Kids, I’ve been on the road this week. Busy. busy. busy, but I have drafted part II to our series WHy You Should Burn the June 2009 Issue of ESSENCE. Part I was about their suggestion that Black women troll strip clubs looking for men to purchase drinks for. I asked whether the writers, Charrea Jackson and Neima Jordan had been sniffing glue when they penned that pearl of wisdom. Charrea has responded. She wants y’all to know that YES, she has a man. NO, she didn’t meet him at a strip club and NO, she does not huff glue. I think the fact she doesn’t sniff glue makes it worse 
Here is her response:
I respect her stance (though no, I don’t sniff glue . . .and yes, I do have a man, that I didn’t meet in the strip club). . .
No, every woman won’t meet the man of her dreams at Magic City, but you may meet someone who you can have a nice date with, and for a lot of sisters that’s a lot more action than they’ve had in a while. Queen to Be
WOW. just WOW. “That’s a lot more action than they’ve had in a while.” Well folks that about answers my questions. DO y’all have anything else to add?
I’m going to offer you a preview of tomorrow’s post ( If I get the time to post it) Its about a town in rural Mississippi where the Black women are DYING of AIDS because of this type of mentality right here.
Settle for whatever crumbs you can get, because that’s all you can hope for. WOW. She said that out loud! We thank her for her candor. WOW. Just. WOW. Just. just. Just. WOW. She said that OUT LOUD!
76 comments ↓
Stay classy Charrea. Is it any wonder black women are continually devalued in the mainstream press?? Look what “our” magazines think of black women.
Did she just insult us on the sly? What’s next find a man at the county jail’s visiting hours?
So in other words, the ladies might as well throw in the towel and hook up with Tyrone or Jaquelious over at Club Booty and Hennesey because after all, that’s about as good as it’s gonna get for them and it’s all they deserve in life. As though BW can’t do any better. Seriously?
And this “magazine” caters to the audience by throwing them shovelful after shovelful of “real talk”, stuff that has the magazine moving off the shelves, but the people targeted sinking farther into the morass. What exactly will it take to finally stop all of this?
Stunned silent, um she didn’t insult us on the sly. She outright said that the strip club is the best we can get. I don’t htink she meant it as an insult, but as a certified fact. that is what she thinks about their readers.
I still can’t believe she said it out loud, but then again, she suggested the strip club in the first place.
“That’s a lot more action than they’ve had in a while.”
Lawd have mercy Kelly Clarkson Eddie Murphy. Wow! Really?????
Not date someone older, younger or try internet dating, maybe going out with that guy you don’t think is that hot. A strip club, does she really think a guy who met you at a strip club is gonna take you on a “nice date”?
And I see she is from Atlanta. The city in the top 10 HIV/AIDS rate. SMH
@naima you are a B Scott fan too? I wonder what he would have to say about this.
The article should be “Top ten places to meet men in Atlanta”
LOL.
This convo continues to crack me up…however the better question to ask Ms. Thang is does her man frequent strip clubs and if he does…how does she feel about it..lol.
While Ms. Thang’s response is “questionable” at best…I do need sisters to get out and date more (not suggesting the strip club) but she is definitely a heifer for saying it like that.
@JJ WHAAAAT? Did the seventh seal break? I THINK we might agree on something.
As for the YT vid, I do not blindly swallow mainstream pieces that denigrate the black community by implying we are just so fk’ed up compared to white america because that’s BS. I for one know statistics can be manipulated to say any damn thing you want it to. So I would need to see all of the data, survey methods, etc before I jump in and believe this type of report. Pieces like this serve to not only make other ethnic groups think poorly of black people, but black people as well.
That being said, there is a very destructive mentality among some black women where they believe they must have a man at all costs. It seems to be a strong source of validation for them. So the character and moral fiber of a man becomes irrelevant if all you want to do is say you have a man. You will do and say stupid things just as Charrea did. Her words were very sad, but again it is indicative of just how negatively we have come to view ourselves and our community. It is a dysfunctional thinking pattern. And the media definitely plays a role. You can see the article in question serves to perpetuate this type of destructive mentality just as the YT vid does.
Eh… You should have posted her comment in its entirety. I think many of the readers of this site are just looking for something to harp on. I didn’t get at all that she was saying, as you put it, “settle for crumbs because that’s the best you can hope for.”
What I did get is that if you want a date, but you don’t have one, stop doing what you been doing, and try something different. 45% of Black women are single and I think that’s because so many hold out for meeting one certain type of man in one certain of way. The writer, and the article, are basically saying try something different, see if it works.
