Entries from July 2009 ↓

Posted by Faith of Acts of Faith In Love & Life blog

North Carolina residents have been concerned about the whereabouts of some of the women in their area. Instead of talking about it but doing nothing or waiting for someone else to take the lead they did. They purchased billboard ads along the interstate and started an initiative called MOMS (Missing or Murdered Sisters). I think this is a brilliant idea and about time! It indicates to the criminals that their activity is being monitored. It lets law enforcement know accountability is expected in investigating what has happened to these women. It encourages residents to know that black women (and girls) are still VALUED. This needs to be a national campaign and in every town or city across the country. 

The billboard changes profiles every 8 seconds. The people that bought the ad space received a discount from the advertiser but will need donations to continue running them. You can donate to the Edgecombe County, North Carolina group by taking a check payable to “MOMS” to any Wachovia bank branch. The local branch number is 252-937-2854. I’m sure they will also accept a wire transfer or other transactions as well.

You can read more at Essential Presence blog.

Posted by Faith of Acts of Faith In Love and Life blog.

There will be no plea deal for Dunbar Village assault defendant Tommy Lee Poindexter, a judge ruled Wednesday.

Public Defender Carey Haughwout asked Circuit Judge Krista Marx to force the state to make good on a plea offer of 25 years, extended in December with the proviso that Poindexter provide a truthful statement about the June 2007 armed gang rape on a mother and her son, 12. Poindexter, 20, also gave authorities information about three homicides. Sun Sentinel

Don’t let a slight build  - or relative youth fool you. There are killers, rapists and other deviants walking amongst us in broad daylight. There are six more suspects that have yet to be apprehended. They look just like you, me, the next door neighbor or the kids down the street. It’s time to get real, be prepared and leave these unsafe residential areas. Your life depends on it!

Posted by Faith of Acts of Faith In Love and Life blog

I know this post is sure to kick up the Black Male Protection/Denial of Any Pathology Reflex in many people. So my advice is to take a Valium and go sit in the corner. The reason why all of this accountability talk is so threatening is because no one has been held accountable. Generations are simply repeating what their elders did – or worse going backwards. Although there were significant social gains reaped in the ’60’s it has all but been completely squandered. 

Of course there’s another component to this argument that is also rarely discussed. We are of course referring to HETERO black males in these narratives. The same DBR behaviors exhibited by some men and used against black women will also be expressed toward others based on their orientation or gender identity. Also some of the women clinging to their church totems, who may be never-married single mothers and are in misery sometimes focus too much on what some “phantom” gay person is doing because it provides a (temporary) release for them. Many of these blacks who are opposed to gay marriage for “religious” reasons don’t even get married themselves! Not with a 30% marriage rate amongst blacks, an 80% OOW birth rate, a 70% unmarried status for black women and an HIV rate that’s the number #1 killer of black women 25-34. 

I realize more and more men (who are thought to be educated “good” guys) belong on the other side of that DBR/No Value to black women line. How are we supposed to distinguish who’s safe and who’s wearing a mask in disguise? Is it based on musical tastes or income to debt ratio or religious practice? Surprisingly it doesn’t take much to get them to reveal themselves but clearly they feel they can move without impunity. We can use that to our advantage on one hand but what of those that still consider themselves “decent”? No one ever admits to engaging in damaged beyond recognition behaviors! Others silently support them because they still get to benefit from it indirectly. Those who push a limited view of blackness (i.e. anti-intellectualism or gross materialism) also continue to be a disservice. We can’t let ourselves get tripped up in the process.

When we discuss divesting and leaving this mentality behind what will it be replaced with? We need to be thinking about that. Of course leaving the unsafe physical areas and modifying certain situations immediately is key here. We see there is no mass push at defending black girls and women. Any mention of this is met with complete silence. The latest reinforcement of this indoctrination is in the typical reaction from many blacks in defending the actions of Skippy Gates against the police. Even the President supported him. With each reveal it becomes clear Gates was acting in his own self-interest and largely caused this problem for himself. Yet some men act as if it was a violation that had happened to them personally but they don’t apply that same reasoning when it comes to valuing the treatment of black women.

