w/x,y,z that’s why I don’t x,y,z
- I want a wife who brings in some money
- You’re supposed to clean, take care of the baby & cater to me
- Why do you want to hang out with your friends?
- Are you cheating on me – then prove it by x,y,z
- If you really loved me you’d do x,y,z,
- I’m clean baby I swear, we don’t need to use a condom
- If you get pregnant I’ll be there for you
- I’m seeing somebody else but…,
- I’m a man I need to do x,y,z,
- No dark butts
- It’s not my fault I sell drugs/went to prison
- I like light skin/light skin is so pretty
The word “cinderella” has, by analogy, come to mean one whose attributes are unrecognised, or one who unexpectedly achieves recognition or success after a period of obscurity and neglect. Wikipedia
I think we can revisit this story and reevaluate it for the subversive message it really tells. Black females are literally cinder girls. The next step is to get out of the pit.
36 comments ↓
BRILLIANT!!! I love this and you need to run with this and turn this into a book. If you can’t a get a deal, I’ll bankroll it. I love this.
I guess I have problems with this post. The only person that can save you is yourself. The sooner you know this the better off you’ll be.
What if the prince hadn’t found Cinderella? Our girl is back to scrubbing floors and being a maid for her family. But what if Cinderella ran away, took her skills and started a business, and THEN met the prince as a business woman not some weak woman who needed to be saved. So, whether or not she fit that shoe, she’s good no matter what.
But yes, I get the part where black women should be demanding that their men treat them like a princess. That black men SHOULD chase them, offer to pay for dates, give them back rubs and sometimes help them out financially. I mean sistas do this already for brothas and get NOTHING in return usually. So, to demand equal treatment, black women will attack this post. Especially, since I added the financial component. Let’s face it, I’ve seen too many of my black girlfriends take out loans for brothas and most black men don’t give black women a dime and 2 tired azz pennies.
wow, this is a powerful interpretation. And yours isa perfect example of how Africana Womanism and Feminism – though related, are indeed different.
Great post!
Great post Faith. Remember I told you (your readers) about “Princess Sapphire” Gina?. Same concept. Many of us have real life Cinderella stories and don’t even realize it.
Bravo! This analysis is as solid as it is profound.
YIKES!!! @ vvvvvvvvv
Help a brotha out
I need a place to stay
I’m in between jobs
I’m hungry
I need help
You’re being selfish
You have to help your family
You think you’re too good
You’re ugly
Don’t go to school
You have no credibility
The white man keeps me down w/x,y,z that’s why I don’t x,y,z
I want a wife who brings in some money
You’re supposed to clean, take care of the baby & cater to me
Why do you want to hang out with your friends?
Are you cheating on me – then prove it by x,y,z
If you really loved me you’d do x,y,z,
I’m clean baby I swear, we don’t need to use a condom
If you get pregnant I’ll be there for you
I’m seeing somebody else but…,
I’m a man I need to do x,y,z,
No dark butts
It’s not my fault I sell drugs/went to prison
I like light skin/light skin is so pretty
Good thing none of the Black dudes I’ve known since I was about 16 (I’m 30 now) say or think any of this stuff.
Note to those who didn’t read for comprehension… she said Cinderalla could SAVE HERSELF. The point isn’t being saved by the Prince, its being saved. period.
I am not about to pretend for one second that I don’t want companionship in life so all you “I don’t need a man for nothin’” folks.. more power. Of course you don’t NEED a man, but there is nothing wrong with wanting one either!
There’s nothing disempowering about desiring companionship. Losing oneself in search thereof and/or choosing unwisely, however, is the problem.
@Gem2001 Be careful when you wield the word comprehension lest someone think you’re calling them names!
Yeah..Cinderella ALWAYS had the capability of walking away and saving herself. She had to go through that journey to re-order her mind so she could realize that.
Great new essay Faith!
The only thing I would add is a good man who cares for a woman doesn’t have to be forced to behave appropriately. He already knows the social graces and appropriate gender roles because this behavior was modeled for him. And what a man possibly didn’t receive growing up can be learned if the interest is there.
Men who are attracted to you and interested in developing a real relationship do the pursing, pay for dates, and try to lesson any burden you’re experiencing.
And they do this without cajoling, nagging, threats, etc… They do it because they WANT to.
Making you happy makes them happy.
To the right man, a woman’s happiness is paramount.
It seems sometimes like everyone but BW realize that in 2009 black men and black women don’t own each other.
IMO for best results, BW should be viewing “their men” specifically as only those men who’ve shown them that they care and can be depended on.
And these men can belong to any “race”/ethnicity/nationality.
Because with a 70% single rate, and an OOW birthrate over 70%, and 2 out of 3 black marriages ending in divorce, how can BW logically consider BM theirs?
