We listen to songs marginalizing and dehumanizing Black women all day long and there is almost NEVER any response to the lyrics from the masses. But like clockwork anytime a Black woman puts out something that might slightly sound “empowering” and it catches the hearts, minds and imaginations of women, there is almost an immediate “remix” response from a male artist or some editorial analysis. Note I don’t think its empowering, it just “sounds” that way, but I shan’t get into the contradiction that is Beyonce Knowles Carter today.
So apparently some people are taking Beyonce’s latest contradictory “empowerment” ditty “Single Ladies” aka “Put a Ring on It” to heart in the club. I wouldn’t know because I don’t go to clubs. When I was 21 in the club, I always looked on the old men and older women in the 18 and up club with pity. Then I entered the world of grad-professional student house parties and saw no need to pay a cover charge to be around foolishness. But I digress.
Now If you haven’t heard the song, I don’t know how you missed it, but if you haven’t heard the song, surely you’ve been bombarded by the YouTube videos of various unfortunate souls attempting the recreate the choreography in the Single Ladies Video. Including little Black girls
Yes, its like virus, its spreading everywhere. But I’m not here to talk about inappropriate dances for children…today.
Basically the theme of the song is that a man had the opportunity to be with Beyonce, but he didn’t marry her so now he’s lost out and shouldn’t be jealous that Beyonce is up in the club bumping and grinding on another man. I said contradictory. If he wanted her “he should have put a ring on it.”
But to the point about there being no room for jealousy if a woman moves on to another relationship when a man refuses to commit to her…What’s controversial about that. She wanted commitment, he didn’t. She moved on. Seems reasonable. Oh no my friends, SOME men couldn’t abide Black women around the country beginning to get the radical idea that if you wanted to continue living with them like husband and wife, you might want to enter into some type of contractual obligation recognized by the state and enforceable by a court of law.
So The Fly Guy, (hattip necoleb*tchie.com) posted letter from a reader in response to an ex’s statement that he “shoulda put a ring on it” called I Only Liked It..So I Didn’t Put a Ring on It. He started out the piece with this disclaimer:
This piece is dedicated to every woman who takes Beyonce’s latest single “Single Ladies” literally. Please understand that her world does not provide a true depiction of every day life, so you have to view her songs purely for what they are … entertainment only.
IN other words, the idea of demanding a commitment in exchange for fulfilling “wifely” duties is a myth. How convenient. He then goes on to post a letter from a guy that blame a woman for pointing out that his jealousy was unwarranted in light of the fact that the man didn’t want to commit to her.
Did I miss you? Of course I did—which is why I let my emotions get the best of me when I saw you with that guy last night. I can own up to the fact that my behavior was wrong, but your response was way out of line. To suggest that I had no room to get angry because I never asked you to marry me … well that’s just ridiculous. [Um no, I think that that was a reasonable conclusion to reach, if you want exclusivity and don't want to see her with anyone else, marriage to procure her exclusive affections isn't "ridiculous " at all]But if you really want to play that game, then let me explain to you the real reasons that I never popped the question.
You can read the whole letter over at the Fly Guy Chronicles, but to sum up the reasons why the writer didn’t pop the question, there was something WRONG with the woman, yet he stayed in a 3-year relationship with her before she got tired of waiting. You have to read the comments over there. What has the world come to when an “anthem” about expecting marriage so outrageous?
And that my friends is the point. Can you imagine the terror running down the spines of some men if all of a sudden women got wise and started to demand something or a more permanent in order to continue “relating” in relationships. Oh the HORROR of a generation of Black women running around demanding marriage.
This isn’t the first time this has happened. I vaguely recall “No Scrubs” by TLC, there was an instant remix “response” attacking it. There was also remix “response” to “Irreplaceable” . BUt there is almost NEVER a response to the foolishness pumped out by male artists.
So my question is this, why don’t women analyze and respond to all these anti-Black women anthems bombarding the airwaves ? Why aren’t we in the studio?
It is interesting to note that the Census bureau is “reporting” an uptick in Black children being raised in two parent families. OH the HORROR! We can’t have that can we? Actually, the Census bureau is attributing the rise to immigrants, not “native born” Black folks. I don’t believe it.