A nice date with a nice man is nothing to shake your head at if you’re tired of hanging with your girls on Date Night. If the strip club option doesn’t work for you, it might work for someone else. If the strip club didn’t work for you, what about the other ideas she offered? Why do Black women focus so often on what is wrong with something instead of focusing on what is right with it?
Can’t wait for Part II. Not sure I’ll agree, but looking forward to that discussion too.
Also: the woman who does the relationships section for ESSENCE and the writer of The Body Shop is at abelleinbrooklyn.com. She was on the contributor page. I read her blog and she’s quite opinionated as well. I’d love to hear a conversation between you two.
mellie do you see the hyper link and the three little dots . . . anyone who wants to go read her entire post can do so.
You may view a strip club as “entertainment,” I view it as part of a sex industry that exploits women. I focussed on the strip club because this magazine built and ENTIRE campaign about the degradation and objectification fo Black women and then you turn around and say womena re nice distracting objects to catch a man.
its morally inconsistent and if ESSENCE didn’t want me to respond to what they write, they wouldn’t provide links, emails and blogs asking for feedback.
She isn’t saying try something different. She’s saying y’all are desperate and desperate times call for desperate measures whether or not these measures are healthy or effective.
Sorry, some people have standards and the idea the the options are stroll the strip club or die old and alone is ridiculous. There are about 1000 other things you could do FIRST before strip club desperation.
BTW, thisi s a blog. We do opinion here. Youcan always go somewhere and look at pretty pictures if opinions are too much for you.
I continue to be AMAZED that people are focussing on the DATING aspect of this advice and not the objectification of the women who work in the clubs. Its like NOTHING is more important than man catchin’
“So the character and moral fiber of a man becomes irrelevant if all you want to do is say you have a man. You will do and say stupid things just as Charrea did. Her words were very sad, but again it is indicative of just how negatively we have come to view ourselves and our community.”
Where did she say this? she didn’t say anything about getting a man (other than addressing this bloggers question about whether she had one to determine how valid her suggestion was, which means your comment should actually be directed at the blog author not Cahreea.) She said go on a nice date. A date does not mean he has to be your man. Sometimes it’s just nice to go out and have fun.
45% of Black women are single. And countless articles have been written by numerous publications (Newsweek, CNN, and the Washington Post), just to name a few. About how this is a problem for many Black women who long for companionship. This magazine addresses a problem many women have expressed openly and somehow telling a woman who wants a man where to find one is buying into an idea that a”negatively affects our community?” I think that’s the opposite. Strong Black families, which are very positive, cannot be built if folks can’t meet up somehow. And every how and where we met story is not going to be out of a Hollywood romance or Tyler Perry play.
A man in a strip club can’t have character or moral fiber? you know that rules out something like 90% of men.
I bet nothing Cahreea said would have gone over well unless she apologized and resigned. It seems a lot of readers here are out for blood. I understand why she she said something (when people talk about me, I respond to)
Nobody asked Charea to resign OR apologize. She is entitled to her opinion and WE are entitled to OURs. If you don’t like the tone and tenor of the readers of this blog you are free to move on.
Make your points about the post and the comments without belittling THOUSANDS of people who you know nothing about.
Chareh is happier than a CLAM that someone paid attention to her blip.\
The idea that strong Black families are dependent on objectifying other Black women is ridiculous.
gem:
I respect your opinion and your ability to express it. I think you have every right to respond to something you don’t like or agree with. I’m glad that you speak out against what you feel is wrong. I do as well, which is why I have responded here. There’s no need to become insulting to your readers (for example, “go look at pretty pictures.”) when they have been respectful in their dissent. I said I was looking forward to discussion so why would you suggest I go look at pictures?
You are exaggerating to rile up your readers. She did not say women are desperate or these are desperate times. She didn’t say go to the strip club or die alone. She gave 7 or 9 other options besides the strip club. Just because you believe its a horrible option, doesn’t mean its desperate.
I did click on the link you provided. That’s why I said you should have posted what you said in its entirety. I think some of her intent is lost what you chose to omit.
Building strong Black families is dependent a woman and man meeting at some place, whether it’s the club, the strip club, or any of the other places suggested on that list. That was clearly the point I was making.
Please don’t twist my words the way you twisted the writer of the article’s.
I continue to be AMAZED that people are focusing on the DATING aspect of this advice and not the objectification of the women who work in the clubs.
Exactly.
Nope I think the quote is pretty clear:
“for a lot of sisters that’s a lot more action than they’ve had in a while.”
I think she meant what she wrote.