The “black community” indoctrination of dysfunction is so insidious, so pervasive I want to wash my hands of many people completely just to keep some order. In the meantime black girls are still being attacked and are defenseless against the onslaught of criminal activity and apathy. Thanks to the glorification of that lifestyle blacks don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to complaining about police malfeasance but they don’t get that.

Oh – and white people do not care to hear any more complaining about racism because there’s a black man in the White House. So the majority of blacks are shooting themselves in the foot by not addressing these internal pathologies and consequences. The symbolic payoff of having that “black” President comes attached with many strings. Sadly I don’t think the correct analysis or change in behavior is coming.

What is somewhat surprising to me is the intelligentsia and elite classes seem to be just as clueless. Aren’t they supposed to be “better, harder, faster, stronger” and know more than the rest of us? When I was willing to discuss DBR behavior in black men I got a lot of grief. When I sought to bring it full circle by addressing the choices some black women are making I got grief. I can’t win for trying. If people have their heads stuck in the sand, what type of generational, mental, financial or quality of life growth can reasonably be expected?

The misogyny and homophobia prevalent in the black community has me on pause. It’s not that other groups don’t have similar issues but they also have safeguards in place to ensure their growth and/or continued domination. Blacks collectively have nothing in place but discussing the evils of white racism as it pertains to black males.

The lack of racial and ethnic pride amongst many African-Americans has led to all sorts of behaviors that work against the interest of the collective. If people are not fighting discrimination across the board then blacks will not progress any more than where things stand now. 

Posted by Faith of Acts of Faith In Love and Life blog

The interesting part of life is that it is not the set of circumstances that you are given that matters, but your response to them. Give the same pressures and same type of opportunities to ten people and you will get ten different reactions. The pressures and opportunities may be identical, but the responses will differ, and in that sense, by living life, you learn quite a bit about yourself. —Susan Miller

Yeah I’m tired of Skippy by now but this police dust-up/rallying cry for the “plight of the black man” has been so revealing on so many levels. Soon he may wish he’d just kept his mouth shut.  Gina reminded me of Skippy’s support of 2 Live Crew during their obscenity trial. I know viewing it from a distance without any analysis it may have appealed to the typical African-American emotional reaction of the “white man trying to take the black man down” but it was in fact one of the last ditch efforts at policing aberrent behavior.  

If you recall that trial was in 1990 and it was before the onslaught of the filth to come via the gangsta rap and other perverted music with their accompanying videos that would then be played during the day when kids could watch them instead of being listed as adult content and relegated to midnight airings as they had been. It would have affected retailers being able to sell their music and would have given all record labels pause about what type of music acts they would be able to sign. I am also reminded of the fight C. Delores Tucker put up to stem the tide even while she was vilified. 

I find it very telling that the RIAA, the same one that cries foul of the “illegal downloaders” actually DEFENDED them and filed a Friend of Court Brief on their behalf. This LA Times article states it was the argument between ANYTHING GOES vs. ENOUGH ALREADY. The group was acquitted but the jury’s contention was their lyrics were akin to parody because that was how black people communicated. There was this rush to defend this group or dismiss their lyrics  as part of the larger “black culture” of the “black community”. The argument they are quintessentially black, that black women exist solely to satisfy violent sexual desires or that their lyrics are funny is part of the reason why African-Americans have lost their moral compass and will form a permanent underclass in this country.

If some still question how young boys aged 14 and under could be socialized to become rapists (like the ones in Arizona) if they hadn’t had any previous mental defects then here’s your answer. Yes media does ABSOLUTELY have an affect on the minds of people, particularly CHILDREN who have fewer filters in place. If you’ve parked your child in front of the tv as a babysitter and offer NOTHING to counterbalance the negative images consumed you are training your children to adopt a depravity mindset. Especially when that child is parked in front of the likes of BET.  