Disclaimer By no means am I endorsing the thoughts, views, or behavior of Beyonce Knowles Carter. Like I said, she a big ole walking contradiction, but that’’s another post.
48 comments ↓
This post is so on point. A friend and I were having the convo about music and holding artist accountable the other day. You hear a a song with a catchy hook and beat and it becomes a hit, but you don’t think about the words of the song or the implications of the song.
I think that women don’t hold men accountable in regards to music. More than likely they are bumping to the song that calls them a B**** or a H**. The are content with it and always use the argument that they are not talking about her. It is sad, but happens more oft than not.
But when when women are demanding put a ring on it…that is not always the best option. Length of relationship does not mean quality relationship. Maybe he has not put a ring on it because you are just not that one, you are the one right now.
Now now. Dont go encouraging black women to love themselves enough to demand excellence and to be treated with respect. That’s heresy–didnt you know? We carry the world unworthy of appreciation…
When’s that post about Bey gonna be up?!
LOL.
I commented on this over at Necole Bitchie. And like I said there (with much cleaner language here) the Fly Guy misses the point of the song.
Beyonce’s character is saying, “Hey you didn’t want me. I get that now. So shut up about what I’m doing now that we aren’t together. Clearly if you wanted to be with me after three years…you woulda put a ring on it. Since you didn’t…mind your own business.”
The Fly Guy response smacks of a man who’s pissed that the woman he strung along for three years took her bag o cookies and instead of going home crying…went out and enjoyed herself with another man.
Gosh. How dare she!
I feel you on the grad-professional student house party. That’s truly the business. Who needs a damn club…besides when you’re inching toward 30 the club is really NOT the business.
My 2 responses to Beyonce’s Single Ladies:
Tell Him to “Put a Ring On It”
http://brownsugar28.blogspot.com/2008/10/tell-him-to-put-ring-on-it.html
A Ring? Try Put a Title On It
http://brownsugar28.blogspot.com/2008/10/ring-try-put-title-on-it.html
I caught a little bit of a YouTube video. I think the idea portrays what has been doing on for decades, that is, men wanting women that will act they are married but will not commit. I never did that and never will at this point. I know what I want and will stay alone if my only option is to act like wifey. This is why I decided long ago to broaden my horizons. Why waste time with men that do not want to marry when that is what I want?
The fact that they are fussing ay bw standing up for themselves is par for the course. It just gets quicker exposure with the Internet. This has been going on for decades. At least you can find out real quick who will commit and who will not. Those that yell at something like this are worthless to any decent woman.
“So my question is this, why don’t women analyze and respond to all these anti-Black women anthems bombarding the airwaves ? Why aren’t we in the studio?”
i asked this same question on my site several months ago, a relatively tongue-in-cheek entry about how many women seem to be masochists:
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/ms-masochistic/
“1. no pigeons
released in the spring of 1999 by the aggressively forgettable sporty thieves, this song was a response to TLC’s “no scrubs”. it was far and away the most clever of the dozens of recorded retorts to that song, but thats not the reason why i’m highlighting it now. the fact that there were dozens of recorded retorts to this simple song taking about deadbeat dudes is actually my point. you name the song, whether its “bills, bills, bills”, “my neck my back”, “soldier”, “irreplaceable”…whatever. if it’s released by a popular woman and has real or even just perceived negative connotations about men, then you can bet a months pay that within a week of it first hitting the airwaves, there will be response songs, blog posts and thousand word articles written about it.
on the flipside, male artists can basically say whatever the hell they feel about women, and ninety percent of the time, they’re met not just with minimal protest but support!. i never understood this. our (men’s) generally apathetic asses dont ever let stuff like this slide by, but women’s generally annoyingly inquisitive and skeptical behinds continuously let it go like a fart in the wind.
can somebody explain this to me, or at least give me a reason other than stringent masochism why this is allowed to occur? please…take your time, i’m not going anywhere.”
i still haven’t received a real response to my question.