The question that’s not being asked is ‘What do men think of women who visit strip clubs?’ If men see women in the club, sitting at the bar and watching the strippers, what does he think of her? Would he consider her potential for a relationship? When he is in a club is he even in the “mode” of looking for a girlfriend, or he’s there getting his kicks and not open for that?
I would like to hear from men on what they think of women visiting strip clubs. Otherwise, I think Essence writers are setting women up for a huge disappointment and potential disasters.
“The question that’s not being asked is ‘What do men think of women who visit strip clubs?’ ”
THANK YOU!
Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I think most men who care about the women in their lives try to shield them from life’s ugliness. When something goes bump in the night, he goes downstairs to check it out. When walking on the sidewalk, he stands to the outside. When raining, he goes to get the car and hold the umbrella. When coming in at the end of the day with some heavy groceries, he goes to grab some bags. When checking in at the Airport, he drops you off, goes to park the car and then lugs the bags through the airport. When your driving your car and the tire pressure looks low, he pulls out the tire pressure gauge and checks the tire pressure.
Even if he looks at nudie magazines, he goes through the trouble to HIDE that and not do it out in front of you.
I’m trying to imagine what it would be like for a man to be with a woman that expects ABSOLUTELY NOTHING out of him? he doesn’t have to do ANYTHING just be “around.”
Trust me, if strip clubs become the HOT SPOT for single women looking for relationships, the eventually the men are going to head elsewhere. This is a recipe for disaster. Once you’ve gone the strip club route and it doesn’t work, what do you do then? What’s your next option?
A comment posted on the writer’s blog:
“PS: be flattered that your writing inspires dialogue. That’s kinda the whole point of being a writer, yes?”
Er, no. The holocaust inspires dialogue, that doesn’t mean it was a good thing. And making top-10 lists isn’t exactly writing. It’s more like marketing.
“I would like to hear from men on what they think of women visiting strip clubs.”
31, white male speaking:
I’m pretty sure that most men today wouldn’t think any less of a woman he met at a strip club compared to what he might think of a woman he met elsewhere (which is to say, a lot of men don’t think much of women period); so it’s not abjectly terrible advice from THAT standpoint, as in today’s culture it might make a woman seem openminded, cool, definitely not MOM. (Which is why all the popular feminist websites are all about going along with that sort of thing.) Although it’s certainly bad advice from other standpoints, like, Alex, “I’ll take parking lots not to hang out in after dark for 1000.”
Even if you don’t give a rip about sexual exploitation NOW, meeting a man in such a way probably makes it harder to grow more political in the future, because you’re pretty much guaranteed he’d throw how you met back in your face. Of course, men have some capacity for human ingenuity so that will likely happen even if you don’t meet at a strip club.
You asked: Once you’ve gone the strip club route and it doesn’t work, what do you do then? What’s your next option?
Standing outside of JAIL & HOSPITALS with a bucket of fried chicken and beer.
You can ignore this post…I just couldn’t resist.
Maybe black women should date black men as a very last resort.
Strip Clubs are not the appropriate place to obtain a future wife, or someone to date! It is a place of hedonistic entertainment. Secondary many women that work or worked at these establishments have pyschological damage…they have to endure men at there worst behavior, I know a sister that was middle class girl, that stripped just to raised capital for a small business. She was uncomfortable going out in public and eventually left town and moved out west!
Why waste your mental capital on this sister, celebrate the recent historical appointment of the first Black Female CEO of Xerox Ursula Burns, this has been a long time coming!
Let the strippers strip and the fools that believe they can find a mate in the strip clubs go and buy drinks!
To MizJJ and all the Black People on this post.
Please stop buying these magazines. We do not own or control none of them. The black women is the most disrespected women on earth and this, along with BET ( videos, Uncut..etc) has done so much damage. Jews own all our media and this is what they promote for our people. Lets take one of their mags and promote the exact same for them and see what happens. I canceled all my subscriptions to all these so called Black magazines, because we are just managing the plantation and do not control nothing!!!
“Building strong Black families is dependent a woman and man meeting at some place, whether it’s the club, the strip club, or any of the other places suggested on that list.”
WHAT????!!!!!
Oh yeah, nothing builds strong families like men who hang out in strip clubs. Have we really come down to this?
I don’t care how ‘classy’ the club is, and I’ve been in some that are absolute dives and others that screened like you were being admitted to the Knickerbocker Club. The basis of them all is the same; the exploitation and peddling of women. I cannot imagine having the father of my children be a habitué of such a place. We need husbands and fathers who respect women and will teach our sons to do the same. Who will be loving and protective towards our daughters. I can’t imagine why we would expect that from some guy we met at a strip club.
