Continuing on our theme over the past few weeks of Black women behaving badly. Sorry folks, but the hits keep coming.
This time courtesy of Lauren London.
I love guys who are street. I won’t even give soft guys a chance. Menace II Society is my shit! Caine was like my first crush. Actually, O-Dog was my true dream guy. I was in love with him, from that opening scene where he pops the convenience-store worker. He had me from that gunshot [laughs]. He was ’hood, and I loved that. Sandra Rose
And miles to go before I sleep. Miles to go…So shooting someone in the head is attractive? You know that Caine dies at the end of the movie right? Ignorance Personified. So what is being produced to combat the likes of Lauren London? If Menace II Society is what she wants her mate to model himself after, which movies offer the other alternative?
So of course because demonizing Black women and blaming us for all that is wrong in the world is par for the course, somehow Ms. London’s Ignorance has been imputed on all of us and we have been blamed for being witches and enchantresses who force Black men to break the law and commit murder. Who knew Black women had such power? I mean if we had mind control, surely we’d use it for something far more important.
As ticked off as I am at Lauren London spreading her ignorance with the masses, I do not accept the idiotic argument that Black women who love thugs drive men to engage in crime and violence as has been suggested by critics of Lauren London (Sgt. Willie Pete). Don’t try to paint all Black women with the same brush because black men would be the first to howl at the moon if we tried to say that they were all like the characters in Menace II Society. All Black people, men and women ought to be rising up against the entertainment industrial complex. This tiny group of people in LA and New York get to dictate the narrow range of Black humanity that gets displayed to the world and the slice they choose to show got scrapped from the bottom of the barrel.
Ignorance knows no gender and Lauren London’s is being used as a strawwoman to unlease a flurry of Black woman hatred over at Satan’s Playground, YouTube:
What happens if a black man like myself
1. Have a job
2. Have 3 college degrees and working towards a PH.D
3. Have no kids
4. Have a nice car
5. have his own place
5. have a vision for his future
answer 0% chance in attracting a black woman! conqueror2001I would not be surprise if the figures show 80% of black women single in the nxt 10 years. The African American female mentality is f#@ked up, ever from since Slavery, black women do not value the greatness of good EDUCATED black men, if they did, why is the black community so fucked up? Yet they are the Rock the foundation. So if they dating thugs and call educated black men losers, so what the f#@k is she? a princes a Queen right? Type in @ss shakin on youtube, tell me how many Queens you see. NYTHUG11226
That’s why i don’t even f#@k with black women anymore. Damn near every black female I come in contact with has that same damn mindset. I know all you are going to hate but this man is speaking the truth. Get a white girl like Tiger Woods or 75% of the n#@gas in the NFL.iramaj
61 comments ↓
*Yawns*
These “men” stay telling on themselves. Why can’t they just admit to being a square with no personality?
Every time they list their criteria for what makes them worthy, their personalities or hobbies always seem to be missing from the list. If you can’t even get a job or become a member of an organization without having a personality, then how are you supposed to fare well in the dating scene?
And SMH at Black woman being f*cked-up since slavery. Pot, meet kettle.
The “internets” is the great avenger for men with poor social skills. There are hordes of these guys whining ad nauseam all over the “nets”!
Since anyone with eyes and a basic grasp of math can see black male/female ratios stack up in colleges, you know that the guy with a PHD who claims he can’t get a girl is the guy at any social function looking forlorn and confused and afraid to approach.
Men claim they want to be men and don’t want women to take their position …yet so many seem terrified or simply not motivated to walk over and say “Hello”. The jobless” playas” don’t have that fear, that’s why they are jobless with four girlfriends.
They are so angry that no one approached them…they are going to get back at these b*tches and show them!!!
Colleges are filled with young black women, normal, attractive just human who want to be accepted for their humanity. Yet scores of men don’t see them as they are tearing up for the big, bright beauties.
These dimwits with little understanding of basic human nature and are like a bad rash. Women are drawn to tough, violent men…crazy men…this is true. This will not change. Scott Peterson still has plenty of female admirers and gets loads of care packages sent to him.
The glorifying of thug culture in the black community makes these fools appear even more appealing to our young kids.
BTW, instead of heaping blame and scorn on women, since these men can’t speak for themselves I have a solution. I suggest SIGNS that hang around the neck and dangle.
Since everyone can see when someone is beautiful, but smarts are much harder.
Men who don’t know how to communicate can wear “I HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE IN ACCOUNTING, WANT TO TALK TO ME”?
“I CAN HELP WITH YOUR TAXES!”
This could be especially effective in Spring.
Men who don’t know how to communicate can wear “I HAVE A COLLEGE DEGREE IN ACCOUNTING, WANT TO TALK TO ME”?”I CAN HELP WITH YOUR TAXES!” This could be especially effective in Spring.
See, you made me pause as i run out the door to say. “That was COOOOOLD.” Ouch. I can see y’all are going to cut up today on the “nets.”