I’m in a committed relationship for a few years now, when I was married (for over 20 years), that situation worked for me. Now I don’t desire to be married. If the measurement for committment is marriage then get married. I don’t look at a certificate as any indication of happiness or longevity or increased morality.
My dislike of the Beyonce song is not what she appears to mean it’s what she says…referring to ‘herself’ or her ’stuff’ as ‘it’. I’m bothered that the tune is so catchy that my 10 yr old and 16 yr old are singing the chorus. Yet they don’t have a clue as to it’s inferred meaning of marriage.
I do agree that women entertainers/singers should have a comeback tune for the massive amount of material available that is degrading to women of all colors, but especially Black women. It’s sad that it seems that the worse wording a song has the easiest it is for others to recite, over and over again.
Although I’m not a fan of Beyonce and others, I fully support a woman wanting a committed relationship with or without a ring.
Here’s my small rant…I don’t think he was necessarily against marriage, I just think he’s an immature idiot who is still trying to figure out what he wants in a woman…or whatever. Well maybe idiot is too harsh a word. He is just going through what a lot of people experience. That is, they haven’t found “the one”, they may not be sure what they are looking for in “the one”, but they would rather have someone than be alone. Sad but true. All in all, he and his letter are as immature as the woman he describes. Seriously, it made me giggle ‘cause it looks like something a teenager would write. I mean come on guy, why are mad that she’s pushing up on another dude if you have a Top Ten list of reasons why she’s not worth dating/marrying? Sounds like someone needs night with B&J (the ice cream) and their tissue box. lol.
On the anthem songs and their counterparts: I want to add that the image of black women portrayed in the media isn’t helping. This is reason # 603983.09 section A of why I stopped watching BET music videos and related shows. Half naked chicks grinding all over those fellas who sing these remixes and other degrading songs do not help the situation. As black women, we need to protest these songs by our actions. It won’t matter how many songs we sing if the message isn’t reinforced at home. That means teaching our daughters to value themselves and have expectations for the partners they select. My mother taught me to be self sufficient and if I decide to get married, make sure the guy is about something. And for crying out loud, keep my damn legs closed; the human population will survive without my contribution.
Its interesting that the women will dance to any music -both the uplifting ones and the degrading ones; but the men will quickly make a remix against the uplifting-to-women ones.
Seems like one group is calculating and one group is not.
But if the message obviously don’t matter -women will dance to either, then why are the guys making remixes…?
Even though Beyonce may be a whirlwind of confusion or contradictions, I think she’s maybe a step in the right direction. The stormwind before the real focus. (the baby step that some may need perhaps?).
Another weak brotha venting on the internets. Is he dating grown women? A song can’t make a grown woman do what she wasn’t thinking about doing in the first place. And any man who is dating a woman that is that influenced by Beyonce, than oh well you are only as good as the company you keep.
I don’t think the song is meant to be as deep as some women are taking it. The song plainly speaks about a situation where a dude who has been paying less attention than needed to HIS woman being up in the club with the next man. Its really not (IMO) about commitment or the lack of male male commitment thereof. Personally, I hate the damn song because yes…there are everyday women who see this as another female “empowerment” anthem. I have to wonder if Beyonce felt empowered by putting up with her now husbands antics while they were dating? Seems like if she wanted to be really “empowered” she would have left that relationship a long time ago before now. But hey, thats just me, and thats a different blog.
BTW: I’ve been lurking your page for a couple weeks now and I love what you do. Keep it coming.
“This piece is dedicated to every woman who takes Beyonce’s latest single “Single Ladies” literally. Please understand that her world does not provide a true depiction of every day life, so you have to view her songs purely for what they are … entertainment only.”
That quote really sent chills up my spine. He’s basically saying, your not Beyonce, your just a “regular” black woman, therefore you shouldn’t expect something like marriage. Marriage is not an attribute of a celebrity lifestyle. If he were talking about fancy clothes, sprawling estates, couture clothing, personal chefs, high powered friends etc. maybe I would understand, but he’s talking about marriage–society’s most basic institution. Somehow this most basic institution has become a “reach” for black woman and something that’s only reserved for a few black female celebrities—if they’re lucky. Just look at how he opens, directing his letter to black woman who take Beyonce’s song “literally” as if marriage is somehow fiction.