As for ‘getting action,’ I really do think these people have bumped their head on concrete. I suppose if you’re just looking for somebody to lay up with it’s okay. However, if you have enough sense to be dating with a purpose a strip club is hardly a reasonable place to be going to meet a man.
Sigh.
The problem with much of the arguing around the post is that a good majority of men form all walks of life from Hassidic Jews to the street sweeper have frequented or will frequent a strip club.
The idea that a man who will hold an umbrella for you will be less likely to do so if you frequent a strip club is quite a bit of a stretch.
I’ve dated men who’ve regularly frequented strip clubs and those who wouldn’t think of going…there’s very little correlation between how they view women.
One of the most misogynist men I knew wouldn’t dream of going to a strip club, but he really didn’t like or have much respect for women.
One of the coolest sweetest dudes I new liked visiting the club here and there…didn’t stop him from being an all ’round nice dude.
The article is ultimately about getting a date…not necessarily a husband…but a date and if one of her 10 suggestions rubs the wrong way then try one of the other 9.
With that said…she was still wrong for her smartass comment.
On a side note: for a blog empowering women much of this conversation boils down to “what would a man think of a woman who frequents a strip club.”
My response: Who the hell cares.
If he’s a man operating on a bs double standard where it’s okay for him to visit The Club or read Nudie Mags but not me…then he is DEFINITELY not a man I want.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander…I have little tolerance for anything else.
“On a side note: for a blog empowering women much of this conversation boils down to “what would a man think of a woman who frequents a strip club.””
I beg to differ. We’ve talked about the exploitation of women ( i no you don’t view it as such), and other angles as well.
I have always said that the way people view you affects the way they treat you and if you are dehumanized and desperate, you will treated in that way.
Its empowering to know when someone is setting you up to be abused and neglected. and JJ lets not act as if the huddled masses that are taking this silly advice are going to have your personality or character. YOU have little tolerance. I have little tolerance, but clearly there are some that have NO barriers at all.
Its the difference between me having a drink and an alcoholic having a drink. Some people just don’t have any boundaries.
I can’t speak for anybody else, but I know my personal concern would be for the caliber of a man who hangs out in strip clubs. It’s hardly the type of man I’d want to be having a relationship with.
Further, if you’re desperate enough to go hunting for a man in a strip club he’s going to be able to ’smell’ that desperation all over you. And he will act accordingly. Nothing sets you up for being taken advantage of like the mindset of ‘well it’s more action than I’ve had in a while.’ It’s a pathetic message to send to anyone and a prime set-up for getting played like a fish.
“I beg to differ. We’ve talked about the exploitation of women ( i no you don’t view it as such), and other angles as well.”
I didn’t say i didn’t view strip clubs as being exploitative of women…I’m just saying that it isn’t so black and white…exploitation takes place in many ways and forms of which the strip club isn’t the worst and for some…is a way to avoid worse options.
@Roslyn
U can meet a man in church and he smell the desperation on you.
Desperation reeks no matter where you meet the dude…and their are plenty of bad men who don’t frequent strip clubs.
Because of the current popularity and mainstream acceptance of The Club it’s just not a good litmus test on whether a guy is of good caliber or not.
What Roslyn said.
That’s really bad advice. Men don’t go to strip clubs to meet women. They go to strip clubs to consume them. You don’t want to meet a man when he’s in the midst of paying some woman so that he can grab her tits (in Montreal evidently it’s full contact, but they draw the line at nipples) or get a lappy. I think that is just beyoooond stupid. “Action” is not the goal in question here. Quality dates are what a woman should be looking for. It’s just a hot mess. I’d like to hear from someone that tried to find a man at a skrip club.
@JJ: Mainstream acceptance by whom? In my mainstream, the men go to strip clubs for bachelor parties and that’s it! They do not go there under any other cirumstances, period! My husbands friends had a habit of going to Montreal for their stag parties but I made him settle for Vegas for his party.
Exactly ZooPath, and many men are eschewing bachelor parties altogether, or having them as gatherings elsewhere other than strip clubs. A lot of men are coming to realize the oxymoronic nature of hanging out with a bunch of naked women the night before you take vows before God to someone.
In my mainstream men who hang out in strip clubs are gross and more than a little bit pathetic. Not to mention, it’s illogical to expect a man you meet in a strip club to then take you on a nice date. Let’s see; he can spend $20 and get a lap dance or maybe more in a strip club. Or he can spend considerably more on a ‘nice date’ with you, and get what? Now obviously, all bets are off if you’re just looking for someone to pull cover with, but I doubt most women who want that are having any difficulty finding it. Booty is always easy to come by.
