This is the beginning of Black History Month. Hawa sent me a great post that provides some historical context for many of the issues we discuss on this blog. The following is a by Elle from elle,phd. She has given me permission to post her original post.Give her some link love. The post was originally titled “It Does Matter.”
My mom is visiting, which means my T.V. has been on some. I’m having quite the experience. On Sunday, she was watching Keyshia Cole’s “The Way It Is.” “The Way It Is” is a reality show centered around singer Keyshia Cole’s life, but more broadly about a black family reconnecting after having been torn apart by poverty and addiction. Keyshia’s sister, Neffie, was speaking to a group of black girls who were pregnant and possibly had high risk exposure to STDs. Neffie shared the story of her own repeated sexual abuse and assault that had begun when she was nine, then encouraged the girls to value their bodies and their sexuality.
One of the girls asked, “What do a female supposed to think, if they’ve already been touched by eight different people, so it don’t matter if I have sex?”
That question, for me, embodied a number of issues, primarily the fetishization of virginity and the horrible silence surrounding the sexual assault of black women.
That girl, 18 and pregnant, believed that because she had “been touched,” she no longer had the autonomy, the right to say no. Her “value” was significantly lessened because she was not “innocent.”
Every black woman that the camera cut to in that room had tears in her eyes. A symbol of a collective knowing: According to the National Black Women’s Health Project, 40% of us “report coercive contact of a sexual nature” by the time we’re 18. (Note that’s just what is reported.) And no matter our age, we are less likely than white women to report the assault, less likely to seek medical and psychological help.
There are a number of reasons for those facts. Black women have been characterized as “unrapeable” in our society, a stereotype that goes hand in hand with the one that paints us as “insatiable”—always sexually ready and available. These are characterizations that have a long history in the U.S., beginning with the classification of black women as (sexual) property during slavery.
In the aftermath of emancipation, white men justified their continued assault of black women by developing pseudoscientific theories that claimed African Americans were prone to “sexual madness and excess.” Thus, while any sexual relation between black men and white women would “damage” white women (because of black men’s aggressiveness and large penis size), black women, with their “deep” and “wide” vaginas and their voracious sexual appetites, could not be physically or emotionally hurt by rape.
Rendering black women unrapeable excused the widespread sexual assault and terror that black women and their families experienced during Reconstruction and afterwards. It also thwarted “emancipation”; as Tera Hunter asserted in To ‘Joy My Freedom, “Freedom was meaningless without ownership and control over one’s own body.”
For black women, then, there was no legal definition or protection: “‘Rape,’ in this sense,” noted Angela Harris, “was something that only happened to white women; what happened to black women was simply life.”1
This historic lack of legal recourse is but one factor that discourages us from seeking legal justice. Inviting police into our communities is an attempt fraught with danger—they might disrespect us, paint us as liars, dismiss the significance of our assaults, act violently against community members.
Then there are the barriers that African Americans experience in attaining medical and psychological care—our complaints are not taken seriously, many of us don’t have health insurance, we are part of a community that has been regarded as “dirty” or “diseased,” treatments and interventions have been typically based on the experiences of white women.
There is often a hesitance to bring negative attention to our communities. No, not because we’re “obsessed” with appearances or not airing our dirty laundry, but because we know that we will be treated as a monolith, all cast as violent or criminal. And, so often, black women remain silent, even as Aishah Shahidah Simmons noted, at our own expense. (Also see related video at her site.)
Finally (though this list is not complete), there is the persistent stereotype of the black woman as somehow superhuman—able to “take it,” tough, affected differently by assault than other women. Within my community, for example, assault and incest are cast as something that black girls and women just have to deal with. It is not just the victims of sexual assault remaining silent, but whole families and communities. It’s as if it is “normal,” it happens, there’s little we can do, so we must learn to cope.
I wonder how much of that this young woman had internalized, this idea that it “just happens,” that it’s not a big deal.
And I wonder how much she has internalized the idea that her worth as a sexual being is totally defined by her status as “non-virgin.”
When her mother was asked what she had taught her daughter about sex, she replied, “Not to have it.” That is a response, I believe, rooted in the influence of religion in African Americans’ lives and a defense mechanism, an attempt to combat the persistent Jezebel stereotype that haunts black women. For example, in the first two minutes of this clip from “Luke’s Parental Advisory, Luther Campbell not only tells his daughter to abstain under threat of disease, but also explains to her how many partners will put her in “H-O territory,” delivering a double-threat of fearmongering and slut-shaming.