When they’re not there the majority of time?
Gender role swapping (which is apparently running rampant in an alarming number of modern black relationships) also is a guaranteed way NOT to achieve the desired result.
A happy mutually satisfying relationship leading to a successful marriage where children can be successfully raised.
If BW simply allowed themselves to be pursued by interested, non color struck, family oriented men with high earning potential (if this is important to you), regardless of “race”, they wouldn’t deem it necessary to constantly do for folks who have no intention of doing right by them in return.
There are non African-American women of African descent who are not in the dire straits that many AA BW are in.
African-American black women who are having difficulty when it comes to relationships need to carefully observe what these non AA BW, Asian, White, Hispanic, Indian, you fill in the blank, women are doing right and copy that.
Again, men can’t be made to do anything they’re not interested in doing.
The key is finding the right TYPE of man regardless of “race”. With the right personality characteristics that are hospitable to a long term relationship.
“And they do this without cajoling, nagging, threats, etc… They do it because they WANT to.”
I should have added without BRIBING. That’s a SERIOUS no no. It looks desperate and sets one up to be used.
Miss Thang said:
” I mean sistas do this already for brothas and get NOTHING in return usually. So, to demand equal treatment, black women will attack this post. Especially, since I added the financial component. Let’s face it, I’ve seen too many of my black girlfriends take out loans for brothas and most black men don’t give black women a dime and 2 tired azz pennies.”
If this behavior isn’t a desperate attempt to bring about a desired effect by bribing I don’t know what is.
And as Miss Thang correctly noted, these black women receive nothing for their effort.
It’s a loosing proposition.
I’m looking forward to seeing what messages come out of Disney’s “Frog Princess” movie. It could be very helpful in increasing the perception of self-worth for our girls.
I agree with whoever said Cinderella was waiting for a man to save her. If she didn’t have a fairy god mother she would still be scrubbing floors and singing to rodents. Cinderella is not a good role model. She is a pretty girl that in the end got by on her looks and magic. In the end all you need to be is pretty and here comes Prince Charming.
Hi Faith-
This is a great post per usual. I think black women for so long had others indoctrinate them with the you are a strong black woman – you can do it all type sayings that they have fallen for it and do not realize that they CAN’T do it all.
What we can do is start working on being more feminine. We can smile more. We can put ourselves in safe places. We can admit vulnerability. We can have standards and STILL say that we want a partner – the two ideologies DO belong together. LOL. We can get up on our two feet and start treating ourselves well. This may mean doing a few things differently like crying when you need to instead of mean mugging, taking time to make sure you look nice & not merely good enough, leaving family and friends alone who try to pull you into constant misery, remembering that you are beautiful and acting as such, watching your mouth – not being crass, not dealing with the abc crew etc.,etc. It may mean letting men of any race who is interested in you – let them approach you, appreciate you, try to court you – making sure of course that they treat you well and meet your standards. To the ladies who say nothing but a bm will do – ok, but if you let them (bm) know that the door is OPEN even if it is just a little bit and there is possible competition perhaps whoever the bm you are interested in will make a move and be a man about it. Remember ladies to vet, vet, & vet some more despite race or culture!! Heck, this is about your LIFE. It may mean treating yourself like the high commodity woman that you are. Lord knows that as a group we are not accustomed to doing that.
Of course, you could live a wonderful life yourself but I plan on having a wonderful male companion by my side. I am all team Gina on that one. I am preparing myself to throw that door WIDE open. The more potential partner candidates the merrier. .. for me. LOL
Love the post. It hits home.
I’m going to update my daughter on THIS version of Cinderella! Excellent analysis. Thank you.
Only those women willing to expect being treated well will seek out people that do.
THAT’S THE TICKET Nikita.
Everything you’ve said is on point!
Great Commentary. I loved it.
Love this. Nothing else to add except I needed this today. Thank you.
Black women in general make a LOT of bad choices, and actually help perpetuate the problems they then turn around and complain about.
They pick losers(at least the majority), and wonder why they get beat, played, or expected to support their “man”.
Respect is NEVER given, you don’t deserve it just by existing. Respect is DEMANDED by those that EARN it.
I guess I need to go back and read the Cinderella story!
You gave a great, courageous analysis and re-interpretation. Thanks! 
@Fallon Of course a lot of black women make poor choices. When you’re a young girl who’s been abandoned by your father, left to fend for yourself, told you’re worthless and have this constant barrage of the black boys & men who cause you untold grief but are always being touted as the only “victims” of white oppression what do you expect?