MISOGYNY is defined as: HATRED OF WOMEN AND GIRLS. No ifs, ands or buts. When I stated in an earlier post about DBR (damaged beyond recognition) behaviors prevalent in a majority population of African-American males (and many females) and how they hate AA women I got a LOT of denials. Misogyny is directed at women as a collective group. Of course there are nuances where a man might hate women of one group but be able to fawn over women of an entirely different group. Or parse it to like some while still despising others. Other variants include the Madonna/Whore complex. Honor killings, rape, violence and skin shade racism fall under this.

In the Legal Response to Violence Against Women Karen J. Maschke contends “many do not bust out laughing” like Gates does while listening to 2 Live Crew and she details specific lyrics.  I decided against displaying the lyrics here because they’re NSFW and also they’re disgusting. We have to be careful about immersing ourselves in filth when analyzing it.  You might like to review the court transcripts along with this essay.

So in his defense of this (what used to be thought of as) explicit rap group, Skippy is saying ALL black men naturally HATE women. Now if we look at the actions from the general population of black men, especially African-American men from the past 45 years what has emerged is the trend of their abandonment and abuse of BLACK WOMEN. If someone can point to another ENTIRE GROUP OF WOMEN this would apply to feel free to keep looking and I’ll wait for you to fall off the Earth since it’s flat. Anyone who wishes to dispute this can do so at their own forum because there will be NO misdirection of this point. Now whether an individual male DECIDES to recognize it and redirect it or squash it is up to that man, but Gates wasn’t offering that caveat. He was using it as an excuse to EXPLAIN AWAY THEIR DEPRAVITY. 

Now to be certain there are plenty of women-hating men in the world but again we come to discuss survival and domination tactics. No group can survive without women. So it comes down to other men to police the behavior of the men in their group to maintain a workable model. There is NO such policing going on in the “black community”. Not when you have the “premier” African-American scholar who’s a refugee from his blackness, reveling in his 56% European heritage, married to an average white woman and crying victim when hitting the third rail of white male authority saying it’s okay that these men embody every racial stereotype ever visited upon black men because it’s in their nature to be that way.

I found this great essay by Kimberlie Crenshaw (whom I’d like to see nominated for the Supreme Court before Obama leaves office) discussing this case. I don’t agree with everything she has to say – namely the knee-jerk inclination for black women to defend black men who are working AGAINST them – but this was written more than a decade ago. Like many of us who’ve seen the aftermath of the depravity women must resist the urge to think of themselves by race first and gender second in these situations. It should be every woman for herself. Yes, in a very selfish looking out for one’s own interests FIRST way. The antithesis of what most black women do NOW where they GIVE IT ALL AWAY FOR FREE AND GET NOTHING IN RETURN. Or worse are left to fend for themselves when THEY need help. 

Thus, Gates concludes, 2 Live Crew and other rap groups are simply pushing white society’s buttons to ridicule its dominant sexual images. I am deeply skeptical about the claim that the Crew was engaged–either in intent or effect–in pursuing a postmodern guerilla war against racist stereotypes. Gates argues that when one listens to 2 Live Crew the ridiculous stories and the hyperbole make the listener “bust out laughing.”

Apparently the fact that Gates and many other people react with laughter confirms and satisfies the Crew’s objective of ridiculing the stereotypes. But the fact that the Crew are often successful in prompting laughter neither substantiates Gates’s reading nor forecloses serious critique of its subordinating dimensions. Gates’ use of laughter as a defensive maneuver in the attack on 2 Live Crew recalls similar strategies in defense of racist humor. Racist humor has sometimes been defended as an effort to poke fun at, or to ridicule racism. More simply, racist humor has often been excused as just joking; even racially motivated assaults are often defended as simple pranks. While it may be true that the Black community is more familiar with the cultural forms that have evolved into rap, that familiarity should not end the discussion of whether the misogyny within rap is acceptable. Moreover, we need to consider the possible relationships between sexism within our cultural practices and the problem of violence against women.

Violence against women of color is not presented as a critical issue in either the anti-racist or anti-violence discourses. The “different culture” defense may contribute to the disregard for women of color victimized by rape and violence, reinforcing the tendency within the broader community not to take intra-racial violence seriously. We must determine whether the practices and forms of expression are consistent with our fundamental interests. Although collective opposition to racist practice has been and continues to be crucially important in protecting Black interests, an empowered Black feminist sensibility would require that the terms of unity no longer reflect priorities premised upon the continued subordination of Black women.