Carry on, but do try to play nicely
Lauren London loving thugs IS the mindset of most young black females. I feel so sorry for them when I see them out with some dude with braids, tats, saggy pants and SHE has to open her own door, or SHE is paying the Red Lobster bill, or SHE is letting him drive her car. Young girls are only going with the images that they constantly see in videos. Men that look like lil wayne (yuck) or Plies. These girls don’t know better. (glad I grew up in the 80’s when preppy was the look)
It’s really a shame and a disgrace to know that so many women today, especially black women, allow themselves to become intrigued with a man that embraces violence and a negative culture. Is that really all we want for our children? I am the least bit impressed by a man of any color that feels living a life of crime or carrying a “thuggish” mentality is the way to go. It’s definitely not something that I want to be exposed to. What happened to the hopes and dreams of becoming positive, free, supportive individuals and parents. What happened to actually setting an example for our youth and wading through the mud to make it in this world? My grandparents did it, and I’m sure their parents did it, and that was more of an example to follow than watching someone rob or steal. We have got to want more than that for ourselves, and men should want more than that for themselves. Of course the environment someone lives in and grows up in helps to shape their character, but when we know we are doing wrong, we can always fight and strive to do better. Thank you for sharing this.
Kei
http:therevealedoasis.blogspot.com
Good post. Yes, London is crazy, but I don’t think her statements represent the views of a majirty of black girls today.
As a youth counselor, drug counselor and violence prevention specialist, and volunteer now, I’ve worked with many kids, including gangbangers, girls and boys; and I don’t see London as representing a majority of black girls today. Most black girls may be intrigued, but they try to stay away from these guys.
Violence has gotten so bad in black communities that most kids, female and male teenagers, are afraid to go out of the house and just want to be left alone to do things like go to movies, roller skate, swim and just have fun, and not hang out with idiotic, violent thugs.
Anonymiss said…
*Yawns*
These “men” stay telling on themselves. Why can’t they just admit to being a square with no personality?
Every time they list their criteria for what makes them worthy, their personalities or hobbies always seem to be missing from the list.
Have you noticed that sistas do the exact same thing? How often do we hear on these blogs how there is such an abundance of quality single sistas, with such quality being based solely on them being educated and professional, yet attitude, personality, character, hobbies and looks are never mentioned?
By black standards, what constitutes being “square” is commonplace with white men (such as the stereotypical “goofy white boy”) yet this doesn’t stop white and Asian women from pursuing them strongly. So basically, we have a standard among blacks as to what is “square” and “lame” that leaves little room for productive men and a lot of room for trifling men.
I don’t subscribe to that stereotypical definition of “square.” When I use “square,” I’m referring to a cornball without a personality that simply isn’t interesting to be around. Jabari from College Hill and Carlton Banks come to mind. Carlton leans more on the pompous cornball side.
And yeah, I see your point about sistas that present themselves as walking resumes. They exist too. But the outlet for Black women hatred is wider than Black male hatred.
I think some of those women are a little extra so as to negate the notion that success is detrimental cuz some men aren’t comfortable with ambitious women.
@Knockoutgirl
This is what I’m hollering. I’m reading these youtube comments cracking up. Last I check I’ve known three other sisters enrolled in my grad program, one working on her PhD right alongside me, and just one brother. The number of black women in college continues to outpace black men. But ALL black women are chickenheads looking for thugs? Riiiiiiight.
I think that we must consider that only 35% of black females attend college and only half of those will graduate. Thus you have 65% of black American women who are right their on the same education level as the 75% of black males who will never go to college and since black females outnumber black males, the raw numbers of non-college going black males and females is closer than that. If we are discussing those black women who will never graduate from college, then you have something like 83% who are out there with the 90+ percent of black men who will never graduate from any college.
So you actually have the majority of black males and females on an identical social class level. So there are a lot more “chickenheads” than you might think.
Also Anonymiss,
I’m not familiar with the characters from College Hill, but Carlton Banks is clearly a comedic exaggeration similar to Steve Erkel. He is not a very realistic example. Your statement seems to imply that you either have thugs or you have nerds, an implication that disregards the larger population of men of any race who fall in the middle and are designated as “regular guys”.
It is a mistake to assume that any guy who complains about the perceived tendency of black women to be attracted to thugs does so because he was unappealing. You don’t have to be a crime victim to speak out against crime. You don’t have to be poor in order to work to end poverty.
Many black women complain about the 70% single rate among black women. Would it be right to accuse them of complaining because they can’t get a man? Many people address certain issues from a social standpoint as opposed to a personal one.
Also, can you give some basis for your statement that the “outlet for Black women hatred is wider than Black male hatred”?
Shadow are you equating not going to college with being a chickenhead? They are plenty of men and women in college engaging in promiscuity, groupie behavior, stripping and other stuff that I can’t mention on this G rated blog. There are some women in college who actually want to be video vixens and men who want to be gangsta rappers. College doesn’t mean anything other than you did the work to get the degree and that you may have a higher paying job than someone who doesn’t have a degree but not necessarily. It doesn’t mean you are great person, will not make you a great husband or a great wife.