The only thing that annoys me more than this, is the whole “woman you date, woman you marry” logic that you find rampant in music as well. It was fine for Jay-Z to call woman all types of whores throughout his career, because he married his “madonna”. And it doesn’t matter whether he demeaned black woman in building his career, because “he wasn’t talking about me”. I see a lot of woman on blogs aspiring for Beyonce and Jay-Z’s relationship and holding it up as the poster child of “Black Love”. Their relationship is their business and I could never judge what two people share—I wish them nothing but happiness. However, I think it’s is sad statement that people are so thirsty for images of black love and black marriage, that were willing to put aside certain individuals contradictions and idolize them without any room for critique.
I think the black males here have made it clear that they do not consider black women as marriage material (or that they do not believe in marriage at all). It is imperative that black women date other races of men who will “put a ring on it”.
You know, I am glad for this post. I see both sides of the coin. I think his letter and Beyonce’s song shows this lack of communication black men and women have right now. I don’t know if they each know what each other want or deserve for that matter. He’s saying that he gathered x amount of issues from the relationship and she’s saying that she thought there were no issues. I read the letter and his concerns are valid but he is still petty. As for Beyonce’s “character” it sounds like she’s not so hot a commodity herself. Dereon Jeans? Come on! I think with a stronger lyrical content and better singer, it would’ve been a good song.
It’s funny, because I just wrote about Angel Lola’s “rap song” where she extolls the virtues of basically being a golddigger and wanting a thug. She doesn’t want a preppy n*gga, she wants a n*gga in the hood (her words not mine). I guess I what I am saying is that ultimately, there are plenty of songs out there by black women, famous and unknown, that are about chasing black men down for their money. Again, I think this is a sign of the lack of communication.
I was reading some of the comments on that site. They’re quite telling and certainly show a level of immaturity.
“That song has put a lot of unnecessary pressure on some fellas out here.”
Really? I mean really? Unnecessary pressure???? What is a woman supposed to do- wait forever?
It does appear that a lot of BM just want their cake and eat it too- all of the benefits without any of the responsibility. Excuses, excuses. So telling.
Great post! I was just thinking about an answer song to Ne-yo and Jamie Foxx’s song, She Got Her Own. I told some friends we would rename it, He’s Got His Own and put our own spin on it, LOL. And as for the issue of marriage and commitment, as long as some women are allowing men to treat them like the bottom of their shoes, many of them will never be considered for marriage. Some men enjoy being the center of harems and doing as they please. Now why would they give it up for the stability and prosperity that a family and marriage holds? They don’t see future generations of their own children being anything more than what many of them have achieved.
Yvonne, go ahead and record something. even if it is simple. Download audacity and get to work.
Re the whole “as long as some women” argument, I will be addressing that next January I am doing an entire series on POWER, Power, and power.
“ marriage–society’s most basic institution. Somehow this most basic institution has become a “reach” for black woman and something that’s only reserved for a few black female celebrities—if they’re lucky.”
I know, I know, MADNESS. It is so weird/sad that for some black men, only certain females are worthy of getting marriage. There was a time that you would EXPECT grown women to be married. It was so sad for me, a few weeks ago, to hear two GROWN black women discussing their boyfriends as if they were teenagers. I just kept on thinking, how many nonblack women their age were having this same discussion. Black men really do downgrade/shame black women with the way they treat them. I don’t think most black women see how this disrespect makes them LOOK. If they did, I think they would be more proactive about preserving their image as a group.
“I see a lot of woman on blogs aspiring for Beyonce and Jay-Z’s relationship and holding it up as the poster child of “Black Love”.”
For real, wow, geez. Amazing. Pitiful. Mind boggling. If that’s black love, I don’t want any part of it.
“It is imperative that black women date other races of men who will “put a ring on it”.”
Completely agree. Like they say in my language, marriage beckons/calls for women (may get lost in translation)
“I guess I what I am saying is that ultimately, there are plenty of songs out there by black women, famous and unknown, that are about chasing black men down for their money.”