Since I know so many take issue with a black woman criticizing a black man (hello Miss Ogyny again) I’ll add some criticism from other black men. Scholar Martin Kilson refers to Gates as the master of the “Black put-down”. Indeed. You are also free to research cultural critic Harold Cruse. During the trial Gates referred to 2 Live Crew as “astonishing and refreshing” and compared their works to that of Shakespeare, Ella Fitzgerald or James Joyce. They were not pushing the envelope of social discourse like Lenny Bruce or George Carlin. They were out to make money by denigrating black women.  

In Master of the Dodge: A Reply to Henry Louis Gates, Martin Kilson critiques an earlier Gates’ project but it seems his warning could apply to anything by which Gates endeavors or even perhaps to the man himself.

So I try to advise my progressive Black intellectual peers especially to be wary of “King Gates” strategic offerings – his fish-hooks, if at all possible. And I’d like to address this especially to the up-coming younger generation of African- American intellectuals and scholars, particularly those who seek to fashion a progressive outlook for themselves. Finally, we progressive Black intellectuals especially do indeed have to perform the scrutinizing task in regard to establishmentarian and/or conservative Black intellectuals like Henry Gates, because no one else will. Above all, we progressive Black intellectuals still have a serious Black people agenda to attend to. Namely: Protecting, advancing, and redeeming Black folks’ honor, both here in the United States and elsewhere in the globe.

Cross-Posted by Faith at Acts of Faith In Love and Life blog

Yeah so the Prez called the cops that arrested his friend Skip Gates “stupid” and talked the talk about how race relations are still not where they need to be. Some of you who watched Black In America 2 actually enjoyed it. Of course you had to ignore the fact they showed all lighter shade of pale blacks who had lots and lots of money OR the hoodrats we all think we’re so far removed from, but that’s what magical thinking is for. The “Middle Class” was ignored for a reason. Either you’re going to step it up or you’re going to slide to the bottom – so consider that a warning. 

No, back in the real world the victims are not Harvard scholars who wanted to play the dozens with the police for asking him for proof of identity. The real victims are like Harvard student Chanequa Campbell the esteemed Dr. Gates completely ignored as she was being railroaded by the school and completely hung out to dry by other blacks. 

Of course we hear the message loud and clear in the “black community” that the only victims of oppression are black men and the only oppressors are whites. So when I saw this story at CNN about an 8 year old Liberian female whose family immigrated here being gang-raped by four boys I couldn’t even feel “outrage”. The further insult to her numerous injuries and damage is that her parents were thought to be a danger to her because Child Protective Services had to remove her from their home. 

Will the President speak on her behalf?

Will we?

Posted by Faith of Acts Of Faith In Love and Life blog

Cinderella may be a faerie tale but these stories provide great teachable moments. Looking at it from a “woman is being put on a pedestal and being oppressed” angle that certain white feminists have assigned it certainly makes stories like this, Snow White, et al seem horrible. I remember thinking that we women were indoctrinated with a need to be rescued because of this.

As an African-American woman who’s witnessing the all-out war on my sisters I’ve revisited these tales and realize they are in fact guides for how we should be treated and how to get the best lives possible. How so you may wonder? In these books the woman is cast as a heroine and desirable. She’s the leading lady, not the side kick. Not the jump-off. She’s the future wife and is rescued from whatever obstacle that has been blocking that.

Where some see oppression in the man “saving” her I see a man understanding his role and stepping up. He didn’t leave the woman to her own devices to fix everything by herself. He didn’t see her need and say it was too dangerous could somebody else do it? The man sees a woman in distress and resolves the problem  - to her advantage! He offers to love and protect her. It could be anyone who fulfills that role. The key here is in our plucky heroine: she has to let the man (or significant other) rescue her. She accepts his help. Where’s the weakness in that? 

Posted by Faith of Acts Of Faith In Love & Life blog

Welcome back WAOD readers. I trust your weekend was great and you’ve had some time to digest the very intensive essays from our first week together. It’s a process that should be revisited.  