So, what happens when we do “have it?” How many of our parents tell us simply not to have it and leave it at that? I mean, there are plenty of people out there telling girls that having sex makes them “used” or “soiled,” that virginity is a gift, something that belongs to a future husband long before they’ve even met him. Once it is gone, they are dirty and have nothing to offer. They are less desirable as partners.
They are worthless.
It’s not as if exemptions are made for rape victims. Sure, people speak of rape as more traumatic, more damaging if the victim was a virgin, but survivors of rape are often characterized as damaged or irreparably harmed, less than whole.
Less, in general.
And, as has been so frequently discussed at Shakesville, the persistent conflation of rape with consensual sex means that young women, in particular, who have been told to “hold onto” their virginity and associate their personal value with it, don’t make any distinction when they are raped before consenting to sex. They view themselves as diminished not only by virtue of their victimization, but also by having lost their highly-valued virginity. And they are left with no reason to abstain—because no one’s ever given them any reason other than fiercely guarding their virginity.
So, what happens when we do “have it?” My black mother told me, “not to have it,” too. But that is a woefully shortsighted reaction, especially given that kids who take chastity pledges tend to break them. For black girls, who are sexually active at an earlier age than other girls and who have higher rates of STIs, we need to answer the question.
We need to help them break the silence surrounding sexual assault. (Should I mention the women and orgs that are already doing this kind of work?—If you like, but it’s not necessary.)
We need to help them negotiate hostile health care institutions—black girls don’t report engaging in riskier behavior than their peers, but barriers to health care prevent diagnosis and treatment of STIs in black communities.
We need to talk to them about healthy, guilt-free sex—when I read that teenagers who take chastity pledges are less likely to use birth control methods, it made perfect sense. Birth control requires forethought, an admission that you plan to have sex, something many teenagers who have simply been told “don’t have it,” can’t do.
We need to tell them that no matter how many times they’ve “been touched,” or how many partners they’ve had, they still have bodily autonomy, the right to say yes or no. That the language used to fetishize virginity—”saving it” or “giving it” to someone—is not accurate. Their sexuality, their bodies are their own.
We need to tell them that their worth is not tied up in their virginity.
I never want to hear another black girl say, “It don’t matter.”
By elle,phd
KNOW your history. Thanks Hawa.
30 comments ↓
damn. Reading this article made a light come on – a familliar bell rang in my brain that made a connection to the questions I had growing up, getting married, dealing with women I’ve worked with and befriended over the years. Thanks for it – we all need to read and heed.
Talking to girls is a good thing – my wife told me she would be having a serious chat with my daughter similarly. But, boys also need to be educated. Deprogrammed, in many cases. I know as a boy I had no real understanding on how to healthily interact and treat girls other than the standard male machismo and retarded selfishness most of us exhibit. Got that from my peers and my Dad. Thank God I had a mother with a switch, no patience for such ignorance, and a first hand knowledge of the “HISTORY” you mention Gina. She grew up in the south (Mississippi) where white men would take a black woman off the streets and rape her like slavery was still in effect – complaining to the sheriff only got THEM called “…fast gals!” My mother’s life was a nightmare, as was her mother’s and pretty much all black women she had contact with. Her telling me (as a boy) about it, made me a better man…though I’m still learning. Thanks again for the article.
Ah, yes, the “don’t have it” talk. I remember it well. I know why my mom did it. I am not angry at her for it. Divorced mom trying to protect her only daughter. It didn’t work too well because I was “active” in high school. It did stay with me in the sense that I didn’t want to “experiment” with more extreme forms of debauchery. I thank her for giving a damn. Some parents don’t. The virginity thing worried me as I felt of slightly less value having lost it to a forgettable classmate but now I have no regrets. It is what it is and I am still worthy of love and respect, especially from myself. I think parents should focus on teaching their kids that their bodies are temples that only the most worthy and devout (to them) can have the privelege of worshipping at. And that they shouldn’t do anything with anyone that will defile said temple because their bodies are to be taken cared of. As for rape, it’s important to let victims know that even if someone tried to take something from them, they are still worthy of love and respect. They can still be victorious in the end. It will take time but the soul is resilient.
This is exactly what happened to my mother and her sisters all of whom were molested. They did not think they had the right to say no to sexual advances, because their NO had never mattered before. All of them were considered “EASY” and preyed upon by the men in the neighborhood. My mother became pregnant at 15 by a man in his 20s. My aunt was pregnant at 14 by another man in his 20s. My mother said she never even knew sex was supposed to feel good until she met my father around age 19. It was obvious my mother and her siblings were being abused and neglected but their teachers ignored them and their mother did not care.