It is so ironic to me that black males, some of the poorest and most powerless men on earth are SOOOO concerned with their women being golddiggers. I mean, say what??? As far as I’m concerned, it’s just a tactic to discourage women from actually considering a guy’s finances, you know, to ignore it so they wouldn’t be ‘that’ kind of woman. and how convenient is it that the most powerless men ARE the ones discouraging their women to care about finances. IMO, women SHOULD care about their potential mate’s finances – why not??? Most societies encourage their female population to marry well, they EXPECT that a woman will try to marry well (because they EXPECT that a woman will want to have kids, and they do EXPECT for the woman to be concerned about the man being able to provide for the family), which gives men ambition to make something of themselves. But nope, not for black men. No wonder so many black men are comfortable being bums, they don’t have to prove themselves at all to get women. and the women that care about his finances are golddiggers anyways, so it’s a win win situation for him and his ego.
The irony of it all is that Beyonce did not write the song. A man- The Dream- wrote it. Maybe he should get mad at The Dream for “putting the idea” in women’s heads.
You know I have to agree with you here Gina. I just discovered how unnerved some men get with Beyonce’s “man-bashing” songs! yet they can sit and listen to most rap music with the most explicit of lyrics, and not bat an eye! if it weren’t so sad it’d be funny. I mean wow THAT song upsets you, I don’t think I have the time to compose a list of songs about women that offend me! such thin skin these fellas have.
The irony of it all is that Beyonce did not write the song. A man- The Dream- wrote it. Maybe he should get mad at The Dream for “putting the idea” in women’s heads.
Thats true! just like Neyo writing “Irreplacable”! some men even had a problem with “If I were a Boy”! again such very very thin skin
These men that have these “issues” are the fools and dregs of society anyway (even if they have some money or a job). I mean if you as the woman have standards and don’t settle why would this be a problem? Let the fools scratch their heads trying to figure out why they can’t find a woman instead of the other way around. Of course these men know exactly what they’re doing and some women will continue to get the short end of the stick, but that’s a choice isn’t it? Independent Women was more empowering than Single Ladies imo.
Yeah I remember Bills Bills Bills (Trifling good for nothin type of brother) song from Destiny’s Child when the group had more members. And they had the retaliation song from a bm that also used the word ‘pigeon’.
It’s almost like an anti-Beyonce kind of deal when it comes to these retaliation songs LOL . On Youtube these really young boys that rap came out with a childishly vile ‘If You Like It Then You Should Have Put Your Lips On It’! So childish & stupid.
Look I think they should put the word ‘wifey’ in the Webster’s Dictionary next time the same way the entered the word ‘bling’ in there.
The definition of the word ‘wifey’ should read in Webster’s as ‘dumb as hell strung-along girlfriend; a woman always choosing to settle for crap. SEE ‘crap’ ‘
I just hope no black women on this blog will have their photo right by this new word and definition. Imagine your picture right over the word ‘wifey’ for everyone to see and talk about for generations to come. Ha Ha
Yvonne C.: They don’t see future generations of their own children being anything more than what many of them have achieved.
Wow man Yvonne how sad! Well I don’t want to help them spread their low expectation having-seed into MY body at least LOL Find somebody else for THAT kind of foolishness.
BM who think like that really ARE the same men in one of Chris Rock’s famous classic stand-up jokes! But they just don’t want to admit to it!
Blasted hell! As daniecal said up there ‘thin skin’.
BM on this blog have already said that they can’t stand hearing any bw so-called empowerment songs, but for God sakes look how many bm empowerment movements, marches, songs etc. that black women had to live through, sit through and stand still through for the past number of decades! LOL
Look at Million Man March when the bm came out and told black women to ’stay out of this one’ because it had to be ‘black men only’ and for their ‘empowerment’ and to address their issues!
And whenever a black woman comes out with any type of art, good or bad regardless of taste, yeah such as a TLC or Beyonce song or even like Alice Walker’s The Color Purple or plays like Ntozake Shange’s For Colored Girls… if they hint at empowerment or scream out for it or the bw are just telling their side of the story & their experiences, the BM are ready to create holy hell.