Lauren London probably just said what her male fans want to hear. I mean this is King Magazine, does anyone think she was going to say anything profoud? She is not from the hood anyway, did her white father teach her that?
Dang, Shadow! I don’t know Anonymiss, so I won’t pretend to get inside her head, but it looks like you may be taking more general, casual comments more seriously than they were intended. We do have to be accountable for our casual comments, but in her last post it actually sounded like she was trying to meet you halfway.
At any rate, I can only speak for myself about my response to the men’s posts. As I was reading them, I wasn’t picturing them as “nerds” and “wallflowers” so much as arrogant and possibly self-pitying. Any man who would take the EXTREME comments of just one black woman and then go on a vulgar tirade against ALL of us just plain has issues, and that’s probably why healthy black women don’t want them. I know this behavior is not unique to black men, but it is their comments that are under discussion now, so that’s my focus.
A brother actually put me in that situation (feeling like I “owe” him being with him just because he says he’s “qualified”) a while back. We had absolutely nothing in common personally, and when I refused to enter into a romantic relationship with him, he tried to BADGER me into wanting him! His only logic was he was a decent (in his estimation) black man and I was a single black woman! These guys sound a little too much like him for comfort.
We really don’t “owe” each other anything except the respect and consideration due to another human being. That seems to be challenge enough right now. We can form alliances with some people, and others we can’t. But crazy is crazy, and these men came off as pretty nuts.
We can go around and around about who has “more outlets for hatred,” but what would be the point? What is actually earthshattering is that black women and men could BOTH make a solid case for it, and that’s a crying shame.
I’ve grown tired of these arguments of black women not wanting an “educated black man.” What I find is that these self proclaimed men who won’t hesitate to list off their degrees & flaunt their standing expect to be fawned over based solely on a piece of paper with MA/MBA/MS written on it — not who they are as a person.
Its not necessarily about education — I know plenty of men with only a high school diploma but work hard & are dedicated to their community & making change happen for our youth.
Lauren London does not represent the majority and any man that tries to use her as an example says to me that they’re looking more for an outward beauty than anything else and neglecting who the inside.
Maybe that’s why they can’t find someone.
To the men – I really think u are espousing the same mentality that makes me run from bm. Funny enough, I just had the same experience that eagleview described above, except, this guy couldn’t even get me to go out on a date with him, after our initial encounter. He began to badger and harass me with phone calls and texts. Now this was a bm, that claimed to be a good, educated, respectable bm. Yet, when I declined to go on a date, because I felt that his advances were a bit too aggressive and familiar, he became a writhing insane asylum escapee (all too common with a number of bm I have encountered).
As for the caliber of men, I don’t agree that these men who curse and degrade bw, are generally unattractive to the average bw (they have become unattractive to me), but they are seriously lacking in their ability to communicate and their skewed value system. Which I think all of the women who commented above agree with. I def don’t like thugs, never have. So, the type of black guys who I am referring to have always been in my general social arena, and THEY rely VERY heavily on the false familiarity that is created with the whole “brotha”/”sista” tripe. Furthermore, men and women are valued very differently in society. A man can be called a dog by women, and never lose his value in society, as long as he has a job, an education, or any number of material things. But a woman’s value is based on public perception. She can have all the money and degrees in the world, but her value to society will always be based on her beauty, character, social skills, etc. All things that are very subjective and rely heavily on the judgment of others. When you disparage a woman you take away 90% of her worth, because she is now sullied and nobody would want to touch her, even if she changed. When you disparage a man, he can tell the world he has repented, and automatically be welcomed back into the fold.
It really doesn’t matter what girls like Lauren say, b/c they do not define manhood or drive a man to become a thug. I really cant stand to sit here and argue back and forth with men who are seeking that we be fair. Are you serious? Our society isn’t fair, and you already have an advantage over bw (in some cases over all women). You are men, and it is very unattractive (and telling) to be whining like this. You never lost control, this is still a patriarchal society, and for every bw who is outpacing a bm in her career, that one bm is still bringing home more money than all of those women. Hell, bw BETTER be outpacing bm just to survive. I used to have a lot of words of wisdom for guys like you, but now I really don’t care. And it’s a sad thing when a good woman loses all of her thoughtfulness for a particular group of men. I really feel that most bm are not being honest in their treatment of bw or don’t really understand how hurtful some of their tactics are. Since I have always been open to men of all races, I can say that I have NEVER been belittled by any man even remotely like I have been dishonored by bm I have dated or just encountered on the street. I truly believe that bm devalue bw as much, if not more as the rest of institutionalized patriarchal racism. I have met too many bm who have dated ONE horrible bw, and then turn around and denounce all bw. If I did that, I would have been done with bm, before I even started dating. Hell, I definitely would have been done after my freshman year in college, when a guy who NEVER asked me out in HS, but secretly liked me and was a friend, decided that because I didn’t date him I was a horrible woman who deserved to all of a sudden be disparaged. That is the type of man I envision when I hear “no personality”. I really am tired of all of this, and I really believe that bm are not datable. You can holler all you want, but that only proves me right. You can be apathetic, and again that proves me right. You can be disingenuously concerned, and that proves me right, AND makes you a threat to some other bw, who will assign unwarranted hope to you. I just want to be loved, so really I have never asked for much. So what about the chicks like me? What is ur excuse for that?