I didn’t realize how many unspoken words filled the air between Black women, their sisters, and their mothers.
D*mn. Listen to these stories. “Fast” girls. Women who didn’t know that sex was supposed to feel good. Grown azzed men who though it acceptable to put their hands on me.
I also have my own history with a mom who said “just don’t have sex” and didn’t prepare me for “but what if I did?” I waited until I went to college, but then I had more sex in the years to follow than a healthy person should. And like most women, the value I had for myself took a big hit.
Gina: I am so glad you embraced elle’s post as much as I did, and I love that you featured it here.
My mom didn’t talk to me until the eve of my wedding night…she was already too late I had had sex several times before. My mother and other females couldn’t even talk about the onset of my period…it was always “your friend is coming to town, or Aunt Flo, or the painter’s are here”.
I made sure that I had the initial talk with my daughters after puberty began. I also made every attempt to let my grown daughters know that they can always talk to me now and when they were younger.
I have several nieces and close daughters of friends that I also make myself available to. The cycle has to be broken. I’m trying to do my part and whomever we can educate we should.
Thanks for this. This cannot be printed too often . . . ANYWHERE!
Now I just wish Essence magazine would print this more oftern that their “He Wants To Marry You” article(s) that they’ve been doing for the last few years. Essence now sounds more like a pick up joint.
Lastly, this article speaks volumes about the other ism we don’t talk about enough among our people — SEXISM.
Thanks Sis. Gina and God bless you for your courageous blog.
I know all of this too well as I have worked with juveniles who are already the mothers of several children or have unfortunately been treated for STDS. I am not naive but I still am one for abstinence and no sex before marriage. I know I am in the minority, but there are those of us who hold true to this and I will not be ridiculed because of my beliefs. Yes it is rooted in religion, but again this is my preference. I don’t think teaching guilt free sex is healthy for anyone (woman/young girl). There is an emotional maturity that should accompany sexual intimacy. Call me old-fashion, but our young girls are dealing with enough adult issues. As I said, all around me are young mothers and girls being forced to grow up all too quickly and I don’t dismiss their plight, or lack of positive parental guidance – not that it guarantees anything either; but I am teaching my children what I advocate — no sex before marriage. Whether they do it or not will ultimately be their choice. But it is wiser and healthier in the long run.
This is a great article, I don’t know what else to add that hasn’t already been said, I just feel sad that I can relate to so much the writer was speaking about.
I have hope for the next generation, that they can grow up having a different and better understanding of self -love and being.
Women, not matter what their age, are the only ones with ownership over their bodies and whether you have had sex or not, it should be by your own rules and at your own discretion, without shame or guilt.
There’s almost always such shame surrounding our experiences or we get it passed onto us from the older women in our families that it’s hard to have a healthy outlook even without the presence of sexual trauma/assault. Choices have to be thought out, weighed and considered from a point of strength and knowledge of the scientific facts as well as the interpersonal dealings. Telling a girl to do something for religious purposes has value but in absence of a complete education it’s just another system of control. Why? Because the exceptions ALWAYS applies to the males. Otherwise the “boys will be boys” expression wouldn’t have real-life consequences. Otherwise, Black girls wouldn’t be “raised” and Black boys “loved”. This is about racism but it is even more about sexism. The silence from so many women about the sexual assault that goes on is killing us by generation. Just like all the other crimes committed amongst family members and in black communities that are allowed – and often defended – by Black women. I’m tired of hearing about what the white man did because although it’s true, it’s largely relegated to previous generations. Now it’s Black men and boys.
I and four of my female relatives where sexually abused.
Why?
Because the scum who did it (Also relatives) KNEW that they could get away with it because in the Black community, they KNOW that we females are considered WORTHLESS, and therefore ANYTHING goes. They can do WHATEVER they please to us, no matter how disgusting.
How to solve this problem for millions of our Black girls?
I think if the hands and penises of the filth doing this to us were to start being chopped off that would stop it alright.
This is why I believe that Black females, we need to break away and look out for OURSELVES, and defend OURSELVES. I want more sistas to learn about guns, knives, karate/self defense classes, ANYTHING to stop this war against us.
How would uncle Tyrone like it when he goes into his niece’s room at night to try his dirty business and he comes out with “Something” missing from a well placed swipe of a sharp blade? Or a nice bullet in a certain place? Or even a pencil shoved in his eye or throat?