“Desperation reeks no matter where you meet the dude…and their are plenty of bad men who don’t frequent strip clubs.”
Here we go again with the exceptionalism. Of course you can meet a bad man anywhere, but why go to a bad man convention in hopes of meeting the few good men who hang out there? I’ve been in strip clubs, the men who hang out there, and their behavior is beyond disgusting. I can’t imagine any woman in her right mind going into a strip club and wanting to come out with any of the men there.
Strip clubs are where men go to satisfy their most base and prurient urges. Where they’re free and open to behave publicly in the most disgusting ways imaginable. The thought that any woman would actually want to take one of these creatures home is beyond mind-boggling.
I continue to be AMAZED that people are focussing on the DATING aspect of this advice and not the objectification of the women who work in the clubs
Its not something I would do, but thats how these women make their living, some may even think it empowers them. Some women have no problem using their body to make money.
I continue to be AMAZED that people are focussing on the DATING aspect of this advice and not the objectification of the women who work in the clubs
Its not something I would do, but thats how these women make their living, some may even think it empowers them. Some women have no problem using their body to make money.
@Roslyn I’m not talking exceptionalism.
I can’t say that the majority of men who frequent strip clubs are sleaze bags. I’ve lived in Atlanta and Miami and strip clubs are plenty mainstream…you go there for a drink, hang out and yes for some to meet men.
Hell regular clubs have chicks dancing in cages skimpily dressed.
Burlesque is also popular in these spots.
Maybe it’s generational. Maybe it’s location but ’round my way men of all class and social standing hang out at strip clubs and hell women do to…
And the women I know at strip clubs tip the girls ’cause we recognize they are there to make money and we aren’t trying to interfere with that.
I’ve been in strip clubs in Atlanta as well, and what I’ve seen there is certainly not ‘mainstream’ or at least not any mainstream I’d care to be a part of. Naked women walking around while men put money in her various orifices is hardly my idea of behavior I want to be a part of. I suppose it could be generational, but like I said, most of the women I know and a lot of the men think guys who hang out there are gross losers.
As for regular clubs I thought it was pretty much established that they’re hardly the place to go meet men either. Again, I haven’t dated in quite a while and maybe things have changed, but the last thing I wanted was a ‘club dude.’ Most of the people I know did the club scene for a couple of years in our early twenties, but quickly became bored with it. I’m rarely inside a bar these days unless there’s a restaurant attached.
Do men go to male strip joints to find women they want to marry?
The number of out-of-wedlock births suggest that black women are not lacking a “date” or at least the occasional “bump”. The question is, What do Black women need to do, or stop doing to get committed men? To this, the old adage is so true, Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
It seems to me that the acceptance of these pornagraphic images have a number of men not knowing what “normal” relations are. “Freakism” has become the order of the day. I haven’t had to date for a dozen years (than the good Lord) but girfriends are telling me they have to be contortionists with men these days. I would think that going to a strip joint to meet a man signals that you’re willing to be a freak. If that’s the case, so be it, but don’t wonder why it stops at “a date”.
I don’t know what “mainstream” is…but I do know a lot of men visit strip clubs and/or buy/watch Porn WITHOUT their girlfriends or wives knowledge.
I just don’t think men who visit strip clubs are separate and apart from the “average” guy.
The large group I recently tagged along with to the strip club were all married middle class “jersey boys”. I am sure none of their wives knew they were at the “skrip club”. After all it was primarily a business meeting after which one suggested going to this place and the other men jumped at the opportunity.
“I haven’t had to date for a dozen years (than the good Lord) but girfriends are telling me they have to be contortionists with men these days.”
Only if you agree to that.
You teach men (people) how to treat you. If you buy into the “gotta do anything” to keep a man strategy then that is what you will get.
And I’m not knocking being a contortionist…if that is what you want…but doing it b/c you feel you have too is another thing…and that was the big problem with The Body Shop article in Essence making women feel that’s what they had to do to keep a man.
@knockoutchick
That’s my point EXACTLY.
Many women on here are talking about what their man (and his friends) won’t do and how they won’t deal with that “caliber” of man and the reality is the “average” male is likely to be at the strip club…whether his woman knows it or not.
It’s just not a good litmus test n whether dude is a good guy or not…same goes for watching porn.
I can’t believe so many people are defending strip clubs. That’s not the issue at all. I finally was able to purchase the issue in my town today. The ideal of going there to pick up a date, (long term relationship) is crazy. No matter how you slice it it’s another way to demean women, and in this case as usual, women of color
I think people are overreacting a little. Someone mentioned this earlier, but the idea of meeting men in strip clubs was actually suggested in mainstream (white) magazines for a awhile now. I remember reading it I think in Cosmo more than a year ago.