My apology Gina – understand if you delete my post.
angry independent – where do you look for black women? In the ghetto grocery store the first 10 days of the month? Or do you look in museums, at the symphony or charity events? Don’t use the ‘race to the bottom’ mentality as your excuse for not dating black women. It would be the same as my using the ‘inarticulate, under employed, no class ashy elbows excuse for not dating black men.
The Angry Independent said…
“This is why I don’t (can’t) deal with Black women and tend not to be attracted to them. There are many reasons, but their mental outlook is a major part of why I tend to turn my head the other way.”
The feeling is mutual. I am not sure why any woman would want to involve herself with the pathologies of bm. They are basically incapable of functioning as a viable and reliable partner in life. What kind of man makes comments like this?
This is my first time posting on this wonderful blog, and I’ll keep my comments brief. I’m having a very difficult time dealing with the barrage of degradation and misogyny that is being heaped on the daily on the heads of black women. Forgive me if this sounds hyperbolic, but I literally feel like so many of us are being abused, and I really would like to discuss some solutions.
wow
is all i can say…
angry independent – why do you visit this site? It’s about black woman. Please, go to your white woman, marry her, have mixed raced girls and teach them to hate themselves. (My apology G)
There is a such thing as being square. It’s has nothing to do with your education or profession – it’s about your personality. Just because a black women finds a particular black man square it doesn’t mean she’s in a “race to the bottom”, it means she interested in a man with a more dynamic personality. Just because a black man is an educated professional with a good paying job, it doesn’t mean he is necessarily a black woman’s messiah. Some black men feel that because they have an impressive resume, black women should be falling at their feet and fighting for them and if were not it’s because we are looking for “thugs”. I’m not into thugs, but I’m also not into men who are walking resumes. There’s should be much more to a person than their job and degrees. I’m always weary of people who ask “what do you do?” after the first five minutes of meeting you and then delve into asking where you went to college and grad school. People who define themselves solely by their careers and credentials are usually lacking elsewhere in their life. If you can’t carry on a flirtatious conversation with a women your interested in that is doesn’t devolve into reading your bio, maybe you should spend more time out meeting people and thinking about different ways of defining and presenting yourself. Same thing goes for women. Most people are more interesting than they realize, but their so busy putting their guard up the interesting side of them never comes out. A lot of men and women use there credentials as a crutch.
As for Lauren London’s comment. I’m sure she made a lot of her male fans happy. I think some women what “thugs” because they’re equating being a thug with masculinity. I like men who are masculine, but I don’t equate being a thug with being a man. As a matter of fact, I equate it with the exact opposite. The majority of these so-called thugs are actually punks and mama’s boys who need therapy and a dose of reality. I know men who have actually lived the “street life” for real and have been dealt some of the worse hand in life and any one of them can tell you that you don’t live that life by choice and when you have the opportunity to get out and better yourself you do. Most of these guys you see on the corner and in music videos are playing a part and unfortunately this part has come to define black masculinity. I think it’s up to black men to reclaim their image the same way it is up to us to reclaim ours. We also have to teach little boys and girls where real thug life leads – death or jail, so that they don’t try to emulate this foolishness that they see.
With all that said, I still like a man with some street smarts and some ability to fix things around the house.
I was wondering the same thing, vinindy. I mean, for example I certainly wouldn’t participate in a white supremacy blog. If I don’t support a group, I don’t see the point in interacting with them. Wait a minute. This man actually went through the trouble to get on a blog dedicated to black women and our causes to DENIGRATE us??? That’s commitment. Have a nice life, angry. I think we’re much better off without you.
Gina. What on EARTH are you talking about! You know good gosh darn well thats sexy to black women. C’mon now! I wanting for Pookie and dem to get out next week so he blow someone else’s head off and I can fall in love all over again.
Gina, its Lauren London. She looks like she’s about as smart as the doo-doos out her behind.
I think the The Angry Independent and the EmergingPhoenix make a wonderful couple. You two should get together over some cheese and wine and talk about how you cant stand the opposite sex of your same race. You two have so much in common.
Oh, she’s only giving him what he asked for. Thats the best way to shut these fools up: remind them that long before IR unions were even feasible for black men, black women were doing it first. Remind Angry Independent that he will not be missed. Now watch Angry Independent’s head explode.
Im sorry I just cant lurk by on this one.
One woman says she has a thing for thugs and now she speaks for all black women?
Some educated brothers over react to her statements and all of sudden every black man with a college degree is square, sexist, white woman chaser?
Im a say it again IT”S YOU.
You cant find a good black man it’s because of you.
Cant find a good black women it’s because of you.
Ive been drug through the ringer by enough black women to have a good reason to hate.