*************

Note I said BEST life. Not diminished, compromised, less-than, most convenient for others, or lower quality.

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised by the confused or hostile reactions expressed by those who’ve read my recent posts. Some are forgetting the point of the conversation is to ensure the lives of children are not being negatively impacted unnecessarily. It’s also to remind black women that they are not and should not be taking on the role of mother, father, breadwinner and superwoman solo. You can NOT really effectively parent if you’re bone tired, emotionally drained or choosing which bill to skip to make ends meat. You will age yourself prematurely from lack of sleep, nutrition and any time for yourself. Even if you have help it’s still not the same thing as having a mate to ease your burdens and remind you of how special you are. 

We spend time online to network, open our social circles, meet like-minded people and to exchange information amongst other things. I’ve had people upend a lot of my confused and disordered thinking. I’ve had to be open to work through this. I’ve drawn certain lines in the sand. It’s a process.  We all won’t see eye to eye on the same issues and may have to part ways. That’s okay because we have to live the life of our choosing. We cannot let other people dictate our philosophies, but we DO need to examine our motivations and choices to compare if they’re life-affirming and normative. If the message isn’t for you then you are free to ignore me at will safe in the knowledge that your life is where you want it to be.

Yet some people don’t want to walk away. They want to get you to change your mind to their way of thinking. Why is that? It always amazes me when people disagree by selectively picking one sentence or one point while discarding the entire message. I shouldn’t be surprised though. This isn’t for those who arrived at their destination point and have disembarked. This is for those still traveling who may decide to continue, change course or get off.

What I didn’t realize was that I was a radical. I mean I’m an average woman living an average life. I’ve long struggled to feel free to be myself and to find out who I am fully divested and free. I’ve been hampered by some warped set of invisible rules as well as the conditioning of people I call family. Being your own person takes a lot of effort. You have to try a few things for size and push back on certain ideas and ideologies.

Often these discussions can be so painful that people don’t want to hear them or misinterpret them. People are so invested in clinging to their totems they’re drowning. I am not responsible for how anyone reacts to my message. All I’m responsible for is being my authentic self. I can state clearly that I have been. What I am is a black woman who wants the world to be a kinder place for all the children of the world. It has been written on my heart to feel especially concerned for the welfare of little black girls. I see so many who look like they’d rather be anywhere than where they are. I’ve felt that way at times. We can’t just hope – we have to take action and be responsible for our choices. We have to learn how to make good ones though. It’s the difference between being independent and free. 

When I speak of the “black community” lie I am talking about the dysfunction that has gone unchecked. I’m talking about decaying residential areas that are unsafe. I’m talking about these unrealistic expectations on black women to do everything, fix everything and diminish themselves in every way so some insecure men feel better about themselves. I’m talking about all the time, money and energy black women give to organizations from their local church to the NAACP who do not reciprocate pound for pound. Nor are we demanding it collectively. I’m talking about the myopic view of what the community is and why it’s so stifling. I’m talking about the strict regime of a group of blacks who either a) despise other blacks b) stress jumping through hoops of false expressions of blackness c) being tied by degrading music and entertainment and d) make no mention of attacking these dysfunctions head on. Some of these people are poor, some are poor in spirit, some belong to what they refer to as an “elite” class, some are (dysfunctional) male-identified where race loyalty trumps behavior, some are males and some like to make lots of excuses. 

It’s just the same when I discussed how a majority of black men despise black women. It’s because of their weakened position post-slavery. Guess what though? We are in a similar weakened state as well. We’ve just decided to work through it. We had to try because we are responsible for carrying new life to term. The men can’t stand even the tiniest amount of criticism. Why is upholding a false contract of superiority my responsibility? 

Unemployment is always used as a reason for child abandonment. “If the black man had a job he’d be a father” is the argument. So what of the millionaires and celebrities who behave the same way? Why don’t the whole lot of men terminate their reproductive capabilities? Why create a life and walk away? It’s an excuse. You can’t have a large group of men perpetually out of work for four decades unless there are other pathologies in existence. If you drop out of school, have an attitude and sense of entitlement you may find you have put more obstacles in your path than anyone else. It can’t all be about white racism. If it is then everyone should just take cyanide and be done with it because your life is apparently over.