It is a generational thing. But I don’t think it works. Not that “good” men don’t go to strip clubs. But talking to a few men about strip clubs, they’re just not necessarily in the frame of mind to meet women to date.
Also, Atlanta is a mess (relationship-wise) in my opinion, and that strip club scene down there constributes to it. It doesn’t seem healthy. When there’s so many strip clubs concentrated in one area, I think it creates a negative atmosphere. A friend admitted how addictive it can be, where your Friday nights relaxing in the club can turn into spending 3 or 4 nights per week in there, blowing your rent money – I think it hurts the dating scene in Atlanta.
I wouldn’t panic if a guy I was dating told me he goes there with his buddies on the rare guys night out, but if he says that how he spends his Friday nights, I would run. It’s not same as hanging in a regular bar or club.
Rich,
Thanks for your response. You demonstrated that it’s a generational thing, nothing wrong with that. I just think that for a woman it would be hard for her to tell if dude she meets hits those spots up once in a while, or he’s in there 3-4 times a week. I don’t think it would be good to be with a man who needs to hang out in strip clubs to “unwind.” Even the classiest strip clubs, to be exposed to that so often is not really good.
Generational or not, bottom line is black women are once again being invited to be complicit in our own oppression. In our desperation to land an oh-so-elusive black man we’re being told to exploit naked black women to be wingmen for us. We’ve seen repeatedly on this blog and elsewhere that the exploitation and degradation of black women is always mainstream. The notion that we’re to participate in it as a means to gain a man is disgusting and pathetic. Yuck.
I am not interested in men who would to to strip clubs. Nothing screams no value no character more than those who pay to sniff crotch all day. No thank you.
Essence should focus on promoting well being in our lives, sexually, physically and emotionally. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ or abnormal about being alone. I hate the mentality that any ‘piece of man’ will do. What I hate even more is the generations of females (and males) that will be affected forever by the actions and craziness of those before them.
Essence is not owned by blacks at all and come to grips with it my Black Queens. We are going to always be at each other when we dont control our image or what we see in each other. No other group is in this position and guess what you dont see this nonsense being promoted for them. If real Blacks owned this mag this would never be advocated. Strip clubs are where you look at meat and not queens!!!!
@Tre…
I don’t care who actually owns Essence. The magazine is supposed to be about “Where Black women come First”…
Yeah right. First for debasing, degrading, defying, disrespecting etc.
That being said, I’m cnot convinced that and media owned and/or controled by Blacks would treat us any better..we have plenty of ‘bad examples’ of this already.
Now its black women telling me I’m unworthy of a quality man, and I should settle for a piece of crap of a man, sigh.
Is Essence’s Editor in Chief smoking crack?? Now I am a highly educated woman with “hood” tendencies, but they took it to a whole another level of hoodness. I thought I was reading an article written by a rapper. WT__??
Where is Susan Taylor when we need her??
Funny, I purchase the mag initially b/c of J-hudson and was only a few advertisments in and ran across this blog….just for the record, I trashed it before turning another page, based on what I read here.
The match makers “MAN” is probably of another race and this makes her an expert on knowing what other women should do to “BE” like her….. Sad state!
A crying shame if you ask me!! What type of “uplifting” is that doing for our women?!?
It’s not a generational thing to go to strip clubs. It is part of the commodification of female bodies. Black women, who are commodified to the point of just being big butts in mainstream media (witness the mainstream media discussion of michelle obama’s posterior, which is appallingly disrespectful), should be the LEAST inclined to visit a strip club.
I’m not going to fill up this discussion with off-topic explanations of the differences in black clubs vs. white clubs, but suffice to say, both black men and non-black men expect more than a dance from black strippers as a norm if they are stripclub-goers and that affects their view of women ‘just visiting’ who stop by.
I have witnessed directly that in locales where there are lots of sex-industry services (lots of stripclubs and lots of massage parlors, etc), the relationships between women and men are more antagonistic than average. when a man knows that thousands of women are for rent in his town, that changes how he views those women who have not decided to rent themselves out.
the changes are not positive ones.
I’m sorry, but I am having a hard time understanding why we are discussing, defending strip clubs and other forms of exploitation of women as if it’s ok. It’s not.
If you would not want your son or daugther to go to such clubs or “dance” in such clubs, then why participate in such? The continued exploitation of women is now so “mainstream” we can use psuedo-intellectual reasoning to justify it? And with the continued sex trafficking of young girls, young women, rising HIV/AIDS rates for younger and younger girls/women, are the authors of this Essence mag article that out of touch WITH THEIR OWN HUMANITY? Sis. Gina, thanks for pointing them out. They should be ashamed of themselves, but sadly, they are not.