Why can’t women of your ‘own kind’ as it’s called, open their mouths and have THEIR say about anything at all? Why can’t bw open their mouths and speak about themselves, or other black women and address their specific issues loudly? What is with the stupid guilt trip clap trap, which doesn’t work on ME, that comes from bm delivered Express Daily to bw?
AK said “BM on this blog have already said that they can’t stand hearing any bw so-called empowerment songs”
I run this blog and don’t remember this happening. Sure we have some anti-black woman trolls that love to hang out and read this blog, but most of them have been banished to SPAM FILTER HELL. Meaning they can comment all they want to, I won’t be reading it.
That being said, The Black men that have survived the spam filter usually offer a different and important perspective. In addition, this blog would not exist if it wasn’t for our male allies. They donate more money. Its not even close when it comes to donations. We’re talking 10 to 1. In additional, almost all of my technical support comes from Black men.
I’m making a conscious effort to be more precise in my condemnations in 2009. Some of the biggest cheerleaders and TANGIBLE supporters of this blog are Black men. Do some Black men need to be called out. Repeatedly? Heck yeah! But hammer them with the truth.
Refresh my memory when did they say they couldn’t stand empowerment songs on this blog? Give me the link.
Uh…yeah…Gem2001 Read this:
RiPPa : Personally, I hate the damn song because yes…there are everyday women who see this as another female “empowerment” anthem. I have to wonder if Beyonce felt empowered by putting up with her now husbands antics while they were dating? Seems like if she wanted to be really “empowered” she would have left that relationship a long time ago before now. But hey, thats just me, and thats a different blog.
BTW: I’ve been lurking your page for a couple weeks now and I love what you do. Keep it coming.
Now is the above person a man or a woman? Now as you said this is your blog so maybe you know of this person or you can shed some light. Over to you now.
@ak first of all my impression was that RiPPA was a woman who HATES the song JUST AS MUCH AS I DO! The post wasn’t about liking the song. The post was about the need by some men to try to put down any song that remotely sound empowering.
You don’t need to comment on this blog for the rest of the day. Move along or you can join the ranks of involuntary permanent lurkers. Commenting is a privilege and your’s is about to get revoked. UH YEah!
ak: BM on this blog have already said that they can’t stand hearing any bw so-called empowerment songs, but for God sakes look how many bm empowerment movements, marches, songs etc. that black women had to live through, sit through and stand still through for the past number of decades! LOL
Look at Million Man March when the bm came out and told black women to ’stay out of this one’ because it had to be ‘black men only’ and for their ‘empowerment’ and to address their issues!
And whenever a black woman comes out with any type of art, good or bad regardless of taste, yeah such as a TLC or Beyonce song or even like Alice Walker’s The Color Purple or plays like Ntozake Shange’s For Colored Girls… if they hint at empowerment or scream out for it or the bw are just telling their side of the story & their experiences, the BM are ready to create holy hell.
Why can’t women of your ‘own kind’ as it’s called, open their mouths and have THEIR say about anything at all? Why can’t bw open their mouths and speak about themselves, or other black women and address their specific issues loudly? What is with the stupid guilt trip clap trap, which doesn’t work on ME, that comes from bm delivered Express Daily to bw?
Actually the above IS the truth. I have seen TV footage from the 1980s when The Color Purple was released as a movie with bm protesting the movie saying it made black men look bad and brutish.
I have read about bm protesting Shange’s For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Was Enuff when the play was shown in the 1970s after the play received wonderful critical reviews.
As this blog mentions retaliation songs that bm happen to do even though the original songs that come the female artists don’t mention ‘all’ men, nor do they say ‘black men’, and they certainly don’t say ‘all black men’ in their song lyrics.
I remember the Million Man March all over the press such as even Newsweek magazine let alone Essence, where I read and I heard on TV, and on the radio that black women were asked to stay well clear of the march because it was for black men and boys to empower them and to discuss their issues.
Yet let one let alone more than one black woman open her mouth to address something about sexism, whether it’s about sexism from bm or in general, or if she speaks about empowerment of black women to defeat the sexism at the same time of the racism/colorism and a TSUNAMI is poured on top of her head enough of one to give her flashbacks of Thailand around Christmas in 2006 even if she’d never been there!