Ive also had way to many good ones come into my life for me to ignorant and self hating enough to make sweeping genralizations.
Maybe if you all would pull your self loathing butts away from the computer long enough to go out and meet some one you wouldnt all sound crazy as hell.
Folks like yall who the hell needs the Klan, yall bunch of Willie Lynch/Uncle Ruckus wannabees
Thanks KlanMike. Your ability to meet us in the middle is commendable. But let’s just ignore the fact that he has just disparaged a whole race of women. And yet this is the best a “good bm” can come up? LOL!! Really KlanMike, thanks!!
Shadow are you equating not going to college with being a chickenhead? They are plenty of men and women in college engaging in promiscuity, groupie behavior, stripping and other stuff that I can’t mention on this G rated blog.
I definitely agree with you Naima. I was basically playing off of Pecola’s statement whereas she said:
“The number of black women in college continues to outpace black men. But ALL black women are chickenheads looking for thugs? Riiiiiiight.”
This statement seems to imply that college educated means non-chickenhead. So I just went with it and showed that based on this notion and the fact that the majority of black women in America are not college educated, there are plenty of potential chickenheads.
But in reality, I understand that there are plenty of educated chickenheads and plenty of uneducated women of quality and class.
@clnmike
Thanks for that moment of levity
I think I will be able eventually to chuckle at the crude irony of black women being deliberately belittled on a blog written for black women (I hope I’m not breaking any of the rules). It did temporarily hit me like a sledgehammer. I mean, to visit a black women’s blog and be told by a black man just how undesirable sisters are is priceless — truly priceless.
And all this over a celebrity’s comments. SMH.
Good night.
I listened to that crap and all I can say, wow these people are weak.
If it wasn’t so sad it would be funny.
EmergingPhoenix
KlanMike?
That is so clever you defintely put a lot of thought in that one.
Just a Poster
“I think I will be able eventually to chuckle at the crude irony of black women being deliberately belittled on a blog written for black women”
You need to take that up with the moderator, I dont run this show.
The point being is that there have been way too many genralizations by both sides that if an alien dropped down from the sky and looked at black people he would swear that black men and women were natural born enemies.
A whole lot of finger pointing.
Blogger Just a Poster said…
And all this over a celebrity’s comments. SMH.
A celebrity like DL Hughley?
Gina, My comment may not belong under this post. It’s only somewhat related. I found your blog from a newspaper article on Michelle Obama. The article mentioned the possibility of black and white feminists uniting. I, personally, am not a feminist in the popular sense. I have seen the radical feminism from the 60s actually hurt women, especially black women. I consider myself a true feminist; one who sees a woman’s femininity and fertility something to be treasured. We have what no man can ever have in our ability to bring forth new life, and see this new life look upon us with such love. This, by no means, says that we’re better than men. We’re just different; equal in dignity, but different. (cont.)
Blogger LeAnne@Hairs My Story Team said…
Gina, its Lauren London. She looks like she’s about as smart as the doo-doos out her behind.
Well, her Myspace page lists her as a college graduate and I recall past articles mentioning her going to college . If true, it gives much credence to Naima’s earlier post.
(cont.) The contraception/abortion mentality of radical feminism has drawn women away from their true nature, true calling, and has suggested that we need to be like men to be of any worth. We are already beautiful, we bring so much as women to relationships, workplaces, etc. Let’s stop trying to be like men. Let’s allow them to step up and be the men we want and need them to be. They are meant to be the warriors, protectors. We are the nurturers, we are relational. This is just how we are programmed, generally, as male and female. Last note, we should not support Planned Parenthood, who is afflicting the BIGGEST hurt upon women, especially black women. See http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2008/jun/27/black-pastors-hit-political-parties-on-abortion/. Thank you.
amdcmd,
If you go over to Michelle Obama Watch, you will find a thread that is addressing your issues.
I do not identify myself as a feminist, much to the consternation of many of my readers. So you don’t have to indoctrinate me into something I have never claimed. that being said, I don’t knock black women who do identify themselves as feminists. I’ve learned a lot from them.
So head on over to Michelle Obama Watch, there are numerous threads going about feminism that are quite revealing and your comments will not get lost in the crossfire of yet another Black men versus Black women gender war.
Shadow – please provide links to the source of your 35% BW College stats. There’s no way that number is accurate.
Ok, why are some of you black women/black people even bothered by this woman and her ignorance? Furthermore, the last time I checked the “bi-racial” society was claiming her. Saying that to say, now she’s shown in a negative light, why is she now a representative of the average black woman?
Even so… one black woman making such an ignorant comment should not reflect the majority, and we shouldn’t internalize it either. And not so many young black women actually think like this as some of us seem to believe. Just my 2 cents.
Hi Faith. I got that number from this newsweek article:
http://www.newsweek.com/id/59790?tid=relatedcl
WOW! I missed a goodie! This whole black male/female relationship “thing” certainly puts some behinds in the seats, and boosts the comment counter. Nice! I’m happily married to a black woman so I can talk junk [hehehehe]. Let’s begin.