Think about it my sistas.
As for sexuality, we have to take that back also. These are OUR bodies, and WE have the ultimate say over them, and this HAS to be the message we send to our young sistas. Our sexuality does NOT belong to Black men, White men, the U.S. government, rappers, or any other interlpoers.
Thanks for the getting the message about this WAR on us out there Gina. I also saw the episode of KCTWII that you mentioned, and I applaud Keyshia for helping young sistas out. I was already a fan of hers, and now even moreso!
I feel very fortunate to have never been a victim. My mother was molested starting from the age of 6 until she was about 13. It was always by a family member, my grandmother’s “boyfriend” or a close family friend. And anytime she ever spoke up about it she was completely dismissed.
I have cousins who were “felt up” by older male relatives or spoken to inappropriately. I remember at a bbq years ago one of my older male cousins telling me that I had “nice feet” and that men like nice feet. I was eight years old. I told my Dad and let’s just say that this cousin was lucky he only had to put ice on one eye.
I don’t know what is wrong with black people sometimes. I honestly cannot wrap my brain around this repeated acceptance of demonic and exploitive behavior by some black males. Why do we always just look the other way or find something like white racism to blame? Why do we not value the lives of little children (molestation is high for young black boys too) in our communities?
This is an issue that continues to plague black families. Mothers are handing down their pain to their daughters and leaving their daughters vulnerable to the black male demons out there. I know that there are white men out there committing all kinds of despicable acts but this PARTICULAR problem is black male on black female. Anyone who attempts to frame it as anything else is trying to deflect.
Hollywood Blackout and all others concerned with this issue, here’s a few questions for you:
Why are all these Black Male Demons destroying the lives of Black Women and ruining the black community?
Are some people just born to destroy? and if so, why are they mostly Black Males?
Do you think it was Black Males raising these demons that caused their demonic behavior; or was it just a bad seed; or could it have been the Black Male Demons preying on the Black Male babies?
Do you just Don’t Care what the cause is and just want it to stop?
reading this article brought to mind another story about rape I read about a few days ago that sadden my heart. rape, discrimination, black community, no voice…………. What in the hell can we do to make it better. We think of all the rape and genocide in Africa as if it is foreign to us, but isn’t was is said in this article a lessor version of this? All of it is physical and mental degradation in which the victim is made to be responsible for someone else behavior. We do not know how to talk about these things in our community. We do not talk about things that matter. This is that cycle.
===================================
Brutal Sexual Assault Renews Focus On Hate Crimes
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=100135888
Oops, the second part was for JustMe.
Also, its only a partial answer. Just an idea. I hope someone has another (more comprehensive) answer.
Child molestation is the scourge of our community. I do have family members who sat back and let this happen to their little girls who grew up and became zombified as to the horrors they endured as children. Then they let it happen to their own daughters as this was a black male family member rite of passage. My heart aches for them, but I know some women who would simply not let this happen. There has to be a time when you start thinking for yourself and protecting those who you bring into this world. That goes for boys and girls. Sad and shameful indeed as this leads to a host of other issues that impact victims for life and directly relates to the poor judgement and decisions they sometimes make. Again, sad and shameful.
That was one of the most intelligent articles I have ever read that was posted on this site.
It actually spoke to a problem WITHOUT demonizing black men, black people, or the black community.
There is a huge tendency to do those things when discussing so called “black” social problems.
The author referenced the history of the sexual abuse of black women, as well as a nuanced understanding of how our current collective status in this society affects WHY black women might be more likely to be sexually abused and why they might be more likely not to report that abuse.
Very informative and well reasoned article.
So, what happens when we do “have it?”
It says in the Bible:
“Adam knew his wife again” (Genesis 4 somewhere)
Often times when the Bible wants to say somebody took care of their business, they say he “knew” his wife.
I’d venture to say there is a connection between knowledge and getting on. It seems they should go hand in hand. Don’t get on until you know. Teach girls and make sure they know. Know what? Everything related to that topic. Themselves, the person they are involved with, the risk, the gains, the loses.
Some folks really seem fixated on sexuality and BF. From WW accusing BM of rape in post slavery America, horrendous lynching in which men were castrated prior, raping of BW throughout history and now in Sudan, Congo, etc. Makes me wonder what’s with the black womb and sexual parts that seem to drive others crazy? may be so bold, I’d venture to say also that they are on to something. Its wrong and completely distorted, but I do see BF as “birthers”
There are other parts to giving birth: Dominance, splendor, new birth.