Becky, Ming,Chrissy, Maria and Lupe are not going to strip clubs to meet men, why should a sista????
I don’t care how cool and hip women dress this up to be, strip visiting will do no good for the future of a relationship with a man….now if your looking for a good one nighter, than so be it!!!!
Becky, Ming,Chrissy, Maria and Lupe are not going to s”trip clubs to meet men, why should a sista????
.#64 LD on 05.24.09 at 12:00 am ”
they are, but they are having poor luck as well with that method.
it is a bad idea all round.
Sex workers have always been a part of society and will continue to be. Yet it is a huge problem that sex workers have been accepted as entertainment for the masses in our current society. Though I find Burlesque entertaining, I believe it is something that should be separate and apart and labeled as adult entertainment. I find it quite troubling that strippers, hookers and prostitutes have prime time cable TV shows, clothing lines and the like.
I understand it certainly is not healthy when stripper culture becomes so mainstream married women are equipping their basements with stripper poles or single women using the strip club as a dating arena. I also find it horrifying that young girls are becoming sexualized at younger and younger ages. I am amazed to see little girls of all races walking around wearing what looks like “stripper uniforms”. There was a time when there was a very clear line between what was “adult” content and what children where allowed to view, wear and experience.
If it is the case that we as women are accepting the commidification of womens bodies in efforts to please men….I wonder why are so many men accepting of this?
What do the fathers of these little girls think? This of course extends beyond race. I see white fathers as well at the mall walking around with 10 year old daughters in minis and full make-up.
Wait Wait Wait!
Let me guess? Is this is suppose to be the cure to reducing the 70% of black women being single? If so epic fail. Again. Epic Fail!
For the ones that are defending this useless advice and over simplifying the effects of being on a date at a strip club, have totally missed the point of how the environment has alot of influence on sexual objectification. When you are at a strip club, there is alot of estrogen and testosterone in the air that is enough to get both you and your date off. Also mind you your date is surrounded by ass and tits and if you have a nice set of what he is seeing, he is not trying to get to know you, he wants to f**K. Also alcohol can be sexually stimulating and mind you the music that is playing in the background is not no damn Teddy Pendergrass but more like some damn UGK or some Plies that is more talking about f**king than romantic love. Strip Clubs is a environment where you are reduced to being objector and being objected. Like when you are getting it on with your mate, you guys use word that reduced someone to being an object than a person. Like “bring your chocolate ass over here” you are reducing your partner to sweet tasty edible treat. Most people do these things to prepare for having sex or while having sex.
So yes in essence, I do believe this is not good advice especially for black women. Essence tries to capitalize off of black women’s plight by exposing that damn statistic and tries to offer solutions to reduce that percentage. When you to publish an article around places where black women can date. The word “date” is an implication for you and another person you are with as a marriage possibility. You date around to seek a mate with long term possibilities and commitments.
Now the strip club advice would be good for someone wanting to have a one nighter with no strings attached, however, since she put “date” in her article she is trying to set her readers up for failure.
“that’s a lot more action than they’ve had in a while. ”
Yep charrea thinks less of her readers and capitalizing off of black women’s desperation.
Faithsoul: “Pieces like this serve to not only make other ethnic groups think poorly of black people, but black people as well.”
You mean the Youtube video? I was thinking the same thing! That last little bit that Miz Howze said about white folks not caring if black folks are killing each other with AIDS.
What she mean? It’s the white folks’ job to follow all the bruthas around and put a padlock on they p*cker? To line up the sistas for short arm inspections outside every bar? Sheeyit! What white folks s’posed to do to get sistahs to keep they legs together and bruthas to keep they business at home? She make it sound like the white man is Superman! “If de white man ain’t gonna care, if they ain’t gonna cure black folks’ AIDS, well, it just ain’t gonna get done!”
Ugandan black folks didn’t need de white man’s magical rocket science. They just up and decided to preach morality, chastity and fidelity to black folks all over the country in every club, group, school, agency and meeting. On billboards, even! And it worked! Ugandan AIDS is way WAY down.
On the other hand, South African black folks still actin the fool telling each other beetroot and garlic cure AIDS. South African AIDS is way WAY up.
Now what Miz Howze want the white man to do? Start puttin up billboards in Philly, Baltimore, Atlanta? Sayin “Bruthas, keep it in yo pants!”
Naw. Ain’t gonna happen. The white folks know that ain’t their job. Miz Howze actin a fool blaming the white man for black AIDS and “not caring”.