While I have male friends, I’m quite solitary. I dig that a lot but I will admit that my wife’s friends are essentially my friends – in a way. Once baseball or college football comes on TV, things change somewhat. My point is that being around a bunch of chicks gives me a view into the world of late 40 something heterosexual black woman culture. Sometimes I feel like I am in a petri dish that has access to the conversations in “that other” petri dish next to the microscope by the centrifuge. Wanna know what I’ve been hearing, and seeing?
First a question: What’s with all the seriously attractive professional black women who complain about not finding a black man? My spouse suggests that they are a bit crazy but I’m like “All of them?” No way. I mean, they seem well adjusted and normal but what do I know – I’m just a fly on the wall of a petri dish. Anyway, back to what I’ve heard.
Wait a minute, I got another question: Why do these seriously attractive professional black women choose brothers who have, well… issues? I’ve seen examples where the brother is a bi-sexual with homosexual tendencies – and there are more issues but that’s all you need to know (one of my wife’s friends might post here and figure out that I am airing her business); brothers who have one or more college degrees BUT won’t get a job – once again, I’ll say only that for the aforementioned reason; brothers with weird sexual fetishes – and I mean weird.
All this brings me to another point: The aforementioned brothers can be considered “professional” as far as their occupational status is concerned. Those black women in our social circle (or once were) who are satisfied with their marriages (or possess the appearance of stability) are married to working class brothers. Now, I am considered a professional BUT I grew up in a culture that was somewhat chauvanistic, male dominated, and working class. Hours before I chose my occupation (teaching) I was scheduled to go to the police academy. For the longest time I wanted to be a cop – like my dad (a friend talked me out of this because he convinced me that a housing project in the Bronx in the wee hours of the morning was boredom personified). A lot the the women I mentioned earlier seem to have a complete absence of working class brothers from their relationship resume. Why?
An earlier commenter mentioned something derogatory about brothers who were “cornballs”. What does that mean or rather what does it mean to “not” be a cornball? Maybe I’m a cornball. After all, I was thrilled when my wife and I purchased a house in which nearly all the rooms, except for the in-law suite, were located on the first floor (I was concerned that, as we got older, access to the majority of the house would be hampered by worn knees, hips, legs, and the daily impact of a staircase). I suppose that is what was meant.
Oh yeah, back to what I’ve heard and seen. I’ll tell you one thing – or two. So my childhood friend, an intelligence officer in the military, moves to my area – the Atlanta area. He is single with a child. I’m like “Dude, I know a lot of single women. I’ll introduce you.” He visits during an informal soiree “thingy” at my home. My wife suggests one of our friends who seems well adjusted and completely satisfied with being single. I introduce my friend. [Sigh] He is like “please to meet you but who is your friend over there?” I think that my friend (a brother) likes women with longer hair or, put another way, he couldn’t get with a sister with short hair AND he opted for the sexy maneater on the other side of the room [sigh].
I suppose that people like Lauren London as well as the “anti-cornball” crowd seem more common than we think. I wish we were all virtuous and appreciative of the mundane (watching television together, going out to dinner at McDonald’s or Appleby’s, barbecuing on Saturday afternoons) but that, I suppose, ain’t the case. A “bad boy” or sexy maven is much more attractive than say a stable school marm or someone like my cousin (an army drill instructor) whose wife left him for excitement.
There is a happy ending to my cousin’s story. He sought and got custody of the daughter (he wasn’t the natural father). In his words, the mother wasn’t exactly the best influence.
Do me a favor and pray for him – he is Iraq right now.
I’m sorry, I hit the publish button twice. Been drinking one of those guarana and taurine spiked ice coffees. I feel like I just did a line and smoked some meth – not that I’d ever done anything like that before, I’m a budweiser kind of guy. Actually I’m more like a Sam Adams type – cheap beer makes my stomach do somersaults.
Those comments are so stupid and a wrongful generalization. I don’t want a thug, some high school drop out, multiple baby having loser. I don’t shake my butt on youtube or anywhere else. And I am a black female from America. Those guys (who posted those comments) are weak. And I would never give them the time of day. If you attract trash, then that should tell you something about yourself……
Lauren London doesn’t represent ALL Black women. But, I think she does represent a larger portion of us than we’re willing to admit.
Look, I’ve been uncomfortable with this thug celebration since MC Lyte did the “I Need A Ruffneck” song (…and Beyonce says she needs a “Soldier,” Fantasia wants a “Thug” in her song).
As for the point that Lauren London can’t drive a man to be a thug, what happens if she has a baby and that baby turns out to be a boy? She can’t impart that “thug preference” on her boy child? I’ve seen too much of this in my own community.
wanda, thank you for some balance. There are many brothers out there who have heard the song and dance about “being too nice to be someone’s boyfriend or mate.” In my earlier post I hinted at a reluctance on the part of some sisters to involve themselves with men who are working class or may not make enough money. That is real and it happens more often than some women are willing to admit.