I think we can, and the world maybe subconsciously knows we can, dominate a field –as in know a field well; bring splendor to it- beautify, color it up, jazz it up, as they say; and bring forth a new birth. (Even in the darkest times, gospel music that are still rousing to this day, were created).
But I fear people want to squash this tendency. Hatin’ pure and simple. I think this ties into the need to call Sasha Obama “sassy” : she doesn’t seem squashed. She seems like she is so spunky and full of life that she can do what we BF all are suppose to know that we can do: dominate a field, bring it splendor (like Michael Jordon and his air time, etc) and bring forth a new something.
A birth is a birth is a birth. Those who don’t like “brown creativity” manifest this hatred by physically going after that physical representative of our creativity.
And it seems to be working. Now its a fearful thing to master a subject. Its a fearful thing to show that we know something-to display confidence.
I think this all ties in together.
Miriam, I couldn’t have said it better myself. I believe just about that very thing. Especially the analogy of BIRTHING.
However, if I were you, I’d be careful about the bible. There are some real shoddy notions in it about women and black people in general. Did you know that the Holy Trinity was introduced to the world by African people as the Father, Mother and Child? SOMEBODY changed it to be the Father, SON and the Holy Spirit – took the female principal out altogether. Wonder who did that?
Hi JustMe,
Thanks for the care and the warning.
Re: shoddy notion about women and black. Yes! I do think that has been seriously tainted! I could go on about that one! lol
In thinking about causes, the question raised by another poster relates to the issue of “dialogue.” But dialogue can be impossible when the knee-jerk reaction is a defensive “don’t drag the brothers down,” or “protect the brothers from the criminal justice system,” or “she asked for it,” because she is “fast…”
As long as black women’s request for dialogue is met with that sort of resistance from some black men, and as long as some black women go along with other women and girls being labeled, the problems will not be solved.
Too many black women cooperate with other black women and girls being victimized by labeling them, and these labels make them unworthy of protection, as others noted earlier. But those who would label forget that when one is labeled, all can be, because as many criminal defense attorneys know, the truth can be twisted into a falsehood. How many girls are labeled “fast,” and thus blamed for their own victimization, when they were in fact not “fast” and were not “asking for it”?
Pioneervalleywoman, I agree with you 100%. It seems that the excuse makers for Black males are out in FULL force today.
MILLIONS of our little girls are and have been getting raped by BLACK male family members.
And what is the concern about? Not hurting the precious feelings of the almighty Black male.
Never mind all of our girls getting their lives DESTROYED by that disgusting mess.
As long as the focus is on protecting ONLY the Black male, this problem will NEVER be discussed in a TRUTHFULL matter, let alone be solved.
That is why I want my Israel for Black females NOW. We NEED it, just as the Jewish people needed their Israel at the end of WWII. We are both persecuted, hated groups with NO protection.
Another thought:
Many people say that the N word was derived from latin. While I’m not questioning that, I did notice a very similar word in the Heb. Bible.
The word Nig’ei. Literally, it means “cursed”. It means a child who is really a subhuman. Born from an unkosher union (for example man and another man’s wife, etc) and all it can do is eat, sleep, and do “it”. Alot of those running around and you get a broken society -especially if they reproduce.
Anyway, this just made me wonder if WF unknowingly had that in mind when they called BF this when they wanted to justify their enslavement (oh! but they’re not really human. etc.)
And I wondered the consequence when BM internalize that name /label for whatever rationale they choose to use (to show that it doesn’t hurt, etc).
Also I’ve never heard of nig’ei being females, only males.
Miriam, that sounds like yet another attempt to excuse Black males for their anti-Black female behavior. Can we concentrate on helping our girls please?
Let’s be honest with ourselves, our communities are filled with predatory men, young children, teens and even adult women can not walk in their own neighborhoods without becoming a “Black Woman/Little Girl Walking.”
For some in our community we’ve accepted a lot of negative and destructive behavior as being normal. There’s nothing normal about allowing people to be harassed or sexually assaulted by other‘s and ignoring it. The misplaced loyalty that so many people have by protecting criminals is further destroying us as a people. Criminals commit crimes because they know that they will get away with it. A child who is molested can not control what has happened to them but we can. The perpetrator must be reported to law enforcement immediately regardless of who it is.
With a mother being the first teacher of her children especially of her daughters, she must teach her daughters that their body is sacred and should not be defiled by any man who will not become their husband. Teach her to place a higher value upon her body in every way and by doing that she will not be ashamed after years of devaluing herself.