Bruthas can cure AIDS as soon as they are willing to give up a wife AND three ladies on the side.
If the deep-down for-real-poor bruthas and sistahs in Uganda learned to keep it in they pants and wear condoms, so can the filthy rich (by African standards) bruthas and sistahs in America.
And if that sounds like racism, Miz Faithsoul, so be it.
Maybe the black community ought to feel embarrassed and ashamed.
Maybe if they did, some little sistah somewhere would have the courage to say “I ain’t gonna do that nasty ol’ thang” when some brutha say “pleeze, Pleeze, PLEEEZE” without feeling like she was unsophisticated, ignorant, or trash.
Believe me, with a 13-year-old sistah of my own I’m raising, these things occupy my mind BIG time.
Gem2001,
Am I wrong in asking, do you ever get totally frustrated? Not just at the deplorable overall subjects you cover, but the constant inability of so many to see the broader, often conceptual, message you try to convey?
This here Comment section on the very specific topic you highlighted seems to so miss your point. It is referred to as Reading Comprehension isn’t it? They used to test for it in school. That you understood the basic theme or central idea.
I gather you where completely blown away by the upfront, “no apologies coming”, response of basically ‘take what you can. It’s more than you’ve been getting’.
I agree … Wow. Just WOW! Like God-Damn WOW!
I’m trying to think of some other situation in life were I’d accept that direct slap to “just accept you ain’t good enough, so lower your standards”.
So, Gem2001, when the self-acceptance reaches this level (and you even have back-door defenders posting), what do YOU think?
@Uh Me
I am not blown away at anything on this blog anymore. It just helps to crystalize things for me. Makes it easier to wage war. Makes it easier to be unappologetic about what I do.
There is a lot that I work on that people don’t see and they won’t see until its ready so in some cases the absolute zealotry of people who want to maintain, protect and defend a system that is destructive to Black women just reaffirms the need to wage pure unadulterated war. Their side can’t win. its not a matter of “sensibilities,” its a matter of survival.
I haven’t really done anything yet other than raise awareness. Everything up until now has been kindergarten, training, an awakening.
The apologists remind me just how powerful the mind control really is.
Gem,
Keep doing what you are doing! U posted my post about the scourge of gangsta rap during the inauguration and I follow your blog daily. I stopped reading Essence years ago because as a natural, their natural hair section is either non-existent or just plain awful. And, the ‘get a black man at all costs’ attitude that permeates thru every relationship article is so off-putting, low-brow, desperate, out of touch, and just plain sad. Keep educating us and reminding those of us who see thru the mind control and okey doke that we are not alone!
Roslyn Holcomb wrote:
“Exactly ZooPath, and many men are eschewing bachelor parties altogether, or having them as gatherings elsewhere other than strip clubs. A lot of men are coming to realize the oxymoronic nature of hanging out with a bunch of naked women the night before you take vows before God to someone.”
Add me to the list of Black men who hate bachelor parties.
I didn’t have a problem with those parties when I was young, stupid, and unsaved. However, before my wedding as an adult, I was with my cousin and friends receiving Christian advice on dos and don’ts of being a husband. That fellowship was far more edifying and encouraging than oogling after someone’s wife, sister, or daughter.
I only have eyes for my wife as it should be.
My husband did much the same, Fred. His friends gave him a shower and he received tools, a barbecue grill and other ‘manly’ gifts. They also gave him advice and tips on maintaining a marriage.
@Big Bill
You’re wrong about Uganda. It wassn’t just that they were preaching morality, chasity…whatever…THe president of Uganda went around talking CONDOMS.
There were big billboards throughout the country talking condoms…they were passed out everywhere…he talked at schools, soccer matches, concerts wherever there were people…and that’s why Uganda’s AIDS rate went down…CONDOMS.
Now…if black folk would get their head out the sand and stip using religion as an excuse not to talk real sex ed…you’d see the same results…CONDOMS, CONDOMS, CONDOMS…that’s how you get the job done.
@Uh Me and Gem
Once again…just cause folk don’t see things your way does not mean they don’t get the message you’re attempting to convey.
Just means they don’t agree.
Simple
As i stated on my blog about this topic, the one point is missing is strip clubs are extremely dangerous during a bad economy. Most people talking ish about the strip clubs in Atlanta know this is a serious crime problem.
Armed robbing crews are looking for people carrying loads of cash. Most people are too ashamed to report they been robbed en route to a strip club and it is more common than we think.
To suggest putting a single Black women in such a dangerous environment is reckless at best. This dangerous fact alone throws out any silly argument about how strip clubs may be a place to find men..