Uh great and thank you!
I tried to warn you. Don’t say I didn’t try.
Women should create songs that inspire them and show their ability to be not only insightful but creative.
I see nothing wrong with a woman wanting marriage. If that’s her preference then she’s aware of the possability that not all men want to be married. That’s alright as well. But if it’s committment that one desires perhaps that can be obtained without the official blessing of the church or the law of the land. There are many people in relationships that are loving, honest, genuine and they aren’t married. I happen to be in one of them.
People should also remember that most of these “golddigger” and “ho” songs being sung by females were also written and produced by men, just like “Put A Ring On It” and “Irreplaceable” and other songs. Singing these songs and going along with this image is often the only way these female singers can get a record contract and get out there (IMO, they should still pass this up because when you sell your soul, you’ve usually got nothing left of value).
And I don’t even understand this obsession black men have with black women being golddiggers. Black men are among the poorest groups of men in America, yet they are worried about black women chasing them for their money – unbelievable?! The only logical reason for this obsession is that black men don’t want black women to start holding their feet to the fire about getting an education, good jobs, starting businesses and otherwise pursuing success in America. My goodness – if the black woman starts holding the black man to account, she might even start expecting marriage and his participation in the parenting of children! Too many black men in America appear to want to remain irresponsible and unaccountable. That’s why they are so quick to respond to any kind of female-empowerment songs and anything that smacks in the slightest of black women holding black men to a higher standard. And black men in America sure don’t want black women to start doing for themselves and stop needing/wanting black men because that would lower the value of black men in the eyes of non-black women – horror! That’s why black men don’t mind black men being with non-black women (black men want absolute freedom, of course), but they hate the very thought of black women with non-black men (what – the black woman might not be sitting and waiting for the black men to “come home” and might start comparing his behavior/success with the behavior/success of non-black men!). Even when the black woman is as much white as she is black (e.g., Halle Berry), black men hate that she has left the fold and is with a white man.
@ Sandra…
I’m laughing at how well you expressed myself but I know it’s not funny. What you’ve said is all too true..
LOL @ Sandra. I notice only men who don’t make a lot of money accuse women of being gold diggers. Men with money actually try to use their money to get women.
@naima its called projection. they think that because they are obsessed with not having as much as another man that everybody else notices. then they take a few ignant wimminz and television extrapolate tha the whole gender is “golddigging”. so the we become the prblem instead of their own inadequacies.
That has nothing to do with me. Its part of theem not being able to separate fact from fiction. They really do think they have gold.
“In addition, this blog would not exist if it wasn’t for our male allies. They donate more money. Its not even close when it comes to donations. We’re talking 10 to 1. In additional, almost all of my technical support comes from Black men.”
Oh oh, then I am biting the hand that feeds you, lol. But really, I’m happy to hear that. That’s very sweet/ not self-absorbed of them to support you, I’m very much proud of the men that support you. Good job fellas, I might go on a bm bashing fast because of this, haha.
“I have seen TV footage from the 1980s when The Color Purple was released as a movie with bm protesting the movie saying it made black men look bad and brutish.”
Hmmm, I take that back, I am not going on that fast. Geez, back to square one
Ok. I’ve had my rest, I’ve got my sledgehammer and am ready to bash the BM. lol
Just kidding. I have a funny prediction: In a few more years, AAs will want to be called a different name. (no longer Negros, no longer AAs, but…???)
I think an elevation is happening. Just like when we try to self improve, we don’t look so different from the outside at first. Its all “inner” stuff that’s changing initially. Eventually, the outside catches up. ( the diet finally shows by the new body size, or the positive attitude finally shows in the postures, etc etc).
So too, I suspect something wonderful is happening in the AA world — and the inner, the women- is changing first. The outer, the BM will eventually catch up (hopefully), after all the fights have been put up and all the thrashing has stopped.
(don’t get me wrong, not to say BM and BW are stuck and bound to each other and not to say BW should wait for BM, just saying we do share many things)
What to do about the retaliatory songs?