For all of those unpleasantries we DO have black men who provide, protect, befriend and behave. They’re just lost in the sea of perpetual insanity. We have numerous examples of people who’ve taken risks as well. The irony of course is how many in the “black community” stood by and did nothing or fought other people tooth and nail for daring to have a vision. It was their vision that improved the lives of the very people who were ungrateful and trying to block blessings. Now that most of those pioneers and rabble-rousers are dead it’s all gravy. The stench of that hypocrisy leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t like revisionist history. If people are cowards they should live a coward’s life with its coward’s rewards.

This isn’t about dissecting the choices of individuals and their lives. This is about the collective (including those left of what used to be called the “black community”) making a choice whether they want to see themselves rendered in a permanent underclass of haves and have-nots OR if they want to salvage what’s left with the decent people who would work for their survival and elevation.

Now can somebody explain to me how this is radical, political, disruptive, presumptive, impossible, offensive and anything else other than NORMAL?

Posted by Faith of Acts of Faith In Love and Life.

Judge Krista Marx split the pending trials in two with a separate jury for each defendant charged in the rape and beating of a mother and her son. The August 16th trial date for scum of the earth 20-year old Tommy Poindexter and 18-year old Nathan Walker will proceed as scheduled. There’s a tentative date of September 15th for alleged rapists/attempted murderers defendants 17-year old Jakaris Taylor and 15-year old Avion Lawson as their lawyers have asked for continuances.

Circuit Judge Krista Marx told lawyers for the defendants that a delay is not likely. “The case is old and it’s time for it to go to trial,” she said. (I agree)

Prosecutors have listed some last-minute witnesses, including three men depicted in court as additional suspects in the crime and new experts in handwriting and DNA.  WPB Post

I sincerely hope they do find the rest of the perpetrators. Anyone who still has doubts about whether DBRBM exist here’s your worse, all fatherless boys. They are currently roaming free to continue their crime sprees and terrorist attacks on other unprotected women and children. No matter what happens with this trial they still have an un-cashed check of accountability in the afterlife that WILL be.

I must apologize to my guest posters immensely. I was so excited about not having to blog that I didn’t really give them very much guidance. That was unfair. In a sense I was that mother that asks some unsuspecting souls to watch her children, knowing that my kids are hyperactive little demons spawns.

So I am coming off blogcation to offer up some helpful hints of advice.

First this ain’t no ordinary blog. Sorry, its not. I don’t say that in an arrogant way. This ain’t no ordinary blog audience. There is a huge difference between blogging at one blog versus another. Some blog audiences are low maintenance, this one is not. Maneuvering your way around all of the little grenades you encounter does require some level of skill. I’ve developed a philosophy over two years because i’ve been forced to deal with things the average blogger does not encounter. I’ve learned my lessons the hard way.

1. NEVER blog while intoxicated- Don’t blog while intoxicated with anger, don’t blog while intoxicated with pride. Don’t blog while intoxicated with despair. Once you hit “publish” its out there.

2. As the blogger you are conferred status that a blog “commentator” does not have. Therefore when you speak in the comments, what you say carries more weight than what another commentator says. So if I call someone out as the host of the party, that person will take it completely differently than they would if someone else said it. YOU AREN’T EQUAL! Sure you want to be like everybody else. You want everybody to treat to the same, but that’s not possible. You are GOD in this space for all practical purposes. With that comes considerable POWER, but also responsibility. For the most part, I only really tangle with one person on a regular basis in the comments section and that’s because I know she can handle it, but yes, I know that if I say something unkind or harsh in the comments section it can affect people profoundly. Whether I want them to or not, some unfortunate souls hold me in higher regard than I would prefer. Acting like you are “just one of the crowd” will just lead to heartache on your part. You aren’t like everybody else when you’re the blogger. Just like a hostess doesn’t really get to behave like a guest at a dinner party, even when you get catering. You have additional responsibility.