Now for the cruel and heartless anecdote:
I have a male friend and we tried to hook him up with this sister who had her shiznit together. She was into it. My friend however declined. According to him, he liked “Ferrari” type of women and the sister, in his words, was a Yugo. He ended up marrying a former stripper who happens to be white and does not want to get a job. My poor friend has to work two full time jobs to make ends meet. He is my homeboy but I cannot feel sorry for him.
As for the point that Lauren London can’t drive a man to be a thug, what happens if she has a baby and that baby turns out to be a boy? She can’t impart that “thug preference” on her boy child? I’ve seen too much of this in my own community.
I’ve seen this a lot myself Wanda. Of course, few grown men are going to hear or read what she says and suddenly transform to a gangsta, but what you will have is the constant expressing of such sentiments by many girls and women contributing heavily (not totally) to the directions young boys decide to travel during the formative adolescent stage.
Erotic attention is one of the main rewards that men seek out and rewarding bad behavior tends to promote bad behavior.
Al From Bay Shore,
I think you friend had his priorities mixed up badly.
Shadow said:
“…but what you will have is the constant expressing of such sentiments by many girls and women contributing heavily (not totally) to the directions young boys decide to travel during the formative adolescent stage.”
I say:
So true.
There are many women who are drawn to rough violent men and there are many men who would choose a sexy stripper over a kind honest woman.
Wow! What these insights are revolutionary!
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Do some easily led bw want a thug, b/c it is glorified to her in the dominant bm culture, or do some bw raise black thugs, that never become accountable men? Wanda, I don’t have to deny or admit to anything, just because it is your reality. I didn’t grow up in the hood or wherever it is you are claiming to see this, and I don’t have to claim to see something I do not, in my general social circle. No bw I know, or have ever known, wants a thug, glorifies thugs, or thinks they are the best thing ever. And the last time I checked little black boys were disparaging little black girls in alarming ways. I really dont think they care what black women want, and if anyone is sending them the message to be a thug, it is the men in their lives, mainstream rap, hip-hop, and even r&b in my opinion.
As for the notion that bw should consider blue collar workers, LOL!! BW do not ever let a man convince u to lower ur standards, which is obviously biased and benefits him, NOT YOU. Do what u are comfortable with, and what feels right in the course of life u want. In addition, I think bw should really consider not having pre-marital sex with bm AT ALL. I was on a black site, that pointed out that Irish women did not abandon their men, when they started acting like fools, in an attempt to say bw shouldn’t abandon bm. Instead they put a moratorium on sex for these men, until they were willing to compromise. For those of you who can not seem to break ur loyalty to bm, I would strongly suggest not engaging in pre-marital sex with them.
As for the idea that this conversation is balanced, I believe that it is not. I have seen black women come out to defend bw and some come out to defend bm. bm come out to defend bm (except for macdaddy, which I cant really take u seriously with an addy like macdaddy). So one bm defended bw. Several bw said they do not like thugs, but a good portion of u want to spread the idea that the problem is with bw and the choices they make, and NOW how they raise their boys. No mention of the bm that was MIA, who should have been the role model to these young men…Crickets chirping from the so called “good bm” corner. And to top it all off, you had a bm come on here and disparage all bw, and tell u all how undesirable bw are…still, crickets chirping from the so called “good bm” corner. One man comes on to disparage me and the bm that disparaged all bw, and somehow that is considered middle ground.
One thing bw need to understand, is these bm are not stupid and they know they are living in a male dominated society. They know they have some social hierarchy over u, yet they still want u to carry the bc on ur back, u to become doctors, lawyers, pay the bills…while they lay back and achieve blue collar standing. And at the end of the day, they want u to respect them for it. I really think u all should consider not having sex with these men. If ur libido is high and u cant seem to practice celibacy for longer than a month, why not try some UN ambassador unions to bring the races together. No reason to let bm be the only ambassadors of racial uniting through love, LOL!! U have nothing to lose, since you have seen it and been through it all.
There is a fascination with criminals that runs through Western cultures and communities.
Though many here seem to want to lay the blame at the feet of young black women. One could ask where these young women get these concepts?
For beliefs like this to get a foothold in a community, the ENTIRE community must be complicit.
In working class Italian communities in NY, young guys want to be mafiosos and young women want to be with them.
Would Italians believe it is solely for the attention of Angelina Frattini that young boys want to join the mob? Or is it because THEY feel it helps to define their manhood and they find support for that belief within the entire community.
Even though that segment of the Italian community in NY seems to be dying off.
emergingphoenix you sound a little crazy here:
“As for the notion that bw should consider blue collar workers, LOL!! BW do not ever let a man convince u to lower ur standards, which is obviously biased and benefits him, NOT YOU.”
I am not going to argue that blue collar men seeking a meal ticket from black women do not exist – they do. My point is to focus on black women who are “discriminating in their tastes” to the point where good men, in spite of their occupation, are excluded from their list of selections. I am in favor of seeking a socio-economically compatible mate or spouse BUT folks need to prioritize at some point in their lives. If you are entering your mid-forties, have always been lonely and single, then maybe its time to either expand the dating pool to men of other races and, possibly, other social classes.