I do not agree with your previous post on diassociating ourselves with the poor blacks and the underprivileged blacks fdow. I believe that there can be something done whether it be grassroots or blogging. I believe that you can make a difference with just one person. Don’t give up just because you don’t see it erupting into mainstream society. Things take time. I believe that it is arrogant to act like you are better than anybody else regardless of class or race or anything. It just is.
I feel for anyone who was abandoned by their father and who has no idea what it feels like to be loved by a man.
I grew up with both my biological parents who are still married to one another. Because of that role model, I was able to choose a good husband who is black.
Hopefully women who were abused in some way will break loose and see that there is another way.
@Sweetbabyface What post are you referring to? I’d like to see this post where I said we are to disassociate with blacks based on class because I know for a fact that I have never said that. I discuss behaviors, which run across all strata of class. It is rather ignorant of you to be intentionally misleading but that is what trolls do best.
Damn, this was a powerful, well-articulated analysis of Black Women and just how phenominal we truly are.
I especially liked the part where if a brotha is helping a sista out, it is because he is sensitive and man enough to step up to his role in the whole relationship.
If you have been raised by a single parent as I was, a sista gets taught EARLY not to rely on a man – and while that is a good survival strategy, it can be erroneous because it teaches us to assume that we don’t need a man; therefore, we shouldn’t want a man, because we can do it ourselves.
And we wonder why the fabric of Black families are being shredded on a daily basis.
Good article!
Faith, you are correct. Too many AA women don’t think they’re worthy of love. Too many of us walk around with our dukes up, because we’re so used to people hitting or shaming us. Because of this so many men see us an unapproachable or unattractive when in reality so many of us are just scared.
I didn’t specify a race or ethnicity to the “Prince”. It needs to be someone who meets the needs of Cinderella and that is wholly dependent on BEHAVIOR & ACTIONS. As I also stated Cinderella is entirely capable of saving herself but chooses companionship because it leads to a more fulfilling life overall. Also the “Prince” could also be another “Princess” – it all depends on what each particular Cinderella needs….
Fdow. I am not a troll. Just because i disagree with something that i thought that you said(maybe I misconceived what you said). If you are talking behavoir wise-yeah, stupidity does exist in every class. Maybe it was because there were comments being made, comparing the way middle through upperclass whites supposedly disassociate themselves with poor whites.
…Black women are under no obligation to “Save alla ow peeple” …Do not be guilted or ‘double-talked’ into placing ourselves in harms way…
I understand your point. But in most tellings of Cinderella, her agency and power to choose are never emphasized, so she is typically the pretty girl waiting for something to happen to save her from her hellish life.
Unless, someone re-writes the tale to bring focus to Cinderella’s true story – the majority of girls will see this message – “one day my prince will come.”
I think that’s a message that a LOT of people have already bought hook line and sinker.
As a couple of commenters have noted there are women who withstand a whole lot of mistreatment and abuse while waiting, waiting for their prince to come or for their toads to transform into sed princes.
Kjen If you understand the point then you’d understand the reinterpretation. Why try to tear down the efforts at uplifting women?
The prince will be easier to find when bw ignore the nonsense that many bm have dished out. She may not have to do anything but change her location if she already has some common sense. If not she will need to assess where she is and change her mindset along with possibly her location. A genuine smile always helps. She is not sitting passively but she is not playing Tarzan either being on the hunt and trying to force a man to do right. A good man will know a jewel when he sees her and do whatever it takes to get her attention. This post tells bw what NOT to fall for. RUN LIKE BATS FROM HELL away from that nonsensical list of drivel and live your life to the full.
Instead of nitpicking the message take the positives from it. I think too many of the ladies finding fault with the message seem to forget that a lot of white women aren’t trying to be miss independent either. A lot of the so called Strength White women claim to admire about us is just a them asserting their alleged superiority(read femininity) over us. Hence the charge about us being masculine. It seems some people have forgotten that white feminists were more concerned with their own self-interests than ours!
A lot of so called white feminists are about maintaining their social priviledge while lambasting their so called oppression(read pedestal)!
@fdow
Tearing them down? I don’t really follow.
Take the positives from this message – Ultimately my point is that taking tired old stereotypes and dusting them off and attempting to reclaim them by projecting modern ideals is problematic.
The post had some interesting points about the need for self-worth, but boy did she have to S-T-R-E-T-C-H to make them.
I hear the same stretching when people describe Beyonce as a progressive feminist icon, Mammy as a multidimensional master-servant and don’t get me started on how the word ‘Bitch’ is suppose to empower me.
Everyone has ideals and values and it helps to see them played out in stories. But, you seriously couldn’t find a better model for your speech about strength and self-worth than a girl who was forced to live in the basement of her own house and only marriage to a rich man was how she truly got a voice to speak up for herself to her step mother?!?
I’m just saying, aren’t we past the stage where we make feast out of our masters’ scraps?