3. Beware of those bearing gifts and praise. People have agendas. This blog is ridiculously more influential than I would like at times, but it IS influential. People want to be able to tap into that influence and they’ll try to influence you in order to push their agenda. You may have already noticed additional personal attention from folks on twitter, in email, on other blogs. You are now “famous.” Sorry, I should have warned you about that in advance That means you will have the same problems that Brittany Spears has, except you won’t have money . You will be threatened, you may lose some privacy you took for granted, you may have new “fans” who are really “foes”. People will be jealous of you because I chose YOU and not them. They want to be where you are.

4. You can’t control the world. I know some bloggers have half page lists of dos and don’ts one their blogs. That’s fine. This blog is what it is because quite frankly I write intentionally to appeal to the masses. As controversial and strident some people think I am, there are several subjects I won’t even broach. Why? Because people are so polorized and emotional that they will block out anything I say on the matter. So unless it deals directly with Black women and girls, I leave it alone. Again, that ain’t my battle to fight. Sure, I may talk about it on twitter, but notice that I have TWO twitter accounts, one Black Ops and the other is for Blogging While brown. I don’t think less of you as a blogger because you got 134 comments on your first post. That’s amazing! Look at all the people that took time out of their very busy day to share their opinion with you? Even if they disagreed with you, they valued your opinion. How do you know? Because if they didn’t think there was some power behind your post, they would not have felt compelled to respond at all. There are bloggers that would BEG for134 posts in a freaking year. They are sitting out there like a tree in the middle of the woods. Sending posts off into a black hole. So yeah, the whole “THESE ARE MY COMMENTS RULES” works for smaller less high profile blogs, but it really doesn’t work here. People are going to find a way to respond to what you say. Why not let them do it in an environment you can control? Figure out what your “Non-negotiables” are. What will you absolutely NOT put up with. Keep the list short. For example, I don’t tolerate people who delve into “administrative” issues. People who want to tell me how to administer the technical aspects of the blog. People who want to tell me what I need to be posting about. People who want to serve as the managing editor of WAOD, but haven’t clicked on a PayPal button ONCE to pay a single bill. Those people get told to go jump in a lake with electric eels. I have NO tolerance for people with “blog reader experience” issues because they don’t pay the bills. I don’t tolerate people who try to use the comments threads for BLATANT therapy. People who are wounded and hurt and decide to tear the flesh from the backs of another specific commentator to sooth their hurt. Those people have come to wound and they can go wound people some other place. The comments section is to add to, not take from

5. You may consider posing questions at the end of your posts what do you want to know from people? That might direct the comments section a little better. But if you TRULY don’t want to hear dissenting views from others, just turn off the comments altogether. Sometimes you just want to vent. You don’t need co-signers

6. Know the difference between a friend a fan a foe and FAMILY! These people are NOT your family. Those are folks you know offline and who you knew before you started blogging. Don’t ignore them. You need them . Fans are fun, but are completely incapable of being objective about you, in a good way Just take the adoration, but don’t make any important decisions based on the opinion of a fan. If you said “I’m gonna take poison today, they’d say ” “Yay! Faith! ”. Friends are people who will applaud you AND critique you, their opinions are far more reliable. In all honesty, once you’re high profile online, its really hard to know who these “friends” are. You may mistakenly believe someone is a friend, but they are really a fan and the easiest way to tell the difference is to do something they don’t like. A fan will turn on you in a DIME. A friend will say “Oh well, I didn’t like that. Moving along, so did you meet any new guys this week?” In real life my bests friends NEVER read this blog. EVER! Its not their thing. They aren’t interested and that is SUCH a blessing because at times it feels I can never escape.

7. Internet Ike Turners. They are already loading up. Check the sitemeter referrals peek in and don’t mention them on the blog at ALL. I NEVER link to ITTs or people who write ENTIRE posts about ME personally. They’re trolling for page views and they can get those on their own.