Also, your comment is somewhat stereotypical. There are about as many of these “meal ticket” seeking blue collar men as there are black female undergraduate fine arts majors who are working towards their “Mrs. degree” in gold digging.
ladies, al’s assertion that I am crazy is only to take away value from what I am saying, and also without basis. You would like to believe I am crazy so you can feel reassured. I did not say that bw should watch out for “meal ticket” seeking blue collar men. I am assuming that most women already know that. Having standards, and desiring a partner meet those standards is not a “crazy” ideal for a woman to have. Ladies, if u can not understand what I am saying or see that he is putting words in my mouth to derail the message I am sending, then I can not help you. There is nothing I can tell u to pull u out of your situation.
Oh, and if you cant tell that my last few sentences were a slight joke, then again I cant help u. U can all sit here and cry, and be “shocked” over the daily tortures and killings of bw featured here, or you can decide to demand better for ur life. U can say enough is enough. You can accept the facts and the pathologies that have put bw in the line of fire, or you can continue to ignore them, and allow bm to convince you that you if you just give them one more chance, let them get away with one more rape (bc that girl knew what she was doing), allow them one more bw sexploitation video (bc those hoes choose to participate in the videos), or excuse their mysoginistic behavior (b/c wm are just as mysoginistic), they will make it up to you and make it all right. Business as usual.
Emergingphoenix said:
“Wanda, I don’t have to deny or admit to anything, just because it is your reality. I didn’t grow up in the hood or wherever it is you are claiming to see this, and I don’t have to claim to see something I do not, in my general social circle. No bw I know, or have ever known, wants a thug, glorifies thugs, or thinks they are the best thing ever.”
I say:
So your observations are only influenced by what you see in your own circle, and not beyond it? All I’m saying is that you can’t deny when market forces are apparent: we have to start rejecting the thug/drug dealer/baller/hustler archetype like they have a communicable disease (which they do…). When there is no market for that type of Black man, things will change.
I went through my “bad boy phase,” but then I turned 12, and it was over.
@Wanda – Firstly, I have to laugh at ur “I went through my “bad boy phase,” but then I turned 12, and it was over.” comment. Secondly, I cant rely on what I see on TV, b/c that is not reality. I cant speak to the girl on the subway who yells loud and proud she wants a thug, b/c I dont know her circumstance, or if she really carries that out in her actual life
choices.
Lastly, I am not saying something very different from what u just said above. However, I think it is wrong to tell bw that it is just the “thug” who needs to be avoided. BW need to understand that bad men can wear suits, have degrees, own companies, or slang dope on the corner, OR WORK BLUE COLLAR JOBS. It all comes down to bw dropping the falsehood of black solidarity, that all too often causes them to give bm a pass on bad behavior. It is a basic female defense mechanism, that bw have abandoned for the sake of the bc. My point is to evaluate every man equally (and give non-bm a try ;P), decide what u want out of life, decide what u want in a partner, and dont let strangers convince you to lower your standards (the audacity of that man). I wouldnt even take advice from family without consciously considering it myself, and I know those people love me, but they cant plot out my life for me.
WOW 60 posts, did 60 people even go see Lauren London’s last movie? What has she been in besides ATL anyway?
emergingphoenix, you are my kinda gal. I like the fight in you. In another lifetime I would have taken you to see a soccer game and we would have had a beer together. In all likelihood, we would have gotten into a fight with someone – just for the helluvit. Anyways, I just had to get that off my chest. “Scuse me while I tend to the barbecue and see if my cooking chamber is up to temp. Peace. (Please pardon the typos – I’m a bit affected by the ale).
emergingphoenix, one more thing…
Are you a Motorhead fan?
emergingphoenix said:
“However, I think it is wrong to tell bw that it is just the “thug” who needs to be avoided. BW need to understand that bad men can wear suits, have degrees, own companies, or slang dope on the corner, OR WORK BLUE COLLAR JOBS.”
Anybody should show discretion in whomever we partner with…always demand the highest from your mate.
BUT, having a college degree is not illegal (yet…) – selling drugs IS. If you believe that the risks attached to dating an MBA, are the same as dating a crack dealer, then we part company, sweetie.
You say:
“My point is to evaluate every man equally (and give non-bm a try ;P)”
I say:
Agreed.
Whew and on that note, I think can lay this thread to rest.
My people my people!
Oh, I’m sorry. Y’all didn’t take the hint. This discussion is OVER. I will be addressing this entire thread on Friday. In the interim, y’all all should seek counseling.
I am a young black woman (a college sophomore going for my bachelors and plans to achieve my masters as well), and I will not date someone who is gang affiliated, and is not either in college or part of the work force. However, I understand where she is coming from because I don’t want a soft man either. He needs to fall somewhere in the middle. But honestly when majority of black men are either locked up, dead, or only dating white/hispanic/asian women…what choice do we have? Think about that.