When a girl wastes her youth and her ‘gift’ with one male after another thinking it is her duty because they have ‘touched’ her because of all the attention she has received, she has no ‘gift’ to give. Adulthood can wait, a child should never try to be a woman to early. She must be taught the reality as to why this is important_ disease, pregnancy, psychological damage, physical damage and death from AIDS/HIV. Male children should also taught the same as it applies to them.
We as women/mothers must lead by example and set standards for our own selves if we want our daughters/girls/sons to follow on to the right path.
Love is the value of giving the best in each of us and no girl should ever say, “she don’t matter.”
Feb Ob,
Huh? I was just answering someone’s question as to why this is. How was that defending BM?
I truly think that pure lovingkindness is the answer. No more harshness towards one another, enough tough love, stand tall and on your own and if you want some affection look elsewhere type attitude.
LOVINGKINDNESS. Nurturing each other with information, protection, guidance. This will help in several ways:
1) it gives girls an attitude that they are valued -because they truly ARE valued.
2) togetherness -girls walking in pairs in the street and not left alone to get around on their own.
3) With girls knowing which houses are “welcoming” to them and safe, they have a place to run to if they really have to.
4) with sensitivity, they won’t be afraid to say what happened to them (God forbid) and they won’t be received with harsh words.
5) With lovingkindness, women will WANT to share with young girls. They will want to teach them how to use the right hand and give -and everything that represents and how to use the left hand and hold back -and everything that represents.
For the girls that this already happened to, somehow we have to teach them to become “unnumbed” from the atrocity. To feel the hurt, explore it, and yes, gleen something from that dark cloud, but then to let go of the hurt (please note: only the survivor or a very close friend will know when unhealthy “hanging on” is going on. For some it may take them years to get over it, and THAT’S OKAY).
For those that this didn’t happen to, vigilance, value same things just in less frequency.
As someone who did go through ugly abuse, molestation, etc. I know one silver lining (which others -especially the strong black women– will NOT see as values) is that I’ve become quite sensitive to suffering, to the way people speak to one another, to the way things are done (lovingly vs crass and harshly). Somehow I think survivors can tap into very deep things. Also, I think things are seen as more nuanced than before.
A bonding, a togetherness, support and lovingkindness. That is the bases for any formulated plan to work. I don’t know how to give that to anyone -except lots and lots of compliments, extra shows of affection, etc. But I fear that people can be SO OVERLY PRUDISH that these things just can’t happen. Prudishness has taken away our ability to know the multifacets of sexuality, the beauty in affectionate touches and words. Prudishness has cut off the continuum of sexuality to the point that affection is cut off, kind words are cut off, ways of ‘looking’ at someone is cut off, light flirtation is cut off. There is only sex. Nothing before or after. Thus what’s there for a girl to give another girl? heterosexuals, I mean (lol).
Its easy to create new organizations, make policies, re-arrange this and that, but will anyone take the time to change an attitude? Can we stop being harsh to each other? Can we stop feeling competitive with each other? Can we stop presuming bad on each other? An attitude change can do alot –that’s why maybe its so hard to change that. Easier to pay taxes, and have an organization set up with office and chairs and a table. And coffee.
I meant to say lovingkindness and nurturing from BW to BW.
Miriam
As a Black Male I hope I don’t sound like I’m DEFENDING when I say I really Love what you had to say on this. You must be in my head – reading my thoughts. I know I’ll probably get flack from some of the posts on this subject but Miriam please keep doing what you’re doing; thinking like you’re thinking; my wife has expressed these same sentiments – and well…she’s my wife!
Yet, I have a daughter, and as a man…if anyone did anything to her, I would find it extremely difficult not to agree with Fed Up Observer’s tactics of dealing with them.
@justme hang in there
You opinion is just as important as anyone else.
IMO, this is the issue, more than any other, that has systematically destroyed the black community. You may well think I’m being hyperbolic when I say this, but I’m speaking the literal truth. We see it time and again, young girls being exploited sexually oftentimes in their own homes. Sometimes in their own beds. These young women grow up to be sexually compulsive, giving birth to another generation that will be exposed and exploited. Our boys become predatory. Our girls in pain and embittered. We’re the walking wounded. How then can we come together to form a community? The truth of the matter is, we cannot.
Black people have been urinating in our own garden for generations now. How then do we think to bring forth good fruit? We cannot. If we don’t women and girls from those who would prey upon them everything else will come to naught.
@JustMe. I’m not offended at all. I am certainly leraning (about myself and other things) from this and other blogs.