8. There’s a LOT blogs can do. There’s a LOT blogs can’t do. Extremely nuanced and emotional topics are best dealt with in person and on podcasts. There is something about the written word that lacks the additional layer of expression needed

9. You are completely responsible for everything that shows up on the blog. Everything you write everything commentators write. If it makes you uncomfortable or makes it difficult for you to sleep or look yourself in the mirror, take it down.

10. You’ll screw up. You’ll mess up ROYALLY. In HUGE HUGE ways! Always remember at your core, you are a well intentioned person who wants people to win. You can listen to criticism, but never forget why you wanted to do this in the first place. Its the only thing you’ll have to hold on to when you’re sitting in the dark in the soft light of your computer monitor alone. Blogging is a solitary existence. The more high profile you become, the more isolated from your audience you will be. Not because you want it to be that way, but because it HAS to be that way. You can’t be everybody’s friend when you’re ruler of all you survey. Hard decisions have to be made. The viability of the platform as a whole must never fall victim to the mood of the moment. No post, no comment, no fan is worth sacrificing the platform. There are things I have swallowed over the past two years that threatened to rip me apart from the inside out. I took the beating and I took it in silence because to speak of things publicly would have have destroyed the entire “movement.” These were deeply personal wounds I had to let them scab over on their own. I’m a better woman for it. I’m a better leader for it. In retrospect what was a really big deal then, is insignificant now. Impluse+Power equals destruction. Did I mention never blog intoxicated.

11. Accept criticism, but never abuse. You aren’t proving how enlightened you are by letting someone be verbally abusive to you. You know it when you see it. Your audience doesn’t see it because you ERASE those people.

12. Have fun! Be bold! Take Risks! Laugh a little. The battle didn’t start yesterday, it won’t end tomorrow.

13. Engage in extreme self care. If you are too tied or too beat t post, don’t. If you don’t feel like monitoring the comments all day long, put the entire blog on “moderation” their comment will post when you want it to, on your time table, not theirs.

I chose you for a reason. First, you’re an amazing writer. That’s not false praise. You’re good. Second, you haven’t been corrupted yet. You’re a true believer. They haven’t gotten to you yet, but the soon will be sniffing around. It is inevitable. You have the power to change the discourse in the entire blogosphere. I’ve handed you something that might help someone land on CNN, they’ll slit their own mother’s throat for that privilege so image what they’d do to you? But don’t focus on the bad. Its there, and it is dangerous to ignore the danger, but its not all bad. There is something about knowing you’re in the middle of something unprecedented in human history. Never have so many amazing brilliant Black women had the ability to congregate in the same space and the same time. This TOTALLY ROCKS!

So. Go with God. Live long and prosper. May the force be with you, and when in doubt. Call me, you got my phone number!

I’m learning too by the way. I’m so used to doing things on my own, that I’m having to learn how to let go. But there is a big difference between letting go of a child in a pool so they can learn how to swim, and dropping them over the side of a ship in the middle of the ocean, in the middle of a hurricane, without so much as a life raft. No matter how brilliant a swimmer you are, that set you up for a very rough time.

To my commentators and readers. My guest posters are not me. There is a reason for that/ If I wanted y’all to read something I wrote for the next four weeks I would have gone back in the archives, gotten 20 posts and scheduled them to repost over the next four weeks. This is a time for all of us to grow. Things had gotten stagnant around here. I wasn’t all that excited to wake up in the morning and post. I haven’t had this much fun on my own blog for over a year. I’m having a blast sitting in the audience. It TOTALLY ROCKS! Be gentle with Faith and Fortitude1913. Give them room to grow into this blog. Help them lean into their destiny. Its only been three days. Y’all act like this thing comes with instructions. Stop telling them what you like about the way Gina does things. They aren’t Gina… and that’s a good thing.

All the best,

The Benevolent Dictatrix

And the wheel keeps spinning. Faith here of Acts of Faith In Love and Life for the next Chapter of Dismantling All the Sacred Cow Theories Being Held in the Black Community.

Well now that we’ve turned into a society of Amazons where no men are needed and we use the cloned sperm created in a lab I guess that pesky abandoned child situation has been taken care of. Because the kids don’t want a set of parents since their parents can’t or won’t be together. Moving on then…