I think buying or going to the empowering plays or keeping the good uplifting music alive is the way to go. Making noise about what’s really great will maybe turn young ears. Responding to the guys is an invitation to argue and debate and play-almost a show that they have a valid point.
Again being enthusiastic and beating the drums for the real uplifting entertainment is more forwards going.
You know, I thought I was the only one who noticed that – a (somewhat) empowering song comes out for women (I don’t like Beyonce or that song, but I get the point behind it completely) and someone, usually a man, comes out immediately and f–ks up the song and degrades women in the process. I remember someone sending me a YouTube video with the remix to Irreplacable. It was only a few seconds in when the person in the video said the words “baldheaded b—h” and I shut it down completely.
It wasn’t much of a coincidence that it was a woman who sent that to me. I told her that I deleted it because it was degrading and ignorant.
Men are quite the hypocrites when it comes to matters of the heart. But, as you said, women MUST hold these boys masquerading as men fully accountable. And we in general NEED to be more critical of music.
I am not a fan of Hip Hop/R&B….and I think Beyonce is trash. But with that said…. anything… ANYTHING promoting committed relationships is a positive for her fan base…although I doubt if it will make any tangible difference. Black values are still in the toilet…. she can promote marriage all she wants…. but as long as her fan base wants to marry the Jay Z’s of their community, then it doesn’t really matter… As long as those values don’t change….The “Black community” isn’t going to change for the better. This is another example of focusing on the wrong issue.
And this one song doesn’t make up for all the garbage that she has been known to promote.
unfortunately, I haven’t heard it.
after reading this post, I checked out the original video FIRST and realized, that if someone were to try to mimic this (not parody), they should be checked into a mental institution.
Brotheromi, how pray tell have you escaped the Beyoncefication this dreadful song has been everywhere.
@AI “This is another example of focusing on the wrong issue.”
You have a blog, you can focus on whatever issues you want to focus on. I wanted to focus on the fact that Black men are SWIFT to respond while Black women remain silent in the artistic realm.
We don’t need to respond via media, only by action. Many of my girlfriends have opted to enter relationships with men of other ethnicities, rather than wait on shiftless men whose low self-esteem and insecurities define who they are. On the other hand, we (as women) are sometimes content (and even amused) when black men disrespect us and hold in such low regard that they have no interest in developing and maintaining a full family unit. We’re still objects, like toys. Until this perception changes, they will constantly create rebuttals to empowerment songs.
Very thought-provoking post. I have never actually taken time to notice that for every empowering song for women, there is a response meant to bring women “down a notch.” I actually blogged about the topic of Beyonce’s song but from a different perspective (http://originalwombman.blogspot.com/2008/10/ise-married-now.html) . I’m not African-American in the commonly accepted sense of the word, though, and I think that may color my thinking about marriage. In any case, it was very interesting to read your perspective.
You know who else hates this Beyonce song? Your boy Michael Baisden! I didnt listen long enough to hear him say why, but Im sure its for the same reasons that the other men had.
Personally, I like the message of the song. I know waaay too many women who remain in relationships with men for YEARS and never get that committment. Women need to stop doing that!
That being said, I do not like Beyonce, not one bit. In fact, the only reason I havent written a post about this song, is that Im too busy trying to convince young women that the word “diva” DOES NOT MEAN a female hustler. It.just.doesnt.
L
I LOVE “Put a ring on it” and think it’s a great empowerment song for Black females. As for the “Rebuttal” songs from Black men, well it’s just further proof of the hatred that Black males have for Black females, no matter how much certain other people want to sugercoat that hatred and pretend that said hatred does not exist, whenever we the defenders of the Black female talk about it.
That is why I keep saying that Black females need to date out or each other. The Black male has proven time and time again that he does not give a damn about , let alone love, the Black female.
Iman, Zabeth, Allison, and JJ, I agree 100% with your comments.
I’m a Beyonce fan.
Sandra, you are 100% correct my sista!
When we do fight back in the studio, we get taken off the air. Remember Sarah Jones?
http://backup.curvemag.com/Detailed/553.html
Is this Sarah Jones Black?